Big age gaps...

[drewthesaltyboy]

What are your opinions on dating/being in a relationship with someone much older than you?

I'm 18 and starting to talk to a guy that's 28. We're planning on going on a date soon. I've just never talked to anyone more than 4 years older than me before.
And I wanted to get some of your guys' opinions on the subject.

 

[saymyname]

I think it sort of depends on the people involved.

I'm 22 and up until recently, only really dated/had relationships with people around my age or a few years younger. I always found them to be a bit immature and am starting to be attracted to guys older than me (like 25-30ish, still boyish but more manly too). I feel like past 21ish, it stops mattering... but, maybe I'm biased, but I still feel like 18/19 is still super young and I can't imagine how a 28 year old could relate to an 18 year old on a serious level. My ex is 19 and his bf now is 35, I think it's really weird. It's never seemed stranged to me sexually, just in terms of relationships, maturity.

Right now I'm into a 30 year old and I'm afraid maybe he sees ME how I'd see an 18 year old. But like I said, I think it really depends on the people involved.

 

[altlover85]

What are your opinions on dating/being in a relationship with someone much older than you?

I'm 18 and starting to talk to a guy that's 28. We're planning on going on a date soon. I've just never talked to anyone more than 4 years older than me before.
And I wanted to get some of your guys' opinions on the subject.

I've only dated older men. My ex was 24 years older than me and my current bf is 46 years older than me. You might think my current relationship would be a lot more difficult than my last one, but really it's the other way around. That's not to say we don't have issues, but with my ex the issues were more about our personalities as opposed to practical issues.

My advice is to take things slow, communicate, and be open to new experiences. 10 years is a big enough gap that you won't get all of his references and he probably won't get all of yours, but that shouldn't be the end of the world.

Try not to go into things with any expectations if at all possible and go with the flow.

Good luck and don't be afraid to PM me if you need to.

 

[drewthesaltyboy]

Thank you for the advice guys, really. I'll definitely keep that in mind altlover, if I want to talk. We're gonna go on a date this weekend, so I'll keep anyone that's interested posted on what happens.

 

[altlover85]

Thank you for the advice guys, really. I'll definitely keep that in mind altlover, if I want to talk. We're gonna go on a date this weekend, so I'll keep anyone that's interested posted on what happens.

Great! Have fun!

 

[saymyname]

I've only dated older men. My ex was 24 years older than me and my current bf is 46 years older than me. You might think my current relationship would be a lot more difficult than my last one, but really it's the other way around. That's not to say we don't have issues, but with my ex the issues were more about our personalities as opposed to practical issues.

My advice is to take things slow, communicate, and be open to new experiences. 10 years is a big enough gap that you won't get all of his references and he probably won't get all of yours, but that shouldn't be the end of the world.

Try not to go into things with any expectations if at all possible and go with the flow.

Good luck and don't be afraid to PM me if you need to.

I think you mentioned somewhere on the boards that you're 25, right? So your boyfriend is 71?? Whoa...

 

[altlover85]

I think you mentioned somewhere on the boards that you're 25, right? So your boyfriend is 71?? Whoa...

Yup. The 85 is for 1985.

 

[saymyname]

Yup. The 85 is for 1985.

Aren't you worried about the technicalities of being with someone that much older?

 

[youngnihilist]

18 and 28 is not that big a gap. I still question why the 28 year old wants to date someone who is 18... I mean I'm 24 and while I'd love to have sex with many 18 year olds, I couldn't see myself dating one, and know most of my peers feel the same way. Anyway, I think it's a big gap but not that bad. I see 18 year olds and 40 year olds (or 60 year olds!) and that doesn't make sense

 

[HunterM]

Age is a mentality. If two people have chemistry, then more power to them.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

drewthesaltyboy,
If you are looking for an actual relationship- I wouldn't do it. Just think about it, and please don't rush into things.

"Age is a mentality. If two people have chemistry, then more power to them."- This statement is rather naive, and idiotic. Age is usually an key indicator on where you are in your life, we go through many different stages throughout: K-12, College, College + Internship, Career, More Schooling, Settling Down, Marriage, Pets, Kids, Etc.- Each of these stages starts to define us, mature us, and ideally make us who we are.
With him being just 18, he is just at the start of his life- The vary beginning. There's going to be so much that will lay ahead of him. So much to learn, and so much to see.
The other guy is already 28 he has a lot of his life already established. He also has the experience and knowledge of what it was like when he was first out of High School, he should respect and understand the stage of your life that he is in. Mentor him, guide him instead of what he is doing. I find it selfish, and highly immoral- I truly think that it lacks value. I do honestly think he would be lying to himself if he thinks something more will evolve from this. Personally, I would never be able to do that to someone.
Just watch his actions, not his words, and be careful. Sometimes words are meaningless, and sometimes they fool us into thinking that there is something more to what we have. It's nice to hear words like I love you, or other statements trying to describe what you think you might have. They flatter us and make us blind to what is truly in-front of us.

drewthesaltyboy, If you ever need to talk feel free to hit me up. Just be careful that's all I am saying.

 

[Anders123]

drewthesaltyboy,
If you are looking for an actual relationship- I wouldn't do it. Just think about it, and please don't rush into things.

"Age is a mentality. If two people have chemistry, then more power to them."- This statement is rather naive, and idiotic. Age is usually an key indicator on where you are in your life, we go through many different stages throughout: K-12, College, College + Internship, Career, More Schooling, Settling Down, Marriage, Pets, Kids, Etc.- Each of these stages starts to define us, mature us, and ideally make us who we are.
With him being just 18, he is just at the start of his life- The vary beginning. There's going to be so much that will lay ahead of him. So much to learn, and so much to see.
The other guy is already 28 he has a lot of his life already established. He also has the experience and knowledge of what it was like when he was first out of High School, he should respect and understand the stage of your life that he is in. Mentor him, guide him instead of what he is doing. I find it selfish, and highly immoral- I truly think that it lacks value. I do honestly think he would be lying to himself if he thinks something more will evolve from this. Personally, I would never be able to do that to someone.
Just watch his actions, not his words, and be careful. Sometimes words are meaningless, and sometimes they fool us into thinking that there is something more to what we have. It's nice to hear words like I love you, or other statements trying to describe what you think you might have. They flatter us and make us blind to what is truly in-front of us.

drewthesaltyboy, If you ever need to talk feel free to hit me up. Just be careful that's all I am saying.

Get 'im, boys.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

Get 'im, boys.

"Get him boys"?
Sigh. =\

 

[Southwest85]

"Age is a mentality. If two people have chemistry, then more power to them."- This statement is rather naive, and idiotic.

Age largely is mentality. For example, many 25-year-olds consider somebody who is 19 to be close to the in age, yet think 31 is way older than them (and you can plug-in whatever ages you'd like to in that example and it'll still hold). And there are many guys in their late 20s who have the mentality of a 19-year-old while there are many 19-year-olds with the mindset of somebody in their late 20s (relationship-driven, career-driven, etc. as opposed to partying & exploration). And that's not including the large number of younger guys who simply desire a relationship with an older guy.

It often bemuses me how age obsessed our society is. Earlier this week I was watching ESPN and the panelists were discussing which MLB player they'd rather have... and they agreed on one player simply because he is seven months younger than the other. Nevermind the fact that since the "older" player has played hundreds of less games in his pro career (as he went to college vs. playing rookie ball as the younger one did) and has less wear and tear on his body... he's seven months older!!!

That said, I'm personally attracted to (and have always been) persons within a couple years of my age.

 

[altlover85]

This statement is rather naive, and idiotic. Age is usually an key indicator on where you are in your life, we go through many different stages throughout: K-12, College, College + Internship, Career, More Schooling, Settling Down, Marriage, Pets, Kids, Etc.- Each of these stages starts to define us, mature us, and ideally make us who we are.

Yes, it generally is a key indicator of where you are in life. But not everyone who is of a a certain age acts the same way or has as much life experience.

With him being just 18, he is just at the start of his life- The vary beginning. There's going to be so much that will lay ahead of him. So much to learn, and so much to see.

I totally agree that there is going to be a lot to see and that he will probably learn a lot as well, even if drew is very mature for his age.

The other guy is already 28 he has a lot of his life already established. He also has the experience and knowledge of what it was like when he was first out of High School, he should respect and understand the stage of your life that he is in. Mentor him, guide him instead of what he is doing.

All they are doing is dating. They aren't getting married. He isn't forcing him to start a family with him or buying a house together.

As I have said (and others as well) take it slow. Don't rush things. drew, I wouldn't try to go into this with any expecations one way or the other. If you have a good time, learn about one another, become emotionally intimate, have sex, great! Just make sure he's not abusive and if any red flags come up (lying, drug or alcohol addiction, emotional manipulation) let us or any of your other friends and family know.

I find it selfish, and highly immoral- I truly think that it lacks value. I do honestly think he would be lying to himself if he thinks something more will evolve from this. Personally, I would never be able to do that to someone.

Some people find being gay selfish and immoral. We all have our own morality, but why bring it into something like this, when morality can be subjective?

Just watch his actions, not his words, and be careful. Sometimes words are meaningless, and sometimes they fool us into thinking that there is something more to what we have. It's nice to hear words like I love you, or other statements trying to describe what you think you might have. They flatter us and make us blind to what is truly in-front of us.

I would listen to his words and watch his actions. Make sure they both add up and if they don't ask him why that is. Don't assume that this guy is manipulative, but be aware of the possiblity that he could be. This is true of someone of any age.

Just be careful that's all I am saying.

Be careful of a guy of any age, but don't be overly cautious and closed off either.

 

[HunterM]

All they are doing is dating. They aren't getting married. He isn't forcing him to start a family with him or buying a house together.
...
Be careful of a guy of any age, but don't be overly cautious and closed off either.

^ Good advice. If two people are attracted to each other, go date each other. Then you will know whether or not a long term relationship is possible. That's what dating is all about! Only you can tell if it's right for you or not.

 

[drewthesaltyboy]

drewthesaltyboy,
If you are looking for an actual relationship- I wouldn't do it.

Just watch his actions, not his words, and be careful.

Wait, so do you think I should try it or not? You're saying one thing, then telling me to do something completely opposite.

The other guy is already 28 he has a lot of his life already established.

How do you know this? Have you spoken to him, or had a conversation of substance with him? I think it's rather idiotic of you to make such an ignorant comment. Don't assume that because someone of a certain age has accomplished x amount.

I find it selfish, and highly immoral- I truly think that it lacks value.

Um, what? What's lacking value? We haven't established anything yet. And who are you to say that it's completely immoral? Your advice is null... just sayin'.

 

[drewthesaltyboy]

That's what dating is all about! Only you can tell if it's right for you or not.

Exactly. I don't agree with the bigots telling me not to at least give this a fair chance. I'm here for advice on relationships between two persons in different age ranges. I didn't ask to be told that what I want to do is immoral, pointless or lacking value. Those kinds of comments are unwelcome.

 

[drewthesaltyboy]

As I have said (and others as well) take it slow. Don't rush things. drew, I wouldn't try to go into this with any expecations one way or the other. If you have a good time, learn about one another, become emotionally intimate, have sex, great! Just make sure he's not abusive and if any red flags come up (lying, drug or alcohol addiction, emotional manipulation) let us or any of your other friends and family know.

-----------------------------

Be careful of a guy of any age, but don't be overly cautious and closed off either.

Thank for your intelligent advice I'm going to go through with it, and give it a chance. I'll keep you what you said in mind.

 

[altlover85]

Thank for your intelligent advice I'm going to go through with it, and give it a chance. I'll keep you what you said in mind.

Good luck!