I came across the reddit post, and I'm actually shocked that albeit most of his issues were rhetorical, nobody seems to get where he's coming from, yet I do and I'll discuss it here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/4mjkb6/is_being_gay_just_a_life_ruiner/
This is going to be a long post, so I'll cover each main topic in the bullet points.
Constant Discrimination-Not to mention if you don't already have something that you cant change unlike a religion or hobby that society shames on you (being black or asian etc., being disabled, etc.)
But yes, I agree. Being denied jobs, dealing with workplace homophobia (not everyone can straight act myself included). Being fired for being gay. Not being able to get housing. Being asked to leave establishments and businesses, being bullied at sporting events, being verbally, physically, mentally and psychologically abused in public. It goes on.
There is no "safe gay area", there are gay themed areas, but no matter where you go, you will run into homophobia. I was just bashed in one of the gay areas of LA, West Hollywood, a few months ago, so you aren't safe anywhere.
No support-I agree so much. The gay community which is already a very inclusive community, has subgroups, within those groups, with probably a few more groups divided up in that. The masc guys hang with the masc guys. The queens hang with the queens. The bears and chubs hang with each other usually. What kind of support is that? It's all about anonymous sex hookups, shadiness and gossip.
It's all one big fucking game to see who can be the most macho, straight acting, masculine gay guy other there. If you are able to be in the weekly #1 spot, you're in. If you're anything else, you stand on the sidelines your entire life for a game you're never going to play in.
I think he also meant that there is no support from many straights. Not to mention there are more and more straight people not wanting their children around us.
Yeah there are straight allies and friends, but all they can do is sympathize and offer words of encouragement. Are they going to go to gay bars and pride events and or join any gay social groups with you? Hell no. For the most part, straights are "they are gay, so what". And that's exactly it, "so what". They don't' give a damn about you really.
No kids-Yeah you can adopt and use so many new medical advancements, but these are very costly, and gay men are usually the first to be denied adoption services and suffer homophobia from the birth family, the adoption agency etc.
Yeah we don't have worry about having any accidental pregnancies, but that's not enough and a shitty excuse if you ask me.
I also think he is implying that your bloodline is also usually done. Sad.
No family-For the majority of us yes. It's a very rare percentage of gays that have accepting family. These are usually from people who are extremely rich and gifted and have other areas to make up for it. "Well our son is gay, but he's a nuclear engineer". "My son is gay, but he makes more than I do" etc.
Many people say, "I'm out, but not to my parents or my family". It's sad because it's hard to gain support from them.
Usually you become ostracized from your family, and if your lucky, you gain support from extended family members (Aunts/Uncles/, cousins, siblings). But you will be talked about and shamed by your family.
Unlikely to get in a relationship-Sadly yes. This community is very judgmental and that "someone for everyone" label is usually meant for straights as heterosexual relations are normal and natural.
I'm proud to be a gay man, but being homosexual is very much unnatural. But just because something is unnatural doesn't mean it's bad. People say cutting your hair is unnatural and so is eating seafood, but we do it anyways.
Most of us will have a hard time finding romance. Unless you are one of the select few that are playing in the, "How masculine can you be" game show, you're not going to find love.
Straight men in general are dogs and like any type of women as long as she can raise their children. Women just like men that treat her right and can provide and man up.
Gay men just fuck guys in restrooms, go to bathhouses, turn on their cell phone when they are horny and exchange pictures or sext or have phone sex. That's it.
You can't approach a guy in public in ask him out. You can, but the repercussions might be costly.
Yes we can get married, but what's so good about being married when you can't even get a first date, or for someone to fucking smile or say hello at you in a fucking gay neighborhood.
Can't go on holiday-True. Traveling for gay men, even for those that are lucky enough to find a man, is very difficult. Couples like to go out on vacation, and it's really hard for same sex couples to do that.
Can't be in public as a couple- Yes very true. People always say they hate PDA and showing affection in public. That of course is bullshit. We all know there are times, albeit unwarranted and unnoticed, that those same people that have those beliefs, would most definitely take their lover to a park or out to eat and show their love for each other.
Even holding hands, something that straight people do and nobody thinks of it, can get many gay men killed.
So why can't we gay men show PDA? We just can't, and it's just the way it is.
We can, but it's better if we didn't, or at least privately. People just don't like seeing two men doing that.
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I know people are going to say, A B and C to all these above scenarios.
A.
"Well I did this; that; and the third, and I never had any issues, and none of that shit happens to me."
Good for fucking you. You're not everyone, and you're not the whole of the community. It also might not have happened to you, but it easily can and it probably will sadly.
B.
"Well, maybe if you weren't so negative and had a bad attitude being gay wouldn't ruin your life"
That is so fucking dismissive. Looks, actions, and voices can be deceiving. Someone who sounds like they are angry, might not always be. Someone who sounds cheerful and peachy, might be a complete disaster. You are only saying that because that's how you perceive it. You can't change society. You could always try to forget or move on from whatever society tries to punish you for, "you won 2nd place in a chess tournament due to a dumb move", "you drove drunk by mistake", "you had an abortion", "you dropped out of college" etc. But you can't change society and they are always going to punish you for that.
C.
"Well as time goes on people will become more accepting and new generations won't think like that"
Perhaps, but it doesn't seem like that. It seems now more than ever, racism and homophobia/transphobia are back peddling and getting worse. I used to always think that it is older individuals who are bigoted, but there are an equal amount of people my age and younger that think like that.
People continue to teach their children about their core family values and the cycle continues.
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That's it. You guys are free to discuss any of the bullet points if you like.
