Part Eleven
It had been five days since I watched Liam walk into his room. He came out only to use the bathroom, refusing to eat or talk to my parents and I. I only caught a glimpse of him last night as he raced from the bathroom and back to his room. He had had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in days.
Steve sat with me in my bedroom, both of us trying to think of a way to get him to come out and talk.
“I just want to know that he’s ok in there.” Steve held back his tears as he said this. Five days was a lot of time for them. The two friends typically talked to each other at least once a day, seeing each other most days.
“I’m sure he’ll come out soon…I mean…he has to eventually.” I sighed, worried about my brother.
“I…I want to try talking to him again.” Steve jumped off my bed and quickly walked out of my room and to Liam’s door. “Liam…please come out. I miss you so much and I’m worried about you…I want to see you and talk to you and…just please, PLEASE come out.”
We stood in silence, hoping to hear something other than my brother’s music. When nothing came, Steve punched the door and cried even harder. I tried to pull him towards my room but he easily pushed me off, ran down the stairs and out the front door.
I ran after him, catching up about a block away from my house.
“Calm down, Steve.”
“I’m ok, Christopher.” He slowed down now to a walking pace.
“He’ll be out of there soon. I’m sure of it. He has to.”
“I know but I don’t want to wait. I can’t. He’s my best friend. He’s…he means everything to me and knowing that he’s in there in pain and I can’t do anything to help hurts too much.” Steve stood in place now, looking at me.
I didn’t know what to say, so I wrapped my arms around him. He continued to cry and we stood there on the sidewalk hugging for a while.
-
Steve and I entered my house. It took us less than a second to realize there was no music playing. We began racing upstairs when we heard Liam’s laugh come from the kitchen. We ran back towards the kitchen and saw Liam sitting on a stool, staring at us with a slight grin on his face.
Before I could blink, Steve had his arms around him and was giving him a long kiss. Liam broke the kiss with a chuckle.
“Can you let me finish my sandwich first? I’d rather not pass out from lack of food.” It was then I saw the food in his hand.
“Sorry.” Steve took a step back and blushed.
We watched Liam as he tried not to shove the entire sandwich down his throat. When he was done, he turned back to us and grinned again.
“We were worried about you!” I complained.
“I know. And I’m sorry. I needed time to think and heal. But I’m feeling a lot better now.”
I gave him a quick hug, knowing soon enough Steve would be all over him. I was right, watching as they made out, Steve sitting on his lap.
“Get a room!” I playfully shouted.
“That’s a good idea!” Liam stood up and walked upstairs to his room, carrying Steve the whole time.
-
Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, I stared at my phone, thinking of Gordon. It had been two weeks since he left and I hadn’t gotten a single phone call or text. I hadn’t let myself contact him because I knew he needed time to figure himself out but still…two weeks of nothing.
I picked up my phone and clicked on his name. I decided I didn’t care anymore. He owed me at least a phone call saying he was alright and safe.
I listened closely but there was no ring, only a prerecorded message telling me the phone number didn’t exist anymore.
I shook my head and mumbled, “No, no, no…,” and tried calling again. The same message played and I couldn’t help throwing my phone across the room and onto my desk chair. “Fuck this.”
Gordon had abandoned me. I felt a strong combination of hurt and anger.
-
“Let’s go to a gay club.” Steve said when I told him about my call to Gordon. He was lying in Liam’s bed with him. I could tell they were both shirtless but a blanket covered them from the waist down, so I didn’t know if they were completely naked under there.
“Yeah, that’ll get your mind off of Gordon.” Liam replied.
“Maybe. It does sound like fun.” I watched as Steve’s hand moved under the blanket towards Liam. It landed somewhere between his legs. “Are you guys a couple now?” I couldn’t resist asking.
Steve glanced at Liam who smiled and said, “Yup. We decided to give it a real go.” Then he turned and they kissed, their hands moving around under the blanket. They continued to kiss and touch each other until I cleared my throat.
“Sorry.” Liam blushed.
“Don’t worry about it. I’d be doing the same if I had someone.” Before the room became awkward I added, “So what time should we leave the house?”
“Eight should be fine. I know a club not very far from here.” Steve answered, and I noticed his hand crawling back towards my brother’s thighs.
-
I splashed water onto my face and looked in the mirror. The bathroom at the club was surprisingly nice and smelled like it had just been cleaned. I dried my face and hands with a paper towel and walked out, trying to force myself to feel confident.
Most of the guys at the club were hot and a few were downright sexy. I usually thought I was decent looking but, compared to these guys, I felt like the freaking elephant man.
I didn’t see my brother or Steve anywhere, so I went to the bar and ordered a shot. I scoped out the dance floor and saw them dancing close to each other. To the right of them was a man dancing alone. He looked a few years older than me and was really hot. I watched his hips sway until he noticed me. I quickly turned away but allowed myself to look back only a second later. He looked like he was laughing and motioned for me to join him. Not sure what to do, I nodded and turned back towards the bar. After downing my shot of vodka, I jumped off the barstool and nervously walked towards him.
“Don’t be so nervous,” were his first words to me. I could feel my cheeks turn red as I danced with him. “You’re a pretty good dancer.”
“Thanks,” I said, “so are you.” I wanted to talk but couldn’t think of anything else to say. I was grateful when he spoke again.
“What’s your name?”
“Christopher.”
“I like that name.”
“What about yours?”
He thought for a moment and said, “You can call me R.”
“Why don’t you wanna tell me your name?”
“Well,” he sighed, “it’s kind of a stupid name.”
“Oh, come on. I promise not to laugh.”
“Nope. How about this: if we still talk after tonight, I’ll tell you it.” He said with a grin.
“Hmm…ok. But you can’t blame me if I only call you tomorrow to find out your name!” I joked.
-
I sat in the backseat of Liam’s truck, tipsy and happy. R and I had exchanged numbers and I had a good feeling about him.
“Thanks, guys.” I sat up and kissed my brother and his boyfriend on the cheek.
“Thanks for what?” asked Liam.
“For bringing me out tonight. I had a great time.”
“So did we. And it was nice seeing you have some fun after these stressful couple of weeks.”