Are you happy being single?

[goldenmoth]

I love being single! I've always been an introvert and I prefer my own company so I couldn't imagine having someone around all the time.

I get to go where I want and hang out with the people I want. I really can do whatever I want

 

[evanrick]

no - i like being co-dependant haha

 

[Ninjato]

I'm 27, never been in a relationship, and have been fine alone so far but I'm starting to want a boyfriend. I went to a family dinner a few weeks ago and found out that all my cousins around my age are dating someone. Only one of them has been dating someone for a few months and it's been at least a year for my other cousins. I see their gfs/bfs at a lot of family events but it never really dawned on me until I started seeing them all together. Pair that with my best friend getting married this year and my other closest friend getting her first real boyfriend. I use apps like Jack'd to find friends which doesn't work out too well. I only list that I want friends but I think I want more than that. I'm tempted to start an Okcupid account. I like my alone time but I kind of do want a boyfriend. I'm not like some of my friends who just want somebody though. It seems hard to find someone but I don't really think about it that often although a little more often as of late.

 

[JayHawk]

No :/ I was until I met this guy I REALLY want... :/

Ahhh but sweety we are just an internet thing... it cant last...



I am happy single but think it is often a grass is always greener argument... I was in a nine year relationship and couldn't wait to be single again towards the end but entered that relationship at 30 after running around like a slut puppy for a while..... during the slut puppy phase I wanted a partner and then with a partner I wanted my freedom again...

Now I am just happy and take each situation as the best it can be and then move on. Love will happen for me again someday but who knows if exclusive will follow.

 

[sixthson]

I am happy single but think it is often a grass is always greener argument... I was in a nine year relationship and couldn't wait to be single again towards the end but entered that relationship at 30 after running around like a slut puppy for a while..... during the slut puppy phase I wanted a partner and then with a partner I wanted my freedom again...

Is it fair to say you would have remained happy in the relationship if things had been going well? It wasn't just that you had a wandering eye, right?

To those who think you give up your freedom, I would say certainly you make adjustments, but we do that in all areas of our lives.
We sacrifice free time because we have to work. We put family and friends ahead of our own interests many times. And when you have children, your time is really not your own. But look what you gain by being in love. The scales are way out of balance on the good side there.

You can spend a lifetime enjoying your alone time, but I think most people will eventually want to know the blessings of a loving relationship. I said most people.

 

[eastofeden]

I always loved being single/alone. The problem was...it never happened for very long. The last time I was single I had totally made up my mind to BE single but fate had something else in store for me. I am very happy in my relationship and he is my best friend and we are closing in on 27 years...I got lucky....

There is one thing to note here though...the only time in my life I was ever really lonely was when I was with this one guy....it was a nightmare.

 

[JayHawk]

Is it fair to say you would have remained happy in the relationship if things had been going well? It wasn't just that you had a wandering eye, right?

To those who think you give up your freedom, I would say certainly you make adjustments, but we do that in all areas of our lives.
We sacrifice free time because we have to work. We put family and friends ahead of our own interests many times. And when you have children, your time is really not your own. But look what you gain by being in love. The scales are way out of balance on the good side there.

You can spend a lifetime enjoying your alone time, but I think most people will eventually want to know the blessings of a loving relationship. I said most people.

Well you certainly have to believe that to be happiest you should be in a relationship based on your environment. I would have stayed happy in a relationship and convinced myself it was almost the only way to be IF his eyes hadn't wandered. Now I am not looking to find anything. What happens happens and I am happy either way. I don't seek in any way to project myself onto others and insist that is reality.

 

[voyager1994]

I like my independence and being able to do anything or go anywhere alone as I please, but I would prefer to be in a relationship.

 

[maxpowr9]

I like my independence but I miss the snuggling.

 

[geloge]

To those who think you give up your freedom...

for me it's not just giving up my freedom but making someone to carry my shit. If I feel ready to look for partner I'll do, not for the moment.

 

[cgymike]

I ever I have any doubts about the merits of being single I watch this:

 

[JC2008]

I'm 29 and have been single nearly all of my adult life. I like living on my own at the moment, I get a bit lonely sometimes and think would a relationship be the answer but I don't want to get all needy and start looking because that never works. I like having close friends but people are soo transient these days and were always moving away from each other so I don't have a lot of history to talk about with most people I know or I sometimes think I shouldn't get too close because they might move away and move on with me getting hurt in the process. I don't want to start renting my spare room out as I need my space, if I was to go out with someone I would like it to be someone who also likes their own space and doesn't get hurt if I need some time apart. I also wouldn't begrudge them going out with their own friends without me and expect the same in return. I am also someone who has had the odd friend crush in the past.

Reading this, it looks like theres some other guys my age who are in the same situation.

 

[sixthson]

for me it's not just giving up my freedom but making someone to carry my shit. If I feel ready to look for partner I'll do, not for the moment.

I think some people are single and happy about it, while others are single, but not by choice. I think if you wait until you are shit-less, you will wait a long time, because we are all faulty humans and we carry that into all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones.
I do understand what you are saying, however.
I guess what I was trying to say in my early post is that there seem to be a lot of negative ideas about relationships. To say that they don't require commitment and hard work would be dishonest, but to say you have to surrender the things that make us who we are is just not true, either. In fact, the differences between us are part of the beauty of life and love.

I would be interested to know how many here who hold the view that relationships mean loss of freedom have actually been in a relationship of some duration compared to those who have been mostly single. The latter would be like being on the outside looking in, while the former could come from being burned, I guess.

Perhaps it boils down to this: if you are happily partnered, you wonder why anyone would want to be single and if you are single, you wonder why others don't see relationship as too confining to allow for personal happiness.

 

[refujiunderground]

you know something that actually annoys me. hard up 1 mentioned it. i hate it when people that are in relationships use their situation to take swipes at us single people in hopes of making us catch feelings, us to be jealous of them, or to have us feel bad about ourselves for being single. it's like we get that you're in a relationship and are happy about it. that's good for you. we're happy for you. that doesn't mean that people envy you or want to be in relationship as well and it certainly doesn't make you better than any of us either. i don't see how it does.

you have some people that just love to show off the fact that they're in a relationship or married especially in front of single people. they'll be like "i can't hang around you guys like that anymore, i gotta chill with my girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever" and things of that nature. that's some douchebag type shit. we get that you're partnered, breh. just because a couple of guys are all crying about not finding everybody doesn't mean that all of us single people feel the same way. there's certainly nothing wrong with me because i'm not in a relationship or have to answer to somebody like you do, breh. many of us are not preoccupied about that shit. we actually enjoy our freedom to move around and not have to be committed to somebody. so blah to that.

 

[sixthson]

There is a difference between sharing things about our lives and rubbing it in others' noses. The latter is contemptible.
It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

I'm finished now.

 

[refujiunderground]

There are also single people who like to take shots at those of us in relationships...trying to make us feel as if we're 'wasting our time', "trying to be like heteros", 'needy', etc. etc. the list goes on. It goes both ways.

And last I checked: I'm in a relationship. I have "freedom"(s). And I have time I get to spend with a great guy I enjoy sharing my life with. Best of both worlds.

Looking back--I can also see how fabulous it was being single as well. There are perks to both. There's no reason for animosity or tension from either side. Funny thing is a lot of people don't realize that until they've experienced both sides of the fence.

I've never assumed single people are automatically miserable. In fact, most people I know love to boast about it...as if I'm expected to be miserable in my boring, stale relationship.

yeah, there's single people outthere that are taking shots at a people in relationships but i don't think that it outnumbers the shots thrown by people in relationships though. i would say that it's for people in relationships in general (straight, gay, bi, whatever).

but then, i think that's the way society is though. being in a relationship is basically looked up to. when you're single especially for a long time, it's frowned on. for some reason, there's this weird idea that someone who isn't partnered up has something wrong with them and if they're a straight person, then all of a sudden they're secretly gay. *shrugs* hell, that's how a lot of gay rumors float around about celebrities. "oh that guy right there hasn't had a girlfriend in 15 years and if he has a girlfriend, he isn't outthere with her in hollywood. he's been single for a long time. he's always out on the red carpet by himself. he must be gay". maybe that dude likes to be single. maybe he doesn't give a fuck. hell, even this thread is inspired by the idea that being single is a bad thing or that there's something wrong with it. even if it wasn't a choice for me, i certainly ain't going to be crying or feeling sorry for myself because of it. hell no. i certainly don't live my life to be loved or to be in love. i don't put my time and effort into getting phone numbers or whatever because i don't care.

but speaking of all this though, i think people in general put too much care into things like relationship, love and sex to the point where it's ridiculous. it gets to the point where people are basically having the same conversation such as this one. i could have swore somebody made this thread about a month or two months ago asking the same question "are you happy being single?". after awhile, you begin to look at certain people's situations like "this person is upset that they're single", "this guy is having guy problems", "this guy has relationship problems". after awhile, i'm like shut up already, we get the point.

 

[refujiunderground]

Someone did. And there will be more.

i think that if anybody else makes this thread like this or similar threads and they've had a history of repeating it, they need to just fess up and admit that they're unhappy being single. i swear, some people are in denial that it's not even funny. they swear that they're happy when they're lying their asses off knowing that they're mad about being single. they need to look on the bright side and acknowledge their hand. masturbation is a gift. their hands aren't going to be as flexible as they are now. they need to look @ john mccain and muhammad ali. not dissing them at all but at one point, they were jerking off like the rest of us but now they're can't do that shit.

 

[geloge]

It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

I'm finished now.

It wasn't my intention to be confrontational. I do appreciate your contributions.

 

[sixthson]

It wasn't my intention to be confrontational. I do appreciate your contributions.

I didn't take it as confrontational and I was not trying to respond as if you were. Sorry if it came across that way. Typing words is just so inadequate at times. I understood what you were saying and know that what you feel is not uncommon.

 

[cgymike]

There is a difference between sharing things about our lives and rubbing it in others' noses. The latter is contemptible.
It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

I'm finished now.

Yeah but part of the problem is this thread was created in HT instead of the relationships forum. As such, it may be subject to some flaming or whatever. But how can you compare this thread to one about a relatively trivial issue like cut vs. uncut. For me, I see this subject (being single or not) with the utmost seriousness. As such, that should colour the discussion. But I see I may be wrong and this may be just another way of launching thinly-veiled personal attacks.

Ugh.