Are all Gay Men superficial

[backpacker]

The simple answer is no! Of course that's always the answer when you try to stereotype. Some are, some aren't and most fall somewhere in the gray zone where it's a factor, but not the most important factor.

 

[slnattak]

I'm almost too deep. =p I could stand to be a bit superficial. I am constantly looking for meaning EVERYWHERE I go. I've always wanted to be a writer/artist.

Fashion/film fags make me laugh, but I admit I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I am a total film faggot over Buffy.

Sometimes people become superficial celebrities because they are quite deep and profound. It is America after all.

Instead of criticizing gay men, in the end- the most important thing you could do is accept your own homosexuality. Things change by action, and leadership, not by exacerbating negative gay stereotypes that should have died out in the 70s.

 

[Eagle653]

I think you are making a presumption that may not be true--that preferences in looks, education, etc. are "superficial." I'm not sure that's true. I think most people (straight or gay) have a type or types to which they're attracted. No one knows, exactly, why that is and, thankfully, there are as many preferences as there are types.

To me, being superficial has to do with not bothering to take an interest in others; believing gossip easily; not taking an interest in anything, except perhaps one's self, and being overly impressed with status-symbols, money, etc. Those people annoy the hell of me, if only because they are missing out on some richness in the world.

 

[manofsummer]

Anyone who says he doesn't care about looks is not being very honest. If we gays didn't care about looks, we would have no problem dating a woman. A personality does not have a face or a body.
We might not admit it, but yes cock does matter. Now the size not necessarily...as long as it's visible.

I don't think it's superficial to choose to date someone who is physically your type. It's just human. You're going to sleep with this person all your life (in theory), so there should be at least some sexual attraction.

You're only superficial when you think someone is "good" because he looks "good", or when you refuse to hire someone because they are not goodlooking enough, or when you think you're superior because you have blue eyes. That's just my opinion anyways.

 

[Ringfinger]

Do all gays talk with a lisp?

And what exactly do you mean by superficial? I mean, I guess I am to some degree superficial because I can't see myself having a relationship with someone I am not attracted to. Otherwise, why wouldn't I just make it easier for myself and date girls? You can't get mad at a person and call them superficial if they do not want any sort of relationship with you because they do not find you attractive. Odds are you would do the same.

Now, I find a person who treats who they are attracted to with all the respect in the world and those who they are not with no respect as superficial. There is no need for that, and I have plenty of friends who do this.

 

[vetterx021]

This is how I see it: One of the key differences between men and women when it comes to sex is that men are more aroused by what they see, while women allow other factors to come into play. Straight men are superficial in the sense that they judge women by their appearance, and straight women are superficial in the sense that they're constantly worried about their appearance and trying to look their best. Men are the ones ogling SI models, and women are the ones busting their butts to look like them.

But in the gay community, there are no women. When it comes to appearance, men are a) doing the judging and b) trying to look their best at the same time. This is probably why we come off more superficial than straight society.

 

[3nipples]

Most gay men are superficial? Maybe you're just looking at them superficially?

 

[Bi_Stud]

Looks are EXTREMELY important to me... but the main thing is a trusting, warm, and shining personality. Without personality that clicked with you.. that person isn't anything special. Whats so good about a pretty package if nothing but a pile of shit is inside? Thought so.

 

[youngnihilist]

ALl in some way, even if you like a man for qualities that don't fit the traditional notion of beauty

 

[vamp]

Superficiality is the one thing I can't stand about our society. I can not understand why people are so obsessed with looks. To me, looks aren't important. I'll get with someone if they have a good personality. To modify a metaphor that Bi Stud used, even the ugliest of packages may contain something as valuable as gold. It is what is inside all of us that matters, not the outside. Yes, there are gays like that. They're the ones that work out all the time trying to "look hot" or post 5000 pics of themselves in their JUB or myspace galleries. Hey, whatever floats your boat, but personally, I'm turned off by it.

 

[Ringfinger]

Superficiality is the one thing I can't stand about our society. I can not understand why people are so obsessed with looks. To me, looks aren't important. I'll get with someone if they have a good personality. To modify a metaphor that Bi Stud used, even the ugliest of packages may contain something as valuable as gold. It is what is inside all of us that matters, not the outside. Yes, there are gays like that. They're the ones that work out all the time trying to "look hot" or post 5000 pics of themselves in their JUB or myspace galleries. Hey, whatever floats your boat, but personally, I'm turned off by it.

Well I'm sorry to say that looks must play a factor for me. Does that make me shallow? Maybe. If a person who I think is gorgeous was an asshole, I may even consider staying with them, partly because I don't mind that too much. If they were really clingy, feminine, or annoying, I would probably leave them regardless of looks. So personality still does play a factor for me.

Looks let me decide if I want to go after a person. Personality lets me decide if I want to stay with them.

 

[manofsummer]

Superficiality is the one thing I can't stand about our society. I can not understand why people are so obsessed with looks. To me, looks aren't important. I'll get with someone if they have a good personality. To modify a metaphor that Bi Stud used, even the ugliest of packages may contain something as valuable as gold. It is what is inside all of us that matters, not the outside. Yes, there are gays like that. They're the ones that work out all the time trying to "look hot" or post 5000 pics of themselves in their JUB or myspace galleries. Hey, whatever floats your boat, but personally, I'm turned off by it.

Oh please. Stop being so idealistic. If looks aren't important to you, why on earth would you date a man? Isn't it because he LOOKS like a man?
If you really don't care about looks, then you might as well love your best friend. What differentiates a best friend from a lover, other than physical attraction?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not defending superficialism, but idealism is one thing I can't stand either. Obesity, skinniness, pimples, bad teeth... are not attractive to anyone. You can't neglect yourself and then complain that people are superficial for not liking you.

 

[manofsummer]

Well I'm sorry to say that looks must play a factor for me. Does that make me shallow? Maybe. If a person who I think is gorgeous was an asshole, I may even consider staying with them, partly because I don't mind that too much. If they were really clingy, feminine, or annoying, I would probably leave them regardless of looks. So personality still does play a factor for me.

Looks let me decide if I want to go after a person. Personality lets me decide if I want to stay with them.

You sound very shallow to me. For two reasons:
1-You equate "feminine" with "clingy" and "annoying".
Being feminine doesn't have to do with personality. There are good and bad fems.
2-You are willing to love a gorgeous asshole.

 

[Jory]

If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.

 

[Ringfinger]

You sound very shallow to me. For two reasons:
1-You equate "feminine" with "clingy" and "annoying".
Being feminine doesn't have to do with personality. There are good and bad fems.
2-You are willing to love a gorgeous asshole.

And you sound very shallow to me because you equate a person who can love an asshole as being shallow.

1 - I didn't equate feminine with clingy and annoying. I wasn't linking the three. I was saying that if a guy was either of those three things, I wouldn't want to be with him. Which brings me to my next point..

2 - Some negative personalities I don't mind. For examples, people who are assholes, lazy, or unmotivated. Those are several aspects that a lot of people would break up with someone over. However, I can handle those things and they do not bother me as much as being feminine, clingy, and annoying do.

 

[pnfan]

Oh please. Stop being so idealistic. If looks aren't important to you, why on earth would you date a man? Isn't it because he LOOKS like a man?

I strongly disagree that homosexuality only has to do with looks. Otherwise how do you explain the existence of blind gays? Sexual attraction requires not only sight but also smell, touch, hearing and taste.

To answer the OP's question gay men are generally more superficial than straights but I'm not sure "superficial" is the right word. I think has a lot to do with insecurity and low self esteem.

Generally speaking, if they aren't bragging about their material possessions and appearance, they are ridiculing other homosexuals for not meeting standards. Advertising and media targeted at the "pink dollar" elevates youth, physical perfection, social status and expensive products over self-respect and political/social initiative. I think the "superficial" image of gay men that is promoted in the media does harm to gay rights movements. If straight people think that that gays are nothing more than shallow hedonists who are allowed to walk naked through public streets under the banner of "gay pride" how will we convince them that we are in fact a marginalized group worthy of equal rights? Fledgling gay rights groups around the world in even more reactionary nations than the US are suffering from the decadent "gay pride" images that are broadcasted internationally. I actually think it would be better to have no gay men on TV if the only representations are going be the Carson Kresleys of the world.

According to studies gay men are more prone to eating disorders than heterosexual men. They spend more time worrying about their appearance than straight men and lesbians. This article says that homosexuals who report that they feel a close to the "gay community" are less likely to have eating disorders. I used to starve myself in order to be thin before realizing that I will never fit the gay ideal and would be better off alone than attempting to fit into a culture of narcissism. Offline when I'm around men I know are gay I feel bad about myself. Its better to avoid them altogether.

 

[manofsummer]

I strongly disagree that homosexuality only has to do with looks. Otherwise how do you explain the existence of blind gays? Sexual attraction requires not only sight but also smell, touch, hearing and taste.

That's not what I meant. And I'm afraid your argument is not valid.
Smell, touch, hearing and taste are also physical. They are not any "deeper" than looks.

 

[pnfan]

That's not what I meant. And I'm afraid your argument is not valid.
Smell, touch, hearing and taste are also physical. They are not any "deeper" than looks.

Actually smell, touch, and taste can detect pheromones which are the key to sexual attraction. It has been demonstrated that gay men's brains are wired to react to male sex hormones the same way straight women do. Please read this:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/05/0510_050510_gayscent.html

We are attracted to other men not just because they look like men but because they are men. Their smell, touch, taste, voice, etc all helps us to identify their gender. Female sex hormones simply do not stimulate our senses so it would be pointless for a gay man like vamp to date a woman.

 

[slnattak]

It makes sense gay men want to look nice, as they realize men are visually stimulated. This isn't 'narcissitic' at all, it's actually being caring and empathetic. They want their partners to find them attractive. It's only narcissitic if straight men do it. I don't think you're thinking clearly about this.

Of course it can be overdone like anything else, but give me a break. Again: When will gay men learn to care and love other gay men and let up on the whole straight man idealization?

I've been with gay guys before. And I love that they care about me (and themselves) enough to work hard on their bodies. It would only be narcissistic if they worked out only to jack off in front of a mirror without sharing themselves with anyone.

 

[slnattak]

I just thought of something else.

There's 'superficiality' and then there's 'realistic.'

Yes, you might be a profound scholar with deep insights of the ages. But if you could do something to make yourself look a bit more attractive and you aren't, then why the hell not?

Look at it this way. Jesus H. Christ is depicted as a good-looking man. He's never portrayed as some nasty slob. (Which just goes to show the hypocrisy of most Christians, but.....) You could even argue his typical look is quite homoerotic (a much more subtle version, but still)

If you want to fight superficiality, get involved in a gay-friendly church!

"Love your neighbor as your self." Nobody is asking you to fall in romantic liasonis with 'femme twink bois.' But you rejecting them only rejects yourself.