Best Bro not my friend after finding out i'm bisexual

[Tomruyssss]

Long story short my best friend since the 4th grade heard a rumour from a girl that I used to be good friends that I came out to like 3 years ago that I was gay. He asked me about it to see if it was true the other day so I was straight up and told him I wasn't gay but I was bisexual. I also told him that honestly I didn't find him attractive in anyway and he had nothing to worry bout. Also that just because he knows about me doesn't mean I'm gonna talk bout the gay side of things or change. Things will be basically the same.

Well at first he acted like he was okay saying he has friends that are gay and that he doesnt care as long as I dont hit on him bullshit that everybody says.

So last night turns out he went to the movies and went out to drink at my other friends house with him for a lil bit. So I message him to see how hes been since I havent talked to him since the whole coming out conversation. I asked him if he wanted to hangout on my day off, tells me not to get mad but that he doesnt want to hang out anymore because he wants to dedicate his life to God and stop smoking weed and get his life together.

Idk if you guys have seen my other post "my best friend is draining me" where basically I've been the one trying to motivate him to do that exact thing. Now he's been my best friend for years so I can tell when he's lying. and To be honest I'm pretty sure that he doesn't want to hang out cuz he doesn't wanna smoke or drink shit is bull just for the fact, I dont smoke at all, and I usually drink alone or with other friends. So basically it was his guilt free way of saying he doesn't want to chill with me because I'm bisexual.

So yeah I'm pretty pissed off at that girl for talking shit, and I'm also pissed at him cuz I've been a good ass friend all these years and to let something that doesn't affect him or our friendship whatsoever bother him to the point of not wanting to be my friend is dumb as hell. Shit I just even finished telling him he was like a brother to me last week, and if I get married one day I wanted him to be my best man. This was my bro. If I didnt talk to him everyday he'd blow up my phone until I did. We were that close and it just seems this friendship got wasted for something I can't control.

At least I'm proud of myself for being honest and not going back in the closet and just denying the rumours. Still it's pretty childish this whole situation. Just be straight up. What should I do?

 

[Seasoned]

There's not much you can do except to be upfront with him regarding your feelings, whether those would be hurt, sadness, anger, etc. I wouldn't go quietly with my tail between my legs. I think he needs to be read.

Sorry for your loss. It's difficult to be rejected.

 

[vater292]

^^ This.... Try talking to him to let him know how you feel.

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

 

[Orlandude]

Understand that there's probably more here than meets the eye. Sounds to me that, thanks to the blabbermouth girl, he may be afraid that he will be the next victim of her mouth and that's more than he can bear. Therein lies some immaturity. He doesn't know how to deal with it so he's grabbing at straws. Real friendship runs a lot deeper. Given what you say, I find it strange that he would abandon the friendship on the weight of some gossipy girl. If anything, he should man up and tell her to go fuck herself...but he probably won't because a lot of guys ALLOW women to be control freaks. Give it time. If your friendship is as strong as you say, he will come around. If he doesn't, maybe that friendship isn't as deep as you thought. If someone rejects you solely based on your sexual identity, they aren't much of a friend.

 

[scooter63]

I guess we learn what really makes people tick inside and who are real friends really are. Sometimes it takes time and a different light to be shone on things to really see. If he is willing to throw all that away over this, then I guess you have seen the light and you need to make a decision on what more you want to invest in him. The sea is big and there are far more fishes in the sea to become friends with who will value you and your friendship.

 

[Benvolio]

Many guys are concerned that they will be consider gay if they hang out with a gay friend.

 

[Rolyo85]

You don't owe him anything, you didn't even owe him not to talk to him about gay stuff. Does he not talk to you about straight stuff? Why should you be expected to censure yourself?

A friendship that can't withstand coming out is not a real friendship, and you don't need fake friends in your life.

 

[Tomruyssss]

Many guys are concerned that they will be consider gay if they hang out with a gay friend.

Exactly thats why I told him I understood what he was feeling. Cuz I know he might think people will think he is gay cuz he hangs out with me but he has other gay friends that he hangs out with, but its because he uses them as wing men at the club. I'm just guessing he felt more threatened by me being bisexual and pretty straight acting.

 

[Rolyo85]

With every new post, you describe him as more of a douchebag. Doesn't sound like you've lost much... Why would you be ok with a "friend" who's ashamed of you?

 

[Tomruyssss]

Maybe cuz I just remember all the good ass times we had. We used to go to the gym, used to hangout and play video games, we hung out almost everyday, almost part of my routine. I'm the type of person who hates complications and just wants the simple shit. I felt like part of his family, going to church with them, his mom calls me son. He started calling me his best friend. I never had romantic feelings towards him but just a brotherly love for him, and after being disowned by my biological brother last year when he found out about me, I thought he could replace him.

 

[Tomruyssss]

Well I just came out to my other best friend. I had told him this past week that I love him like a lil brother and that I will always be there for him. Today I decided to come out to him too just because my other friend didnt accept me and I essentially lost him, I wanted to "get it over with" and if I lost my other best friend over it too then fuck it. This friend actually was super cool about it, even joked about having me pick out his clothes. It actually made us closer in a sense that now we have less limits on stuff to talk about. I was telling him how sometimes when Ive come out to people they tend to open up more esp guys and talk more about their feelings n shit that they normally wouldnt with their guy friends. He told me he actually could def use that sometimes, and that we gotta hang out sometime and just open up to eachother and let all that shit bothering us out.

Well so coming out to one friend completely ruined our friendship, but made me closer with my other friend. It still kinda sucks but I do feel a lot better knowing my other friend really does love me like a big brother. We even said I love you at the end of the convo.

 

[Rolyo85]

No, this is just a good test to see who's really a friend and who doesn't give a shit. Hanging out together doesn't a friendship make.

 

[scooter63]

Well so coming out to one friend completely ruined our friendship, but made me closer with my other friend. It still kinda sucks but I do feel a lot better knowing my other friend really does love me like a big brother. We even said I love you at the end of the convo.

Well it seems as though you found out what a true friend is and is supposed to be. Congratulations on finding that and you should let your friend know that you appreciate and value him more now as a friend than before. You have found true friendship. Hope things continue to go well for you as you come further out to more people in your life.

 

[bankside]

Well he's stranded in jesusland and not even looking to escape his mental north korea.

 

[Tomruyssss]

yeah hopefully this jesus shit passes by and he comes to his senses and we can start over. Even if we aren't close again it'd be nice to have someone to chill with. But I'm partially glad this happend though because it did make me closer with my other friend. If he does come back and want to be friends I'll forgive him and move on. I don't hold grudges. If not then it's whatever, I'll just keep doing me and keep moving forward. Even his lil brother was asking me on facebook what's going on with me and my friend. I got close to the whole family so it's sad that something irrelevent to our friendship got in the way of that.

 

[Ninja108]

Sad to say but sometimes we find out who are true friends are when times get tough. It sounds like you've learned that lesson.

 

[Audio Tech]

Turns out that coming out is THE best way to find out who your real friends are. Look at it that way.

I have of course had the same experiences. A friend whom I treated like a brother was very supportive at first but then carefully removed himself from my life. He's Catholic, btw.

While another friend whom I wasn't really very close to has become much closer. We talk about EVERYTHING.

And so is life. Keep living.

 

[Ninja108]

I lost a couple of friends when I came out. You remember the good times and then move on.

 

[Tomruyssss]

Well I was on facebook and got a message last night from my ex best friend. Told me he missed me, gave me his new number, I went over today and we talked. As he talked I was trying to find the reason as to why he wanted me back in his life. Turns out he got a girlfriend the day he stopped being friends with me, and the day she dumps him which was last night, he wants me back in his life. Basically he just wanted someone to hangout with and now hes single he wants to chill with me again. Personally I let go of the whole situation and I'm cool with him but It's def not gonna be like before.

 

[yhtang]

Well I was on facebook and got a message last night from my ex best friend. Told me he missed me, gave me his new number, I went over today and we talked. As he talked I was trying to find the reason as to why he wanted me back in his life. Turns out he got a girlfriend the day he stopped being friends with me, and the day she dumps him which was last night, he wants me back in his life. Basically he just wanted someone to hangout with and now hes single he wants to chill with me again. Personally I let go of the whole situation and I'm cool with him but It's def not gonna be like before.

Sounds like a wise choice. He "dumps" you when he finds a girlfriend, then reconnects when he is dumped. His actions seem to say that you are second grade; a companion of last resort. I am not too sure I would want to be treated like that.