The problem with a subject as subjective as the one we're discussing is there is no universal experience and often times people bring in their anecdotal evidence, which is totally fine. However, because by its nature there is no such thing as a universal experience, sometimes the anecdotes turn out to be more exceptions than the rule.
Here's an analogy that's a little over the top to make a point. Can we all agree that during the times of slavery, it wasn't a rosey time for black people? If you look hard enough, you're always going to find certain black individuals that thrived under such times.
Being out and proud works for many people. I've no doubt of it. My personal experience regarding being out hasn't been as rosey as your experience. As a matter of fact, I'm feeling a little bit of jealousy that things have been very smooth for you.
My fear is closeted bigots, while probably few and far in between, blend right in with everybody else. I had the misfortune of stumbling into their nesting ground a few years back. As a result, I lost everything, from my job to my money to my self-esteem and everything else in between. I didn't even realize what had been done to me until much later when I had pulled myself out of the ditch and was able to think back through the sequences of events with a clear mind.
The firm that I currently work for has treated me exceptionally well. The people I work with are exceptionally friendly. We BBQ together at work right outside our offices! Here's the thing. The people in the other company were just as friendly. And I ended up in a ditch because someone noticed I was always using a gender neutral term when asked about my significant other. I think I mentioned my boyfriend once, may be twice at most.
As I said earlier in the thread, real world closet bigots aren't like in the movies at all. In the movies, everything is obvious because the producer made it obvious so everyone in the audience can understand. And there's always that heroic lawyer that digs up everything and the court of law is the gay victim's friend. The real world isn't like that at all. Closet bigots make things very subtle. The really good ones will convince you to hate yourself and not worthy. They will make sure that nothing can be proven at all.
Ever seen the movie Gone Girl? Remember how elaborate her plan was leading up to framing him for murder? She built up journal and physical evidence over time. I can say for sure that's what more or less happened to me. And I believed them.
What I'm trying to say is not all of us are heroes. God bless you for being completely out. You are very heroic. It's just not for all of us. In my case, I have way too much to lose, so I'm not even going to dip my toe in the water to try it out. Not this time.
Perhaps one day this won't even be an issue. But for now, I'm sorry to say that I'm still surrounded by smiling people and I'm scared of what they might do next.
Added by edit.
Regarding what happened to me, I have not told anyone in real life except my boyfriend. And even then, it took him over a year to get me to tell him. I think he knew but didn't say anything.
Why don't I tell people? Because every single thing that happened to me can be explained by something else. It's the totality of the circumstance that finally made me realize the truth. And if it took me that long to piece all of it together, how am I suppose to make someone else understand? So, it's better just to tell people nowadays that that job wasn't a good fit for me.
