What many people don't seem to understand is some online personalities are a lot different than real life personalities.
This is why it surprises me to see so many online detectives these days who seem to think they have a person's life completely figured out
being out and proud versus in the closet has made a difference between losing a career job and sitting in my own office being a middle manager driving a company car that is brand new getting letters of commendation from supervisors about outstanding performances.
There are plenty of heros out there. Just let this coward be.
Slight correction for truth, as there is no one-size-fits-all, and humanity constantly proves that there are exceptions to all rules. Few or none of us here can know the real, on-the-ground experiences and circumstances of you, Kane, or anybody else here...even those of us who say that our online personalities are what we are in real (analog) life.
Everybody on here who has made more than 100 posts (in threads that suggest opinions, analytical thought, or advice, etc.) has at least a few times scrubbed or changed a post before making it public, taken more time to consider it than the immediacy of a conversation or a reaction in analog life, or posted as-it-is and greatly regretted having made the post. Considering that, it can be said that NOBODY on here is precisely what they are in real life. Somebody posting here can take as much or as little time as they desire in composing a post. When engaged in a real-time conversation, any words that come out of one's mouth unintentionally, or in a way that can be misconstrued, are THERE already - it's done - it can't be taken back.
Some people believe that being in the closet is NEVER appropriate. I don't buy that, no matter where one is located. (Zombiekiller, do I remember correctly that you're in/near New York City?) Closet or no closet, it's a choice that can be made only individually, and it's not a decision that's simply made casually and on a whim. Everybody, even if they live in a "progressive/liberal" area such as NYC, Paris, Honolulu, Sydney, etc. inevitably has to deal with "tea party" or racist types, bigots, etc. (I generally use "bigot" to refer to prejudice of all kinds, sort of an "umbrella word," and I use "racist" more specifically because a racist is only one out of many different kinds of bigoted mindsets.)
I have known people who are incredibly "neanderthal" tea-party types in places such as northern New Jersey, Chicago, Los Angeles, etc. (Conversely, I know a flaming liberal straight guy, who has no issue with my gayness at all, in Oklahoma City.)
When some of these conservative, judgmental, antigay types are positioned in the "wrong" places in somebody's life - such as in the nuclear family or in the same seat as one's boss, being somewhat or fully closeted can be prudent. Nobody else but the individual can make this choice. Even though I consider myself entirely Out, there are a few people who I am indeed closeted with.
Back to the online persona thing, as much as I will say that I'm the same person here as in analog (physical, in-person) life, there are differences. I have time to think, here, exactly how I want to make my point on something, and I can rework it to my desire until I finally post it. Though my posts always reflect how I think about things in real life, I am usually able to put them together much more thoroughly than when audible words simply come out of my mouth, quickly as a "string" of words.
So do plenty of out gay people and they do it.
Out gay people can indeed have a life that isn't "ruined" by antigay people, but note that I only said "can" here - not "WILL." Closeted gay people can also have one. Who and what we are, and our circumstances, determines which approach is the best. However, even for those who consider themselves completely Out, does that mean that your mail carrier, your car mechanic, your cousin five states or three countries away from you who you've never met, your college instructor, your landscaper...KNOW? Probably not.
Being out of the closet doesn't mean broadcasting that you're gay, when the topics being discussed mean nothing at all about it. It's not relevant when you're dropping clothes off at the dry cleaners. To me, being out of the closet only means not trying to hide it, when and if the topic comes up. Being neutral about it, talking about it as you may talk about baseball or children, but not bringing it up gratuitously either. And, indeed, being Out can still mean being "closeted" sometimes...is it unacceptable for an Out person to keep his/her gayness private when near or talking with somebody who has just said that Hitler did it wrong when he didn't kill ALL the gays? I think a person can be completely Out, without blurting out "Well, I'M gay!" in such a situation.
But in my professional life I need to be closeted.
