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On Topic Discussion Being Out and Proud offers little in return

-Kane-

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For most of my adult life, I've lived as an "Ambiguous gay male".
If you are a heterosexual, for you, the application of that term should be as follows:

"If you don't ask, I won't tell. Nor will I attempt to confirm
the obvious as it exists through your plain of view."


And while I am far from a self loathing closeted gay man, I'm not necessarily out and proud neither. And why should I be? What does the "gay community have to offer a young man of color anyway?" From where I sit, the "gay community" doesn't look all that appealing. Especially if you're a Black American. Even among gay Blacks in America, there is a psychological dysfunction that exist. So how can one find refuge in a broken community? Friendships among gays are forged through the "gay handshake" which means "sex first and we'll take it from there." How is that healthy? Racism is practiced among gay whites as freely as it is among their heterosexual counterparts. And dating and relationships exist only if you believe in unicorns. I'm aware that I may seem bitter and perhaps jaded. But who among you can argue against what has been said? Yes, the holidays are upon us and maybe I'm sick of hearing about how my coworkers will be spending their very HETEROSEXUAL holidays with family and friends. But regardless of my rationale, the gay lifestyle still offers very little in terms of feeling good about yourself, and (ironically) feeling proud of anything "gay".
 
I don't understand what being proud of your sexuality has to do the with the gay community. The world owes you nothing. Being proud of yourself is a strength and a peace that you have within yourself. Externalising that suggests that you don't really get it.
 
You sound like you are out and proud. It doesn't take any more fuss than what you're already making.

Also you are the gay community. You are gay. You know people. That's all there is to it.
 
The world owes me a new set of heels, damnit.
 
There is no such thing as "gay community"

Maybe in the adult saunas or night clubs yes.
Community to me means you gather in group once a week like a church gathering or similar ...
 
Agree with a lot of what you say but the unicorn part. You can have a relationship and date but if you are attracted to the wrong type--which many people are---then relationships and dating are not going to happen. It is up to you what you are into---there are decent people out there but maybe they don't make your dick hard.;)
 
I can't disagree with what you say about African Americans and the gay community because that is your experience and also what I have observed.
Personally, I have never made friends, relationships or a community based on a shared sexuality.
 
I am saddened to read the OP. Is this a uniquely American problem? As an outsider my understanding of this is mainly gleamed from private conversations i have had on this site. The hostility shown towards African Americans in general i have witnessed on social medias.

My understanding is that there is a overwhelming issue with black on black killings in the USA. Scotland is a tiny country, we also have our share of racists, both straight and gay. At the same time we have very powerful "Hate" laws in place which do help in stemming this outrageous behaviour.
I cannot say i know how you feel, as a white guy that would be a stupid statement. I do however have empathy with you and the situation you are having to face.

Like others have mentioned, my friendships apart from one have never been based on "the gay handshake". What is important is to remember that racism is a two way street.

You mention "the gay lifestyle" what do you mean by this? Like everyone else i have my own lifestyle, my sexuality is but a part of the whole. I look forward to your response. Regards Adam...
 
I too am sadden by Kane's comments and as a white "eldergay" must admit to being incapable of understanding the experiences he has been faced with in life.

But I think it is wrong to assume that being "out and proud" provides no benefits or advantages in present day society. Obviously there is a "gay community" consisting of those willing to fight for gay rights, organise support structures and to whom we should be grateful for the advances in acceptance of which most of us benefit.

Then there are those gays who just get on with their lives; sharing it with both straight and gay friends; out and proud when with friends but also not sharing their sexuality with those who do not play an important part in their lives. Aren't most of us like that?
 
I have tons of gay friends who I have never had sex with. If you are trying to forge friendships I suggest you forgo the sex aspect and concentrate on finding common ground to build a relationship on. Sex mucks things up, if you want friends don't sex them up..
 
I love being out and proud.

Ambiguity isn't really something a gay man aims for, you either are or you aren't. I can't say that I'm identifiable as gay on impact. Most folks don't know until they're told. But I'm still "out" by definition. I'm not hiding or lying about who I am to anyone. I don't offer "I'm gay!" the second anyone meets me or even discusses girls with me, but I will when it's related to the discussion.

My experience here will be different, living in New York City. While we're still dealing with hate from some folks, across the board it's a much more accepting place than most.

There will always be an advantage in owning who you are and not hiding from people.
 
"Being Out and Proud offers little in return". Really? It certainly beats living in the closet cloaked in shame. I have many gay friends, but I don't have sex with them (maybe that's why we're friends...;))
 
It's harder to find them when you have a lot of hate/anger like the OP does.

I would just like to state that this is not the impression that I get from Kane's post. Nor in his other participations in HT.
 
well vegen ins roman arena shout folkees no meat kind a ya nose

but here ans a nowwww ya a point
_stand ups ans be nail in _
no thankyou

plaent spin cause
but human cultures<ha world ova right throw up cause
"sooooooooo be pride ya planet ans maybe rest follow 100000million or a 1st world 1s suckin theys cue anime

thankyou

not a end
*butttttt wanna go homeys ans hump hummby *
no enddddddd
*tsk*
 
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