I decided to give you a 'middle' to Part 10 as well. The 'Conclusion' was getting a bit too long. 
BEST BUDDIES PLAY HARD
PART 10- Middle
It was after midnight when I finally arrived back home. I grabbed a quick shower to wash off the smoke and sweat and then brushed my teeth and gargled to make sure my breath was minty-fresh and didn't smell or taste like Kevin before joining Sharon in our bedroom. She was still awake, waiting for me and reading one of her romance novels. She stuck a folded piece of toilet paper between the pages to mark her place, closed her book, and set it aside on her bedside table as I climbed into bed beside her.
"I thought you were going to try to get Kevin to come back here and stay in the guestroom tonight," Sharon commented as I climbed beneath the covers. She rolled onto her side and curled up next to me, using my left shoulder as a pillow and my chest as an armrest as soon as I settled in beside her.
"I invited him," I explained quickly, "but he already rented a room at the Y until Sunday morning. He thought it would be better to stay there tonight."
"How did it go?" she asked.
"I'm not sure," I replied. "Not as well as I thought it would."
"But he's back here to stay, isn't he?"
"I don't know. He's here at least until tomorrow, though. He wants to see Mom and Dad sometime this weekend and he really wants to meet you and Marty Junior," I told her. "He promised he'd come over tomorrow afternoon and maybe even stay for supper if that's okay with you."
"Fine by me, but how do you know he won't just take off again like he did the last time?"
"Because he promised," I said, and I was pretty sure he wouldn't break it. "He'll be here."
Without going into any intimate and personal details of course, I gave my wife a brief account of the night's conversations and events. Due to the shower and the minty-smelling breath, however, I'm quite certain she had a pretty good idea what took place there during the more personal and intimate moments. "He's having a really tough time dealing with it all."
"I don't understand, Marty," Sharon said when I finished. "I thought that was why he came back. I thought he wanted to come home again so he could be with you."
"That's precisely his problem, Honey," I told her matter-of-factly. "In his mind, this is exactly where Kevin wants to be, but, at the same time, he thinks that staying here would be the worst thing he can do. For me. For him. For us. For everybody. He's terrified of spending the rest of his life alone like he's been doing for the past six years, but he's just as terrified of what might happen if he stays. Especially after last night. He's stuck in a sort of limbo, Sharon. He wants one thing just as much as the other, but both of the things he wants scare the living shit out of him."
"But surely from what you just told me he has to understand that it wouldn't be just a one-sided relationship with you. That's really what he wants, isn't it? I mean, you just told me how much you enjoyed what you did last night and now you can't wait to do it again. Surely Kevin knows that. He would never be alone again. Isn't that what he wants?"
"That's the whole point, Sharon. He
does know, and he would be very happy with a one-sided relationship with him doing everything for me. But by doing what I did, I showed him that I'm more than willing to do just as much for him as he does for me, and that's the one thing he's convinced himself that he can never allow to happen. You have to understand, Sharon. I'm the reason he almost killed himself six years ago and I'm the reason he's still alive today. If it wasn't for me, Kevin would be dead now. And I'm the only reason he came back tonight. But now, because of what I did to him, I'm also the reason he's so afraid to stay here. Not only for what I might do, but for what
he might do. I don't know how else to explain it, Honey. By doing what I did, I opened a door he thought was nailed shut and could never be opened again. He had it all figured out in his mind that he wouldn't come back until he was sure it was safe, and he thought it was finally safe because I'm married now and I've got a kid. He never dreamed I could do what I did. He came back thinking we would just be friends from now on and he was happy with that. And then I screwed it all up by doing what he thought I would never do."
"Then why did he ask to meet you at the pond if he knew what might happen there? Wouldn't it have been better for him to meet you somewhere else? Somewhere more public and less tempting?"
"He didn't really expect anything to happen, Honey. Remember, I told you he masturbated three times back in the trees before he even came out to meet me, right? Now that I look back on it, I think he saw the whole thing at the pond as a test for himself. He wanted to see if he could get through the whole thing and keep his promise not to let anything happen, no matter how much he might have wanted it. That's why he masturbated three times. To at least remove the physical temptation. I think it would have been a lot different if. . . . Don't you see, Honey? I think I made him fail his test. I think I screwed everything up by listening to my balls instead of my best friend."
Sharon lifted her head off my shoulder and pushed herself up onto her elbow so she could look down into my face. "I hope not, Sweetie," she said as she bowed her head so she could kiss me. "To be perfectly honest, I think you're fooling yourself. I think you need Kevin as much as he needs you. He can do a lot of things for you that I can't. And let's face it, Marty. There are a lot of things you can do with Kevin that you can't do with me. He has the real parts, and I'm sure real parts are more fun than our toys. We just have to do what we can to convince Kevin that it's alright for you two to be more than just friends if that's what both of you want." Her left hand lifted from my chest to my face. Her fingers cradled my jaw and her thumb caressed my lips. She smiled down at me and there was a lot of mischief in that smile. "Besides. Sometimes GI Joe needs to play around with Ken instead of Barbie, and, believe it or not, sometimes Barbie like to think about Ken playing around with GI Joe."
My eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"
Sharon added a mischievous wink to her smile. "You think you guys have a monopoly on fantasies?" And then she kissed me. "Sometimes I like to think about you doing a lot more with a hotdog than squirting ketchup on it and eating it."
I won't bore you with the details of what happened after we turned out the lights that night, but it was a night that both of us remembered for a long, long time.
* * * * *
Kevin had promised me that he would phone me as soon as he was up and about in the morning, and I had done my best to convince Sharon that he would. Perhaps I should have tried to convince myself a little bit more. I didn't sleep very well that night even though I should have after everything I'd been through that day. And so, it was with ample relief that I answered the telephone in the morning to hear Kevin's voice asking if it was still okay for him to come over.
I phoned Mom as soon as I hung up from Kevin to tell her that he was back in. (I could have told her earlier but I decided to wait in case Kevin changed his mind and skipped town again.) Mom let out a monumental scream of joy when I told her which brought Dad running from the kitchen table to see what was up. When Mom explained to Dad that Kevin was back in town, I heard Dad say, "We're both here listening, Son. Is he home to stay?"
"I'm not sure, Dad. As far as I know, he's just here for the weekend. He only rented a room at the Y for two nights. Anyway, he's coming over here this afternoon to meet Sharon and MJ, and he wants to see both of you sometime this weekend. I'm hoping he'll stay for supper this afternoon so we can talk to him about moving back permanently."
"How does he look, Martin?" Mom asked as only a concerned mother would. "Does he look healthy? Is he eating enough? Taking care of himself? Does he look happy?"
"He doesn't look like he's starving, Mom," I replied with a light chuckle in my voice. Just like a mother. "But things have been pretty rough for him lately. I talked to him a bit last night. He's still got a lot of personal problems he's trying to deal with. You know, that. . . ‘thing' with his brother. I think he just needs his space to. . ."
Mom cut me off mid-sentence. "Nonsense, Martin! Total nonsense and poppycock! We're his kin, and who better to help him sort out his problems than his kin? What his brother did to him was deplorable and disgusting and I hope he's burning in Hell for it right this instant. And his father, too. How dare he allow that to happen to his own son. They probably scarred Kevin for life. No. What that dear boy needs now is to know that his family is here to love him and understand him and help him get through it. No matter what he's going through, I promised his mother before she died that I would take care of him as if he were my own and I have no intention of going back on my word to her. Now, you just do as you're told and get him over here so I can talk some sense into him."
"Mom, he's twenty-four years old. We can't tell him. . ."
"What? He stopped being our son when he turned eighteen? I'm supposed to stop loving him because he's a man now and not the boy I helped raise? No, Martin! I'm the closest thing to a mother that boy has now and I refuse to sit back and watch him be troubled like this. This is his home and this is where he belongs."
"Ultimately, my dear," Dad said, "it
is Kevin's decision to make. We can't make it for him."
"Yes, it's his decision," Mom returned with finality, "but it is up to us to make certain he makes the right choice, and we all know that my choice is the right one." To me she added, "Martin, I want all of you to come over here for supper tonight, and that includes Kevin."
"Sharon's planning supper for him here," I told her. "And we're not even sure he's going to stay."
"Well, you just tell Sharon to stop," Mom insisted. "Leave supper up to me. You just make sure Kevin comes with you, and if he objects, you tell him I'm making his favourite dessert - lemon meringue pie. You do that, Martin. You hear?"
"Okay, Mom," I relented. I knew there was no sense in arguing with her. One does not win arguments with my mother. "I'll do my best. We'll be over after MJ gets up from his nap this afternoon, okay?"
"That's perfect."
"Oh, and Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Don't make liver, okay?"
"But Kevin
loves my liver."
"No, he doesn't, Mom. He loves
you."
There was a slight pause and then, in her more caring, motherly voice, Mom said, "I think I'll make my stuffed pork chops and baked potatoes instead. I
know he likes
those."
So did I, but Mom never made them for me, even if I asked for them. She would tell me they were too much work. I didn't think Kevin had a hope in hell of leaving town again once Mom got hold of him. Especially with her stuffed pork chops and potatoes and homemade lemon meringue pie in his belly.
* * * * *
Sharon was surprisingly calm about meeting Kevin. She was excited but calm. I, on the other hand, was a bundle of nerves. I could only hope they would get along with each other. Marty Jr. was neither bothered nor excited at the prospect of meeting his Uncle Kevin. He was far too preoccupied with the dry Alpha-Bits cereal spread out on the highchair food tray in front of him. When he wasn't busy stacking them atop one another, he was either shoving one or two in his mouth or throwing a handful of them at me and then laughing as Daddy tried to duck the sugar-coated barrage. I should have corrected him, but it's hard to be angry at getting bombarded by incoming Alpha-Bits when they're accompanied by a delighted little boy's blissful laugh.
I needn't have been concerned. Kevin arrived at the house precisely at one o'clock as he had promised he would. Sharon was still standing at the sink washing the lunchtime dishes and I was busy on my hands and knees scooping up the remains of MJ's lunch while stray bits of slobber-soggy toast and mushy breakfast cereal continued to rain down upon me.
I clambered to my feet, wiped my hands quickly on my jeans, and snatched MJ out of his highchair as Sharon quickly wiped her hands on a tea towel. Using the same tea towel, she wiped MJ's face and hands before tossing the towel behind her. It landed on the edge of the counter beside the sink and dropped to the floor. She would pick it up later. Together, we walked to the front door. I opened it and stood back. Kevin stood there holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a giant, brown Teddy Bear with tan-coloured paws and muzzle and with black eyes and nose, was tucked beneath his other arm. The bear was almost as big as MJ.
Besides looking shy and nervous, Kevin looked like death warmed over. His eyes were bloodshot red and puffy and it looked as though he hadn't had a wink of sleep all night. (I would find out later that he hadn't, that he had spent most of the night walking the streets of the city and thinking.) He had changed his clothes and, even from the doorway, I could tell that he had showered before he came over, but he still looked as though he was totally exhausted and even more confused than he had been the night before at the pond. Still, he greeted my wife and son with a friendly if uneasy smile.
"You must be Kevin," Sharon said with a cheerful sparkle in her eyes and a welcoming smile on her face. She knew it was him, of course. She'd seen enough pictures of him when he was younger, before he had moved out west so many years earlier, and he looked almost the same. Just bigger.
"Hi, Sharon. It's nice to finally meet you," Kevin said, returning her smile, then he held out the bouquet to her. "These are for you."
Sharon accepted them happily as Kevin leaned forward and bent down to kiss her cheek. "I just picked out a bouquet with a whole bunch of different flowers," he added with a somewhat apprehensive smile. "I figured there would be
something in there you'd like."
Sharon held them near her nose, and took and enormous whiff. She made a happy ‘mmmmmm' sound. "Oh, they're just lovely, Kevin," she said, returning his kiss. "Thank you very much. That was very sweet of you."
"You're welcome." Kevin turned toward me again and held out the gigantic stuffed bear in front of himself. "And this is for Little Marty," he said. MJ didn't have to be told it was for him. He had been practically climbing out of my arms from the moment I opened the door and he had spied the stuffed toy. He had been trying to grab it and was cooing and slobbering all over the place and blowing little baby spit bubbles between his excited lips. His tiny arms clutched the Teddy securely in his grasp.
Kevin ingratiated himself to Sharon almost immediately. As they went into the kitchen together, I took Marty Jr. into the livingroom and placed him in his playpen with his blanket and toys and his new stuffed bear. I pulled the playpen over to the archway into the kitchen so MJ could see us but he immediately curled up with his gigantic Teddy Bear and poked at it and pulled its ears and sucked on its nose and made a lot of cooing and gurgling and laughing sounds. He was happy.
I returned to the kitchen to finish mopping up the floor and cleaning MJ's highchair. Sharon was back at the sink, washing dishes and chatting with Kevin while my friend stood beside her with a tea towel in his hand, taking each rinsed dish from the drain tray the instant Sharon placed it there. Her floral bouquet was already on display in the centre of the kitchen table, lovingly set into a crystal vase someone had given us for a wedding gift and placed on a doily which Mom had hand-crochetted and given to us for Christmas the previous year.
"Did he ever tell you about the time we locked ourselves in the bathroom after supper one night?" Kevin was saying. When Sharon shook her head ‘no', Kevin continued with a lighthearted chuckle. "We were about seven, I think. The bathroom door had one of those locks in the handle that you turn. Well, we went in there and Marty turned it to lock it and we heard a ping sound. We didn't think anything of it until we tried to leave and we couldn't unlock it the door. The button just spun around and around. Marty started yelling and screaming for his father and pounding on the door. He even kicked it and stubbed his big toe. He was so afraid he would miss
Lost in Space that night. That was our favourite show back then and I always went to his place to watch it. Anyway, his dad had to get a stepladder out of the garage and climb through the bathroom window so he could pop out the hinge pins and take off the door. It was kind of funny when we thought about it later."
"
Lost in Space," my wife said. "I used to
love that show. I always thought Major West was so dreamy, but I had a big crush on Will Robinson. I wanted to marry him."
That caught my attention and I looked up from my task in time to see Kevin cast Sharon a sideways glance. She was busy scrubbing a pot and didn't see the corner of Kevin's lips curl up ever-so-slightly, but I did. And then he glanced my way and saw that I was looking at him. The smile disappeared immediately and his nose and cheeks flushed momentarily pink as he quickly returned to his own task.
It had only been a momentary glance and telltale smile, but it was long enough for me to realise that I didn't know as much about my best friend as I thought I did.
I asked him about it later that day when Sharon was off changing MJ's diaper: "I always thought you liked Penny," I said. "You used to talk about her all the time."
He shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah, well, that's who I thought I was supposed to like, but I liked looking at Major West a lot more. He made me feel good when I looked at him. So did Robbie Douglas and Wally Cleaver for that matter. But you were always talking about Judy and Penny and how they were so pretty and everything. You didn't talk about Major West like that and you didn't seem to like looking at him the same way I did. I just thought there was something wrong with me, so I pretended to like Penny."
"You knew you liked guys even back then?"
"I think so. I didn't understand it, but I think I knew. Then later, after we started growing up, you know, when we started to. . . change down there, it made me feel as good when I looked at you as it did when I looked at Major West and Robbie and Wally. By then, though, I knew I was different than you and I wasn't supposed to like looking at other guys. I was so scared you'd find out and not want to be my friend anymore. That's why I never told you. I couldn't take that chance."
Later, when all our chores were done, we were sitting in the livingroom waiting for Marty Jr. to wake up from his nap. Sharon and I sat on the sofa. She snuggled up against me with my right arm wrapped around her shoulders. She was silent for the most part, listening attentively as Kevin and I reminisced about old times. Kevin sat in a La-Z-Boy diagonal to us. He had the recliner pushed back to the first setting so that his socked feet were propped up on the raised footrest and crossed at the ankles. His hands were clasped over his stomach, just above the waistband of his jeans.
For the most part, we stuck with the happier memories but there were a few sadder times mixed in with them. We didn't even mention the years after Kevin moved out west with his family, though. That was territory we thought best to avoid. Kevin wanted to hear all about us and how and where we met and all about the wedding and everything else, and so, at Sharon's invitation, he joined us on the sofa. He sat beside my wife and they balanced photo albums on their laps and they went through each and every one of them page by page and photo by photo. I was bored silly, but Kevin seemed thrilled by it all and Sharon was more than eager to show them off and answer all his questions. I commented now and then when necessary but Sharon carried the banner most of the time.
After the albums had all been examined from cover to cover and Sharon had given a few photos to Kevin for him to keep, the albums were returned to the storage cabinet. I asked Kevin where he'd been living and what he'd been doing for the past six years. He just looked away toward the front window and the tree and the scraggly bushes outside in the yard and said, "I'm trying very hard to forget that part of my life, Marty. I don't want to talk about it right now. Maybe someday."
That day never came. Those years of Kevin's life remained locked somewhere inside his brain. They are, for the most part, a complete mystery to me.
Sharon managed to drag a bit of information out of him through an innocent question, though. For me, it was one of those ‘good news/bad news' things. ‘Good' in that the news was the best news ever to hear and ‘bad' in that my actions at the pond the night before might very-well be directly responsible for screwing the whole thing up.
"Marty told me you rented a room at the Y for only two nights," my wife said. "Do you have to be back to work on Monday or can you stick around for a few more days? You're welcome to stay here if you do."
Kevin laughed nervously and looked down at his fidgeting hands. That pink, embarrassed glow tinted his cheeks and ears and nose again. "Funny you should ask that," he replied. "I don't. . . I don't have a job to go back to anymore. I sort of quit when I decided to come back. . . home. I suppose, if I really need it, I can get my job back. If I really need it. Gave up my apartment, too. Almost everything I own is in storage. The rest is in my car or in my room at the Y."
"So, you were planning on moving back here again?" Sharon asked.
"I guess so," he replied. "Yeah. Maybe. I guess I just thought things would be a lot different now. It was never supposed to happen this way. I mean I was ready to come home, but now I'm not so sure home is ready for
me. I just don't know."
As I was mentally kicking myself in the ass for my stupidity, Sharon tried to reassure me by digging her fingernails into my biceps. She knew me well enough to know what I was thinking. By selfishly keeping my promise. . .
Speaking of which, both Sharon and I had made a decision earlier not to mention my sexual relationship with Kevin. We both thought it would be something better left unsaid. I was pretty sure Kevin wouldn't say anything about it either. It was difficult enough trying to get him to talk when about it we were alone, I figured it would be virtually impossible with Sharon sitting right there with us. So, imagine our surprise when Kevin himself broached the subject.
"Sharon," he began as he entwined his fingers tightly in his lap, "can I. . . um. . . ask you a. . . personal question?"
"Sure," she said. "Anything."
"I. . . um. . . Why did. . . I mean, I was. . . I was wondering if you're really okay with. . . you know. . . with me and Marty. You know, like last night."
"Do you mean about you two. . . um. . . getting intimate?"
Kevin nodded. "Marty kept telling me over and over last night that you're okay with it and you even. . . you know. . . it was like you knew what he was. . . you know, going to do. But I sorta need to hear it from you. I mean, I'll understand if you don't want me hanging around here anymore. You know, with Marty. If you would rather I just go away. . . . I don't want to cause any problems."
Sharon glanced at me and I opened my mouth to speak, but her face became stern and her eyes squinted in silent warning and I closed it again. She relaxed her face, added a pleasant smile, and turned back to face Kevin. She reached for his hand and managed to pry his fingers apart so she could take his left hand in her right. She moved it so that both hands rested on the sofa between them, then she placed her other hand over his and patted it gently.
"Well," she smiled, "you're just a bundle of surprises, aren't you, Kevin? Marty told me that trying to get you to talk about that would be like pulling teeth, and here you plunk the whole thing right here in my lap."
"Sorry," Kevin apologised.
"Oh, don't apologise. I'm not upset or anything," my wife replied, patting his hand a few times more. "I'm glad you're willing to talk about it. I'm a bit surprised that you brought it up is all. Well, let's see. Yeah, like Marty told you, I'm okay with it. He told me all about you before we were married. I really hope it doesn't embarrass you, but Marty and I were pretty open about things like that. You know, about our past encounters. We didn't want there to be any secrets or anything between us. Marty told me what happened at the pond six years ago."
Kevin spoke quietly. "I'm not ashamed of who or what I am, or what Marty and I did back then. I'm not exactly proud of what happened, but I'm not ashamed of it, either."
Sharon was quick to react. She clamped Kevin's hand tightly in both of hers and lifted it to her chest. "Oh, no, Sweetie! No! I didn't mean it like that." She paused long enough to lift Kevin's hand to her lips and kiss the back of his fingers before letting their hands fall back into the space between their legs. "You should never be ashamed of who you are, Kevin. Never! All I meant was that I didn't want you to be embarrassed that I know what you and Marty did together." She released his hand. It returned to his lap and his fingers nervously entwined themselves again. Sharon's hands came to rest in her own lap.
"No. I'm not embarrassed that you know." He leaned forward a bit and looked past my wife until our eyes met. "How much did you tell her?" he asked me.
"Everything."
"Do you mean ‘everything' everything?"
I couldn't answer him. I could only nod my head affirmatively.
Kevin stared at me, unblinking, for quite some time. Finally, he nodded as well and sucked in a huge breath which swelled his chest to the point that his T-shirt became tight enough that, out of the corner of my eye, I could see the perky contours of his pecs and nipples. I ignored them. Then he nodded again. "Okay," he said as he released his breath. "Okay." He turned his gaze back to Sharon. "And knowing all that you still let Marty go to the pond to meet me last night ? Even when you knew it might happen again?"
"Actually, I was expecting it to happen. That's why I made Marty take breath mints with him."
Kevin's eyes few back to mine. "You kept trying to tell me that," he said. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I thought you were. . . ." He didn't finish his sentence.
My wife reached out for Kevin's hand again and he turned his gaze back to her once more. "Look, Kevin. We're not in competition here. I hope we never are. What Marty has with me is very special, but so is what he has with
you. You're as much a part of his life as I am and I would never ask him to give it up. He told me about that promise you made, about not wanting to do anything that would come between me and Marty. I've only known you a few hours now, and from what I've seen so far, and from what Marty and his parents have told me about you, I can't even imagine you allowing anything like that to happen. I know you love Marty, Kevin, and I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt him. And I know Marty loves you just as much. He always has and he always will. And I know he loved you long before he fell in love with me. I could never expect him to give up that part of his life. Not when you're as important to him as you are. When you told him you were coming back home, I could see such a weight being lifted from his shoulders. He knew he could finally relax after all these years and not have to worry about you anymore. You know, where you were. If you were okay. If you needed help or anything."
Kevin looked at me again. "You were worried about me?"
"Probably more than you'll ever know," I replied.
"He used to spend hours at the library, Kevin," Sharon continued, "going through all the phone books trying to find you, and he just about wore his finger away phoning directory assistance all over the country when he couldn't find the phone books. Believe me, I know. I had to keep track of all the area codes."
"I didn't use my real name when I had a phone."
"That's what we figured," I mumbled.
"Anyway," Sharon continued once more, "that doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past, right? But that isn't answering your question. Am I okay with what you two did last night? Heck, I'm
glad it happened. You can't even imagine how much peace of mind that gives
me!"
"What do you mean, giving
you peace of mind?" I asked.
Sharon turned her head toward me. "Well," she began, "you know how. . . . Wait. Of
course you know. We talked about it last night. Why am I explaining it to you again?" She turned back to Kevin. "Look, Kevin. It's like this. I'm sure you know enough about women to know we have certain times of the month when we'd rather be sitting in a dentist's chair having a root canal without any freezing than having sex. Well, sometimes I feel so sorry for Marty having to go days or even weeks without sex."
"Sometimes months," I reminded her with a bit of a snippy, accusatory tone in my voice, but I said it with a smile on my face.
"Fine.
You try having sex when it feels like you've got a bowling ball shoved up your butt and tell me you're having fun! Beside, I let you buy all those magazines, didn't I?"
"It's not quite the same, Honey."
"Yeah, well, you'll never have to do that again if Kevin sticks around. You could throw those magazines away." Sharon returned her attention to my astonished friend. "See? That's what I was talking about, Kevin. Now you can take care of Marty when I'm not feeling up to it. I won't feel obligated to do it when I don't want to and I won't feel guilty when I can't. See? That's why I'm so grateful you came back again and that's why I'm hoping you decide to stay. You see, in my mind, there was always the possibility that Marty might sneak around behind my back on my ‘off' days and go out and find relief somewhere else. You know, like maybe having an affair with that bitch down the street who refuses to wear a bra, or having one-night-stands with ladies he picks up at a bar, or even by just hiring a hooker. I couldn't deal with anything like that. But it would be different with you, don't you see? I mean, you two could have all the sex you want and it wouldn't really be cheating. Not if you have my permission to do it. See what I mean?"
Kevin drew in a deep, jerky breath and pursed his lips to blow it back out again. He pulled his hand free of Sharon's grasp. "But this isn't the way it was supposed to happen," he said. "All I wanted to do was come home again. Just come home. I never even thought Marty and I would ever. . . um. . . you know, be together again. . . that way. I guess I finally accepted the fact that Marty was straight and what we did together once was something we would never do again. I'd finally come to terms with it and I was satisfied with that. All I wanted to do was come home so Marty could be my friend again. That's all."
"I never stopped being your friend, Kev."
Kevin sighed deeply and continued. "I guess I'm just confused why you're being so casual about the whole thing. I mean, I don't know of any woman who would be happy that her husband is having sex with another man."
"You're not just another man, Kevin," Sharon told him. "You're Marty's best and dearest friend. Since the day you were born. And, if you get right down to it, you were his first lover, weren't you? That makes you even
more special. Sure, it was mostly just experimentation on Marty's part back then, but it became a lot more than that over these past few years. He's discovered that there are some things he wants that only you can give him. You're the one with the parts he needs to make him completely happy. I can't do that for him. No matter how hard I try, I can never make him completely happy. That will take both of us. Besides, it would be selfish of me to keep Marty to myself, wouldn't it? You deserve to be with him, too, and Marty deserves to be with you just as much. Trust me, Kevin. The fact that you might come back home to stay gives me peace of mind like you can't even imagine."
"You really mean it, don't you?" Kevin asked, but there was still a truckload of skepticism in his voice.
"She means it, Kev," I assured him. "Trust me."
"I know you're torn, Kevin," Sharon continued. "I know you're confused and maybe even frightened, and I can understand why. I know this isn't what you had in mind, and I know you feel like the whole thing has gone completely wrong, but you couldn't be further from the truth. I know it's not something you hear about happening every day - a wife allowing her husband to have sex with another man - but I love Marty very much and I trust him. And Marty loves you and trusts you just as much. He needs you, Kevin, and I dare you to admit you don't need Marty."
The room was suddenly filled with a deadly silence, broken by Sharon's voice a few very long seconds later: "You can't, can you? And that's okay. You've spent the past six years preparing yourself for a life of loneliness just so you could come home and be with Marty again. No-one can question your dedication and your loyalty to me and Marty, Kevin. Nobody can accuse you of trying to be a home wrecker. I can only imagine what you went through last night trying to keep your promise protect us, and I for one will never forget it. Friends like you come along once in a lifetime if you're lucky and I consider myself extremely privileged to consider you a dear friend."
"So do I," Kevin said, his voice full of emotion.
"I want you to move back home, Kevin. We both do. No-one should ever be alone. No-one."
Kevin for a long time, staring silently down at the floor in front of him. Sharon and I waited patiently. Finally, he said, "I think I need some time to really think this through before I decide anything. I need to know this would be the right thing for me to do. For all of us."
"Take all the time you need, Sweetie," Sharon told him quietly. "If you think you need to talk to us about it some more, or ask some questions, don't be afraid to let us know. Just keep in mind what a big favour you would be doing for both of us. Especially for Marty. Like I said, he hates having to go the solo route every month. If nothing else, think of the hours you would save me trying to get him out of the bathroom."
I was surprised when Kevin joined me in a burst of laughter, but he surprised me even more when he held up his right hand and curled his fingers to touch them to his thumb, effectively making a very familiar ‘O' which both Sharon and I quickly recognised. "Hey, when this is the only friend you have for half your life," Kevin said jokingly, "you soon come to appreciate its company."
We all laughed again but, deep inside me, it finally hit me for the first time that, except for what Kevin's brother did to him (if you can even call what they did ‘sex'), the few times he and I were together were probably the only times Kevin ever had sex with someone who actually had sex back with him. Otherwise, he had only his right hand. We were the same age. Twenty-four. I tried to imagine myself in Kevin's shoes. I tried to imagine having to live my life up to that point being forced to do disgusting things for a brother I hated and then being able to count on one hand the number of pathetic, so-called blowjobs I got from the only person who I could call a friend and who really cared about me.
I began to understand what it had really been like for Kevin and it ripped into my heart. If I had lived Kevin's life and it had all happened to me, I truly believe I might have considered pulling out in front of that transport, too. It scared the shit out of me. All that time I thought I knew Kevin better than anyone else in the world only to discover that I barely knew anything about him at all.
The final Conclusion of Part 10 will definitely be posted very soon. I promise.
It still doesn't quite sit right, but I can live with that. Like I said, it didn't stop me enjoying the chapter.