Best Buddies Play Hard Redux (with a new ending)

[pe_gay89]

DonQuixote, I haven't read the first version. I intended to read the original first when I saw this had a new ending, but I got a bit carried away on this one! I will read it later, for comparison if nothing else.

Sharon is trying to reinforce with Kevin that it's OK that he loves Marty like she does - and she knows Marty, while "straight" has deep feelings for Kevin, too - and She's OK with that -- she want them ALL to be as happy as they can possibly be --

I think it's a wonderful statement. I'll grant you, there aren't many, male or female, who would be so loving of their mate that they would invite the "other half" of their existence into the "family bed", so to speak.

I can see that. I think it's great that she doesn't want to come between Marty and Kevin any more than Kevin wants to come between Marty and Sharon and MJ. The bit I had problems with was this;

"Yeah, well, you'll never have to do that again if Kevin sticks around. You could throw those magazines away." Sharon returned her attention to my astonished friend. "See? That's what I was talking about, Kevin. Now you can take care of Marty when I'm not feeling up to it. I won't feel obligated to do it when I don't want to and I won't feel guilty when I can't. See? That's why I'm so grateful you came back again and that's why I'm hoping you decide to stay.​

It just seems to me that she's taking for granted the fact that Kevin will do it. I can see how she could be just saying it just to really hammer home to Kevin that she really is okay with what he and her husband shared (and will possibly continue to share), but it just doesn't sit quite right. I'll have to think how to better it explain it.

I invite you to read Trevor's Year by Tantiboh. You will be introduced to Trevor, and his unbelievably erotic journey of self discovery.

Okay, I'll have a look at that one later. Thanks for the recommendation!

Many of us beat poor Neil to a literary Bloody Pulp over the original story ending. He has been gracious to us, and worked very hard to try and recreate this passionate story with a happier ending, if you will.

He has not only changed the direction of the original, so that the ending isn't the tragic, to many of us, unacceptable one, but so that it is more than merely less tragic -- it is evolving with a poignancy none of us could have hoped for.

We all give our humble thanks to Neil, both publicly and privately, for his efforts, particularly given the personal physical challenges he faces as he devotes so much time and energy to entertaining us.

As I've said, I haven't read the original ending, so I can only agree with your point about giving thanks to Neil for his efforts in not only re-doing this story, but also maintaining two others (that I know of) at the same time. Quite how anyone couldn't thank someone for the effort of writing a story they get absolutely no financial reward from is completely beyond me. Hell, even if he were getting paid for it, I think it'd only be fair to thank him for his works, he certainly wouldn't have to do it.

 

[pe_gay89]

So, I didn't make up Sharon's acceptance of Kevin and Marty's relationship. I borrowed it directly from personal experience and knowledge and altered it slightly to fit the story.

Like I said, it wasn't her acceptance of the relationship I struggled with. I think that was really nice, and whilst I don't know of anyone in this situation, it's not something I struggle to believe.

This is why I love literature so much!

 

[gsdx]

The bit I had problems with was this;

"Yeah, well, you'll never have to do that again if Kevin sticks around. You could throw those magazines away." Sharon returned her attention to my astonished friend. "See? That's what I was talking about, Kevin. Now you can take care of Marty when I'm not feeling up to it. I won't feel obligated to do it when I don't want to and I won't feel guilty when I can't. See? That's why I'm so grateful you came back again and that's why I'm hoping you decide to stay.​

I understand where you're coming from, and I can understand the difficulty you're having here. But you quoted the first part of the paragraph and didn't quote the last part of it which explains why Sharon is so accepting of the situation. Agreed, she doesn't want to come between Marty and Kevin any more than Kevin wants to come between Marty and Sharon, but you failed to quote Sharon's deep-seated reason for being so accepting:

"You see, in my mind, there was always the possibility that Marty might sneak around behind my back on my ‘off' days and go out and find relief somewhere else. You know, like maybe having an affair with that bitch down the street who refuses to wear a bra, or having one-night-stands with ladies he picks up at a bar, or even by just hiring a hooker. I couldn't deal with anything like that. But it would be different with you, don't you see? I mean, you two could have all the sex you want and it wouldn't really be cheating. Not if you have my permission to do it. See what I mean?"

I made it rather light-hearted, but this was a very serious concern for Sharon and one of the reasons Kevin's return would grant her 'peace of mind'.

My apologies if I didn't make this clear. I spent a lot of time on this section and it actually went through 3 complete proofreadings until I was content with it.

 

[pe_gay89]

I understand where you're coming from, and I can understand the difficulty you're having here. But you quoted the first part of the paragraph and didn't quote the last part of it which explains why Sharon is so accepting of the situation. Agreed, she doesn't want to come between Marty and Kevin any more than Kevin wants to come between Marty and Sharon, but you failed to quote Sharon's deep-seated reason for being so accepting.

I made it rather light-hearted, but this was a very serious concern for Sharon and one of the reasons Kevin's return would grant her 'peace of mind'.

I understand her fearing infidelity, I do. The reason I didn't quote that bit was because I didn't have a problem with it. I've already explained why (not at all satisfactorily in my mind, so I may come back to it later) I have issues with the bit I did quote. Even reading it in context with Sharon's fears, it just doesn't sit right. I can understand her fears and I can understand Kevin's return putting those fears to rest. I think it's just the presumption that Kevin would do it. I'm fairly confident that Sharon is also saying this to Kevin in order to really make sure that he is aware that she is not only okay with it, she actually welcomes it. I don't know if that's what you wanted to achieve, but that's how I read it. I'm not explaining myself terribly well here, am I? I guess it really boils down to me failing to read the story in context with the time it's set.

My apologies if I didn't make this clear. I spent a lot of time on this section and it actually went through 3 complete proofreadings until I was content with it.

The concept was quite clear to me, so don't worry about that at all. Besides, absolutely no amount of proof reading will ensure that everyone reads a story the way an author intended. If that were the case, literature wouldn't be quite as open to interpretation, and that would be very boring indeed! Well I can tell you with 100% certainty that I'm delighted with what you came up with!

 

[gsdx]

I'm fairly confident that Sharon is also saying this to Kevin in order to really make sure that he is aware that she is not only okay with it, she actually welcomes it.

That was, indeed, how I intended it to read. She was giving Kevin her permission.

And I just now figured out how all of his could have been avoided by exchanging two single words with two others (in blue). Observe:

"Yeah, well, you'll never have to do that again if Kevin sticks around. You could throw those magazines away." Sharon returned her attention to my astonished friend. "See? That's what I was talking about, Kevin. Now you could take care of Marty when I'm not feeling up to it. I wouldn't feel obligated to do it when I don't want to and I wouldn't feel guilty when I can't. See? That's why I'm so grateful you came back again and that's why I'm hoping you decide to stay."​

Unfortunately, I can't go back to edit it now. Besides, this entire exchange wouldn't make any sense if I did.

 

[pe_gay89]

Yeah, that works nicely.

I enjoyed this exchange, I have to say. We can't have it making no sense, now can we?

To be honest, I'm glad it wasn't like that originally. Further and Higher Education literature analysis sucks, it really takes all of the fun out of it. I haven't enjoyed analysing literature for ages now. So thanks for that!

 

[gsdx]

I enjoyed this exchange, I have to say.

As have I. It showed me that, on occasion, what I intend to say (write) isn't always what people might hear (read).

I suppose it's like looking at the Mona Lisa. Everybody sees something different in the painting and, to this day, nobody really knows what da Vinci intended to portray when he painted that smile.

 

[DonQuixote]

Paul,
It isn't every day you can read a novel and carry on an interactive dialogue with the author at the same time, is it? Let alone a worldwide reading group with vastly different backgrounds and "English Languages" on occasion, too.


I posted a note in one of my online postings having fun with another reader asking if Neil needed a torch to get from the lorry to the flat, or if all he needed was a flashlight to get from the truck to his apartment.

I suggested that Jobbio, another author who lives in Cambridge, on your side of the pond, might be more comfortable with the first half of the sentence, as you might, while Chaz aka Kyanimal, might be more at ease with the second portion.

Ain't English Grand?! LOL.

Take care. I got the sense from your posting that it was the cavalierness and taking for granted of poor, love starved Kevin that was getting your goat, not that she would be accepting of the relationship.

I think Neil figured that out with his word adjustment, too.

I'm sorry I wasn't on line to join in the fun and frolic a bit more at the time. The interactive posts are half the fun -- and they can be a bit addictive!

 

[pe_gay89]

I do love the English language. Mostly because it doesn't group nouns into genders and use ridiculous numbers of cases (I'm looking at you, Germany and Russia).

Yep that was pretty much what got me. I'm over it now, though, don't worry!

Near real-time chats are alot of fun and can definitely be addictive. Shame you weren't online, we'll just have to hope for better timing next time it happens.

Neil; and that's half the fun of it, isn't it? Looking at art and interpreting it in your own way. Sometimes it just happens that everyone looks at something the same way, but I think it's boring when we can all agree on a particular view point.

Anyways, I'm done with my analysing for the moment, I think we should open the floor up again.

 

[gsdx]

I think we should open the floor up again.

I'm glad you all are enjoying the new version. I would still like to mention, though, that I stand by my original version as the most likely. I see this version as 'the ending we want to see'.

I'm still trying to keep it as realistic as possible, though. I don't particularly enjoy writing stories which have no basis in reality. Sort of like Ted and Brad. In my mind, there had to be a reason and I couldn't have written what I did by just tossing them together and having them jump into bed together. It wouldn't have been the same story.

Anyway, virtually all the new additions in this story (from the end of chapter 5 and onward) have been building up to the new ending I envisioned. I needed a reason for it, and all this new stuff has been leading to that so that, when you get to the end, you won't go, "Aw, come on! You're kidding, right?".

(That last little bit sounds like a teaser, doesn't it? )

 

[pe_gay89]

I just read the original ending to the story, and I agree it seems more realistic. Poor Kevin was just so messed up after what his brother did to him for years. He'd done what he needed to do to 'make the storms go away', and this way at least, he could die happy. But I have to say I prefer this version. It's far less tragic. Don't get me wrong, I like a good tragic ending, but I always think out how I would rather it have gone so it wasn't tragic. Reading the original version also gives me a greater appreciation of all of the additional writing and the way you've made (and are making) this version seem realistic. I'm enjoying the build-up to the new conclusion of this story, and I'm now looking forward to it immensely.

(P.S. I intended to post this 10 minutes ago, but I got distracted by Michael Shanks instead... I can't believe I failed to notice that before. )

 

[DonQuixote]

Why, Neil, that's a positively EVIL Grin you left us with, you naughty boy! LOL

As the author, you will always have the right of the last laugh.

I'm glad the Spring has helped lift your spirits, if not mend your body.

Take it easy. Don't overdo. As much as we want the next installment, your health is our paramount concern.

And, when the end is done, the story will be, too!

I suppose, that means you will be left with two more stories to work on -- one with a possible ending, and the other that just goes on and on my friend -- let me know if you need more construction details to include!

Are you interested in "Barney Board?" Yep, drywall and/or exterior sheathing that is colored sorta kinda like that favorite dinosaur of kids all over -- but not quite, because then it might be a copyright infringement. And the best part - is has an active anti-microbial, to fight mold and mildew. Today's construction segment has been brought to you by . . . Whoops - they didn't pay for the privilege! Sorry. Getting carried away. The exterior sheathing is new. Along with several others - now I can sell fiberglass mat exterior sheathing in a rainbow of colors - original Sunshine/Lemon Yellow, Super Bright White, Barney Purple, and Fluorescent Lime Green -- with rumours of an orange soon to join them -- imaging a patchwork of THAT on a large skyscraper in downtown Toronto! The kids would love it.

Bu I digress. This isn't that story! Take care of yourself.

 

[inimegblue]

Wow. You could never imagine how invested I am into these characters...(okay maybe you can since you're writing the story). Please know that all the effort you put into your writing is not in vain....you give lonely souls like me reasons to cry, laugh, dream, and escape.

It took me a long time to read this story because I knew that it was the beginning of the end. I guess a part of me isn't ready to say goodbye just yet, yet I'm realistic enough to understand why it's necessary. Being a victim of abuse that was similar to Kevin's, I often wished (and maybe still do) for a Marty. Had I gotten one however I would probably have been as torn about it as Kevin is. Sometimes when you're introduced to the ugly side of humanity it's hard to see and appreciate the beautiful. Not to be dramatic, but this story has given me a little hope. I'll always be grateful for that.

Sharon was the big surprise in this one!!!!! I like the way you handled her character's input. She's definitely different from the average woman, but she's completely believable. It's good to know that someone realizes that everything in life isn't so black and white!!! Marty's journey is more and more intriguing. I'm sooooo anxious to see what he does next. I think I'll always have a soft spot for Kevin....he can do no wrong in my book.

I understand and support your reasons for standing by the original ending. I can't wait to see how this one ends....eventhough it will be a bittersweet experience for me.

Much love to you Neil!!!!!

 

[arito10]

I enjoyed both stories. However the first version really made a statement and hit me. It seems real.

The second version was very enjoyable to read and met the criteria of how life should be if I designed it.

 

[DonQuixote]

Arito,
It is a passionate story, for sure. I believe I left a somewhat passionate post/exchange for Neil on the first thread. If I didn't, I PM'd him and we had a lively exchange.

The first ending absolutely tore at me - but I can't abide the coward's way out as the rightful conclusion to the story.

Neil holds his belief, and I respect it, I hold mine, and I believe he respects it, as well.

 

[gsdx]

The first ending absolutely tore at me - but I can't abide the coward's way out as the rightful conclusion to the story.

It may seem like 'the coward's way out', but, in Kevin's mind, as it is in the minds of a vast majority of suicides, it is the only way out.

 

[King08]

The first ending was good but I agree with Don it's the cowards way out. I always agree with gsdx about how sad it is that some people think it's the only way out.

 

[DonQuixote]

Neil,
Sadly, I do know that you are right. That's why I wrote what I did earlier, agreeing with Chaz about publishing the story - BOTH versions, and promoting it with mental health professionals. Actually, I think English Literature professors could have a field day tearing the two, juxtaposed, versions apart in class discussions.

And, I truly believe, the stories could help potential suicide wannabees turn away from it as the only choice.

 

[gsdx]

Hope to read the next part soon.

You will. It's my next project, and it will be the final chapter this time. If I can't end the story in this chapter, I won't write it.

 

[homemadehuman]

after reading the original version of best buddies (just hours ago) my thoughts are fresh so i will say,that as much as i hated to see kevin's departure i agree with you.

yes..suicide it's a cowardly thing to do,i know it first hand,but in his case,i dunno if you intended to,but it was written in a way that it did look as if he felt he was acomplished in whatever was left of his life,in his own twisted and jaded mind,so i take the original version as that,it was tragic and it didn't mean to end well sadly.

about this version,i love it,because i'm a hopeless romantic and hopeful lol,but also because you actually diferenced the characters as if this was an actually altern universe,and because you didn't go with the cliche finale of "let's all be happy" ,i mean..there's still a bittersweet tone to it..but you succeeded in showing that as much as kevin wanted to give up,there would always be a way.

now..my fan opinion.

in the original version, i fell in love with marty,because of his convictions and his "sacrifices",but in this one i don't feel empathy at all for his character,instead i am in love with kevin's newlyfound sense of life and self-strenght XD.

i would love to see the end of this,whenever you plan to do it,i will be here to read it and keep boring you to death with well deserved praises.