Are Straight Men Automatically Sexier Than Gay Men?

[Rocky]

Getting pissy and defensive just makes everyone think he hit the target - and face it, you told us the defining characteristic you found attractive is that he's straight. YOU said that. Own it. Adding on this "well no one is really straight/gay" stuff on the end like that looks suspiciously like you're trying to justify away the fact that you're choosing unhealthy impossibilities because of neurosis, here it is, no straight man will ever want you.

They won't.

Not a one.

Because they're straight.

Pining about them is pointless and yes, you are going to be attracted to who you are attracted to, but that's influenced by whatever shit is going on in your head. I suspect you were expecting a chorus of people agreeing and sympathizing, but really, you started off by telling all of us that you found us lesser than straight men - and yes, that is what YOU said. Both fortunately and unfortunately for you, a whole lot of us don't hold that against you because we know exactly where it comes from, and why it's in your head.

Now, no one in here is telling you to do anything or date anyone, you asked strangers on the internet for comment, and you got it. Feel free to ignore whatever you want to ignore, but don't start complaining that you got exactly what you asked for.

Here's a thought. maybe consider that people who are all pretty much telling you the same damn thing in different ways, might know what they're talking about.

Gay men are trained from birth to dislike themselves, that they are "lesser" because of being gay, it's not a surprise that a bunch of us have issues with liking who we are, and that this expresses itself in who we find attractive, that's the core of your original comment. It just is.

So what do you suggest for someone like me?

 

[TX-Beau]

Suggest? I'm not telling you to do anything. I'd hope you want to find a mate, a fulfilling life, a career that's meaningful to you, all the things we tell ourselves we want.

So how do you get there and what obstacles need overcoming? Self awareness is always a virtue. Who are you and what made you the way you are?

If you want to chase white whales, so be it, so long as you understand what you're doing and why you're doing it. Hell, you may even find some guy flexible enough to let you get him off. Just don't fool yourself about what it is.

Who knows, perhaps you'll find fulfillment, with the totality of your sex life being a masturbatory device for some frustrated straight guy.

Stranger things have happened.

It takes time to rid ourselves of all the big and little traps society put in our heads. Live your life out, go find some gay men to hang with, some gay boys who will understand you. Make a career change, move, take up skiing, travel, read long gothic novels, do whatever you want - just stay positive about yourself and who you are, and eventually all of the crap that was forced into your head will fade away.

 

[Rocky]

Who knows, perhaps you'll find fulfillment, with the totality of your sex life being a masturbatory device for some frustrated straight guy.

Don't get the wrong idea about me - that's not how I am at all. I do know of guys who are like that, though.

I just don't think it's really hating yourself. Hell, if anything, it seems like you're being more honest with yourself. You know what you really want. You want to be of service to a straight guy, or guys, and you don't want a life where you get married to a gay guy and the whole she-bang.

I'm not really like those guys - but I did wonder if we all automatically find straight men hotter.

 

[TX-Beau]

Don't get the wrong idea about me - that's not how I am at all. I do know of guys who are like that, though.

I just don't think it's really hating yourself. Hell, if anything, it seems like you're being more honest with yourself. You know what you really want. You want to be of service to a straight guy, or guys, and you don't want a life where you get married to a gay guy and the whole she-bang.

I'm not really like those guys - but I did wonder if we all automatically find straight men hotter.

No, we don't all find straight men hotter. We find hot guys hot - it's not connected to identity. You got into murky water because you tied hot to straight, not innate hotness. I'm going to lust after evcery hot ass on every hot guy I see, just yesterday I was buying lunch and there was a new guy in the shop, with pretty green eyes and this pert, round little ass that I really wanted to pet - is he straight? I have no fucking idea. I just know I wanted to fuck him.

It's a passing fantasy, get a thousand and one of them all the time - but what I no longer do, is screen actual possible partners through a filter of internalized homophobia. It's a bad thing because it demeans ourselves, the question was posed to you upthread, what does that mean for what one think of one's self?

Like I said, we do what we want, being honest isn't the issue, being self defeating is. Personally, I have way too much ego to ever want to be someone else's occasional suck bitch, but we're all different.

We all make our choices, we all own the consequences.

 

[Level27]

There you have it, Rocky. You asked a question: if, in our gay eyes, straight men are hotter. Then, you seem to already have an answer to it yourself: You like what you like, and no matter how much people say it's 'self-hating', you know unto yourself and for yourself that it's not. More power to you. I don't think you need us to say much more.

Though, I do give props to well-put responses from many who came here to try to point out calmly and kindly why many of us believe such "fixation" on straight men might be an unhealthy problem. Much props especially to TX-Beau, SeaCore and McBrion.

 

[Rocky]

Though, I do give props to well-put responses from many who came here to try to point out calmly and kindly why many of us believe such "fixation" on straight men might be an unhealthy problem. Much props especially to TX-Beau, SeaCore and McBrion.

Well, you wouldn't have got such responses if I hadn't asked the question and made the thread in the first place.

 

[SeaCore]

Well, you wouldn't have got such responses if I hadn't asked the question and made the thread in the first place.

To be completely honest, you're mostly wrong.
This sentiment comes up decently frequently and Tx-Beau and mcbrion have given similar responses.
I suppose it prompted me to give my response, which I don't think I have before, but it was only a matter of time before the topic appeared again.

Were you intending to get these types of responses?

 

[Rocky]

Were you intending to get these types of responses?

No, I figured people would agree with me.

 

[Rickrock]

I haven't said anything in this thread yet because I am far from experienced enough to be giving advice, but I do want to say that I believe that some gay men might be attracted to straight men because it is more of a challenge. If they actually caught a straight man they might soon tire of him because the challenge is gone. Another reason might be because they assume gay men act in a gay way and they like the way that straight men act. Those are only some of the possible reasons and don't cover every case. Of course self loathing is another possibility.

 

[Rocky]

Well, I've always wished I had been born a woman. I would have liked to have been a woman and be married to a man and have kids and all that.

I'm not transgender at all - I love being a man - but I've always thought life would have been better if I had been female.

So, that's one reason why this whole "self hating, internal homophobia" thing does not ring a bell with me.

I simply think it's fabulous to be a straight female. I do think it would have been a much better life than being gay. If that's internal homophobia, okay, but it doesn't bother me.

 

[Level27]

Well, you wouldn't have got such responses if I hadn't asked the question and made the thread in the first place.

Hey, whatever keeps your boat afloat, love. You, heh, posted this thread out of your own will; you were inevitably going to get the unflattering truth put into your face, whether you like it or not. That's the risk you take in posting a thread, hoping to get responses from people who you hope would agree with you; but turn out to not.

Whether it's self-hating or a yearning for the lost of some finish line you'll simply never reach, I would think that, at this point, you would consider that you might just have a problem, but nope.

You're not transgender. You wish you were a hetero female married to a hetero male because life, as you believe it, would somehow be a better paradise. Is it any wonder to you why your attitude towards obsessing over straight men sounds a bit concerning to some of us?

Not that I'm fully ready to believe this latest attempt at explaining away why your unhealthy sexual like for straight men isn't 'self-hating'. It's just a little too convenient that you all of the sudden decide to share an not-so-confrontable reason, don't you think?

(And then, I think such an explanation only re-enforces and exacerbates our opinion of you, as I suggest above.)

We answered you: no, we don't like straight men in the way you do. Many to most of us like men, regardless of sexual orientation. (I have a leaning for gay guys, but over all, I like men in general.)

But, as you said, you'll like what you like, whether we deem it self-hate. More power to you. You don't need us to say anything more.

 

[sosotun9091]

Straight men don't have that powerful pheromone scent that gay guys do; gay men smell 2.5 times more sexually attractive to me, another gay male, making them all the more desirable.

Straight men don't have any attraction to me; which depletes at least half my sexual attraction to them. I get really turned on by sexual attraction towards me. No, it's not "Narcisism" (even though some will probably continue to try to say that it is), it's biological reproduction in play.

(Most) Straight men don't have the slight "cute" tone in their voices, which many to most masc. and fem. high-pitched and low-pitched gay guys have. They don't have to act flamboyant and overtly "effeminate" to have this biological vocal tone. This vocal tone marks them as 'potentially reproductively compatible' with me, another male seeking a male. Again, biology in play.

Straight men usually do not relate emotionally to me at a deeper level of understanding, as straight women and gay men do. Straight men are "chill" and "cool" with things, which is great. But, when I am distraught, discouraged, remorseful, yearn-some, etc., their responses to me in these situations don't seem to be at the same wavelength as mine and, therefore, usually cannot uplift me emotionally, no matter how hard they try. In fact, a lot of them get irritated by my deep feelings, which I have no probably expressing. Not their fault; it's merely the difference in sexual neurological processes at work.

Straight men, over all, are a different creature. A lot of the ways they biologically are do not activate and stimulate my reproductive system. And that's fine with me. They're not bad. I simply look for those males who are sexually provoking to me, which is usually gay men.

There are a few exceptions, though. I have found a few straight guys cute and attractive.

I totally agree with the pheromones part. Straight men always cover it up with bullshit deodorant and stuff or don’t even have that sexy odor. Gay men are much more liberated about embracing the natural scent of a masculine body.

 

[Level27]

I totally agree with the pheromones part. Straight men always cover it up with bullshit deodorant and stuff or donÂ’t even have that sexy odor. Gay men are much more liberated about embracing the natural scent of a masculine body.

Lol I suppose.

But, I didn't mean that. What I was talking about is the natural pheromone of guys of both sexual orientation. I like the smell of human males. But, there's this distinct smell from gay guys that makes me somehow know they are gay. It smells at least somewhat better than that of a straight male.

That's all I was saying.

 

[Rocky]

Hey, whatever keeps your boat afloat, love. You, heh, posted this thread out of your own will; you were inevitably going to get the unflattering truth put into your face, whether you like it or not. That's the risk you take in posting a thread, hoping to get responses from people who you hope would agree with you; but turn out to not.

Whether it's self-hating or a yearning for the lost of some finish line you'll simply never reach, I would think that, at this point, you would consider that you might just have a problem, but nope.

You're not transgender. You wish you were a hetero female married to a hetero male because life, as you believe it, would somehow be a better paradise. Is it any wonder to you why your attitude towards obsessing over straight men sounds a bit concerning to some of us?

Not that I'm fully ready to believe this latest attempt at explaining away why your unhealthy sexual like for straight men isn't 'self-hating'. It's just a little too convenient that you all of the sudden decide to share an not-so-confrontable reason, don't you think?

(And then, I think such an explanation only re-enforces and exacerbates our opinion of you, as I suggest above.)

We answered you: no, we don't like straight men in the way you do. Many to most of us like men, regardless of sexual orientation. (I have a leaning for gay guys, but over all, I like men in general.)

But, as you said, you'll like what you like, whether we deem it self-hate. More power to you. You don't need us to say anything more.

Lord have mercy. Have a nice day.

 

[Level27]

Thank you. I do hope you find the help you need to feel better about yourself.

Until then, you're more than welcome to attempt another elusive single-line-dismisses-all response; on a post which I already know holds a decent amount of validity.

 

[Rocky]

Thank you. I do hope you find the help you need to feel better about yourself.

I feel fine! Sure, I've got problems, but this thing of liking straight men... I'm like you! I like men. Really. This will probably still unsatisfy you.

 

[Rocky]

But I do question the validity of this:

Straight men don't have that powerful pheromone scent that gay guys do; gay men smell 2.5 times more sexually attractive to me, another gay male, making them all the more desirable.

Straight men don't have any attraction to me; which depletes at least half my sexual attraction to them. I get really turned on by sexual attraction towards me. No, it's not "Narcisism" (even though some will probably continue to try to say that it is), it's biological reproduction in play.

(Most) Straight men don't have the slight "cute" tone in their voices, which many to most masc. and fem. high-pitched and low-pitched gay guys have. They don't have to act flamboyant and overtly "effeminate" to have this biological vocal tone. This vocal tone marks them as 'potentially reproductively compatible' with me, another male seeking a male. Again, biology in play.

I've never seen/read anything about gay men having a more powerful pheromone scent than straight men.

Nor have I seen scientific studies claiming gay men all have a "cute" tone in their voice, which straight men don't have. Nor have I read it has anything to do with biology.

So, I simply cannot trust the things you are saying to me, because I suspect the "science" behind all this is bogus.

Last I heard, no one still even knows for sure what causes people to be gay.

 

[Rocky]

Straight men, over all, are a different creature. A lot of the ways they biologically are do not activate and stimulate my reproductive system. And that's fine with me. They're not bad. I simply look for those males who are sexually provoking to me, which is usually gay men

Give me a break. You may practice gay sex, but your penis and testicles were made for reproduction with a FEMALE. Penis fits vagina. Both make a baby.

It's fine that you don't practice heterosexual sex, but it's a bunch of lies that your reproductive system was designed for gay sex.

This is why I don't listen to a lot of gay men about stuff because you all believe in a bunch of BS.

 

[Rocky]

I'm awfully sorry. Your confrontational style of talk got the best of me. It is obvious that we have different views about things. I do not want to offer anymore of my thoughts with you here. Take Care.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm awfully sorry. Your confrontational style of talk got the best of me. It is obvious that we have different views about things. I do not want to offer anymore of my thoughts with you here. Take Care.

Again, when you ask people for comment in public, don't complain when you get what you asked for.



OK, where to start...

I was inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt, but then you went off and red flagged yourself.

Neurotic behavior defends itself in some classic ways, in order of escalation:

Denial - What drinking problem, he likes to hang with his friends, what's wrong with that, what are you all talking about?

Rationalization - He drinks to relax, and he's had a bad childhood, it's no wonder he calls me names when he's drunk...

Minimization - So he calls me a few names, it's not like he does it sober, really you are all way over-reacting..."

Justification - He wouldn't hit me if I didn't make him mad.


So when we hear this:

Well, I've always wished I had been born a woman. I would have liked to have been a woman and be married to a man and have kids and all that.

I'm not transgender at all - I love being a man - but I've always thought life would have been better if I had been female.

So, that's one reason why this whole "self hating, internal homophobia" thing does not ring a bell with me.

I simply think it's fabulous to be a straight female. I do think it would have been a much better life than being gay. If that's internal homophobia, okay, but it doesn't bother me.

Sugar, you hit three out of those flour. Let's parse that shall we. You want to be a woman, not because you are TG and your heart is telling you that you're a woman; but because you want straight men to want you.

Why do you want straight men to want you? Because straight men are attractive and gay men aren't. But you aren't wishing HOT men were bi so you could fuck them, you want to be wanted by STRAIGHT men, who only want women, who would cease to be attractive if they ever wanted you.

You are breezing around pretending it's just a thing, but it isn't - it's an implicit admission that you don't find yourself attractive, you don't want to be who you are, and are fixated by something you can't ever have because you have accepted in your mind that gay men are lesser.

People get pissy with you because that's an insult to all of us. They want you to wake up an think about WHY you feel any of this, why aren't you wishing hot straight men were gay?

Look, I don't expect you to do anything but ignore, because you aren't going to listen until you're ready to hear it - no one who went through this was any different. Gay men that never did, are only going to hear the insult.

Here is the nub of it. You will never be happy with yourself until you resolve this issue. You won't hear that either I suspect, so if you take anything at all away from this thread, just start asking yourself why, why do you feel the way you feel?