bagley - Archived Blog Posts

[bagley]

I spent Most of my Sunday in BED..getting IT. Today I have a sex hangover....it's like the old days...yeah. In the old days with the B/F, when we were still deeply in lust...I would feel voidness for about 2 days after some serious weekend banging. I sit at my desk at work and feel that ghost feeling of his big 9 inch. In fact he would take our only TV into the bedroom..and watch cartoons while we just made out.....and I practiced deep throating techniques and then he'd Mount me....bang. We'd take a shower and it would be bang again.... ( He reads my blog and has asked me not to be too revealing and not to use his nickname......so that is why I use the appellation "the B/F")

I love feeling the voidness....I love the feeling of being opened. I also love the feeling of deep throating and opening my throat muscles. This man of mine is my god. In Magickal/Wiccan circles..we have a saying "in perfect love and perfect trust." And this is how I feel about him... I am totally opened and vulnerable to him and I allow him to master me.....at least in the bedroom.

On our final session on Sunday he began hitting what I call my "B" spot...B=BITCH SPOT. HE was hitting IT just Right...and I was just a scintilla away from a total Anal orgasm...but it slipped away...he was still goin' at it..but it just slipped away...I had the feeling of an orgasm...my prostate was twitching just no jizz...He had a big orgasm inside me...I felt it from the top of my head to the soles of my feet ..he stroked my cock twice and I came with long rope strings in his hand....I taste pretty good, by the way...

Around 5pm ...We cleaned up and ate left overs...HE said, "Hon..could you go down and get me some wine" , So, I did. My ass is full of his jizz...It's a mile down and back to the store...Will I make it without having an accident...Trader Joe's seems to be full of hot men....I'm so sexed up....I'm Commando in baggy shorts...and showing wood... I just didn't care....I get home just in time.


Confessions:

I talked to my friend Rudi on Thursday.....he's back from his summer hiatus in Vegas...he has moved to a very small studio apartment (here) and is moving permanently to Vegas sometimes around the 1st of the year. He showed me his new tattoos ...his aim is for a total sleeve on his forearms. He is still searching for that illusive "boy" to master..he said Vegas was better hunting than L.A.... His arms are like rocks and he makes me "buzz" my nips go rigid and he knows it.... but he's a little to PNP for me...but If I was a free bitch...I'd probably let him F/F me....Rudi is just walking butch sex.... but it will never happen....no drugs for me...dude.

I also love the idea of Piss..getting pissed on or even drinking piss ...it's the mammalian sign of ownership....every now and then I get a drop or two..... The bitch bottom in me wants to be opened and owned. Getting pissed on by the dominant male in your life would be so primal...there would be no mistake.... who owns whom. Face facts if a male is sperming into one of your male orifices on a regular basis...the power dynamic is one of domination/submission..so what's wrong with a little urine. I always put up some resistance....just for fun.

 

[bagley]

I lump all the Monotheistic "1 god (only)" religions into one big messy ball. Into this mix I also add Scientific Materialism . I find both these world views "death affirming" and devoid of beauty. I use my own inner "razor" to examine these systems. My inner razor consist of subtlety, nuance and causality.

I believe the "truth" is subtle. This tenant of mine immediately throws out the harsh monotheistic view..I recognize that a lot of Christian thinkers have struggled with the subtle nature of the universe..and have developed a negation theology or in other words, they describe what is by what is not. Jewish Kabalism takes a different tack and proposes knowing "God" through "emanations"....both views depart from the hard revealed truth of monotheism" and slide into mystical realms. I know almost nothing about Islam. Scientific Materialism makes no bones about it's triumph over religious truth. Scientific Materialism really hates the evaporating nature of the subtle Universe...and really hates mysticism..or as I call it " introspective truth". I recently watched "NOVA"..and the "talking head" scientist was saying how "soon we will know all the mystery in the Universe"...and his eyes were filled with a mystical light....he also said..."WE know"...."everything right up to one minute before "the big bang" ....and I wanted to believe him... but, I thought ..excuse me, but ...your practicing kabalah..here...you claim to know what IS through it's apparent emanation..that's not science...................I though science was some kind of truth you could prove by subjecting it to the scientific method..over and over. I also wonder how does one prove the scientific method....?

My second pillar of " truth" is nuance. The truth as color..............a range of color across a wide almost infinite variation. More later....

Dream Journalising

I have done almost 14 years of "dream journaling ...some are lost..some are destroyed...I have some ...I write them in a shorthand..and can revisit them..as I want.......sort of like the Pensive in "Harry Potter" My second magickal teacher and my hypno therapist encouraged me to write them down

Recently I revisited two dreams ..

A 1992 Dream entry: I was a castrate male...and was being "fucked" in a hole where my balls should be...over and over... I then realized it had stopped..I was laying on a beach ..naked and ball-less and a large black woman with a blue feather headdress was there and she had my testicles and she was smiling and I felt she was a goddess........I remember I woke up and my dick was hard as a rock......

1994 entry: I was some sort of tribal woman with some sort of status..sort of a New Guinea scene. I had dark skin and some sort of wrap around bark cloth dress ..I had these huge bare tits and huge nipples....and two babies were drawing my milk out. The milk just gushed out..I really could feel it coming out( in rereading the entry I could feel the same feeling again) ..I woke up from the dream and I was having a wet dream..this is the only time in my life..I remember having a wet dream...

 

[bagley]

I started a blog entry yesterday "called Anti Monotheism rant #97 ...and I have run out of time to do it today so I will have to continue later ...religious shit is always on my mind..and sex too.

I started to read Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs ...a great read...I feel he and I led parallel lives..New England and crazy parents...his family had some money...mine didn't...I was shipped off to my crazy granny. He was shipped off to his mother's crazy doctor...we and had similar crazy sexual experiences... I highly recommended this memoir. I am still reading, The Way of the Mystic by Margaret Smith 1938.. huge chapter on Sufism..so maybe I'll learn a little about Islam. I am also reading, The Ottoman Centuries by Lord Kinross... I visited Istanbul several times and have been intrigued by Turks(read men) and Turkey ever since...

One of my fetishes or maybe a better word is obsession..is the male nipple and also well developed pecs...so I opened a new gallery to highlight my interest. I also updated and edited some other galleries...........

 

[bagley]

Imagine a Universe with only the 3 primary colors allowed. Imagine a world where there are only two variations, extreme light and extreme dark. No transition allowed......allowing any nuance is a cardinal sin. Welcome to revealed monotheism.

I have three basic concepts I use to judge "things".

1.) subtlety
2.) nuance
3.) causality

This blog is about nuance as a way to judge revealed monotheism. I watched a Nova special on PBS about "Caves".....there seems to be an unimaginable variety of micro organisms living in caves, making caves...some are almost different from " any known life"....There seems to be subtle variations across a broad spectrum. Some of these"bugs" are called dark life..living off minerals and elements..without any need for the Sun or it's organic bi products.

Many Monotheist thinkers have stated many times and in many ways that "the Creator can be seen in [his] creation." If this idea is true..then the creator of the microbial world is full of nuance.

Or take color..the color red.....red is one of my favorite colors...I can add tiny bits of blue to red...almost to infinity...and still maintain "redness" One bit to much blue however will change redness to a purple..but the line between the colors will be "no line".

The "god" of this wide variation over a broad spectrum must have a huge hunger for nuance.

"One Lord, One Faith and One Baptism" the one size fits all religion...the idea seems pretty blind to me with all the subtle nuance in our little world.

When I went to the Basquiat exhibition at MOCA .....one of the curators gave us a tour..he remarked "the only thing which unifies the different things in many Basquiat paintings was the fact they were in "the painting"... I think that may be true for the Universe, as well.

I feel deeply "Queerness" is part of the nuance of humanity. The people who stomp on Queerness seem to be mainly revealed Monotheists....

 

[bagley]

Just a short entry just to continue my rant on revealed monotheism #97. Causality is "the Gordian knot" for the revealed [read Christian] monotheists. At this point I must exclude Judaism and Islam because I am unfamiliar with these faiths.


"The father of gods had ordained that when it came time for the people to select a king, they must choose the first person to ride up to the temple of Zeus in a wagon. Gordius innocently fulfilled the oracle and was made king. (The system might be an improvement over a methods of election held today. Certainly it would eliminate political campaigns). In any event, Gordius seems to have done very well. One of his first acts was to dedicate his wagon to Zeus and to place it near the temple, the yoke tied to the pole by an intricate knot of cornel bark. Another oracle declared that anyone who succeeded in untying the knot would be the conqueror of all Asia. The knot stayed tied until the arrival of Alexander. Then, as everybody knows, he cheated on the oracle by cutting the knot with his sword instead of untying it. Zeus honored his initiative by making the prophecy come true."
(John Hagen 1996)

Causality is the study of cause and effect. In Tibetan Buddhism causality is studied and examined with the sharpness of a razor and seeks to discover the subtle interrelatedness of events. Or for a more secular modern look just watch the movie, "The Butterfly Effect." Subtle changes compound over time into much larger and more complex situations. Small mistakes compound exponentially. The complexity of causality is nullified by the Christian Monotheists by two words, "God said". They pretend to cut the Gordian knot of causality with this verbiage and then continue to pretend it is cut. No examination is needed...however causality just continues it's relentless march. The remarkable "Just Say No" for drug education and the "Abstinence Only" (for sex education ) are prime examples of how this Christian monotheistic verbiage doesn't work.

 

[bagley]

This is from Doug McClelland who runs the Gay advice column "The Guidance Counselor"

"From: Ass Tingle
Subject: Prostate
Question: I went to a major bathhouse in Chicago a couple of years ago and had a really amazing experience. To begin, I'm a twenty-four year old bottom but I don't usually hold out very long and my partner doesn't do a great job of getting me "ready." While I like my prostate manipulated I don't really get a lot out of it; it's just not very sensitive.

Anyway, during this visit I went into a dark "stall" like room connected to many others with a gloryhole in each wall. It's super dark so you can't really see anything. This guy played with my ass and began fingering me. He went in quite easily and it felt really good. In moments it started tingling and when I say tingling I mean kind of like being high except in your ass. I couldn't get enough and he ended up doing me bareback (I was somewhat tipsy from drinking earlier and all I could think about was how great my ass felt and I needed more). My ass felt good and tingly for hours after. Never before and never since have I felt anything like it. Do you think he used a drug or something? Do you have any idea what was going on?

Dear Ass Tingle: My first theory is that you simply ran into someone who really knew how to work your prostate. It is not as simple as sticking a finger up an ass and wiggling it around. Done right it can be fantastic.

Your prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located behind and just above the base of your cock. The person doing the rubbing inserts a finger or two up your ass a few inches. Then he should move the finger(s) in an upward motion along the interior wall that is towards the front of the body. Try to locate a firm round bulb; this will be the prostate. Once located, he should move his fingers in a gently stroking ‘come here’ motion. He must be careful not to use his nails. Prolonged prostate massage can induce an orgasm all by itself, and when combined with a blowjob or a handjob it’s a winner. Some men report that prostate massage gives them a whole new level of body orgasm. As an alternative to fingers try using a vibrator which when placed against the prostate will lift you off the floor. If you Google ‘prostate massage’ you will find a huge amount of info."


You can find "The Guidance Counselor" on the fantastic Porn site "Crusing for Sex"

It's true just "google" prostrate massage and looks like a million hits.

Over the years I have become more aware of the fact I can orgasm while being anally penetrated. In fact several times I have had multiple orgasms. It is strange to orgasm (2nd time) while your cock is soft ..just dribbling out jizz...while some where deep inside your psyche fireworks are going off. These kinds of orgasm can lead you to a powerful altered state...and this is one reason to form a steady and loving partnership. l guess I very lucky...

I believe these deep orgasms are very emotionally and physically healing. Like most things it is important to discover your own potential...start massaging your own prostate.... find a dildo or vibrator and learn how to stimulate yourself....tell your partner what feels good....

Be careful not to orgasm to much

 

[bagley]

There is a lot of confusion between Magick and Miracles. If you are a big fan of "Bewitched", "Charmed" or even "Buffy"...a lot of what passes for TV Magick is very close to miraculous. People love miracles...miracles are the overthrow of causality..or the laws of cause and effect. A miracle requires a supreme power to intervene in the 2+2=4 reality and substitute another answer. Magick can be defined as the alignment to the subtle forces already in play in the universe. Or the alignment of the "Will" to a particular energy. The magickal world is divided between theurgy and thamaturgy. Theurgy is religious magick and often invokes..deity, angel or demon in it's performance. Theurgy is the magick of the ceremonial mage who seeks a religious or spiritual end or perhaps enlightenment. A Thamaturgist is "wonder worker" and seeks to manipulate the subtle forces for a material end. ..for example..he may cast a spell for money or love. In both schools of magick , however the end is not to change causality. (some thamathurgy may seek to delay causality) A lot of beginning Magickians get burned because of the rebounding effect delaying the inevitable flow that which is...This rebounding is the origin of the famous Wiccan "law of three" which states "what ever you do will come back to you three times"...I've been in serious discussions as to why this works...and have been branded a Wiccan heretic many times.

Miracles on the other hand are a Divine intervention in the natural world order. (2+2+5) Most people want a god to intervene in the natural order because it obliterates suffering. Miracles or the Deus ex machinca are the weakness in the Intelligent Design theory of cosmology......here is a link about the deus ex machina with a helpful hint on to how to pronounce it in English... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/deus_ex_machina ID is going to court in Pennsylvania to try and gain some legitimacy as a viable cosmology....??? I imagine the Intellegent Design people are praying for a miracle....

 

[bagley]

I find assimilationist Gays a little bit shallow. I don't think the Gay assimilationist who say Gay people are "the same" as their neighboring St8s have really examined that position. For one thing there is the great procreational divide which separates Gays from ST8's. The heterosexual procreational machine has written the rules and guess what....you as a Gay/Queer person where left out. We are a different sort of breed..and to the majority hetero culture..aberrant.

A lot of ST8's want to impose the male/female dynamic on Gay/Queer relationships...."who's the man (husband) in your relationship"....it's usually useless to say.."We don't think or feel that way"....the modern western culture has no language for our relationships In the distant past there were words for our relationships, lots of words. There were words describing the various couplings male couples could form. Today in our western culture these words have been edited out or rather obliterated from the lexicon. A thing which can not be named does not exist. AS Gay/Queer men we suffer from this lack.

I refuse to accept the notion that that because I am FUCKED I must feel Female. I have been on Craigslist perusing the "Men who seek Men" sites in the various cities across the (mostly) USA and Canada. I am amazed how many men use the term "bitch" or "pussy" to describe themselves....as I have said before..I don't mind being called a "bitch" or even once in a while a "pussy boi" during sex. Some times those words really ignite the sexual fire inside me. Part of the allure of these words are because they are uttered in the language of domination. The penis as weapon has been a metaphor a long time. It projects domination. If you are a male and are on the receiving end of a penis you are being dominated in a classic domination scenario. Mounting another male is one of the classic mammalian signal of domination. However , hopefully in human relationships other forces come into play...i.e. love or pleasure.
The first time a "top man" called me "bitch" during sex was disturbing to my ego...but my body loved it..my body just popped.....instant orgasm...but I didn't feel female or femme. It took me years to realize my true feelings. This may be true only for me...but, I found my "bitch feeling" was one of introspection..that bitch feeling was the feeling of a vast inner sexual ocean..which had never been charted. I believe that sex is much more than a physical exercise and can link one to deep inner emotions.

 

[bagley]

I love the journal, "Granta" The magazine of New Writing. It has a lot of photo essays and short stories. I picked up 2 yesterday from the trash heaps... also a perfectly good pair of pants and a George Foreman " Lean Mean Grilling Machine" still in it's box..never used....a student must have moved out...lots of text books....anyway... One of the "Granta" was entitled, "Over There" How America Sees the World" vol #84, winter 2003. One of the short stories, Farangs is by a Thai American, Rattawut Lapcharoensap. In the story he describes various nationalities who come to Thailand..hear is how his character describes Americans.." Americans are the fattest, the stingiest of the bunch...They are also the worst drunks. Never get to close to them." The story is about a Thai boy who is in lust with an American girl ..but high lights how really insular and self centered Americans tend to be. There is a short story by Edmund White, who is sort of the dean of American gay fiction and letters..White writes about his initial trip to Europe and how liberating it sort of was .........These stories got me thinking about my own experiences abroad and how they influenced me.

I was an American ex pat for over 10 years. Living the good life on the government tit....I was actually working various government and defense contracting jobs in NATO areas (except Germany and Scandinavia). I was no Edmund White with a letter of introduction to the higher social order...while White was being introduced to polite Parisian Society..I was drinking rot gut wine and smoking hash with the beautiful Arab boys in Toulon. I had to get up every morning and be at work by 6:30 AM...The longest block of time I was gone from the home land was just over 4 years..and then two years. The other years are smaller blocks of time ..usually less than a year. I also took long vacations...but not in August.

My experience over seas was one of feeling completely free from the great brooding [religious] Amerika. I felt complete freedom to be almost openly faggot in most of the ex pat community. I felt this liberty in France, Italy and Israel..and to a lesser extent in Britain, Spain and Greece...My life was more sensual........

Coming back to Amerika was a low point in my life....plus I turned 40. I felt the great hulking and brooding pressure of 350 years isolationism and self absorption. I found it hard to be a full time faggot. The homogeneous mono culture of malls, fast food and TV seemed relentless..nothing sensual..no touching. One of the burdens of Amerika is the uniformity of the inter changeable parts mentality i.e...every one and every thing is replaceable...my B/F asked for a pay raise at his last job after he completed his advanced degree...and his boss told him ..no...and essentially told him anyone could replace him..at a lower salary..so one and half years later..the job is still open.....

It's hard to be a Faggot in Amerika..because of the lack of sensuality. American life is about production and productivity...so here is probably the real reason why Amerika hates Fags...our gay sexual activity has no possible procreative results...........no production.

I'm not sure any of this makes sense....... I'm just trying to sort out my love/hate feelings about Amerika.

 

[bagley]

I wrote about "finding your inner Queer Bitch" ...and have said it's not about finding your inner female...and expressing it....Queers are still in many ways not liberated from the tyranny of the heterosexual language....an erotic language which only speaks in the language of procreation and domination. Detaching your queer sexual expression from the procreational paradigm is one of the first steps to queer self esteem.

Yesterday on the Big Blue Bus coming down from my 6th job interview ...two fat trashy looking Anglo women in their 40's got on at Pico and Robertson...they began a long dialogue on trannies and also gay men in general all the way to Venice Blvd.......they had obnoxious accents...(perhaps I am a classist). They equated Gay with transvestite and also transsexual..and how "Gay" men just want to be women......they were LOUD and soon other people (English speakers) (In L.A. most Bus riders are Hispanic/Asian/Other) were just began to join in...discussion...I love riding the Bus...I realized I was hearing some of the secret feelings of everyday heteros...I also realized I have been living in an almost all Gay and/or Gay friendly shtetl for a long time. Just as I got off the Bus...they had begun a discussion of who was Gay in Hollywood....I think a lot of Queer/Gay men really internalize this ST8 bullshit.

Once you find that bitch with-in and become comfortable with the concept of being receptive to male sexual energy it's now time to open that bitch up. This can happen on at least three levels. The physical aspect is the easiest and the most fun. Here is a letter to Doug McClelland aka "The Guidance Councelor" who writes a column for CFS.

Subject: Receiving a 10" dick
Question: I am forty-three years old, white and I consider myself to be versatile when it comes to sex. Lately I have been wanting to bottom more than top though. I also have developed a likeness for interracial, three-way and group sex, always attempting to be a safe as possible (condoms, etc). I am not a size queen and actually prefer a 6" to 7" dick when bottoming. I have recently been asked to bottom for a black man who has a 10” dick. What safety concerns should I have? Is it truly possible to take that much inside without damaging something? I have used an 8" vibrating dildo which hit a spot deep inside. I was told it was my “second hole” and that this black guy will definitely hit it.

Dear Howard: If you can enjoy an 8” vibrator I’m confident that you can handle a 10” dick. The trick in this situation is always lots of lube and lots of time. I’d suggest you start out by sitting on it as this allows you maximum control of the speed and pressure of entry. Your anus is only a few inches long and connects to the rest of your colon. The anus has two sphincter muscles: the internal sphincter and external sphincter. These muscles are bands that surround your anus and rectum. Your internal sphincter is actually a part of the colon wall and is an involuntary muscle, which means you can't control it. Your external sphincter is under the skin of your anus and is a voluntary muscle. Some guys refer to the inner sphincter as the “second hole.” Lots of dicks push up against the inner sphincter, but longer ones will press through it. This requires the same patience from the top as penetrating the external sphincter. [end quote]

My comments on this letter are...most of the Gay/Queer Americans of my generation live in almost total ignorance of their own erotic body...take some time and explore your body. Sex toys, porno and experimentation....find out will satisfy your newly found inner bitch.....or your inner butch self..for that matter..after all it's only one letter difference.

Some Good News...I got the job They called me this morning ..a small non profit..in Mid Wilshire...very artsy...I'm the only boy....better money than the last job......my 5 1/2 month search has ended.

 

[bagley]

I experienced a queer sexual gnosis, yesterday and would like to share this sexual experience. I quoted an article by Doug McClelland in an earlier blog about the "2nd" hole and this is some thoughts on the experience I had on Sunday.

I feel open and vulnerable today.

I was very passive sexually yesterday and submitted totally. He sexed my body into a vibrating lump of flesh with bites, licks and sucking. He then wanted head & I brought him close to orgasm with my mouth..I could taste his leaking fluid..he stopped me. I really wanted him to shoot down my throat. Instead, he flipped me over and with one swift push was deep inside[ME]. I was buzzing, moaning..whimpering... I realized he had pushed beyond my second sphincter..I realized he usually does this..but now I have a name for this place and feeling. I have been trying to define my "bottom" sexual desire for a long time. I now have another clue . By exploring anatomy I had gained a sexual gnosis... He went deep ..I could feel his testicles bouncing on me as he thrust....I felt him shoot...the energy seems to go into my brain..into my third eye chakra. It never seems to go to the heart chakra..? He withdraws and flips me and begins to gnaw on my left, very sensitive nip...he strokes my cock..two strokes and I cum.....the semen bubbles out of me rather than shoots ...I am some where out of my body......

I am only sharing this experience because I realize I now have a better grasp on some sort of language which allows me to better express what is happening to me sexually . My feelings of being a bottom are not tied to a desire to be female or to have a vagina. I think for me the "bottom sexual feeling" is tied to the desire to be dominated and possessed on one hand and the thrill of being open and vulnerable.

 

[bagley]

I found this entry in the 1977 Book of Lists very strange and funny.

"John Ruskin (English writer 1819-1900) On his wedding night he was shocked into sexual abstinence for the remainder of his life by the sight of his wife's pubic hair. He became an excessive masturbator-" a suicide committed daily." he called it. Sexual repression drove him mad. He kept a diary of his sex dreams. He died a virgin."

Ah the power of the female gash.

Books I am reading:

The Journey of Man A Genetic History by Spenser Wells... A study of 60,000 years of the male Y chromosome written for non scientist types...A+

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clark..just started this one..so far A-.

The Ottoman Centuries by Lord Kinross....I am at the Turkish defeat at Malta. This book seems to me very balanced..usually western books are slanted against the Turks...

Today is my first day at the new job...I am nervous...

 

[bagley]

I've been reading Charles Bukowski's Mockingbird Wish Me Luck on the Big Blue Bus on my way to the New Job. I found my copy in the trash..a late 1989 Black Sparrow Press copy 13th printing..well read this copy is.........One poem I have been reading over and over is " hogs in the sky"

just going on
is a greater gut-miracle than the life-death cycle
itself, I mean
going on against uselessness--
that's different than living,
say, the way a fly lives;
the brain gives us enough light to know
that living is only an artful sacrifice
at best, at worst, it's
hogs in the sky.

Bukowski wrote a lot about Los Angeles..one of his poems is about a Bus ride in Hollywood...he says don't worry another bus will come.....

Speaking of mass transit.........the buses are full here...contrary to the image you might have from TV. The bus drivers are aggressive drivers and most juggernaut through traffic except at the height of grid lock. The Big Blue Santa Monica buses run on natural gas.

I like my new job.

 

[bagley]

In 1st year Latin...one of our first lessons was about Britain......We learned (in Latin) "Britain is an island". The British and their island are traditionally almost impervious to outside currents . It is the same for English-speaking magickal people (which includes most American magicians/Wiccans).... What ever happens elsewhere in the non English magickal world is largely ignored or unknown. I only say this because I am reading the novel, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. It seems in the book that English magick reigns supreme and that Continental magick if it exists at all is largely ineffectual....Still Clarke's novel is "gripping" and well worth reading.

I find it a bit strange that a lot of my magico-religious ideas come from novels. A lot of Neo Pagan ideas and practices have their origin in fiction or have been greatly influenced by fiction writing. There are many examples... The Harry Potter series, the LOTR trilogy, Clarke's "Jonathan Strange" ..the list goes on ...The Mists of Avalon....The White Goddess..everyone is British except the author of the "the Mists".....

Here in America most of the occultists and magical people have been greatly influenced by British teachers and lodges. It seems the majority of magickal people are practicing some sort of magick based on the remnant of the Golden Dawn or on the teachings of Crowley...and of course Wicca is British....this hold true for the Tarot as well....

In the last three years I have become more aware of non British Magickal practices. Through the teachings of a man named Rawn Clark I was introduced to Franz Bardon and his magick....Bardon was Czech. The Czech magickal tradition is very old. Also I began to study "The Christian Hermeticism of Valentin Tomberg...the anonymous author of Meditations on the Tarot This book was published in French because the author believed that France had one of the oldest intact magickal traditions....Further study showed me that Italy also has an intact tradition.

There are some older (immigrant) American magickal traditions... Pennsylvania German POW WOW...Mexican/Hispanic witchcraft and Hoodoo....they all merit study....

 

[bagley]

My last blog entry was sort of choppy. I am still reading "Jonathan Strange"....The English/British Occult establishment aka The Golden Dawn and it's many off shoots have for the most part been anti sexual and specifically anti queer. The Mathers (husband & wife) who were the principals in the founding of the H.O.G.D. practiced celibacy. When Crowley began to explore sex magick (including queer sex magick) he was expelled...even though he was one of the most gifted magicians of his age. American, Paul Foster Case was expelled from Moina Mather's Golden Dawn break off group because he was advocating sex energy work. Case went on to found B.O.T.A..... Queer people have always been discriminated against in Magickal lodges and circles which have originated with the H.O.G.D. including Gardnerian Wicca.....If you are queer and magickal I advise you to find a Thelemic or Continental group....or at least join a Britophile group which has repudiated it's anti queer legacy....study Crowley..or Franz Bardon. I refuse to be a member of any magickal group or organization which will not renounce it's homophobic past. One writer who is on my shit list is Dion Fortune..another more modern is Garth Knight...

On sex........I love gay porn movies ...for about 15-20 minutes...after that it becomes a little boring.....it's the same with mags...except the time is much less....but to see a real living and breathing sexy male...just walking down the street...sometimes sends me into sexual convulsions...recently I talked to a man at work as part of my job...he has a plain face and unfortunately is a smoker ...mid 40's..but he has a beautiful big bulge and a lot of sex magnetism....I feel a lot of sex tension on my part...greater than anything porn can offer....Real live males are always sexier than 2 dimensional pics......at least for me....just as a note I had a close encounter with Richard Dreyfuss..we were at the same event..called TARFEST. I was 2 feet away....no one made a fuss...he was with his son???........

Bush was on TV today...talking to military families...I don't think he mentioned that 2,000 Americans have died in Iraq......He equated the Islamic radicals with all the boogies of the past....he still equates 9/11 and the war on terrorism with the 2nd Gulf War..he even slipped in WMD....the military audience clapped politely....Bush read from a text and his voice lacked the down home Texas twang and the miss pronouncements..after all he is from an elite New England family..his younger brother maintains his Yankee voice...I think the down home speech pattern of WBush is just so much put on...I lived in the South for a long time and with out any effort maintain my New England speech pattern..except I find a Y'all come out every once and a while....however, my brother says I sound like a rebel....as a jibe. Bush came very close to describing himself when he described Osama Bin Laden...as an elite who sends the naive to their deaths....

All the Left in the USA are waiting to see who will be indited in the CIA leak...I wait without hope

Some new gallery pics...and also Rudi...the older muscle guy I had a major crush on ...moved to Nevada this weekend...I had coffee with him on Sunday morning ...I'll miss him.....

 

[bagley]

Some one posted a Walmart story on JUB on how Walmart wants to limit it's work force to healthy workers and thereby save money on health care benies......

Walmart is the epitome of Amerika. Walmart has marketed itself as Amerika's shopping place.....rolling back costs and selling Amerikan made products (from China). For a generation Walmart has marketed to middle Amerika..small town and suburban niches that the larger traditional chains bypassed.

Walmarts greatest triumph is in the area of controlling product cost by dictating price to it's suppliers..if you don't play Walmart's way..you will not get on the Walmart shelf. A disaster for most suppliers.

The second coup Walmart pulled of was to give impressions that it is the cheapest place in town. If you comparison shop..you will find that some items are cheaper..some are more expensive..and some are similar to other retailers......but in the Amerikan mind Walmart=savings.

Walmart is also ruthless with labor....(organized labor is basically dead in most places in Amerika) so that's not much of a surprise.

Part of Walmarts success is also due to the greed of small and middle sized cities who want the instant sales tax revenue a Walmart will bring. Instead of trying to nurture local business most places opt for the easy Walmart way.

I am not anti Walmart. I shop there about once a month. I compare all the prices and only buy the bargins..or sales....last month I got a great deal on coffee...I mixed it with my Starbucks blend and it wasn't half bad. I am probably not the customer Walmart craves.

Walmart is part of the great Amerikan disease of wanting something for nothing. Amerika, in spite of it's rhetoric of being founded on freedom is based on three principals...Cheap land and raw materials.........cheap labor..(slavery rings a bell) and dirt cheap energy. Our rebellion from Britain was a tax revolt..not on overthrow of monarchy or aristocracy. Walmart fulfills this bargain mentality and exploits it......as long as something seems like a bargain..Amerikans will buy it.

 

[bagley]

In the book The Journey of Man A Genetic Odyssey by Spenser Wells (Princeton ,2002) is a remarkable book. This book tells of the mutation of the Y or male chromosome over a period of 60,000 years and from these mutations one can trace every living human male back to a common ancestor. This ancestor lived approximately 60 thousand years ago in Africa. For this time line to be true one must subscribe to a philosophy of parsimony, which means in this case that the Y chromosome evolved with an absolute minimum of evolutionary change. Wells also proposes a "great leap Forward" ,a phrase coined by Jared Diamond, to describe the almost magical way humans evolve. In other words something propelled humankind to leave the forest..to use tools...to develop speech...and no one knows exactly why these things happened. I like the honesty here...although it seems a bit close to Intelligent Design.........at least Wells and Diamond are honest and lay out the seeming gaps with GEE, WE DON'T KNOW......

The book also talks of the ancient cultures that have been sustained for over 40,000 years. These cultures included the San of Southern Africa, the Australian Aborigines and the Highlanders of New Guinea. I find the idea of a 40,000 year old living tradition very exciting.

So, when I look at my modern American life and I wonder how long my culture will sustain itself. For 10,000 years the top soil of the Great Plains of North America was over 10 feet deep and very rich ..........but since the introduction of the steel plow and agri-business the top soil is down to inches.......A similar story could be told about other natural resources as well. What happens when all the fish stocks collapse........??????? What happens with sky high gasoline prices...????????

Yesterday I wrote about Walmart. Walmart is a suitable Icon for our vast unsustainable consumerism. Walmart is the epitome of bland or banal products. THE clothes have no style. THE food has little taste. The books, music and movies Walmart sells are edited for content. The Walmart employees perform with all the enthusiasm of automatons. If and when archaeologists dig up our cultural remains I believe they will label us "the Walmart people"..........

 

[bagley]

Tonight , Friday 28, 2005..Tom Brokaw will air his special on Evangelicals called "In the Faith"..........puke television journalism at it's worst.....I won't watch it mainly because I will be working or perhaps drinking coffee at the local coffee bar.....but I caught the blurb and looked it up on the net.........puke. All over this vast North American landscape huge mega churches are rising up to give the Christian believer the spiritual equivalent of a Walmart retail experience. I worked in Pensacola Florida.......puke ....and was constantly evangelized by people from the huge Pentecostalist revival at the Brownsville Assembly of God.......A huge crowd of people basically talking in tongues and "dancing in the spirit" and proclaiming miracles......puke..........

Everywhere you look these huge churches are rolling over any smaller church or any other religious tradition which stands in their way...it's the Walmart effect. Here is my criticisms of these big ugly churches:

1.) In my spiritual experiences I want a intimate and sensual experience. I want the right music..the right smells and I want the right colors. I want a minimum of verbiage...just enough poetry to lead me to an inner mystical experience....

2.) I want my spiritual experience to be apolitical. I want art and beauty to drive my religious feelings not current events or fear.....

3.) I believe I can only share my spiritual and mystical intimacies with people I really know and trust ,as it says in the Wiccan Rede"in perfect love and in perfect trust". In Neo pagan groups..and magickal groups as well...groups larger than 13 are discouraged. (The group I belong to has had a small stable membership for over ten years and I really trust these people.)

4.) Large mega churches produce egomaniac leaders who make huge amounts of $$$$$$$$$$$$. So unlike Jesus who had no place to lay his head.

5.) I hate the architecture of this huge barn like churches and I really hate the Christian Broadcasting Network complex in Va Beach, Va......huge distorted Georgian style buildings..no human scale...now here lies perversion.


I don,t fear these mega church people's religion, but I dislike their political agenda. Mormon and Jews should be concerned as well. Mormons suffered major persecution in the 19th century because of the political muscle of the majority religion....and Jews always seem to be targets ....and now Gay people............

These mega churches claim vast amounts of people and some of it may be true........however the US Census Department just released figures which showed for the first time in history less than 50% of the American population calls itself Protestant. Religious Tolerance at http://www.religioustolerance.org/ reported that people inflate their religious attendance by about 50% to telephone polsters.

Now for something totally different.......the B/f......found a new sexual position he really likes...sort of twisting me onto my side with my ass higher than my head. I was just barely hanging over the side of the bed........it allows him full penetration........he put the big boy in full tilt....yikes.......I came so hard my nose and ears clogged up for half a day......what a man

 

[bagley]

Tonight at Midnight is the Neo Pagan New Year celebration....otherwise known as Halloween...All Hallows...or the Celtic Samhain. It is also one of the biggest Queer holidays......Queer and pagan seems to go together in an unplanned chaotic symbiosis during this celebration. Tonight hundreds of thousands of revelers will gather in West Hollywood, California to celebrate this ancient holiday. It is the most pagan event I have ever witnessed.

Neo Pagans celebrate 8 solar holidays called Sabbats. The four great Solar days are aligned with the Solstices and the Equinoxes...the four lesser Sabbats are aligned at the cross quarter....the four lesser are Samhain (All Hallows)....Imbolc (Candlemas)...Beltane (May Day) and Lugnasha..which for some reason doesn't have a secular name or celebration. Many Neo Pagans and or Wiccans also celebrate the Full or sometimes the New Moon and these celebrations are called Esbats. Every so often these will line up...so the Samhain Sabbat and the Esbat are synchronized...and this is then called "the great Year" ..it doesn't happen all that often....and it's not this year.

The traditional idea of Halloween or Samhain is that this time of year the veil between the living and the dead and the faerie and the human is very thin. Thin enough for cross communications between the worlds. This is a day when ancestors can be greeted and remembered with offerings. It is also a time to propitiate the local deities with offerings..these offerings have now transmogrified into trick or treat.

Tonight the group I belong to will meet "astrally" as we are widely scattered, now. After our ritual we add a special twist to the celebration...we build an altar to Hekete (also called a Hekate supper) and place this "supper" at a place where three roads meet...I have found mine...about a half mile away...sometimes these altars or suppers can be quite elaborate.....if you can find a spot "secret enough"..it requires at least a plate...a cord made into a hangman's noose...nine pennies and other stuff...for me it's fruit and flowers...and an incantation...I will light a cone of incense instead of a candle...and hopefully get away without anyone viewing me... sounds silly I know , but don't want to talk to the cops.....

So again happy New Year....

 

[bagley]

All Soul's Day in the Western Calender is the day when the faithfully departed are remembered...I use this day as a day to remember close friends who have died of AIDS or other catastrophic illnesses. I enroll three men in this remembrance today... I remember Paul O'Leary....a man full of life and chaos. I remember Ron ...he was so shy he gave me the dollars to put in the dancer's jock strap.....and I also remember Bob Lemon........may you all obtain the beatific vision.

A lot of people have asked me about how to start a magickal practice....For me starting the magickal practice was very easy....."we just knew what to do"....as I have written before my siblings and I just did it. Of the three of us, I have the least amount of "natural" talent in this area. I assume that if you want to start a magickal practice, you already have a magickal philosophy.

My magickal philosophy is based around the Hermetic Qabalah which is essentially gnostic . Within this philosophy the physical and natural world is viewed as a laboratory where various energy patterns take on form and are evaluated. In other words the physical universe is the testing ground of ideas. So the jumping off point to start a magickal practice is to form a philosophy....I also think one needs a definition of magick. My definition is : Magick is the alignment of the will to that which actually " IS". Therefore, the practice of a magick is the destruction of artificial constructs. So the beginning of magickal practice is the discovery of the true nature of your own will (will is the power that motivates). To discover the "true" will" you have to ask yourself " what is the one thing I desire most in the world" For most people this is a long drawn out process.........throw out altruism...and also answers like money....this exercise alone can talk months and or years, but ....once you discover what your one true desire is then the magickal practice will take off...it also helps to journal and to talk to other spiritual aspirants. The famous modern magician, Israel Regarde advises taking up therapy. Magick works best if it is riding the wave of your own true desire.

Being my day off I surfed the TV and got stuck on the Paula White portion of the TBN (Christian TV) for a few minutes......Paula White practices that brand of Pentecostalism called "Word of Faith" theology.....Give and it will be given unto to you...she was using Psalm 66:12......send in $66.12 and God will open his flood gate of prosperity...I thought, bull shit lady........but I then listened and realized she was using what I will call "the magickal voice" . I believe a lot of those TV ministry people use full blown sorcery......they all want POWER...money is just a convenient counter. Paula White is very hypnotic, as well......

End of Book. I finished, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell I give it an A-...I will re read it again....the ending was a bit drawn out and maybe a little cliched...for me most books (novels) fall apart at the end...perhaps it is in the editing and rewriting and the rush to get it done.......????