Barebacking in a relationship

[SpeedDemonNYC]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and he always questions when we will start barebacking. I am currently not comfortable with the idea, nor do I have any plans to be doing so anytime soon. The both of us are clean, but I just don't feel comfortable with it, because I just don't practice it and rather paranoid regardless of status. He says that it is because I do not trust him and that I think he has something since he has done so with two other guys and has tested neg, and that I am scared of being intimate due to the fact that I don't want to. His solution is that we not have sex at all unless I stop using condoms. What are your thoughts on this? Who is correct?

 

[Rolyo85]

He is, though his measure is extreme. It's immature to pose ultimatums and you have to get that across. It's not ok to put your boyfriend in an "either or" situation, that's immature and selfish.

That said, your issue is your own, and there is no ground for it. Barebacking is not dangerous if you are both clean. If you are both faithful to each other, you won't magically contract an STD through the sin of not using a condom. So you might want to get over this and give it a try. It IS quite a bit more pleasant once the threat of stds is eliminated.

 

[deelong]

I think you shouldn't do anything that you are uncomfortable with. I agree with Rolyo85, his measure is extreme and immature. I feel as though, he should at least understand your position on barebacking. I wouldn't bareback either, because you never know.

 

[Rolyo85]

If you don't trust the man you're with because "you never know", you should not be with him. There's no law for it, but committed couples usually bareback after a point. And one year is a serious relationship. I don't say do it all the time, it can be messy. But to not even try because of... reasons... is the same ultimatum as the bf's.

 

[Seasoned]

Sexual blackmail has no place in a relationship. You ought not do anything you're not comfortable with. It seems you and your bf need to keep communicating and working on trust.

 

[jft245]

Simple, your body, your choice.

 

[KaraBulut]

Echoing what others have said.

The bedroom is full of negotiation for most couples. Sometimes you're not in the mood. Sometimes you don't enjoy the same things that your partner enjoys.

There should always be a happy medium between how hard one partner pushes and how much the other party has to give. In your case, your partner is pushing and coercing and using unfair arguments to get you to do something that you don't want to do. And that's wrong.

And unfortunately, when this sort of thing happens it makes you re-evaluate other aspects of the relationship. Does he respect your opinion? Is he willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship? Is he in the relationship because he cares about you or because of his own selfish needs?

 

[Rolyo85]

It's not a rule that committed couples should start barebacking. I find that notion silly.

It's not about trust. I've had this argument before on here. I just don't find the idea of barebacking appealing... so does that mean I don't trust my boyfriend? Some long committed couples don't do bareback... so does that undermine their relationship? Absolutely ridiculous in my eyes.

It's not a rule, but it's common in my experience. And to not find it appealing is one thing - and I totally understand it - but to not do it because you're afraid you might catch something off the air shows lack of trust which is a problem in the relationship.

 

[racer2438]

You have trust issue's still and need to work those out b4 you continue the stance on BB. If either of you have to give ulimateums, then you are not fully into a real loving ltr. Your close but just shy of full trust. And that is one main key in a ltr lasting many yrs.

You both have the same goal in mind but the plan of action is in 2 different directions.

We have been together for 28yrs, and have BB after the 1st-- 10months. We always shower/douche well for BB and fully enjoy the sensation of it.

 

[dutchmaster]

Is anyone else in a relationship where you bareback? How long did it take other people?

 

[loveguys72]

Lasting relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. Clearly, he doesn't respect your right to set boundaries on how you use your body, and you don't fully trust his fidelity, else you wouldn't be so concerned. If both partners are faithful, and both are free of STDs, unprotected sex should not be an issue.

You two need to have an open and honest discussion about the state of your relationship. As it stands, it can't last.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and he always questions when we will start barebacking. I am currently not comfortable with the idea, nor do I have any plans to be doing so anytime soon. The both of us are clean, but I just don't feel comfortable with it, because I just don't practice it and rather paranoid regardless of status. He says that it is because I do not trust him and that I think he has something since he has done so with two other guys and has tested neg, and that I am scared of being intimate due to the fact that I don't want to. His solution is that we not have sex at all unless I stop using condoms. What are your thoughts on this? Who is correct?

ya bisexual wot a type box
so he a female wot you do? same?
if ya return ya topic great importance sure ya figa it out

thankyou

 

[winterkill]

So far as I know trust doesn't block the HIV infection.


Colleen Hoff: Sexual Agreements and HIV Risk Among Gay Male Couples

Agreement types:

Agreements are commonly dichotomized into either open (polyamorous) or closed (monogamous).

Our data show these terms anchor a spectrum of various types of gay male relationship agreements:

– ‘Classic’ monogamy

– Open for three-ways only

– Open with restrictions on who, when, where, and/or under what circumstances

– Outside sex is OK if it is ‘safe’

– Totally open

Broken Agreements and Disclosure:

Broken agreements often related to forbidden sexual behavior:

- 32% broke agreement in past 12 months

- 53% did not disclose break to primary partner

Broken agreements can be difficult to disclose out of fear to harm the relationship

But non-disclosure can

- lead to possible risk for HIV infection and other STIs

- threaten relationship quality (e.g., guilt, distrust)

Reasons for breaking agreements:

Most common reasons:

– 93% “I was horny.”

– 89% “The guy was really hot.”

– 89% “Someone wanted to have sex with me.”

– 74% “I didn’t have to worry about becoming infected with HIV by my partner.”

– 72% “Most men who find themselves in the same situation would have broken their agreement too.”

http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/DocServer/HOFF_Fenway_4.26.pdf?docID=7596


Trust is good, control is better.

 

[The lad of night]

Soemhow I have the feeling he'd cave in long before you do

 

[Jersey]

His solution is that we not have sex at all unless I stop using condoms.

What a douche. If it were me and he couldn't respect what I wanted then I would kick his ass to the curb. Don't ditch the condoms if you don't want to, he can just deal with it.

 

[r0ckst4r]

i don't have a lot of gay friends but most of the guys who I know and how they got H.I.V was from their partners. It is sad that you have to worry about stuff like that, but its life (yours in fact !!! ) It's a fact, most men will cheat t some time in the relationship ... not all, but good majority. It's just whether you are lucky or not.

 

[garylin]

I've been a relationship much longer than you and after we started barebacking boom!std! I remeber panicing knowing i had an std but also hoping i ddint also have HIV thank God i dont, but i was put in that position for being too trusting. its not even something against your partner its not that you think he is evil or awful ( tho his ultimatum really is shit) it just means that you know everynody makes mistake that everybody slips up sometime and that unfortunately most people dont own up to it after the fact fearing ruining a relationship not to mention hes already sliped up twice in less than a year umm yea i thin you have a reason to be apprehensive

 

[LatinCoffee]

Don't do it...if you're not comfortable with it.

 

[eastofeden]

I think there are many things people who worry about contracting HIV or AIDS fail to worry about...like texting while driving..eating alot of crap that will kill you....drugs....smoking....obesity...diabetes.....cancer...heart disease...

The bottom line is...if you have sex...there is a minimal to maximum risk that you may contract something....not unlike walking out of the house...something may kill you.....so you have to find the balance...and what that is depends on you as an individual....or couple.

I could go on but my point.....no one is getting out of this race alive....and it would be nice to find a balance along the way ....and put it all in perspective.

My aerobics teacher from the 80s...she was the healthiest woman I ever knew. Never had a french fry! Everything natural...and she died of ovarian cancer in her 30s...she had a bag of potato chips on the way out ...or maybe it was Doritos..I forget now...but my point is still the same.......

 

[Hidden Element]

if someone gave me a ultimatum like that i would show them the door....