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Bird came down

BEN AGAIN...

CONTINUES


“You’ll wanna bring coffee,” Ben said, winking at the waitress. “Felix likes his coffee.”
“I’m fine,” Felix said. “I had plenty of coffee.”
Ben held his hand out.
“It’s all on me. So don’t worry about it, and you get anything you want.”
“I forgot you had a generous streak.”
“I think you forgot a lot about me,” Ben told him as the waitress brought a pot of coffee and Ben said, “Thank you, Naomi.”
She winked at him.
“I think she likes me,” Ben said.
“And?”
“I’m just saying. Uh, can I get some of that coffee?”
“Well, you did pay for it.”
Felix looked down the list and said, “Maybe I will pay for my own meal.”
“Why?” Ben said, then, “Oh, yeah. I’m not gonna do that anymore.”
“You’re not a vegetarian anymore?”
“I am,” Ben said. “But I’m not asking you to be one with me.”
“I used to think it was cute, and then when you’d offer to pay for my meal as long as I didn’t order meat it got a little…”
“Crazy?”
“Tyrannical.”
When Naomi returned, Felix ordered the fish and chips, and Ben the fried vegetable tray. Felix said, “How did you get back here? I mean, why did you come back? If I’d left, I wouldn’t come back.”
“Ah,” Ben folded his hands under his chin, “I don’t know about that. I love being back home. I thought things were better on the other side of the rainbow.”
“Does it stop raining enough for you to ever get a rainbow in Seattle?”
Ben chuckled and shook his head.
“That’s what I miss about you.”
“You missed me so much you trashed my apartment when you came back?”
“If you can remember,” Ben said, “I was very methodical. I didn’t break anything and I never touched any of your art.”
Now it was Felix’s turn to smile and he said, “That is true. And that is you.”
“I could never damage anything that was yours,” Ben said seriously.
Naomi came with two beers, and put them on the table.
“There you go, guys.”
“Thanks Naomi,” Ben said while Felix nodded.
Before Felix could puzzle over opening the beer, Ben reached across the table and did it himself.
“You always had trouble with that.”
“You did damage something of mine,” Felix said.
“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Ben said, “And you ruined my car so we’re even.”
Felix looked at him.
“I’m joking,” Ben said. “I know what I did. I was a coward. I… No one’s ever loved me again.”
“What about—?”
“Please don’t bring her up again.”
“Alright.”
“No one ever loved me. Me, not who they thought I was or who they wanted me to be. I didn’t appreciate that. I was really dumb.”
“You’ll get no argument from me there.”
“I didn’t think I would. Now what about that Scott?”
“Scott?”
“Yeah, the tall handsome former football player who busted my face?”
“Nothing’s happening with Scott.”
“That’s nuts!” Ben blew that away with a hand gesture. “Of course there is. He would kick ass for you. I know that look.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, I do. Because believe it or not, I would have kicked ass for you.”
“That would have been—”
“Futile and unnecessary, but I would have done it. All one hundred twenty pounds of me.”
“Well, I think something would happen with him. If I allowed it. But he’s confused. He’s got a wife and two kids.”
“What?”
“I mean he’s leaving his wife, getting divorced, and his wife is a real bitch. But that is pretty much the story of every bisexual who hits you up. I’m basically like, when the ink dries on the divorce papers, get a hold of me. Until then,” Felix gave a superior sigh, “it really doesn’t matter.”
Naomi brought their food in steaming newspaper, and placed it on the table cautioning, “It’s hot, guys!”
“Thank you,” Felix said.
“I’ll be back to check on you later,” Naomi said.
Ben nodded and Felix said, “She thinks you’re adorable.”
“She thinks we are adorable,” Ben said, opening up his paper so that the fried vegetables steamed in his face. “I told her you were coming, and I think I’m transparent. I think she saw how excited I was.”
“Well…” Felix shrugged.
“And I am excited,” Ben said, taking a fried vegetable, and dipping it in ranch dressing. “But I see by the look on your face that you’re totally in love with this Scott guy.”
“I… I like him.”
“See,” Ben pointed at him with a fry, “you can be transparent too. I wondered if I still know you, and I still do.”
Felix carefully broke the fried fish in two. It was so moist it almost fell apart, and he dipped it in Tartar sauce.
“If you knew me so well, then how could you do the things you did to me?” Felix said. “If you knew me so well, how could you be so blind?”
“Ouch, Felix,” Ben put down a vegetable.
“But you did, and I am over it. Mostly. Except…”
“I know,” Ben said. “I know it. I know.”
“Benny, I’m not exactly sure what you want from me? I don’t know why you’re excited for me to be here.”
“I want us to be together.”
“You just said you knew how I felt about—”
“I want to be in your life. I want us to be friends together and yeah…”
“And yeah, what?”
“Nevermind,” Ben nearly looked cross.
“You cannot leave it hanging.”
Ben took a breath and looked around, but the Pub was pretty empty.
“If you’re not with Scott right now, then why can’t you come upstairs with me?”
“What?”
“I live upstairs now. In the apartment over the Pub.”
“You want…” Felix rewound what Ben was saying in his head.
“Let’s have sex,” Ben said. “I want to have sex with you.”
Felix had an instant erection, but he took a sip of his beer and pretended to be more interested in greasy fried fish and Tartar sauce than he’d ever been before.
“Ben?”
“Yeah?”
“I slept with Scott. Almost, but not quite, by accident.”
“Oh,” Ben said. “Well, okay.”
“And I was already sleeping with his brother when he came back into town.”
“Shit.”
“Yes. And now I’m not with either one.”
“I’m trying to figure out where you’re going with this.”
“Benjamin, if I go upstairs with you, whatever happens is just a divergence and a distraction from dealing with Scott and his family. It’s not an invitation to a relationship.”
“I’m cool with that,” Ben said, crossing his arms over his chest. “It can be what it is.”
“Okay.”
“And what it is, is the two of us having sex up in my room.”
Ben, being Ben immediately followed this bold statement by coloring, and Felix thought of all their time in the past. If anything was going to happen, it had to be up to him, and he looked across at Ben. He wasn’t in love with Ben, but he did want to have sex with him. It wasn’t even so much being physically attracted to him. Ben was angelic and pretty. Sex always seemed like an opportunity to Felix, and walking away from it was an opportunity rejected.
“Ben, come here.”
Ben raised an eyebrow, but he obeyed and rounded the table to sit next to Felix.
“Yeah?” Ben said.
Felix pushed his hand between Ben’s thighs and firmly gripped his dick. Ben’s eyes changed, but just then Naomi was coming. Ben colored, but Felix laughed, pulling on Ben under the table as he smiled up at Naomi and said, “Thank you,” taking the check with his free hand.
“That’s for you,” he told Ben.
Ben’s mouth was half open, and his eyes unfocused.
“He’s talking to you, silly,” Naomi said.
“Yeah,” Ben said while Naomi walked off, shaking her head.
“I can’t concentrate if you keep doing that,” Ben’s voice was shallow.
“Do you want me to stop?”
Ben closed his eyes.
“Fuck, no.”
Then he said, “Yes. We’re in fucking public.”
Felix released Ben and Ben put down his money.
He said, “We need to get the fuck out of here.”



Upstairs in his room, Ben looked at the floor and then up into Felix’s face, gripping his shoulders. He pressed his mouth to Felix’s and then parted from him. Felix leaned in and kissed him, pushing him to the bed and they kissed, Felix’s hands going through Ben’s golden hair, Ben’s hands running over Felix’s scalp and its day’s growth of hair. Felix pushed Ben onto the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt.
“I forgot you were hairy?”
“What’s that mean?”
Felix ran a finger down the red gold hair going down Ben’s stomach.
“It means I miss your hairy belly.”
He pulled down Ben’s pants and said, “You still don’t wear underwear. I could see your dick through your pants the moment I walked into the Pub.”
Felix bent down and Ben moaned when Felix took him in his mouth. Felix had only had sex with Ben once, and his one regret was Ben’s dick. Like a lot of little guys, his got bigger and bigger in Felix’s mouth, and it wasn’t hard to pleasure him. Ben wasn’t one of those men who would put his hand on Felix head and try to deep throat him. He just let out small cusses while Felix worked.
“I’m gonna come if you don’t stop!” Ben said. “Let me do you.”
So they undressed and did each other in Ben’s bedroom and Felix noticed for a moment that Ben’s bed was clean, and his room clean. He had planned for this. Felix lay on his back, holding Ben’s cock in his mouth, his hands running up and down his thighs, massaging his ass, running up his back, and Ben lay across him, sucking him, bending to lick his balls, to eat his ass. Felix pulled Ben from his mouth.
“Do you want to fuck me?”
“Um hum,” Ben started, then stopped eating Felix and said, “Yes. I want to look at you. I want to do it face to face. Look into your eyes.”
Scott liked that too. As off putting as it could be, Felix preferred that to men who closed their eyes and had actually thrown men out of his house for looking in the other direction.
They shifted, kneeling naked in front of each other.
“Do you want me to get a condom?” Ben asked him.
“Do you need to?”
Ben was stroking his dick to keep it hard.
“I’d rather not,” he said. “I’d like to pretend we’re at the place where we don’t need it. I know we’re not, though. I…”
“Who’ve you been with?”
“You know me. Before you met me I hadn’t had sex in two years.”
That was true. Felix chose not to say that it was interesting he had broken his streak with April and not him.
“Just fuck me, Ben. Do you have… something?”
“Like… lube?”
“Like lube.”
“Shit.”
Ben got up and went to the kitchenette.
“What the hell?” he murmured.
He pulled out the Wesson and stuck his dick in the cooking oil.
Felix was nonplussed. He only said, “Bring the bottle with you. We might need more.”
His dick dripping oil, Ben knelt between Felix’s legs, and they fitted themselves together, both of them grunting, their eyes bulging.
“I’m in,” Ben said.
Felix laughed and then winced, and Ben laughed too and then they began to rock together, Felix drawing Ben into his arms, wrapping his thighs around Ben’s body, pulling him in, running his hands down Ben’s back and pulling his face to him, kissing him.
Their bodies were pressed tight, their hands gripping, their mouths locked. Ben’s face and body arched up and when he came, he came laughing. He’d barely finished and came mostly on the bed sheets when Felix, covered in sweat, turned him on his stomach and fucked him aggressively until he came too. In the aftermath of it they lay trembling side by side, touching hands lightly, dicks still hard and wet.
After a bit Felix reached for his cigarettes and when Ben inhaled the smoke he said, “Are you going to share?”
Felix passed it and then after Ben took too drags Felix said, “Actually you should get your own. Do you have an ashtray?”
Ben got up, his belly slick with semen and sweat.
“Do you want to get cleaned off?” he asked Felix.
“Not just yet,” Felix said. “Not at all, really And that’s not like me.”
Ben brought back a saucer, placed it between them, and collapsed on his back, exhaling smoke.
“Are you in a hurry?”
“Not today,” Felix said. “Do you have to get back to work?”
Ben shook his head.
“I was done when I was with you.”
Felix ashed his cigarette.
“Whaddo we do now?”
“We used to just spend the whole day together and not worry about it,” Ben said.
Felix nodded.
“It’s easy to be with you,” Ben said. “Too easy.”
“You need to ash that cigarette.”
Ben did so.
“Whaddo you mean too easy?” Felix said.
“I took us for granted before,” Ben said. He stubbed out his cigarette and turned on his side. “That’s enough for now.”
Felix agreed with that and crushed his out too.
When Felix turned around to face him, Ben touched his thigh.
“We could sit around, talk, read books, hang out. Fuck when we feel like it. Go out to eat. I’ll play you guitar like I used to, and we can fuck some more.”
“Are you trying to get me back?”
Ben leaned across him and kissed him for a long time, sliding his hand between Felix’s thighs.
“I’m just trying to keep doing what we’ve already started.”

MORE TOMORROW
 
Ben is back in a surprisingly big way and making life even more complicated for Felix. I am intrigued and look forward to more tomorrow!
 
Ah, yes. Just when you thought things were less complicated, even more happens. Ben happens! Where is this going? Wait and see.
 
“You have eggs?” Felix said, curiously, pulling them out of the refrigerator. “And butter?”
“I’m a reformed vegetarian,” Ben said. He stood in the living room toweling himself after their shower, and Felix was dressed again.
“No longer Orthodox? Then you have cheese?”
“I do,” Ben wrapped the towel around his waist and came to the refrigerator, making an excuse to touch Felix’s hand as he pulled out a bag of shredded cheese.
“I hope you like it shredded cause that’s all I’ve got.”
“Shredded is fine.”
Felix reached for the Wesson.
“You’re going to cook with that?”
“Why not?”
“We stuck out dicks in that.”
“And then we stuck our dicks in each other’s mouths,” Felix said. “And then we stuck our dicks in each other, which is the same place this food is going, only this time the grease will be heated until it fries, so I don’t see that it really matters.”
“Do you want me to do the vegetables?”
“Too many cooks in the kitchen is never a good thing. You just sit on the couch and play guitar or something.”
Ben nodded and left the kitchen while Felix poured oil into the skillet and cut a little bit of butter.
“I wish,” Ben began, strumming his guitar, “that they had vegetarian fried chicken.”
“I wish,” Felix replied as the oil and butter began to hiss, “that you had told me you were done being a vegetarian.”
Felix cracked two eggs, and from the living room he heard Ben sing:

“Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew.”

“Really, Ben,” Felix murmured, “Extreme?”

“How easy it would be to show me how you feel!
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me!
Cos I'd already know….”

Felix salted and peppered the eggs and Ben said, “I can’t hear you singing?”
“Nor will you,” Felix said.

Ben continued:

“What would you do if my heart was torn in two?
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real…”

while Felix pretended to be embarrassed and stood over the stove, watching the eggs, turning to the vegetables, pulling spinach leaves apart and wondering why it couldn’t have always been this way.
Felix turned around suddenly, and Ben was standing in the kitchen in shorts and a tee shirt, strumming his guitar.

“Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me…”

He threw back his head and howled, strumming his guitar:
“Cos I'd….. already…. Knooooooow.”
“Get out Ben.”
“Da da dada dada…” Ben sang, leaving the kitchenette, “More than words…”



When Felix arrived at the Maron Arms, got off the elevator and came to his apartment the next morning, he almost shouted.
“How long have you been there?” he asked Joey, who was sitting on the floor before his door.
“A while,” Joey said.
“That’s… really weird.”
“Not as weird as breaking into your apartment and sitting there until you got back.”
“True,” Felix said after a moment. He took his keys from around his neck and unlocked the door.
“Come on in,” he said. “Shouldn’t you be working?”
“Yeah,” Joey said, but this didn’t seem to make him start working. He stood in the main room looking around and then he said, “Scott knows.”
“Yes.”
“So what do we do?”
“What I do,” Felix said, “is get ready to spend day doing secretarial work at Saint Margaret’s for my sister.”
“And what about us? You and me?”
“You and me,” Felix said, taking a breath, “simply cannot be.”
“Whaddo you mean? Are you going to start up with Scott?”
“I’m not starting up with either of you,” Felix said. “I can’t be running around with brothers. That’s crazy. It’s going to drive you apart. This is some drama I don’t want to be…” Felix stopped. “I was about to say I didn’t want to be in it, but I am in it. I don’t want to create drama.”
“So it’s over between us?”
“Do not do that,” Felix said, suddenly.
“When we first started what we started you didn’t even want it to be serious. You didn’t. And now Scott really is serious, and as much as he loves me—”
“Do you love him?”
“Not the point. As much as he loves me, I’m not having him in my life or in my bed for right now. And I certainly can’t keep carrying on with you.”
“But,” Joey said, “Do you love him?”
“I do.” Felix said quickly.
“Really?”
“Yes,” Felix said more firmly.
Joey looked like he was thinking very deeply, trying to say something, and then he said, “Well, what about me?”
Felix raised an eyebrow.
“Do you love me?”
Felix ignored this, going into his kitchen and Joey followed him.
“The other night, Saturday night, you can’t tell me that didn’t mean anything. As intense as that was, you can’t tell me it didn’t mean anything?”
Felix took a breath, standing at the coffee maker.
“Joey?”
“Yes.”
“You might ask yourself why you never cared if I loved you or not until you knew I loved your brother.”
Joey opened his mouth and Felix said, “Look, we’re still friends, but I have to get dressed and go.”
Joey nodded, but didn’t move.
“Joey,” Felix repeated. “I have to go.”
Joey nodded, pushed his ball cap firmly onto his head and turned to leave, closing the door behind him.
“And now,” Felix said, looking at the closed door, “From one mad house to the other.”

“Oh, God!” Ben moaned as he came.
Felix looked up at his face, and felt Ben’s hands gripping his shoulders.
When he’d come off of his orgasm, still panting, still inside of him, Ben looked down at Felix. He pulled out and lay across him, straddling him.
“Is it always like this with you?” Ben asked him.
“Whaddo you mean?”
“Real,” Ben said, placing his face against Felix’s chest. “Every time we have sex it’s so real.”
Felix’s hand touched Ben’s damp hair, and his fingers threaded through his locks.
“I’ve never had sex without me being there,” Felix murmured, “So I would have to say it’s always like this.”
“Sometimes,” Ben said after a while. “No. Most of the time… I’m not myself. And I’m always myself with you.”
Felix turned so Ben had to roll from him, and they lay side by side looking at each other.
“I don’t really know how to be a boyfriend,” Ben began, and Felix opened his mouth, but Ben put a finger to his lips.
“I don’t know how to be a boyfriend,” Ben said. “Not to a woman, and certainly not to a man. I was terrible when we were together. And we were together. But… whatever we are right now, can we just keep being it?”
When Felix didn’t say anything, Ben said, “I know you’re thinking of that Scott guy.”
Felix still said nothing, and Ben said, “I remember a long time ago, you brought up this guy named Michael.”
“Yes. I remember that.”
“I think you brought him up to make me feel jealous. Make me get on the stick.”
“That is an astute observation,” Felix said.
“It made me intimated. It didn’t make me get my act together,” Ben said.
“I don’t know about this Scott—except that he decked me. And if you want to be with him eventually, that’s fine. But right now…”
“Right now?”
Ben leaned forward and kissed him, pressing Felix down and wrapping his thighs around him.
“Right now,” Ben told him, “It’s me.”

HAVE A DELICIOUS WEEKEND. WE'LL COME BACK TO FELIX AND BEN IN A FEW DAYS
 
Poor Joey! I saw that coming but it was still brutal. Looks like both brothers are history to Felix relationship wise at least for the moment. Then there is Ben and I don’t know how things are going to end up with him. Great writing and I look forward to more in a few days! I hope you have a great weekend!
 
CONCLUSION OF BEN AGAIN

Joey hit the M4M button on Craigslist, and looked at the list of available opportunities

HARD , round & tight - m4mm 41 (U-HOST - S.B./MISH) pic
60/w/m looking for younger 60 (elkhart)
Are you Here? 28 (Sb)
Black Man Wanted 51 (Mishawaka) pic
Looking For Friends...Possibly Someone To Date 22 (Michigan City ) pic
Wed 30 Jul
Looking to suck a nice thick cock. - m4m 19 pic
Horny oral bottom visiting looking for local dick 27 (St joe/colona koa)

“Seriously?” he murmured, and read down the others.

60/w/m looking for younger male 60 (elkhart)
Seeking LTR in Porter County area (Porter County/Valpo) pic
60yrs male wanting to give head to younger 60 (elkhart)
Black men you wanna put-now - m4m 49 (south bend)
Top Seeking Young Bottom St8 Acting 36 (Elkhart,in)

“This is….” Joey murmured.
Well the one called, “Are you here?” didn’t look so bad. He opened it.

Are you Here? - 28 (Sb)
age : 28 body : averageheight : 5'7" (170cm) status : single
Yo cool cute guy here wanting to make some new friends or whatever. Like to meet someone my age so 20 to 30. I am 28. Looking 4 someone real and fun. Like movies, games, and........ Please no bigger guys (no offense) Im 5'7, mid length blk hair, mixed, (blk and wht). Love the slender body. . Whoooo. And love fun soo hit me up. I am not out so I do like discreet if possible. =) I’m here the question is, Are you Here?
• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Joey shook his head. Too needy for someone who said they were looking for friends. Why couldn’t he just meet someone he knew in the building? Or why the fuck couldn’t Felix just come to his senses? Well look right here?

Looking for friendship that could possibly turn into something more. I'm not playing games or with the games so if your looking for sex this is not the post for you. I am brown with brown eyes, low cut hair with a big beautiful smile. I love to chill at home, play video games, hang out with friends and drink socially. I'm not uber masculine but I'm also not uber feminine so for those of you who would have a problem being seen with me in public there wouldn't be an issue.
I prefer African American men but I've learned to broaden my horizons….

Aside from being a racist who would be kind enough to date a white guy, this was also the ugliest black dude he’d ever seen, with straight orange hair to boot. What the fuck! Plus, he misspelled you’re.
Well, now here was something.

“24, 5’10, 160, fit, tanned, adventurous horn dog, usually use protection, but not always an issue, centrally located at the Maron Arms.”

He knew Felix wasn’t twenty-four, and in some ways not very fit, but for some reason the thrill of knowing someone who was also in the Maron and didn’t seem totally crazy made him write back immediately.

20, white, fit, masculine, fit, well muscled, blue eyed, dark haired, adventurous, ready to have fun. I’m getting over something that just didn’t work out. Give me a holler. Peace!

“Well,” Joey, thought, slinking down in his seat. That should do something.
“Ey, Joey.”
He turned around and Scott was standing in the doorway, in grey slacks and blue shirt, leaning against the door post.
“We need to talk.”
“Uh, alright.”
Scott closed the door behind him and sat on the bed.
“You’re my brother,” he said.
Joey nodded. This was true.
Scott shook his head. “You’re always there for me and I’m always supposed to be there for you. We are brothers. I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for how I acted and even…I don’t have a right to step in the middle of anything you had going.”
“I don’t have it going,” Joey said.
“What?”
“It’s over,” Joey said. “It’s done. Felix said so. So… I gotta move on. I’m moving on.”
Scott pursed his lips and looked displeased.
“Well… I don’t know what to say.”
“Yeah,” Joey shrugged. “Me neither, actually.”
For a while they stood looking at each other, and when Joey saw the look on Scott’s face, slightly lost, he realized how much he loved his brother.
“Are you alright?” Joey asked him.
Scott blinked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing. Joey, I don’t ever want anything to come between us. Not even—”
“The person you’re in love with.”
“I was going to say Felix, but… I guess. Yes.”
“He said he wouldn’t let that happen,” Joey said.
Scott put a hand on Joey’s shoulder. He looked very tired. He said, “I have to go up to see Matt tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?”
“I can’t,” Joey said. “I got work.”
“On Saturday?”
“Yup.”
“Um,” Scott grunted. “Fucking uncivilized.


Daddy, daddy, do you miss me?
The way I crawled upon your knee
Those childish games of hide and seek
Seem a million miles away

Scott sang as he pulled off the highway and into town.
No one knew he listened to Christian music. No one knew he screamed it at the top of his lungs while driving. But then no one knew he was gay, not even his brother, until a few weeks ago. He stopped when the light was red, but it was green right away and he made a left turn for Matt’s house.
Jennifer Knapp was just the fucking best singer in the world. She could wail and he could wail with her, though he wasn’t sure how his wails sounded. And then she told everyone she was a lesbian, and they just don’t have Christian lesbians. She disagreed, but her label didn’t. Well, she paid the price and Scott had never paid a price in his life.
“Only I did….” Scott murmured. All the time you avoided paying the price, you ended up paying anyway.

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind…

Scott pulled into the driveway, sitting in it while Jennifer sang:

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid!

Scott was whispering, “There’s a place in the darkness that I used to cling to…”
When there was knock on his window.
He blinked and saw Matt. Matt opened the door and sat in the passenger seat beside him.
“Who’s she?” he asked.
Scott turned it down. “Just music,” he said.
“Can we talk?” Matt said.
“In the car?”
“I guess. As good a place as any.”
Scott turned off the music and said, “Do you not want me to come into your apartment? Is it about last time?”
“No,” Matt said fervently. Then, “Yes. It is. But not the way you mean.”
“Okay,” Scott nodded.
“You’re my best friend,” Matt said. “And… I don’t regret what happened. I’m glad it happened,” he said earnestly. “I just wanted you to know that… If you want it to happen again, I’m good with that.”
Scott blinked at him.
“I mean, unless things with this Felix guy are—”
Scott shook his head.
“It’s over between me and Felix.”
“What happened?”
“I told Joey about us getting together last time I was here, and Joey told Felix.”
“That shit!”
“No, man,” Scott waved it off. “It’s complicated. It’s really complicated. Only, not anymore. Because Felix let me go.”
Both men looked at their laps and they sat in the car in silence.
“I know I’m not Felix,” Matt said. “I know that… I kinda lost that chance—”
“I think I did too.”
“But… I am here,” Matt said. “And… whatever you want to happen this weekend… I’m cool with it. Alright?”
Scott nodded.
“You wanna go inside, now?”
“Yeah,” Scott said.





Joey was working on a radiator that morning when he realized that his email account had five messages from Craigslist, and one was from the guy in the Maron Arms.

—Hello— he wrote back, and few minutes later, he had a message:
—Text me—


-Hello
-Who is this?

Joey typed: the guy from Craigslist.

-Cool. What are you down for.
-I’m down for whatever.
-Me too. When are you ready?
-I’m ready right now. I just need to get to where you are? The Maron Arms right?
-Yeah. I gotta let you in, though.

Joey thought about this, then texted:
-Don’t worry about it. What’s your apartment number?

Apparently the guy wasn’t going to worry about it. He just typed:
-712.
-I’ll be there in twenty.

When he got to the Maron Arms he remembered 712 was on the east side. Maron East had been built a few years after the west and middle, but it seemed older and shabbier. The first floor smelled of marijuana, and the freight elevator ground up the seven stories jecking and jerking at the fourth and sixth floors. Joey had never just met someone on here, and he trotted to 717 with a mixture of fear and anticipation. He rapped on the door and was answered by:
“Well!” Rule said, a predatory smile crossing his face.
“Hello,” Joey said in a shallow voice.
“Are you coming in or just standing out in the hallway?”
“Coming in I guess,” Joey said.
He did, and Rule shut the door behind him.
“So what brings you… here? Shouldn’t you be on the other side of the U?”
“No,” Joey said, his eyes hitting the floor, and then rising up to meet Rule’s face.
“That’s all over.”
“Oh,” Rule said. His couch was in the middle of the living room, and he motioned for Joey to sit down there beside him.
“You thirsty?”
“Not really.”
“Hungry?”
Joey shook his head.
Rule thought for a while, and then he said, “You smoke?” making a sign as if rolling a joint.
“No. Not really?” Joey said.
“Look,” Rule said, “I’m trying to be, how do you say…? A good host?”
Joey nodded.
They sat a little longer, and Joey looked out of the window to the courtyard. Finally Rule said, “You wanna see something?”
“Sure?”
So Rule stood up in his basketball shorts and a wifebeater, his arms crossed over his chest. Then suddenly he took off his shirt, and his shorts and stood there in fetish underwear, his penis hanging half stiff in a harness. Joey’s scrotum tightened and his dick stood up, pitching a tent in his shorts.
“That’s what I like to see,” he moaned when Rule bent down and squeezed his dick.
“In that case,” Rule told him, pulling the strings that made the underwear fall off, and going down the hall, “you might as well drop them draws and follow me.”
For a moment Joey stood dry mouthed and confused, and then, from the bedroom, he heard Rule call, “I’m ready.”
Joey unbuckled his belt and his cargo shorts, heavy with his work tools, dropped to the carpet followed by his underwear and then his tee shirt. Naked, he came.


MORE TOMORROW
 
I am glad Scott and Joey made up. I don’t know what is going to happen with Felix and Scott especially with Matt in the picture but Scott and Joey are brothers and they definitely need each other. Looks like Joey found someone to hook up with. It will be interesting to read what happens next. Great writing and I look forward to more tomorrow!
 
Absolutely. Scott and Joey not only needed to come back together, but come back for the first time as honest brothers. Matt is making things as interesting on Scott's side as Ben is for Felix, which is, after all, only fair. If Felix and Scott have a future yet seems questionable, and what will happen next with Joey does too, but we will see.
 
S E V E N
S E V E N





T H E
C O N F E S S E R








Theme Song: Make You Feel My Love, (Adele Version)​

Scott yawned, but he didn’t open his eyes. Scott pulled Matt closer and pressed himself tight to him. and Matt clasped his hand. Scott was a little awake now, and it felt good to hold his old friend. He loved everything that had happened last night. There had always been a barrier up between them when they were teenagers.
“Rise and shine sleepy head,” Matt murmured.
“Do we have to?” Scott yawned.
Matt slowly turned from Scott, lying on his back.
“It’s just a rule,” he said, knuckling his eyes. “You can’t sleep all fucking day.”
“Not even on Sunday?”
“Especially not.”
Matt climbed out of bed, pulling his boxers on. “I’m gonna make us some coffee.”
And just like that, while Scott with a boner watched Matt walk out of the bedroom, he knew that they were getting up, no games, and that there would be no games. That was what you were supposed to do. Matt had always lived in a world of what you were supposed to do. Come to think of it, so had he. No, he definitely had or he wouldn’t have two kids. There would be no touching the back of Matt’s neck while he made coffee. It was morning now. There would be no fooling around and sudden sex on the floor.
Scott pulled on his pajama pants. He would have worn black Jockeys a size too small if he was with Felix. It would have been dreadfully uncomfortable, and he would have pretended he didn’t care because he felt sexy when Felix saw him like that. And he couldn’t stop thinking about Felix and comparing his night with Matt to his time with Felix.
“You ready for some of this, man?” Matt said as Scott came into the kitchen, still yawning. “A cup of joe. A little wake and bake,” he pointed to the bag of marijuana on the counter, “and then a breakfast of champions.”
“I’ll stick with the coffee,” Scott shook his head, turning the weed down.
“Here’s a cup for ya,” Matt said.
That first time, when they’d been really high, and he had been really stressed out, and there had always been that wall up between he and Matt, the sex had been exciting. It had been something he’d always wanted, a deep passion. But now he had to admit the sex had been different last night because the truth was he didn’t have a deep passion for Matt. Also, as he sipped his coffee, he had to admit it felt weird. Matt was still his best friend, and Felix was something else.
“What?” Matt grinned as he poured the creamer.
Scott cleared his throat.
“Goddamn,” Matt stretched. He broke the seeds off and put them in the pipe. A moment later, Scott could smell the pungent marijuana.
“Sure you don’t want some of this?”
“Having sex with you is like fucking my brother,” Scott said.
Matt blinked at him.
“Not like fucking Joey, but like fucking my metaphorical brother.”
“Oh. Well is that a good thing?”
Scott shrugged. “It’s an us thing,” he said.



“That’s ingenious,” Felix said, breaking off a bit of a chocolate cookie. “All made from your own marijuana oil.”
“They’re called edibles.”
“I know what they’re called. I’ve just never known anyone who made them.”
Felix said, “Kevin, you’re a very handsome man.”
His little, broad shouldered surfer neighbor looked at him, scratching his unshaven face.
“Thank you. You’re a handsome man yourself.”
“The way the sun glints off your hair makes it look like copper. The way your eyes go green and hazel.”
“I feel like you’re hitting on me.”
“How does that make you feel?” Felix said, taking out his cigarettes.
“It’s kind of giving me a boner.”
“Me too,” Felix said, handing Kevin a cigarette, hearing the flick of the lighter and smelling the tobacco burn.
“Unfortunately, I’ve got to meet someone for lunch, so there’s no time to suck your dick just now.”
And then Felix emphasized, “Just now.”



Ben was already there when Felix arrived at the coffee shop.
“I didn’t mean to be late,” Felix said, coming forward.
“You weren’t. I was early. I got finished with work, and then there just wasn’t much else to do. I didn’t want to hang around the apartment, you know?”
“Let’s order,” Ben said.
At the counter, Felix asked the girl, “What’s best?”
“Well, we’ve got this coconut mocha special I think is really good. It comes in tall and large and extra large because we’re trying to be like Starbucks and don’t sell a small anymore.” She sighed with her fist under her chin to indicate how she felt about it.
“It does look good,” Felix said. “It’s a little steep though. I’m not used to paying for coffee.”
“Don’t worry about price. I’ve got it,” Ben said.
“I’m not worried about it,” Felix said. “It’s just funny that in the middle of summer we’re walking into an ice cold coffee house to order hot coffee. Whaddid you do today?” Felix asked him.
“A song set and half a bag of weed.”
“I wish I’d been around for at least half of that.”
“Oh, com’on! My singing’s not bad.”
“As long as you don’t do Natalie Merchant.”
“Coffees,” the girl called. “Two coconut mochas, two biscottis.”
Ben got up and came back a few moments later to the table.
“Wow! They’re so big,” Felix said when he saw Ben coming with the tray bearing the large red and blue mug, and biscotti.
Ben took the first sip.
“How is it?”
“This,” Ben pointed to the mug, “makes me glad to be alive.”
“Wow. So you’re saying it’s worth four-fifty.”
Ben gestured to the mug, “You be the judge.”
Felix lifted the large red mug and sipped, then nodded.
“Um… It is good. I would agree… It’s worth your four-fifty.”
Ben laughed. “Your own coffee must be really good.”
“I can make this,” Felix pointed to the coffee. “I can make all sorts of coffees. I’m like a master.”
“A regular barista.”
“If barista wasn’t the lamest name in the world, then yes,” Felix said. “One day I will make you coffee and you will agree with me.”
They sipped coffee and listened to the music with their elbows on the table. Felix looked around at the dimly lit coffee house. Finally he said, “What is this music?”
“It’s Indian.”
“I thought so. I was getting it confused with North African music. I wonder who it is. Listen to those drums, like rain. And the zither. It just takes its time. It’s in no fucking hurry. Ah…”
Felix stopped as the zither playing increased. “Now it is.”
“No. Now it’s dancing,” Ben said. “Zithers never sound like they’re racing, not like guitars. They’re just sort of…” Ben hummed a little and moved in his seat: “Dancing.”
The girl came around near their table and Felix said, “Excuse me, but do you know what this CD is?”
“I can check,” she was going back to the kitchen.
“Not if you’re busy.”
“I make it a point to never be busy,” she said as she disappeared.
A second later she returned with the CD case and read: “Wajahat Khan. Indian Raags.”
“Thank you,” Ben said.

It had been Felix who suggested sex as they were finishing the coffee. He whispered it leaning across the table. Ben turned red and pushed the brim of his hat down over his beautiful eyes.
“I could go in first, and you could make like you were going out. And then there’s this back way. You could come in through the back way, meet me in the bathroom. Or you could just come in a few minutes later if you don’t give a fuck.”
“I wish I didn’t give a fuck,” Ben said, looking around, anxious.
“I’m getting up and going now.”
“Felix, we can’t,” Ben made a small grab for him. It was only about four people in the coffee house.
“I’ll see you in about three minutes,” Felix said walking toward the bathroom.
Ben didn’t take three minutes. He came eager, curious and half afraid. Felix reached behind him and closed the door. Then he grabbed him by the face and pulled him in, kissing him. The two of them quickly, gently, unbuckled their belts and pulled down jeans and trousers, lifted up shirts. Felix sat on the sink, wrapping his thighs around Ben and guiding Ben inside of him, Ben gasped and then gently began fucking him.
As Felix cried out, Ben’s hands went over Felix’s mouth, and as he leaned into him harder he whispered, “Quiet. Quiet… Ooooh!”
The quickly rising pleasure caught him. He didn’t want to finish right away, but they couldn’t stay forever, and so he whispered into Felix’s throat, “Are you ready?”
Bending his head into Ben’s shoulder, he panted, “Yes.”
Ben pulled out of him. They came at the same time with two, prolonged, body rocking groans, and then Ben was collapsed between Felix’s legs in the large locked bathroom of the coffee shop.
At last Felix said, “We’ve simply got to stop meeting like this,” and reached for the paper towels, wetting them to wipe semen from their stomachs and half stiff penises. While wiping Ben’s dick, on impulse he kissed him there, and then took him in his mouth. Then he let him go, wiping him down again.
“You’re not good for me, Fee,” Ben said, pulling up his trousers and buckling them. “I’m trying to be a grown up and get my act together.”
Felix had turned and was washing his hands.
“You can grow up tomorrow, Ben,” he said.




When Joey came into his apartment that afternoon, Rule said, “You don’t mind making house calls?”
“It depends on what kind of house call you want?” Joey raised his eyebrow.
Goddamn he was fine, that brown half beard around his jaws, those blue eyes. How could Felix have given that up? And, even though he was a bitch for saying it, wasn’t Felix a little plain, a little, well, not entirely thin to have this good luck?
Rule got on his knees and unzipped Joey’s cargo shorts.
“You know why we’re both here,” he said, affecting an accent.
“Oh, fuck!” Joey gasped, even though he did know why they were both here.
He’d never known anyone to come with such gusto into sex, with no hesitation. Rule’s mouth engulfed his dick. His tongue began working on it. All Joey’s sensation went down there. A cock was the gentlest, most tender thing in the world, held firmly in Rule’s mouth, ministered to so thoroughly while Joey sucked in his breath and gasped. He placed his hands behind him, grasping the old radiator.
“Do you want to fuck?” Rule said at last.
“Sure,” Joey’s voice was weak, his cock hard. He quickly pulled off his shirt then pulled Rule up from the floor. Rule turned himself over on the edge of the futon, and Joey, throbbing, pushed inside his tightness and cried out.
“You didn’t come, did you?” Rule said.
“No,” Joey’s voice was shallow, halfway in. “I just… You’re so fucking tight.”
“That’s very nice of you,” Rule said. “Now just start fucking.”
Joey pressed his hands to Rule’s back, and pushed inside of him, his own eyes going wide the same time Rule’s did. It was so hot and so tight, and he started slow, but Rule said, “Fuck me harder, already.”
He said it almost irritated, and part of Joey remembered why he’d stopped being with guys, but it felt good, so he pressed into him, fucking him harder, not wanting to come.
“Give it to me,” Rule gasped. “Give it to me good. Goddamn. Yeah.”
“Don’t you want me to slow down?”
“No, you country fuck, just do it.”
“You wanna talk dirty?” Joey asked, though being called a country fuck in the middle of sex disoriented him, and he pushed it from his mind while he pumped Rule.
“I just want your dick in my ass,” Rule said honestly and closed his eyes, gripping the radiator while Joey fucked him.
“I was just—”
“No,” Rule said, firmly. “Please stop talking.”
Joey stopped.
“What?” Rule demanded.
“Should I even be doing this?”
“Do you want to stop?”
Rule’s ass was clamped on him so tight. He was so hot when he didn’t talk and Joey needed the release.
“No, I don’t. Just—”
“Then keep doing it,” Rule commanded.
Joey closed his eyes and fucked him harder, pushing away everything else except the sensation of Rule’s tight ass, of his own cock becoming more and more swollen, more and more sensitive in the progression to orgasm while he pumped up and down in him. He pushed everything away so well that when Rule said, “You’re such a dumb fuck,” all Joey said was, “Alright.”
But he put his hands down on Rule’s throat and choked him when he came.


MORE TOMORROW​
 
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That was an interesting start to the chapter with quite a bit going on! I still don’t see Felix ending up with Ben or Scott ending up with Matt but I will have to wait and see what happens. Joey has found sex with Rule but I don’t know if it is going to lead to anything more. Great writing and I look forward to more tomorrow!
 
Rule seems to be the type of person where everything leads to less and not more. One of the misfortunes of me posting segment by segment as opposed to chapter by chapter is not eing able to see how consistently worthless Rule really is.As for where these other affairs are going, you should defintely follow your senses.
 
THE CONFESSER: CONTINUED

“You’re making something crazy out of me,” Ben said, as he took a drag on his cigarette and passed it to Felix.
“You were always something crazy,” Felix told him. “You can’t pin that on me.”
“Well, then you’re making me into something crazier,” Ben said.
They were on their backs together in Ben’s apartment watching the haze of smoke hit by the light, and Ben said, “You could stay the night.”
“You’ve never stayed the night in my apartment.”
“Do you want me to?” Ben turned on his side and looked at Felix, his head propped on his elbow.
“I was just saying,” Felix said.
“Well,” Ben told him, “the invitation stands.”
Felix looked up and down Ben’s body. At his stomach began the reddish brown hair that went over his belly to his sex and grew gold red up his thighs. While they were making love in his bed, Felix’s phone had rung and he pretended not to care.
“Think about it while I go to the restroom,” Ben said.
He hopped up and the little man closed the bathroom door behind him. No pissing with the door open like Joey or Scott.
Felix rolled over and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“You have three messages.”
“Felix, this is your sister. Father Bob says you left him a message inviting him to dinner. Is this true? If you’re starting something and trying to make me date him again, I’m gonna—”
“Delete,” Felix murmured.
“Felix, it’s Scott. I’m back in town. If you get this give me a buzz.”
“I’ll do that.” Felix murmured.
As the toilet flushed the next message began.
“Hey, Felix. It’s Scott again. I need to see your face. I haven’t heard back from you. I guess you’re busy.”
The door opened and Ben came out, taking a hand through his thick gold hair.
Felix lifted his finger. “Checking my messages.”
“Hey, Felix,” Scott said into the phone. “I… I know this is crazy, but I’m in the courtyard at the Maron. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. Or how crazy I am just to see you. So… I guess I’ll be here a while. I just got here. It’s like… five.”
Felix looked at the time on the phone. 5:20.
“What’s wrong?” Ben asked him.
“I think I have to go,” Felix said, getting up. “And I can’t even pretend I know I’ll be back tonight. Is that alright?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Do you need me to come with you?”
“No,” Felix said, thoughtfully. “That’s probably not a good idea. But if I’m done quickly, do you want to get dinner?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Absolutely.”



Felix was half way out the door of the Pub and into the humid heat when he called Scott and got no answer. Quickly he walked the four blocks up Main to the Maron, calling two more times, and when he entered the courtyard, he saw some old women and a few children playing, but no Scott. He went to the benches under the east door, but no Scott, and then he walked down the shallow stair and over the court of grass onto the verandah, but no Scott. He sat at the glass table on the verandah and looked out onto Maron Street as if maybe Scott would appear there, but no Scott. So, in the end, he called again waiting for the phone to go to voice mail.
“Hey, this is Scott. Leave me a line.”
“Scott, I got your message, and I showed up,” he said. “But you were gone. If I’m in the right place. I’m in the courtyard. On the verandah. It’s Felix, by the way. Later. Bye.”
He waited a little while in the muggy heat of the July day. He could have stayed in bed with Ben, listening to him play the guitar, not caring about the stale sweat on their bodies or the smell of sex. But he had gotten dressed in this weather and come all the way here for the hope of Scott. He waited a few more minutes, and then rose up, deciding on a very slow walk, a walk that would give Scott Flowers the time to appear. But he didn’t, and then Felix, crossing the street and heading up Main back to the Pub, decided climbing into the shower with Ben and then going down to dinner wasn’t a bad consolation prize at all.


“So we can do that later if you want,” Rule said, pulling his clothes back on. Joey’s hand was already on the door knob.
“Sure.”
“I mean, you know,” Rule continued, “if the mood takes you.”
“Sure,” Joey said.
He left without saying goodbye, and headed down the dark hall, remembering a story Felix had told him one afternoon.
“This guy was having sex with me, and right in the middle of it I could tell he didn’t want to be with me. I could tell it by the way he was looking. He looked like he just wanted to be done with it and move on with his business, and as soon as he busted his nut he’d be on his way. He had walked into the house already wanting it to be over.”
“What did you do?”
“Well, I told him to get the fuck up and go away. Right then.”
“You didn’t!”
“I always do. You can’t disrespect yourself. If you find out someone is disrespecting you, the moment you do it’s time to get rid of him, or you’ll feel like dirt cause he feels like dirt and he wants to pass that shit on. I’ve told a lot of men to get the fuck out.”
Joey, going down the stairs, stopped at the landing window. He had been made to feel like dirt several times and he had never stopped the course of events. He realized now why he had always said he was bi. All of his orgasms with men had always been accompanied by shame and humiliation. Rule was not new. The phrase “dumb fuck” echoing in your ear while you came was just the price you paid. But it had never been that way with Felix, and now that was over. He felt instantly so low he could have died. It wasn’t an exaggeration. He really could have died.
But then he looked out of the window and saw, sitting in the courtyard, his brother. Yeah, that was Scott. And then Scott got up and left. and while Scott went in one direction, Joey saw Felix coming in the other, looking around. Had they missed each other? Should he say something? But he was more depressed than ever, and angry. Not at them, at himself for letting Rule do this to him. He didn’t feel good. He was disoriented and sweaty, and he was dripping semen into his underwear. He needed more than anything to be clean, and he didn’t know that there was enough water or a big enough shower for him.



Joey stopped reading the boys the story he’d read a thousand times when he heard the door open and told Taylor and Nathan their dad was home.
“He’s coming,” Taylor said with baited breath, and Joey marveled that Scott could elicit this much excitement.
“Fi fi fo fum,” Scott’s voice came from down the hall, his feet stomping heavily on the floor. “I smell two little children.”
Taylor’s eyes went wide, and he put his finger to his lips while Nathan nodded, snuggling into Joey with delicious terror.
“Fi fi fo fum,” Scott repeated. “I smell the blood of little children.”
Nathan grinned, thrilled at the fear.
“Fee fi fo fum,” Scott grumbled, and launched into Joey’s room jumping on the bed while his children screamed and, running out of Joey’s arms shouted as Scott tackled them, laughing.
“He’s got us!” Taylor shouted, laughing.
“I’ve got you!” Scott shouted, rolling on the floor with them, and Scott’s mother came up the stairs, leaning on the side of the door and watching them with an indulgent smile.
“Why move out? I wish you’d just stay here,” she said.
On his back, tie askew, Scott look up at his mother and said, “I doubt dad feels the same way, and the judge will agree.”
She shrugged and Scott looked up at his brother.
“As the pug asked the Bassett hound, why the long face?”
Joey shrugged.
The kids, paying attention to their father, looked up at Joey.
“You all run along,” Scott said, getting up and dusting off his trousers, “I have to talk to your uncle.”
The boys nodded and left the room with their grandmother, and Scott kicked off his dress shoes and climbed onto the bed.
“What’s up?”
“Is it obvious?”
“To me it is. You’re my brother.” Scott sat at the head of the bed beside Joey, pulling his knees to his chest the way his brother did.
Joey nodded, looking vacant eyed and playing with his socks.
“I don’t like to talk about sex,” he said.
“Whaddo you mean?” Scott said, though he shuddered and pulled a little away from Joey. He loved his little brother and felt warm to him, but the mention of sex reminded him that they’d both been with the same person.
“I mean…” Joey began, frowning, “that part of my life is personal. And… It’s not really happy. And… I don’t know how to talk about it.”
“But something’s bothering you.”
Scott swallowed. He really didn’t want to have this discussion.
“Have you ever… have you ever been with someone who made you feel like shit? Has it really just fucked with you?”
“This isn’t about Felix is it?” Scott said.
“No!” Joey shook his head. “No, Felix never made me feel bad. Felix is one of the only people who never made me feel bad. This is about… Just, have you ever been with someone who made you feel like that?”
“Yeah,” Scott said shortly. “Yeah. A few times. A…”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to talk about meeting people online who closed their eyes while he fucked them and then left the room before he’d taken the condom off. He didn’t want to tell his little brother about compromising himself in dangerous places with people he pretended weren’t there and was relieved when they were actually gone.
He put his arm around Joey.
“I don’t want you to have that kind of life,” was all Scott said. “I don’t want people hurting my little brother. You’re a great guy. You don’t have to take that.”
Joey nodded, and then suddenly his face scrunched up and Scott looked surprised.
“It’s all I ever had,” Joey said quickly, tears falling from his face.
Scott got up swiftly, closed the door, and sat back down, wrapping his arm around his brother.
“No guy ever treated me like I was anything until Felix, and I told him I didn’t want to date. I told him I didn’t want anything serious, and then you came back and you love him, and it’s all over, and I’m not going to be with him again. I’m just going to be with, shitty people.”
He pounded his fist into his palm.
“If it makes you feel any better, that’s my future too.”
“It doesn’t make me feel better,” Joey said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “And what about Matt?”
Then he said, “I should never have said anything to Felix about Matt. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” Scott shook his head. “I should never have spent the first thirty years of my life living a lie.”
“But what about Matt? I mean… this weekend… Did you all?”
“Matt’s my best buddy and what happened happened and… We’re not a couple.”
“Then nothing happened this weekend?”
“I love you, Joey, but—”
“I get it,” Joey nodded.
“And when I got back here, I just knew I had to see Felix. Just see him even if nothing ever happens. I went to the Maron and called him, but he didn’t get my messages. So I just sat around for a while and—”
“Oh, no!” Joey put his hand to his mouth.
“What?”
“I was at the Maron. I was upstairs and I saw you, and then I tried to find you, but you were gone. I thought you would be home.”
“I went to work in the law library.”
Joey nodded, “And then mom asked me to watch the kids, and so… I did. And then you got here, and I forgot.”
“Forgot what, Joey!”
“Oh, when you were leaving in one direction, Felix was coming back in the other, and he was looking around so, don’t you see?”
Scott looked at his brother in surprise.
“He was looking for you. He was coming for you.”
Scott reached into his pocket and turned on his phone.
“Check your messages,” Joey said
Scott looked doubtful.
“You not being with Felix isn’t going to make me more happy,” Joey told him. “Please check it.”
Scott nodded and opened his phone. As he listened, he tried to look serious, but Joey could see the hope on his brother’s face.
“He said he was waiting for me. He said he came for me.”
“And?”
“And he was going out and wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.”
“Oh,” Joey said. “Well, you should still call him.”
“Should I?” Scott said, sounding like a nervous teenager.
“Call him,” Joey charged.
Scott nodded, getting up and pacing the room with one hand in his pocket.
“Uh—Felix! It’s me. It’s Scott, and… Yeah. I just missed you. Well, I should have planned better and not just shown up. Look, I just wanted to see you. You know. I thought about you all weekend, and…”
“Ask him to dinner,” Joey hissed. “Tomorrow night.”
“And I want you to come to dinner tomorrow night. Here.”
“Say please,” Joey whispered.
“Please! It’ll be painless. I just want my family to meet you.
“Alright. Tomorrow? I’ll be around at six. Okay? Good. Great! Tomorrow.”
Scott stood looking at the wall and Joey said, “You can turn around. I want you to be happy.”
Scott turned around trying to look serious, but his eyes were shining.
“This is just… we don’t really know how this is going to go,” Scott said. “It’s just…”
“I know,” Joey nodded, smiling too.
“You alright?” Scott crawled back onto the bed.
“If you’re alright, I’m alright,” Joey said.
Scott didn’t say, “We’ll find you someone,” or “It’ll all work out.” He didn’t say any of that. He just kissed Joey on his head and hugged him.
“I think you’re the best little brother in the world.”
“And I think you’re the best big brother,” Joey said. “Now get out of here so I can get some rest.”

MORE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS

- - - Updated - - -

THE CONFESSER: CONTINUED

“You’re making something crazy out of me,” Ben said, as he took a drag on his cigarette and passed it to Felix.
“You were always something crazy,” Felix told him. “You can’t pin that on me.”
“Well, then you’re making me into something crazier,” Ben said.
They were on their backs together in Ben’s apartment watching the haze of smoke hit by the light, and Ben said, “You could stay the night.”
“You’ve never stayed the night in my apartment.”
“Do you want me to?” Ben turned on his side and looked at Felix, his head propped on his elbow.
“I was just saying,” Felix said.
“Well,” Ben told him, “the invitation stands.”
Felix looked up and down Ben’s body. At his stomach began the reddish brown hair that went over his belly to his sex and grew gold red up his thighs. While they were making love in his bed, Felix’s phone had rung and he pretended not to care.
“Think about it while I go to the restroom,” Ben said.
He hopped up and the little man closed the bathroom door behind him. No pissing with the door open like Joey or Scott.
Felix rolled over and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“You have three messages.”
“Felix, this is your sister. Father Bob says you left him a message inviting him to dinner. Is this true? If you’re starting something and trying to make me date him again, I’m gonna—”
“Delete,” Felix murmured.
“Felix, it’s Scott. I’m back in town. If you get this give me a buzz.”
“I’ll do that.” Felix murmured.
As the toilet flushed the next message began.
“Hey, Felix. It’s Scott again. I need to see your face. I haven’t heard back from you. I guess you’re busy.”
The door opened and Ben came out, taking a hand through his thick gold hair.
Felix lifted his finger. “Checking my messages.”
“Hey, Felix,” Scott said into the phone. “I… I know this is crazy, but I’m in the courtyard at the Maron. You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. Or how crazy I am just to see you. So… I guess I’ll be here a while. I just got here. It’s like… five.”
Felix looked at the time on the phone. 5:20.
“What’s wrong?” Ben asked him.
“I think I have to go,” Felix said, getting up. “And I can’t even pretend I know I’ll be back tonight. Is that alright?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Do you need me to come with you?”
“No,” Felix said, thoughtfully. “That’s probably not a good idea. But if I’m done quickly, do you want to get dinner?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Absolutely.”



Felix was half way out the door of the Pub and into the humid heat when he called Scott and got no answer. Quickly he walked the four blocks up Main to the Maron, calling two more times, and when he entered the courtyard, he saw some old women and a few children playing, but no Scott. He went to the benches under the east door, but no Scott, and then he walked down the shallow stair and over the court of grass onto the verandah, but no Scott. He sat at the glass table on the verandah and looked out onto Maron Street as if maybe Scott would appear there, but no Scott. So, in the end, he called again waiting for the phone to go to voice mail.
“Hey, this is Scott. Leave me a line.”
“Scott, I got your message, and I showed up,” he said. “But you were gone. If I’m in the right place. I’m in the courtyard. On the verandah. It’s Felix, by the way. Later. Bye.”
He waited a little while in the muggy heat of the July day. He could have stayed in bed with Ben, listening to him play the guitar, not caring about the stale sweat on their bodies or the smell of sex. But he had gotten dressed in this weather and come all the way here for the hope of Scott. He waited a few more minutes, and then rose up, deciding on a very slow walk, a walk that would give Scott Flowers the time to appear. But he didn’t, and then Felix, crossing the street and heading up Main back to the Pub, decided climbing into the shower with Ben and then going down to dinner wasn’t a bad consolation prize at all.


“So we can do that later if you want,” Rule said, pulling his clothes back on. Joey’s hand was already on the door knob.
“Sure.”
“I mean, you know,” Rule continued, “if the mood takes you.”
“Sure,” Joey said.
He left without saying goodbye, and headed down the dark hall, remembering a story Felix had told him one afternoon.
“This guy was having sex with me, and right in the middle of it I could tell he didn’t want to be with me. I could tell it by the way he was looking. He looked like he just wanted to be done with it and move on with his business, and as soon as he busted his nut he’d be on his way. He had walked into the house already wanting it to be over.”
“What did you do?”
“Well, I told him to get the fuck up and go away. Right then.”
“You didn’t!”
“I always do. You can’t disrespect yourself. If you find out someone is disrespecting you, the moment you do it’s time to get rid of him, or you’ll feel like dirt cause he feels like dirt and he wants to pass that shit on. I’ve told a lot of men to get the fuck out.”
Joey, going down the stairs, stopped at the landing window. He had been made to feel like dirt several times and he had never stopped the course of events. He realized now why he had always said he was bi. All of his orgasms with men had always been accompanied by shame and humiliation. Rule was not new. The phrase “dumb fuck” echoing in your ear while you came was just the price you paid. But it had never been that way with Felix, and now that was over. He felt instantly so low he could have died. It wasn’t an exaggeration. He really could have died.
But then he looked out of the window and saw, sitting in the courtyard, his brother. Yeah, that was Scott. And then Scott got up and left. and while Scott went in one direction, Joey saw Felix coming in the other, looking around. Had they missed each other? Should he say something? But he was more depressed than ever, and angry. Not at them, at himself for letting Rule do this to him. He didn’t feel good. He was disoriented and sweaty, and he was dripping semen into his underwear. He needed more than anything to be clean, and he didn’t know that there was enough water or a big enough shower for him.



Joey stopped reading the boys the story he’d read a thousand times when he heard the door open and told Taylor and Nathan their dad was home.
“He’s coming,” Taylor said with baited breath, and Joey marveled that Scott could elicit this much excitement.
“Fi fi fo fum,” Scott’s voice came from down the hall, his feet stomping heavily on the floor. “I smell two little children.”
Taylor’s eyes went wide, and he put his finger to his lips while Nathan nodded, snuggling into Joey with delicious terror.
“Fi fi fo fum,” Scott repeated. “I smell the blood of little children.”
Nathan grinned, thrilled at the fear.
“Fee fi fo fum,” Scott grumbled, and launched into Joey’s room jumping on the bed while his children screamed and, running out of Joey’s arms shouted as Scott tackled them, laughing.
“He’s got us!” Taylor shouted, laughing.
“I’ve got you!” Scott shouted, rolling on the floor with them, and Scott’s mother came up the stairs, leaning on the side of the door and watching them with an indulgent smile.
“Why move out? I wish you’d just stay here,” she said.
On his back, tie askew, Scott look up at his mother and said, “I doubt dad feels the same way, and the judge will agree.”
She shrugged and Scott looked up at his brother.
“As the pug asked the Bassett hound, why the long face?”
Joey shrugged.
The kids, paying attention to their father, looked up at Joey.
“You all run along,” Scott said, getting up and dusting off his trousers, “I have to talk to your uncle.”
The boys nodded and left the room with their grandmother, and Scott kicked off his dress shoes and climbed onto the bed.
“What’s up?”
“Is it obvious?”
“To me it is. You’re my brother.” Scott sat at the head of the bed beside Joey, pulling his knees to his chest the way his brother did.
Joey nodded, looking vacant eyed and playing with his socks.
“I don’t like to talk about sex,” he said.
“Whaddo you mean?” Scott said, though he shuddered and pulled a little away from Joey. He loved his little brother and felt warm to him, but the mention of sex reminded him that they’d both been with the same person.
“I mean…” Joey began, frowning, “that part of my life is personal. And… It’s not really happy. And… I don’t know how to talk about it.”
“But something’s bothering you.”
Scott swallowed. He really didn’t want to have this discussion.
“Have you ever… have you ever been with someone who made you feel like shit? Has it really just fucked with you?”
“This isn’t about Felix is it?” Scott said.
“No!” Joey shook his head. “No, Felix never made me feel bad. Felix is one of the only people who never made me feel bad. This is about… Just, have you ever been with someone who made you feel like that?”
“Yeah,” Scott said shortly. “Yeah. A few times. A…”
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to talk about meeting people online who closed their eyes while he fucked them and then left the room before he’d taken the condom off. He didn’t want to tell his little brother about compromising himself in dangerous places with people he pretended weren’t there and was relieved when they were actually gone.
He put his arm around Joey.
“I don’t want you to have that kind of life,” was all Scott said. “I don’t want people hurting my little brother. You’re a great guy. You don’t have to take that.”
Joey nodded, and then suddenly his face scrunched up and Scott looked surprised.
“It’s all I ever had,” Joey said quickly, tears falling from his face.
Scott got up swiftly, closed the door, and sat back down, wrapping his arm around his brother.
“No guy ever treated me like I was anything until Felix, and I told him I didn’t want to date. I told him I didn’t want anything serious, and then you came back and you love him, and it’s all over, and I’m not going to be with him again. I’m just going to be with, shitty people.”
He pounded his fist into his palm.
“If it makes you feel any better, that’s my future too.”
“It doesn’t make me feel better,” Joey said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “And what about Matt?”
Then he said, “I should never have said anything to Felix about Matt. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” Scott shook his head. “I should never have spent the first thirty years of my life living a lie.”
“But what about Matt? I mean… this weekend… Did you all?”
“Matt’s my best buddy and what happened happened and… We’re not a couple.”
“Then nothing happened this weekend?”
“I love you, Joey, but—”
“I get it,” Joey nodded.
“And when I got back here, I just knew I had to see Felix. Just see him even if nothing ever happens. I went to the Maron and called him, but he didn’t get my messages. So I just sat around for a while and—”
“Oh, no!” Joey put his hand to his mouth.
“What?”
“I was at the Maron. I was upstairs and I saw you, and then I tried to find you, but you were gone. I thought you would be home.”
“I went to work in the law library.”
Joey nodded, “And then mom asked me to watch the kids, and so… I did. And then you got here, and I forgot.”
“Forgot what, Joey!”
“Oh, when you were leaving in one direction, Felix was coming back in the other, and he was looking around so, don’t you see?”
Scott looked at his brother in surprise.
“He was looking for you. He was coming for you.”
Scott reached into his pocket and turned on his phone.
“Check your messages,” Joey said
Scott looked doubtful.
“You not being with Felix isn’t going to make me more happy,” Joey told him. “Please check it.”
Scott nodded and opened his phone. As he listened, he tried to look serious, but Joey could see the hope on his brother’s face.
“He said he was waiting for me. He said he came for me.”
“And?”
“And he was going out and wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.”
“Oh,” Joey said. “Well, you should still call him.”
“Should I?” Scott said, sounding like a nervous teenager.
“Call him,” Joey charged.
Scott nodded, getting up and pacing the room with one hand in his pocket.
“Uh—Felix! It’s me. It’s Scott, and… Yeah. I just missed you. Well, I should have planned better and not just shown up. Look, I just wanted to see you. You know. I thought about you all weekend, and…”
“Ask him to dinner,” Joey hissed. “Tomorrow night.”
“And I want you to come to dinner tomorrow night. Here.”
“Say please,” Joey whispered.
“Please! It’ll be painless. I just want my family to meet you.
“Alright. Tomorrow? I’ll be around at six. Okay? Good. Great! Tomorrow.”
Scott stood looking at the wall and Joey said, “You can turn around. I want you to be happy.”
Scott turned around trying to look serious, but his eyes were shining.
“This is just… we don’t really know how this is going to go,” Scott said. “It’s just…”
“I know,” Joey nodded, smiling too.
“You alright?” Scott crawled back onto the bed.
“If you’re alright, I’m alright,” Joey said.
Scott didn’t say, “We’ll find you someone,” or “It’ll all work out.” He didn’t say any of that. He just kissed Joey on his head and hugged him.
“I think you’re the best little brother in the world.”
“And I think you’re the best big brother,” Joey said. “Now get out of here so I can get some rest.”

MORE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS
 
Poor Joey! You were right he isn’t enjoying himself. I am glad he has Scott in his life. So Scott and Felix just missed each other? I look forward to reading about their dinner with Scott’s family. Great writing and I look forward to more in a few days. Hope you’re having a nice night!
 
I can't remember what's being posted tomorrow. I was feeling well, and knew i had to get to bed, so I posted early and said something would be posted. Poor Joey. Things have been a mess for him, and he wants to be loved. I think things can only go up from here.
 
CONCLUSION OF

THE CONFESSOR






They kissed, tongues touch tongues, sucking on lips, entangled in each other, Ben pressing his body to Felix’s, stretching himself out.
That night they were completely in the moment. Before there had been, and afterwards there would be thoughts for the future, about the past. But tonight with Ben he thought of Ben’s fingertips, of the light hair up and down his thighs, of the wetness of his mouth, of the pressure of him, entering him gently, like a lover asking permission. Pushing back Ben’s thighs, fucking him. Felix’s being pulled in, being fiercely welcomed and overwhelmed.
When it was over Ben said, “It’s funny but I didn’t know I wanted that. Not until we did it.”
Felix said nothing. Ben stopped talking after a while. Felix said everything with his hands, gently moving across Ben’s breast, his stomach, under his stomach where the hair went from red to deep black like the earth, then up again, kissing him.
That as he fell asleep with Ben between his legs, Ben’s mouth closed on his nipple, he thought of Scott, and what would happen tomorrow, troubled him not at all.

“So, you’re Felix!” Mr. Flowers stretched his hand out and shook Felix’s.
“You’ve heard of me?”
“I’ve heard of you for years,” Mr. Flowers said. “Call me Jake.”
As Felix shook his hand he looked at Scott and saw that his face was pink, but then Scott called: “Boys get down here!”
They came chasing after their grandmother and Scott barked, “Attention!”
Taylor and Nathan stopped, saluted their father smartly and Scott said, “Say hello to Felix.”
Taylor went up and stuck out his hand, but Nathan said, “You cut.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I’ll make this easier,” Felix said. “I can take both of your hands.”
The boys seemed pleased but shy over this, grinning and hiding their faces, and Scott said, “Let me see your hands.”
“Grandma had us wash them,” Nathan said.
“Hands,” Scott repeated.
The boy held their hands out, and Scott stuck out his bottom lip, beading his eyes.
“Um…. They pass inspection. Proceed to the dinner table.”
The twins marched out of the living room into the dining room while Felix said, “Well now my hands should pass inspection. Where’s your bathroom?” he asked Mrs. Flowers.
“We actually just use the sink,” Scott nudged him over.
“Felix!” Joey shouted from the kitchen.
“You really are the most popular man in the house,” Jake Flowers nudged him.
“I told him to invite you to dinner,” Joey stage whispered.
“What’s everyone having to drink?” Joey cried. “Felix, you want a beer?”
“I would love a beer.”
“Scott never has a beer,” Joey said. “You probably want Kool Aid.”
Scott smiled brightly and said, “It makes your lips red. How can I not?”
Joey nodded, grinning back. “Milk for the boys. Beer for the grown ups and Kool Aid for Scott—ouch!” he cried while Scott flicked him with a towel. “See how he treats me?”



“Do you just want to get dropped off, or do you want me to come up?” Scott said, leaning over to open the door.
Felix looked at Scott’s arm and Scott said, “I just want to stay with you.”
“Well, then let’s park the car,” Felix said. “And not in the main lot—”
“Cause it’ll get towed,” Scott remembered. “Next to the Masonic Temple across the street.”
Felix nodded and they drove a little up the street, crossed Maron, and parked in front of the pillared building.
“Hold on,” Scott said.
He rounded the car and opened the trunk and pulled out a gym bag.
“Are you serious?” Felix demanded.
Scott slung the bag over his shoulder and explained, “It’s a just in case you let me spend the night bag.”
Scott smiled at him and Felix shook his head. “Come on.”
They crossed the street to the Maron and went through the courtyard.
“It’s a beautiful night,” Scott said. “Isn’t it?”
There was something in how Scott spoke that made Felix stop and realize he was actually being asked a question.
“Yes,” he said. “It is.”
He opened the lobby door and passed into the yellow light of the Maron Arms. They went up the elevator and as it hummed up the seven stories, Scott asked, “How do you feel right now?”
“That’s a strange question. I’m sure I don’t know what you mean?”
“I’m excited,” Scott said, frankly. “I’ve missed you so much, and we haven’t been together in so long.”
“I’m excited too,” Felix said, honestly. It hadn’t been that long at all, but Felix didn’t say that because he knew just what Scott meant.
The elevator jumped to a halt, and the doors swung open for the seventh floor, the carpet on the floor, the gold framed mirror. They went right, to Seven West, and as Felix was coming to his corner apartment, he saw Kevin.
“What’s going on?”
“I brought up cookies,” Kevin, the broad shouldered, tanned boy from downstairs said, shaking the foil covered plate. “I see you have company.”
“This is Scott,” Felix said, and as Scott stooped and shook Kevin’s hand, Felix said, “Would you like to join us?”
He knew Kevin wouldn’t, that the boy wanted to spend some time alone with him, and Felix would have liked that too.
“It’s getting late,” Kevin said, shaking the paper plate of cookies. “You want these?”
Before Scott could open his mouth, Felix said, “You keep them for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Kevin repeated with a smile.
As Kevin turned to leave, Felix made sure Scott didn’t see him discreetly cup the little surfer boy’s ass.
Entering the apartment, Scott took a deep, theatrical breath and set his bag down.
“I feel like I’m home,” he said.
“I was going to say I do too,” Felix began, “but then this is my home. I guess I should say it feels more like home when you’re here.”
Scott looked surprised.
“Really?”
“Really, Scott,” Felix’s tone was almost defeated. He slipped off his shoes and climbed onto the futon, and Scott followed his lead. Without asking he wrapped his arm around Felix, and then pressed himself against him.
“I missed this.”
“Do you want to go to bed?”
“I thought you said there wasn’t going to be any…”
“And there isn’t going to be,” Felix said. “But I do want to go to bed.”
Scott nodded and got up. Together they pulled out the bed and mounted the mattress onto it, and then they stretched out the covers and Felix said, “I’ll put the air on the timer. You still want it on sixty-eight?”
“You remembered.”
“Of course I remembered.”
Felix went to his desk for the remote control and then he clicked on his computer.

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind
Them…
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

“What’s that?” Scott began, as he unbuttoned his shirt.
“You Tube has downloaded audiobooks. It’s the Lord of the Rings.”
Scott shook his head as he shook off his shirt.
“I never heard it. Or read it. I saw the movie, though.”
He unbuckled his pants and they fell.
“It was boring,” he said.
Felix dismissed this and looked at Scott in his black briefs.
“You really did plan on staying here tonight.”
Scott grinned.
“I hoped.”

This tale grew in the telling, until it became a history of the Great War of the Ring and included many glimpses of the yet more ancient history that preceded it. It was begun soon after _The Hobbit_ was written and before its publication in 1937; but I did not go on with this sequence…

“And, I’m not saying the book is boring,” Scott corrected. “I know how you feel about books. I’m just saying the movie was.”
“I can’t really be mad at you,” Felix said. “There is a beautiful six foot man with a happy trail going down his chest to his black briefs and he’s about to get in my bed. How can I be mad?”
Scott jumped onto the bed, and it groaned. Felix winced and Scott grinned, embarrassed. But then he situated himself like a centerfold and held out his arms, and Felix, turning out the last light so that only a white tea light was burning behind a lamp shaped like the sun, took off his clothes and climbed into bed, Scott pulling the covers over both of them.

This book is largely concerned with Hobbits, and from its pages a reader may discover much of their character and a little of their history. Further information will also be found in the selection from the Red Book of Westmarch that has already been published, under the title of _The Hobbit…_

“I like Hobbits,” Scott said.
“I thought you didn’t.”
“No,” Scott clarified. “I did not like Lord of the Rings. But I remember the Hobbit cartoons. Remember the ones that used to come on when we were kids?”
“Yes,” Felix reported. “I do.”
“I loved those guys. I think they’ve got the right idea about life.”
Felix started laughing and Scott said, “Are you making fun of me?”
“Not at all.”
“Can we be serious for a moment?”
“I don’t know,” Felix said, honestly. “I don’t know how I like us being serious.”
“Please.”
Felix sat up.
“Alright.”
Scott sat up too.
“I know you said you wanted someone to lie to you.”
“I never said that.”
“You said you wanted someone who loved you enough to lie to you.”
“Oh… Yes. I just meant… I’ve known a lot of men who seem not to think I’m worth investing in and just tell me the worst things about themselves off the bat, things you would never tell someone you wanted. And I just want someone who actually wants to impress me, who thinks I’m worth protecting from a scandal.”
“I do think all those things about you,” Scott said.
“I know,” Felix said.
“But I can’t move forward with you if I’m lying,” Scott told him.
“Okay.”
“What do you see?” Scott demanded, “when you see me?”
“That’s the… weirdest question.”
“Maybe,” Scott agreed. “But what to you see?”
Felix took a breath.
“The most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,” he said, simply.
“The very first time I saw you. You were so… good looking. I don’t mean hot, though you were. I mean you just looked like a good person. And you looked strong and kind and sweet and… all the things you were. And when I knew how you felt about me I felt lucky, and when you were gone I felt so sad, and when you’re here I feel like you should be here. Like nothing else should be here more than you.”
“Do you know how I got that black eye?”
“You wouldn’t tell me.”
“I couldn’t tell you, and maybe I shouldn’t now. But if you’re going to love me you have to love me for who I am. Not who I’m pretending to be.”
Felix nodded, looking up at Scott whose eyes were hollow spots in the dark.
“When Jen started cheating on me I started cheating on her. With guys. I’d never been with a man until then. I used to meet them off Craigslist. We’d get protection and all that stuff and I’m clean, but I used to hook up with guys in hotel rooms.”
“It will take a lot more than that to shock me, Scott,” Felix said.
“That day I had done it too. I met this kid, Joey’s age maybe, and picked him up in my car and we went to a cornfield. We were out there. Having sex. And… I always tried to be kind and tender. Most men don’t really like that. They don’t want to feel. They just want it to be over. I said something to him and he slugged me. He almost knocked me out and stole my keys, and I realized he was trying to steal my car. So I went after him and tackled him.”
Felix waited for him to continue and then, in the dark, Scott said:
“That’s not true. I raped him. He liked it. He liked me angry better than he liked me loving. That’s not a justification, it’s just the truth. When I got up and got in the car he thought—he actually thought—I was going to drive him back into town. But I left him there in the cornfield, and two hours later I showed up at your door.”
“I’ve been having sex with Ben,” was all Felix said.
“Oh,” Scott said.
“But he’s not you. He is not my home. You are my home.”
“I am a bad house,” Scott said. “I’m afraid I’m a bad man. I thought you had to try to be bad, but you don’t. It must be easy to be bad.”
“You are not bad.”
“What is there good about me? I threatened Joey. I almost strangled him. I beat up Ben. I’m violent, and I’m crazy. And… You know how I never drink?”
Felix nodded, and then when he wasn’t sure that Scott had seen, he said, “Yes.”
“It’s because I’m a blackout drunk. I can’t just have one drink, or else crazy things happen.”
“I didn’t know.”
“It’s why I was late for school all the time. It’s why the first time I came here I got drunk and passed out. And I’m not a good person. I’m not. And I’m full of demons.”
“Then maybe neither one of us is good,” Felix said. “It sits in my mind. I think of the things I do and maybe neither of us is good, because you don’t seem bad to me, even when I know what you’ve done I’m in love with you.”
“The truth is I wish I could see you the way you see me.”
Felix said, “I see you exactly the way you are.”
Scott looked at him. His eyes were pits, and then for a moment they glinted in the night.
“You do see me,” Scott realized, and as Scott’s eyes bore into him, Felix wasn’t sure if the smile was a child’s approaching a present, or a tiger’s approaching its prey.
“You see me, Felix, and I see you.”
Felix shuddered with a thrill of fear. They looked away from each other. They looked into the darkness, and while Bob Inglis was reading The Lord of the Rings, Felix said:
“We’re jungle creatures, Henry.”
“What?”
Felix repeated, still looking into the darkness of the room, “We're jungle creatures, Henry, and the dark is all around us. See them? In the corners, you can see the eyes.”
“That’s from The Lion in Winter,” Scott said. “I remember that. We saw it together.”
Then Scott said, “Then why do I feel like you just made it up, and like it’s true?”
“Because it is.”
“Joey came to me crying cause somebody hurt him.”
“They’re bound to. He’s good.”
“I wanted to kill them. I feel violent all the time. If it’s a jungle out there, and if I’m a jungle creature, and you’re a jungle creature… If… we’re so wild, then who’s going to protect you from my claws?”
“Who’s going to protect you from mine?”
Scott said nothing at first. At last he said:
“We’ll have to protect each other.”

WE WILL RETURN TO THIS STORY IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. TOMORROW NIGHT WILL BE THE CONCLUSION OF THE WICKED
 
That was a great conclusion to this part of the story. I am glad Felix and Scott are being honest with each other and I hope things work out for them. Excellent writing and I look forward to more of this in a few days and The Wicked tomorrow!
 
Yes, some stage of the foolishness and deception is over, and our two friends are back together again However that shapes up, it is a good thing.
 
E I G H T
E I G H T





W A F E R











Theme Song: Candy Everybody Wants, Ten Thousand Maniacs

“How many of you have heard the name Margaret Fell?” Valerie asked the congregation as she stepped down from the chancel and stood in the center aisle.
“Put your hand down, Felix. You’re an historian,” Valerie said.
The congregation laughed and Gail Buechner whispered, “She’s so pretty in her robes.”
“Well, nothing brings out pretty and girly like being an Anglo Catholic,” Felix returned.
“Margaret Fell was one of the first ladies of Quakerism,” Valerie continued, placing her hands behind her back, “and one thing we Anglicans could afford to appreciate is a little more silence.”
The laughter in the congregation confirmed this, and Gail’s husband, Fred murmured, “Amen to that.”
“Well, let me read this,” Valerie opened up a book. “It’s Margaret Fell’s journal, about the first time she heard George Fox preach:
“And so he went on, and said, ‘That Christ was the Light of the world, and lighteth every man that cometh into the world; and that by this light they might be gathered to God,’ and the rest. I stood up in my pew, and wondered at his doctrine, for I had never heard such before. And then he went on, and opened the scriptures, and said, ‘The scriptures were the prophets' words, and Christ's and the apostles' words, and what, as they spoke, they enjoyed and possessed, and had it from the Lord’: and said, ‘Then what had any to do with the scriptures, but as they came to the Spirit that gave them forth? You will say, 'Christ saith this, and the apostles say this;' but what canst thou say? Art thou a child of the Light, and hast thou walked in the Light, and what thou speakest, is it inwardly from God?’ and the rest. This opened me so, that it cut me to the heart; and then I saw clearly we were all wrong. So I sat down in my pew again, and cried bitterly: and I cried in my spirit to the Lord, ‘We are all thieves; we are all thieves; we have taken the scriptures in words, and know nothing of them in ourselves.’

Valerie, in her white robes with their satin borders, stood in the middle of the aisle letting them think.
“What happens when we are thieves no longer?” she asked, “when the words of Scripture have become our words, when we are poor and needy, when all of our hope is in the Lord, when we can indeed look upon our lives and remember how the shadow of death was upon us, how we shook with fear at every noise, how the simplest thoughts filled us with terror?”
She walked down the aisle, touching the pews, speaking face to face with members.
“I feel, after bones long dried, a fire rising up within me, a desire to move and shake and change after a long desire to do little but sleep. I resist the deadly lies that everything is fated, that all is done. God waits for us to act now that we have waited on him. We pray and God says, move one step forward, come a little closer. Do not be afraid, and on the other side of it I will show you a marvel. He waits for us to move.”
“My spirit feels free,” Valerie declared as she stood in the center of the church and the light from the rose window shone down on her. “I want to stop wearing shoes!”
The congregation laughed.
“I want to be free in the breeze. Regardless if I feel free or not, Jesus has freed me. So if I am free, I ought to live free. I feel no chains and so I am joyful, but regardless of what chains I may feel, Jesus has freed me.. Therefore it is not fitting that I live as a slave or as a prisoner. This is why Saint Paul counseled the slave never to mind his chains, and why Christians went to prison rejoicing, and in their prison cells met Jesus.”
Valerie raised her finger.
“Why are thou so downcast my soul, and why are thou disturbed within me? Trust in God thy saviour!
“If only we can begin to live with God, he will show us many good things, and his very presence will cast out the enemy of our souls. And do not be deceived, there is an enemy. No sooner are the promises of Christ come into effect, no sooner are we beginning to live in glory then he comes and assaults our lives with the spirits of despair, of fear, of warfare and self interest. And we do not know how to abide in Christ, not naturally. But blessedly for us we do not rely on nature, but on Christ.”
She raised her hand in blessing.
In the name of the Father, the son and the Holy Ghost.”
The congregation crossed itself and murmured, “Amen,” as Valerie returned to the chancel.
“She’s marvelous,” Gail said.
“I know she is,” Felix said. “Sometimes I forget it. But she is.”
As Deacon Anne stood up and said, “Let us make our proclamation of faith,” Fred Buechner declared, “Mother Valerie makes me want to take off my shoes, and run through a field.”
Felix rose with the congregation and replied, “Me too.”

When Felix got home, Scott had cleaned up the apartment and was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee.
“I just made it,” he said. “I was waiting for you.”
“I thought you’d be home.”
“Speaking of home, we’re going to look at houses tomorrow,” Scott said. “How far do you need me to be from you?”
“Huh?” Felix noticed that Scott had put his favorite mug next to the coffee pot.
“I want to be close, but not so close it drives you nuts,” Scott explained.
“Well, if you understand that formula, I’m sure you understand just how far away to be.”
Then Felix grinned as he put the coffee pot back on the burner and added creamer to his coffee, “but I don’t want you far away at all, Scott.”
“Was church good?” Scott said, climbing onto the futon. He was in pajama pants, and there was something sweet about his long, bare feet.
“It was church,” Felix began. Then he said, “I haven’t lived the life I want to live.”
“Huh?”
“I am usually at church because Val wants me to be there and she is the junior priest, but today it affected me. What she said affected me. I don’t know,” Felix sat down. “Perhaps my life has affected me.”
Scott pulled his knees to his chest and Felix was startled by the look on his face because he wasn’t used to people paying him close attention.
“I used to believe in things,” Felix said. “I mean the big things. Jesus and the Resurrection and all that. And you kind of just say, yeah, I still believe in that. You don’t think much about it, and then one day you see where your life has turned. You see what you’ve settled for, and you realize you don’t really believe in anything anymore.”
Scott said nothing. He didn’t even nod. He waited for Felix to keep speaking.
“There is a part in the old style Mass where it reminds you that if you take communion without faith you take it to your own detriment, and now I think I’ve been taking it to my detriment because I haven’t had faith. Not in anything.”
Scott shook his head and chuckled then stopped.
“What?” Felix said.
“I was going to say something very conceited.”
“Huh?”
“I was going to ask if you had faith in me, then I realized it wasn’t about me.”
“It is, though, actually,” Felix said.
“How?”
“I stopped believing anyone would ever love me, and Valerie was preaching this morning and… I can’t really repeat exactly what she said or how she said it, but I realized that being a Christian and living in this world wasn’t supposed to be this scrappy thing I’m living, picking up bits and pieces of stuff, crawling from one thing to another, and then I thought about you, waiting here for me, and… how good life is, and how ungrateful I was for it, and how I had become so jaded.”
Scott said, with sudden frankness, “I think I’ve been afraid my whole life.”
“I have too, and now I feel like there was no need for it. No need for ninety percent of what I’ve done.”
“What if I went to church with you next week?”
“I… uh…”
“It’s not like a revival meeting. It’s just Mass... I mean, Episcopalian, but still. Would you mind if I went with you?”
“No, Scott,” Felix lied. “I would not.”
Then Felix said, “I need to change.”
Scott touched his hand.
“Don’t change too much,” he said. “And don’t change without me."


MORE TOMORROW
 
Good to get back to this story! Sounds like Scott and Felix still have some things to work out between them. I don’t have much else to say other then great writing and I am still really enjoying this story! I look forward to more tomorrow! Hope you’re having a nice night!
 
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