Bits and Pieces

[ChrisGibson]

An almost aching exhaustion because, when he remembers telling Fenn of the Buddha Face, Fenn who, no matter what, is always his best friend, he remembers saying to him: “The only flaw you ever had, Fenn, is that you take too much on yourself. Even right now you’re imagining yourself right there, wishing you could do something for a boy who hadn’t existed for over twenty-five years.”
That’s how it is with Elias. I can’t have the thing for myself that isn’t pity, is anger, is the wish to protect is… love? I can’t have it for Paul in California, Paul fucking a nurse against a car in East Carmel. But for Elias…yes. It’s always Eli I see, Eli I fear for. Fenn always understood, but when I told him about my, face against the pillow, head banged into the sink, then he really understood. He didn’t say it, but they both understood.



The next morning he said goodbye to his family, promised to return in a few months and didn’t look Matty in the eye when he left because his little brother shot him a glance that called him a liar and, sure enough, Paul knew that’s what he was. He drove to Chicago, dropped off his car, got on the plane, went to the bathroom, ground up a quarter of a bottle of pills and went to sleep. When he woke up he was back in LA, and when he came off of the plane, into the sunshine, seeing palm trees in a place where palm trees were never meant to grow and water in a land where it ought not be, young beautiful people wishing to be stars even though stars were balls of gas, he thought how unreal it all was and how that was perfect, because he didn’t want to be real either.
When he returned to his apartment he stripped and then went to the bathroom and fell asleep on the toilet. He didn’t bother to shower, but stretched out naked on his bed and hit the message button on his answering machine. On it Guy was all excited about the next young thing, some hot little number with a cock the size of Australia that he just had to see. So early the next morning, Paul shaved, showered and dressed, and came into the studio, shades over his eyes, Johnny Mellow all over again and glad to be him, glad to do some scenes if necessary, and Guy brought a small kid to him, good looking, but definitely a kid, and short as fuck. Guy said to the boy with the red brown curls:
“This is Johnny Mellow, You may have seen him.”
“Yeah,” the boy grinned, and he laughed nervously.
“We were wondering,” Guy continued, “if you were ready to get fucked? And if you’d like to get fucked for the first time by Johnny Mellow?”
“Uh…” the boy began, “Yes, I mean… Uh, huh.”
“A little nervous?”
The boy went red as Johnny gave him a little grin.
“Yeah. A little.” Then he added, “But I’m ready.”
“And cut,” Guy said in a different voice.
The boy blinked and so did Paul, who had no idea they were being taped. Yes, Paul remembered, Guy had a thing for that.
“Guys,” Guy said, “come in at around eleven tomorrow and we’ll start filming the rest. I needed to catch Noah’s surprise,” Guy explained, gesturing to the boy who must have been Noah. “And Noah, if you don’t know already, you need to learn how to douche. Johnny, can you teach him?”
Johnny nodded.
“We want you to be sort of new and convincing, but if it’s too new, it’s just going to be gross,” Guy went on. “Johnny, introduce Noah to some sex toys. Help him experiment. Nothing too crazy, nothing too big. We’ll start in on this tomorrow.”



Paul remembered how when they had first begun five years ago, there was no Eagle Studios, and now here he sat, shades on, shirt off, smoking beside Burt Lightning, smoking a cigarette while Guy talked off camera to Noah who was naked in the fake bedroom, pulling on his cock for the camera. It took about an hour to shoot the twenty minute video of Noah masturbating on the floor and at one time Noah fucked a pillow and then rubbed his swollen cock against the leather of a sofa. At times he bent over to show his tight ass, expose his asshole, finger it even. At last, eyes opened and shutting, his little body tensing and untensing, his toes locking, his back arched, he shot four—Paul counted them—arcs of yellowish semen all over his chest, onto his neck and onto the floor.
“Holy shit,” Burt murmured.
“Let it go on for about ten more seconds,” Johnny said to Guy, “and then make it a wrap. Don’t even say anything. Just film up and down and watch him all spent.”
“Fucking beautiful,” Guy said while he ran the camera up and down the boy with his eyes closed who was still trembling in the wake of his own orgasm.
When the shooting was done, respectfully, no one said anything for a while and then Guy said, “That was impressive, Mr. Noah. You can shower up, and we’ll see you in the morning.”

While Noah was coming out of the shower and drying himself, Johnny said, “You’re going to love this.”
Noah waited for Johnny to elaborate.
“Bottoming,” Johnny said.
And then he added, as Noah dried his head, “Not because I’m so great, just because this really is where the money is. When there is money.”
“I’ve never done stuff like that. With toys,” Noah said, putting his hand to his behind. “I’ve never had someone put stuff up there.”
He’d had stuff up there, Paul suspected, but not willingly. Where did he come from? What was he running away from. Kyle Norman’s graffitied head, the head he’d never actually seen, blackened his sight as it sometimes did and sucked him into a momentary hole. He shook the image away.
“But you liked it?” Paul told him.
“Yeah,” Noah said in a small, reverent voice. “I did. After I got used to it.”
“Good,” Paul was still shaking away the image of Kyle, disappointed in himself for not being able to lose it after all these years. He concentrated on this boy before him, this boy who was gentle and good looking, cocky enough to survive, who had gotten away from wherever and gotten away from the streets to the safest place there was.
“Guy might want us to do some of that in the video,” Paul told Noah. “You know, where I’m supposed to be doing all that to you for the first time. Before I fuck you.”
Paul said it so negligently. It was just a day’s work. Paul watched Noah turn red, and was surprised at feeling a little embarrassed.
“Say,” Paul turned to him as Noah pulled on his shirt. “You wanna go out or something? Get a beer or some dinner? I don’t really have any friends around here.”
“Me neither,” Noah said. “Yeah, I’m free.”
“Oh, and by the way,” Paul added. “I’m always celibate three days before a shoot, so I’m not rebuffing you. They just like to see a nice load and some passion. It’s something you might want to try.”
Noah chuckled, “I don’t have to try. No one wants me. I’m not doing anything with anyone outside of here. And I’m glad.”
Paul stood looking at him.
“What?” Noah said.
Paul knew he was halfway in love with this little, well built guy. He wanted to fuck him, but he wanted to do it in his bed, wake up with him. He wanted it off camera. He wanted Noah to himself. He felt kind of stupid, but he wouldn’t have been the first pornstar to fall in love with a coworker, to make a go of it.
“I just don’t believe that no one wants you,” said Paul.




So, how are you liking it so far?”
“Well, the money’s definitely good,” Noah said. “That is my second jackoff scene, and I did one with toys and that certainly beats living on the streets.”
“You were on the streets?”
“Uh huh,” Noah nodded.
“Where you living now?”
“Don’t worry,” Noah said. “I’m not homeless anymore. “Guy put me up in this place not far off on View Street, This old woman lives downstairs. It’s a nice little set of room.s”
“That’s my old place!” Paul said.
“Get out!”
“Yeah. It was the first place I lived when I came here. First decent place, I mean,” Paul corrected.
“I wasn’t living any place,” Noah confirmed. “Crashing with folks, an occasional motel. I made a friend of the homeless shelter, but they need you out by nine, then you’re walking the streets all day—I guess looking for a job.”
“Did you get a job?” Paul said, and he wasn’t sure why he’d asked it.
“Oh, I got a job,” Noah said. “But what I did was usually night business. Over on Santa Monica.”
“We’ve all done a turn on Santa Monica,” Paul said.
Noah nodded, not looking surprised.
:You’d like to think things change,” Paul said. “But some never do.”
“It wasn’t always bad,” Noah said. “In fact, it was almost never bad. Sometimes it was lousy, but not bad. A lot of older guys. A lot of men not very sure of themselves. You’d have to act real tough and say, “You know, you’re paying for my time whether something happens or not. And sometimes I would say it at the very end because I didn’t want it to happen at all. But this one guy. Forty maybe. So shy, car coat, scarf, dressed real nice, bald clean shaved with a trim beard. He asked me to take off my shirt and told me I was beautiful, and then my pants. And then I asked him what he want and he sucked me. I was surprised by how good it felt. How good it can feel sometimes. He took off his coat and his shirt fit so tight and you could see his muscles and he sort of looked like a porn star.”
“He might have been,” Paul said.
“Huh?”
“We get bought and then we buy each other,” Paul said, simply. “Go on.”
“He was so beautiful when he took his clothes off. Smooth and brown all over, and he just….” Noah seemed at a loss for words as they sat in the restaurant. “Johnny he just made love to me. When he told me he wanted to fuck me, I almost begged for it. Begged for it. That’s the first time I ever begged for it. He left me weak in the knees and so sore I could hardly walk. But I loved the soreness. I made so much money. He came back two more times. I felt like he was my lover. I knew I was being a prostitute and he was a john, but it didn’t feel like it.”
“I have never,” Paul said, “ever, felt that way about a john. Or about anyone, really.”
“Really?” Noah said. “But you’re such a nice guy.”
“I used to wish I could feel more about them,” Paul said. “Now I don’t think about it anymore. I just do my work.”
“For what?”
“Huh?”
“For what?” Noah repeated. “Most people they’re doing it to save money or planning to do something else one day.”
“One day I’m gonna be an actor,” Paul said. “A real one. Not the star of Pizza Slut or Cockman or some shit like that. Real stuff. And this…” he waved a hand across the table, “is all gonna disappear. Or at least I’m gonna disappear from it.
“Yeah,” Noah said. “But if all this goes, then you’re stuck being who you were before it started. And I don’t want to go back to who I was before I started.”
As they sat across from each other in the restaurant, laughing and exchanging stories, Paul realized he was going to fuck Noah in a few days. His dick throbbed, swelling through his jeans with the thought of inevitably being inside of him, making him cry, making him come. He wanted to fuck him now. He wanted to run his hands over that smooth little body he’d seen pleasuring itself.
He took him home that night and rounded the corner waiting for one of the boys to come to him in his red car, red and bright even at night. If the one approaching didn’t interest him, he turned his head. One finally came, a little surfer with a backward ball cap and cargo shorts, little flip flops.
“You need a ride?” he asked, and the kid hopped in.
Back at his place, Paul said, “You’re going to want to shower.”
The cinnamon haired boy nodded and took off his clothes and he had a fat trunk of a cock and a tight, round little ass. Paul took it in stride as he went into the shower. A few minutes later Paul joined him, lathering him up, running his hands over the boy’s body, making him moan, reminded that, just because you paid them didn’t mean you couldn’t pleasure them, and it didn’t mean they weren’t pleasured. He went to his knees and took the boy in his mouth and the boy trembled, “Oh, my God.”
Paul ran his hands up and down over his firm, soap and water slicked body, and when the boy was going to go to his knees, Paul said, “No. Not tonight. Tonight just let me please you.”
Dazed, the boy nodded, and Paul, hair soaked by the shower, continued on him until, gripping his shoulders and shaking, the boy came, hot fluid gagging Paul, always a surprise as he tried to take it all in. He closed his eyes tight, swallowing the saltiness. This boy’s dick was do hard. He wanted to fuck this boy. He wanted to fuck Noah. He wanted to fuck everything. He stayed on his knees, shaking just like the boy, making no noise, the fall of the shower water the only noise.

“Do you want to go or do you want to stay?” Paul asked him.
“You don’t have to do anything with me, only its late.”
“I better go,” the boy said.
Paul nodded and handed him fifteen hundred dollars.
“What the…” the boy started.
“Can I find you again?” Paul asked.
The boy nodded. Would he have nodded so easily if Paul hadn’t paid him so well? Who knew?
“Where?”
“If you want me to,” the boy said. “I can come here.”
“I do. What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
“Wednesday,” Paul marveled. “Really?”
“Uh, yeah,” the boy did the first thing like smiling he had done the whole night.
“Okay, then come next Wednesday. At ten. Alright.”
“You serious?
Paul understood the boy needed serious clients. A frivolous appointment was a loss of income.
“Yes,” Paul told him. “Really”
The boy nodded.
“Alright.”

MORE TOMORROW, AND TOMORROW ELEGY

 

[CharmedFan28]

That was very interesting to get back to Paul’s life in LA and his time as Johnny Mellow. He does still seem very lost in his life but that is to be expected. Great writing and I look forward to more tomorrow!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Well, Noah's finally arrived in the story, so Paul might be lost, but they're about to be lost together. I'm glad you know Paul is lost, and glad you enjoyed the story.

 

[ChrisGibson]

AS WE CLOSE OUT CHAPTER EIGHT, WE RETURN TO THE DAY WHEN PAUL FIRST SHOT WITH NOAH, AND THEN TOOK A YOUNG MAN FROM THE STREETS INTO HIS BED FOR THE NIGHT


As they sat across from each other in the restaurant, laughing and exchanging stories, Paul realized he was going to fuck Noah in a few days. His dick throbbed, swelling through his jeans with the thought of inevitably being inside of him, making him cry, making him come. He wanted to fuck him now. He wanted to run his hands over that smooth little body he’d seen pleasuring itself.
He took him home that night and rounded the corner waiting for one of the boys to come to him in his red car, red and bright even at night. If the one approaching didn’t interest him, he turned his head. One finally came, a little surfer with a backward ball cap and cargo shorts, little flip flops.
“You need a ride?” he asked, and the kid hopped in.
Back at his place, Paul said, “You’re going to want to shower.”
The cinnamon haired boy nodded and took off his clothes and he had a fat trunk of a cock and a tight, round little ass. Paul took it in stride as he went into the shower. A few minutes later Paul joined him, lathering him up, running his hands over the boy’s body, making him moan, reminded that, just because you paid them didn’t mean you couldn’t pleasure them, and it didn’t mean they weren’t pleasured. He went to his knees and took the boy in his mouth and the boy trembled, “Oh, my God.”
Paul ran his hands up and down over his firm, soap and water slicked body, and when the boy was going to go to his knees, Paul said, “No. Not tonight. Tonight just let me please you.”
Dazed, the boy nodded, and Paul, hair soaked by the shower, continued on him until, gripping his shoulders and shaking, the boy came, hot fluid gagging Paul, always a surprise as he tried to take it all in. He closed his eyes tight, swallowing the saltiness. This boy’s dick was do hard. He wanted to fuck this boy. He wanted to fuck Noah. He wanted to fuck everything. He stayed on his knees, shaking just like the boy, making no noise, the fall of the shower water the only noise.

“Do you want to go or do you want to stay?” Paul asked him.
“You don’t have to do anything with me, only its late.”
“I better go,” the boy said.
Paul nodded and handed him fifteen hundred dollars.
“What the…” the boy started.
“Can I find you again?” Paul asked.
The boy nodded. Would he have nodded so easily if Paul hadn’t paid him so well? Who knew?
“Where?”
“If you want me to,” the boy said. “I can come here.”
“I do. What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
“Wednesday,” Paul marveled. “Really?”
“Uh, yeah,” the boy did the first thing like smiling he had done the whole night.
“Okay, then come next Wednesday. At ten. Alright.”
“You serious?
Paul understood the boy needed serious clients. A frivolous appointment was a loss of income.
“Yes,” Paul told him. “Really”
The boy nodded.
“Alright,”


“Well, try it with this first,” Guy told Noah as the camera rolled. “You gotta practice.”
“It hurts when someone doesn’t know what they’re doing,” Johnny said. “And when you don’t know what you’re doing, either. When you don’t know how to take someone in. Don’t worry,” he chuckled. “I’ll be easy on you. If it’s too much, just say stop.”
He didn’t say stop. The camera hardly mattered. By now Noah knew Johnny, so it was more or less comfortable talking to him. And this was work, work that allowed him to get other types of work where he wasn’t naked or pimping himself to desperate men on the street.
They shot the real scene the next day. It was Friday. When Paul awoke his dick was so hard it was almost screaming to be relieved. He hadn’t even masturbated since he’d been back. Tonight, he resolved, he was going to go on a fucking bender. He was going to snort so much coke his face would look like a snowman. He was going to drink himself under a table. As for fucking—Jesus Christ, he was going to fuck that little Noah to death. He was going to make that boy scream. He was going to get so deep into his tight little ass his dick would come out in Australia. And he would explode! Holy shit goddamn, he would explode loops and loops of come.
Paul came in, chewing gum, looking country and innocent, his marmalade hair a little spiked, that sweetness and shyness in his green eyes. He had one of those old Cuban shirts from the 50’s—white with a black stripe down the middle—but it was snug on him, and when it was time, when Guy stopped talking, Paul took the gum out of his mouth and put it in the wrapper like a gentleman, and then he pulled Noah to him. Paul’s mouth was all spearmint. Noah was trembling and Paul was whispering so low no camera could hear, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t fall apart. I got you.”
He was kissing him and whispering reassurance, making love to him, undressing him slowly, covering his body in kisses, gently inserting his fingers, moving them so that Noah made a music and cried out with joy before, in time, Paul sat him gently down and, meekly, humbly, whispered for permission, and then, pulling him down slowly, entered.
“It can be,” Paul said, as all of Paul filled him and Noah tightened on him in shock of the pleasure, wanting to pull him all in, adjusting to sweet Paul’s rhythm, “the most wonderful thing in the world.”
He liked this boy. All his lust was penned up in an intense affection, and he didn’t want to hurt him for the world so he just moved slowly until Noah whispered, “Put me down on the bed, Paul. Pound me.”
“What?”
Paul lifted him and brought him to the bed. Noah lay on his back and pulled Paul down to him.
“Fuck me,” he said in his ear. “I want to feel you just cut loose. Just fuck me.”
And so Paul did.
He had to be a professional about it. If it had been his way it would have been over in five sweaty minutes. But he knew when to pull back, and he knew the shots they needed. It was hot, but a little frustrating until the end. He wanted to come inside of Noah, so badly, but after the little boy had come, Paul pulled out of him, tugged off the condom and gave the required load, a geyser all over Noah, all over the bed, staggering, crying out as ropes of come shot from him, and he collapsed on the bed. Perhaps, because sex made him pass out of the body, as he lay on his back, feet twisted with Noah’s who lay on his back perpendicular to Paul. Paul saw the cameras go over his semen covered chest and across Noah’s stomach over their trembling, sweating, pressed bodies. He saw the cameras pass over their dazed faces and knew they had done an excellent day’s work.


Noah was sitting quietly by himself, waiting for the bus. He wanted to be hidden in the stall because he wanted to be by himself with the way he was feeling. He was shocked when a car stopped and honked at him and he looked up to see Johnny Mellow, in black shades, chomping his gum. He was struck in the chest with the memory of him. He couldn’t believe how good it had felt when Johnny made love to him. He was still trembling from it, and embarrassed. He was a fucking professional after all.
“Noah, get your ass in the car,” Johnny said.
Noah came over, climbed in the car, and they drove off.
As they whizzed through a yellow light, Johnny placed his hand on Noah’s thigh.
“Firstly, Noah, you need shades. Not cause they’re cool, but because you’ll fry your fucking eyes out. And secondly, today was pretty fucking intense, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Noah said.
“I don’t usually feel that way. I like fucking, you know?” Johnny said. “And I like being fucked. But it’s not always like that.
“I think it’s because I wanted you. I had to be a good boy last night, but not anymore.”
Noah’s lips were dry. He licked them and wondered where Johnny was going with this.
“Noah, we’re off the clock. We’re not working for another week or so. You wanna go back to my place? Or your place. With no cameras. Just us.”
Noah’s heart was beating faster. He felt a little dizzy and his cock stretched, filling up. He half panted: “Yeah, that’s all I wanted.”
“Me too,” Johnny said, suddenly gunning the engine and violating the speed limit.
Johnny turned to him, eyes hidden behind shades, a huge grin on his face, and said, “Let’s go!”

Paul got a bottle of wine, and at his apartment they drank that and smoked his good weed. He didn’t offer cocaine to Noah because he thought he was too pure for that, but he dipped into the bathroom and brushed his gums with it, snorted a bit and came out laughing, and kissed Noah.
They were making out on the sofa and Paul was tugging on his shirt and thinking, “I’m Paul again, I’ve never so much been Paul,” and his tongue was linking with Noah’s and his body was so hot.
“My name is Paul,” Paul said, suddenly, taking off his glasses.
“Huh?”
“My real name is Paul.”
“Oh, I see.”
“I want to make love to you,” Paul said tenderly, “For real. As myself.”
Noah’s face changed. He almost looked away, but instead he looked steadily at Paul.
“My name is Noah. It’s Noah all the time… Paul.”
“I want to be inside of you so bad.”
Noah just pulled Paul closer. If Paul had known some of the things Noah had been through in the past, he would have known how much that meant. But it meant enough. They didn’t hurry through it. They undressed slowly and when, with no cameras and no façade, Noah held onto him, rubbing his shoulders, holding him down, his legs wrapped around Paul. It was the first time Paul had made love, really, since Wyman, and, eyes closed, he opened his mouth over and over again on Noah’s breast, like a child blindly breastfeeding.
“I’m about to…” he whispered.
“Come inside of me,” Noah insisted.
“Are you…?”
“Inside…” Noah began, as Paul, coming to the end, fucked him deeply, and tenderly, “me.”
When he came he cried out like he’d been struck, but as his body buckled up and down, and he shot, spurted, shot and shot again inside of him. This was the greatest pleasure, and the sweetest release he had ever known.


MORE IN A FEW DAYS. TOMORROW ELEGY AND BOOK OF THE BATTLES

 

[CharmedFan28]

Well Paul and Noah had a lot of sex in this great portion. Paul’s life may not be in a good place but at least I think he will have Noah to talk to. Excellent writing and I look forward to more soon!

 

[ChrisGibson]

I don't know how much talking they'll do, but they do have each other now, even if they don't know it.

 

[ChrisGibson]

N I N E



“We’re all just doing it.”

- Paul Anderson


“Do you date?” Noah asked.
“No,” Paul said. “That ruins everything.”
“I’ve tried it,” Noah admitted. “But then there comes the time when you have to tell the guy what you do for a living, and sometimes he pretends he accepts it, but you can see him looking at you like…. You do that?”
“I used to be in love,” Paul said. “But that was a while before I went into this. I just didn’t think I could have a real relationship, and do what I do. I think I would see that look on someone’s face, and I couldn’t deal with it.
“Porn stars date each other, though,” Paul said. “It makes sense. Who should date a porn star but someone who knows exactly what it’s like. And it’s not always good,” Paul warned.
“With you it was,” Noah said. “It was great. It was better with just you and me last night. But it was good the other day at the studio.” “
“Well that’s because I care about you,” Paul said frankly. “But you won’t always get that, and sometimes you won’t even like the guy and he won’t like you. You just have to get through it. Sometimes they have boyfriends make movies with each other, but that shit never lasts. Its hard dating someone who’s busy getting fucked by other people all day. I don’t think I’d do it.”
Noah’s face changed and then he said, “Whatever we are…”
“Friends,” Paul said quickly. “And listen, everyone isn’t my friend. I don’t really have friends.”
“Well, friends then,” Noah settled on the word. “Can we still have sex? Can we? Because real sex hasn’t happened for me in a long time. Making money. That’s making money. But what we did…”
“I know, right?” Paul nodded. “I feel the same way. Yeah, I’d like that. Us keeping this up. Being with someone I care about. And maybe we should never date. Just because of that.”

Noah stayed with Paul all that weekend. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment which seemed so far from everything.
“We’ll find a new place for you in the neighborhood,” Paul said. “That way you can always be near me and the studio. We’re like a big family.”
Paul had wanted to say that Noah was like a brother. But early in the morning and late at night he was fucking him, and he had a real brother back home in East Carmel who didn’t think much of him at all.
Sunday they spent all day in separate films, Paul beginning a movie with an actor from another studio, Danny Orlis. He was nice enough, and it was work enough, and Noah was shooting what they were calling an amateur porn, one with no plot where it was just guys in front of a camera supposedly being themselves. He would be with Burt and Paul, who had been with Burt many times, got—he had to admit to himself—a little bit jealous. When he needed to come and shoot all over Danny, he thought of Noah.

That night they sat in Paul’s apartment eating pizza when there was a knock at the door and Paul murmured, “What the fuck?” as he got up.
He opened the door and it took a while for him to process who the shy blond boy was.
“Remember. From last week. You told me to…”
“Yeah, yeah,” Paul took him by the hand, “Are you in a hurry?”
“Nope.”
“Have some pizza,” Paul said, “this is my bro, Noah.”
The boy gave him a lose handshake and Noah, sitting on the floor, pushed the pizza toward him.
They had been eating a while when the boy said, “So, is this going to be like a threesome?”
The boy still looked good, and Paul realized he was here to make money.
Noah looked to Paul.
“It can be,” Paul said.
Noah looked unsure, but Paul said, “I want to see you suck my friend’s dick.”
The boy said, “Are you joining in?”
“Probably. If you two want me to.”
Paul wasn’t sure if he was right to do this or not, but after knowing that Noah spent the day having sex with someone else, he wanted to see it.
Noah got up and sat on the edge of the bed, and the blond boy pulled his shorts and his underwear down. And then Paul watched the boy’s mouth working up and down on Noah and he saw, after a while, how both of them went into it, how Noah’s eyes glazed over and soon they were getting undressed, moving together on the bed and it was when Paul saw their young bodies, their smooth round asses, hands moving over each other, that he stood up, lightly pulling his clothes off, his penis pointing out. He climbed onto the bed and joined them.

Early in the morning the boy said, “I don’t want to leave this place,” while Paul pressed into his back and ran a hand over his arm and Noah fondled his nipples, “You don’t have to, brother,” Paul drawled. “You can stay as long as you want. Your cash is on the table and there’s plenty of it, and it’s not going anywhere.”
“Oh, shit!” the boy moaned as Noah kissed up and down his stomach and then, slowly pulled his cock into his mouth.
“So, if you’re staying with us,” Paul said, “you should probably tell us your name.”
“Jimmy…” he cried out, then moaned his last name, “Wallace.”
“That’s a terrible name for Hollywood,” Paul said, kissing him and stroking him while Noah’s mouth worked on him. Jimmy opened his mouth and let out a shudder.
“Let’s call him Casey,” Noah said, and then opened the other boy’s legs and began to lick between them, sucking on his balls, thrusting his tongue into the newly named Casey’s ass.
“Casey! Yeah,” Paul agreed, getting hard while he watched Noah. “Casey…”
“Williams,” Noah finished.
“Casey Williams,” Paul said, lightly moving the boy so that he was under him, and placing his hard cock gently in his ass.
“You like that name?” Paul asked.
And as he pressed deep inside of him, Casey Williams, eyes rolling into his head, moaned, “Yessssss.”




“And the best part,” Guy proclaimed, as they were all watching the newly dubbed Casey move about the stage, “is that he’s got work already. Little work, but soon, with the Internet, folks with little work’ll be posting it up and then everyone’s gonna be a star.”
“That really gonna happen?” Noah said.
“Don’t worry, kid,” Guy said. “It’s not gonna happen today. But yeah, Casey’s old boyfriend taped him in some stuff. In fact,” he said, while the blond young man was smiling nervously and laughing at something one of the other model’s said, “I remember that the guy he was with wanted to make a lot of money off of him, not for me, but for Back Door.”
“Isn’t Back Door that bareback place?” Paul said.
“It is.”
“They approached me.”
Guy looked at Paul and Paul said, “What? I told them no.”
“Alright then,” Guy said, relieved. and Paul said, “Is it because you care so much for my safety, or because you don’t want your prize star being shared with another studio?”
“Who says you’re my prize?”
“Keep it up, Mr. Guy,” Paul said, walking away, bored. He was doing a scene with Noah, and those were always light and easy, but they both had to make sure they weren’t too light and easy, that they didn’t get too lazy with what they were doing. They stayed a while to watch Casey with Brent. After it was all done, Brent would shoot an intto talking about how much he had looked forward to this and how everyone was going to love this newbie. Brent Tosh had his own niche market, and it was pretty definite that he would leave Eagle Studios one day.
“How do they know who’s gonna be a star?” Noah said. “I mean, we’re all just getting fucked. And no one here is really a star. I mean, no one is taking home a Golden Globe or anything.”
“None of us is a star,” Paul said. “But all of us can be porn stars.”
“But how do you know?” Noah said. “Who’s a porn star and who’s just… doing porn?”
The whole thing started with them going in the shower. Nothing could be heard as they fooled around and Casey’s ass was pressed to the glass. They came out from the shower, erect, and jumped into a pool doing some half laps before continuing. They blew each other a little, and then went back into the shower and came out again.
“It’s a lot of blowing,” Paul said, disinterested.
“We could do better,” Noah said.
“We have done better,” said Paul.
“When they find out he’s been in bareback, I wonder how many guys’ll touch him. “
“We’ll touch him,” Paul shrugged. “We’ve already touched him.”
Brent was eating Casey out on the bed now, and Casey, eyes closed, was moaning in genuine pleasure. Noah looked down and saw that, with no self consciousness, Paul was semi hard, his penis bobbing against his thin shorts.
Now Brent got on his back and Casey entered him slowly, fucking him slowly, and now quickly, Casey giving quick moans, Brent fucked him.
“You asked who’s a porn star and who’s just doing porn?” Paul said.
“Uh, huh.”
“Well, Meryl Streep is a star. Laurence Olivier was a star. We’re in porn, Noah. We’re all just doing it.”

That day Paul and Noah made their own magic on the screen. Paul was perfectly biased in saying that they were fantasic. But he loved Noah. He was open about that. Not that he was in love, which was fragile, but that he loved him the way he had wanted to love his family, the way he was allowed to love very few people. And that was always on the screen with them.
“If we could only shoot with each other,” he once said, “or if you could only love everyone you shot with.”
There was the inevitable movie he made with Casey, a couple of them, and one all three of them made, but Casey moved on to bigger and better things and soon he was on posters that proved that even if to Paul porn was just porn, to other people Casey was a star. He was a star posting controversial things, known for his nastiness, his sexual promiscuity, his insatiable desire for dick.

MORE TOMORROW.... PROBABLY

 

[CharmedFan28]

That was a great portion. Nice to see Paul hanging out with Noah. It was also interesting to see more of their life in porn. Excellent writing and I look forward to more tomorrow!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Were you surprised when Casey showed up?

 

[ChrisGibson]

PAUL CONTINUES TELLING FENN HIS STORY...



“You’re willing to try new things?” the voice off screen asked.
“Yeah! Love all sorts of stuff.”
“Why don’t you give Johnny over there a kiss for us.”
They were both only in baggy cargo shorts, Noah with a backward’s ball cap on. Johnny Mellow had wrap around shades. He had been chewing gum that he took out for them to make out. They kissed for a long time and their bodies were perfectly cut. Neither one of them looked bad now, but to remember what they had been, when looking good was a business, that was something else.
“Now why don’t you all strip.”
They stripped and Paul, once again, was amazed over the size of Noah’s penis.
And then Paul was naked too and going down on him, and then he was going down on Paul and then they were making out again.
Next they were on a sundeck before an empty path. They were on some private estate and Paul was fingering him and eating him out. Paul was lubing him up and the real Noah was laughing, realizing what was about to come.
They were only in sandals, with erections and Paul had his shades back on. They stood beside bikes, and the bike seats ended in…. yes… dildos.
Both of them, the camera on their shocked faces, mounted the bikes, impaling themselves, and then rode down the path
Beside them Guy was riding with the camera on their faces.
“How does it feel?” he asked Paul.
“It feels fucking good. Really intense.”

In the end they were fucking each other in a pool room, Noah began to pant and wail. Paul could hear Johnny Mellow murmuring between clenched teeth, “So fucking hot. So fucking tight. So fucking good!”

That evening as they were all on the beach sipping Hurricanes, wearing big sunglasses and looking out on the beach, Guy said, “Do you ever get tired of California?”
“Whaddo you mean?”
“I mean do you ever wish for something new? Everybody’s moving away anyway. Big Tent’s going to Miami.”
Noah shot up. “You wanna go to Miami!”
` Paul looked interested, but Guy said, “Miami was just an example. And its nowhere near my other business.”
“Drugs?” Paul said flatly.
“Honestly, Johnny.”
“Well, it is drugs,” Paul said.
“Look, Eagle can’t afford to stay here anyway, and I can’t afford to keep going between here and Chi. So I’m thinking of moving the whole operation to Chicago.”
“Are you serious?”
“If it’s good enough for Oprah.”
“Who does porn in Chicago?” Noah said.
“We will. When we get there.”
Paul flexed his oiled limbs under the sun and said, “I don’t fucking believe this. What about the beach?”
“They’ve got beaches on Lake Michigan.”
“And they’re covered in snow half the year.”
“Besides,” Guy continued, “we wouldn’t be quite in Chicago, anyway.”
“Really?”
“Then,” Noah looked suspicious, “where exactly would we be?”
Guy cleared his throat and said, “Indiana.”


The demon came again when Paul Anderson was twenty-eight, attending Loretto College. By then it came once a year or maybe it came more than once a year, but he usually knew how to distract it. This year, however, away from the movies and the sporadic sex, a way from the drugs, in his first year sharing an apartment with Noah, he came to the place where he could not get out of bed. He couldn’t even think of what would happen five minutes from now let alone tomorrow. The thought of opening the blinds to the oppressive sunshine was too much. He felt like the sun would fall on his eyes like elephant feet. Noah tipped into his room now and again, and at that time Noah’s boyfriend and mother were also at the place a lot. James whispered something to Noah, who nodded his head and Paul, head under the covers thought, “Do these dumb fuckers really think I can’t hear them?”
Less than an hour later Fenn showed up. He entered the room that no one had dared enter, and he did not open the blinds. He moved about in the semi darkness with a bag, and soon Paul understood that Fenn was packing up clothes. He left the room, went into the bathroom and came out a few minutes later with a toothbrush.
“Get up, Paul,” he said, lifting the blankets, much the way he would say it to Dylan years later. “I just need you to put some pants on and that shirt. Come on.”
Paul had spent the last years of his life being naked for everyone and now, when Fenn lifted the blankets, Paul felt a little embarrassment, but not much. In the movies the naked him they saw was the one that he wanted them to see. To be seen humiliated, crushed and despairing, unwashed, was something else. Paul pulled on the clothes that were on the floor, and Fenn handed him his shades and a ball cap. He didn’t ask where they were going. Fenn almost never drove.
James Lewis drove them to Fenn’s house, and Fenn brought him to the old bedroom he had stayed in when he first came to Rossford. As he helped Paul onto the bed, he closed the blinds and semi closed the door. As he was preparing to leave, Paul said, “Would it be too much… If you stayed a while?”
Fenn came back into the room, pulled out a chair and sat down beside the bed.
“Just a little while,” Paul said.
“Of course,” Fenn said.
He was like that for the better part of the week. At first he tried to stop the crying he was afraid would scare his friend away. But when it was finally happening, he had to let it come.


TOMORROW: THE BOOK OF THE BATTLES

 

[CharmedFan28]

I was surprised that Casey showed up. Paul’s story continues to be a bit sad but I am not too worried as I know how it ends up. Excellent writing and I look forward to more soon and The Book Of The Battles tomorrow!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Yes, Paul's story ain't nothing but sad. But I did love telling it, maybe because I always knew it is background and there was no room to put it in a Rossford book before.So Paul discovered Casey. Paul and Noah brought Casey into porn and Casey eventually married Noah's son and ran a porn studio with him. (And had sex with Brendan and Sheridan) Um.

 

[ChrisGibson]

TONIGHT WE CONCLUDE CHAPTER NINE AND PAUL'S STORY


“I think I might have missed too much of class to go back,” he confessed when his sister came to visit.
She had come to Rossford, not only to be near him, but because she had met Fenn’s nephew and niece, and the latter had become her best friend while the former would be her husband. When Paul had enrolled in college, Claire had gone with him, and she said, “I got your assignments, and I bet if you talk to your teachers you can work out something.”
“I couldn’t do it,” Paul said. “I just couldn’t do it.”
He finished out that semester with the help of his sister and his friends. The first part of the year he had come in with the confidence of a porn star, but the last part of it he had… well,,,, the confidence of a porn star. He didn’t always wash clothes. He didn’t always shave. He rarely looked in the mirror. He had to grind out the last of that year. He didn’t even see that much of Kirk. Oddly enough, he thought about sex a lot. Sex was the upper, the thing that took him away from his despair. He didn’t chase it like he used to. He was with Kirk now, and honestly too tired to cheat. He moved in with Kirk at the end of the year because it was just too depressing to live as the third wheel to Noah and his boyfriend. It was harder to come back to himself now because all the props were gone. In his first year with Kirk, as he approached thirty, he stood in the mirror and looked at the beard he’d grown.
Was I ever happy? He felt like the clean shaven, muscled Johnny Mellow must have been happy. He sure looked happy. Or he was too high, too drunk, too busy to care? Sex was a highlight. It was the biggest high in a day. He felt like a god for a day after fucking some strange kid, and that was over now too. The sex he had with Kirk was too different, in some ways it was too real.
In those days he found himself watching a lot of porn, and he was surprised because now he was the people he had been making movies for. He found himself trolling through Craigslist ads.

Casino 4 winds (New buffalo) pic [x]
Aug 8 any one real to hook up with 55 (south bend) pic [x]
Aug 8 curious and discreet first timer 46 (southbend) [x]
Aug 8 Servicing You 34 (South Bend) [x]
Aug 8 Mature for yng wrestle/role play 60 (Michigan City) [x]
Aug 8 amistad para empesar (sbn) [x]
Aug 8 bottom seeking DADDY 18 (Sb/mish/Elk) [x]
Aug 8 chubby vers married guy wanting a ltr. wife knows (elkhart) pic [x]
Aug 8 Wife Does not suck Cock? I Do....... 48 (S B) [x]

The first few nights he talked about how disgusted he was and even tried to laugh at the ads, but he wasn’t telling anyone about those ads or his late night cruising through them. He opened them up and read things like:

Eating ass and sucking dicks - m4m (South Bend,Mish,Niles)
height : 5'11" (180cm) ethnicity : blackhiv/hsv/hpv : No stds
age: 28
Looking for a host that wants his ass ate and licked and dick sucked...Be clean ,masculine,no stds....you host or car play, I come by pull your pants to your ankles and we mess around.........all races and ages ....Let me know....send pic for faster response....free now

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 5152644591


Or he would read:

Ongoing thing (south bend)
body : fit height : 5'9" (175cm)status : married drinks : sometimesdrugs : never
age: 32
I know this is a long shot but here goes because I am looking for a younger guy (18-35), under six feet tall, able to host, has a job, clean, DDF, for a FWB. I am a married 32 y/o male who is looking to explore my bi-curious side. No experience with a guy at all. This must be kept 100% discreet. I am in good shape and enjoy exercising nearly every day of the week depending on my schedule. I would like someone who is fun, patient, and willing to top and bottom. I want this to be an ongoing thing so I will be looking as long as this post is up but once I find the right person that's it because i am not looking to catch something nssty. I am really into the smooth twink type figures but this is not a requirement if we connect. I am discreet and will never share/tell anybody about our encounter as I am married and want to keep it that way so another married guy may work out well but not a must. I appreciate serious inquiries only so please send a pic (face pic if you want my face pic in return), stats, and a little about yourself to get the ball rolling. Please be willing to exchange a few emails to get to know each other before we arrange to meet. A bit older but in good shape will be considered.
• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 5147583906

posted: 10 days ago

updated: a day ago


Now, there was real detail! And he opened up a subscription to the sex and dating sites that had served him so well in California. Late night, when Kirk was asleep and he’d gone through a long day of education, feeling too old and too stupid to finish, surfing Adam4Adam made him feel better.
And then, at last, he found himself meeting someone, going to their apartment and being blown in their elevator as they traveled up to his apartment. The guy said he wanted to be fucked in a kinky way and brought Paul to am empty hallway where a stairway went up to the roof and one to the floors below.
“No one will come. I promise, and that apartment’s empty.” he said.
So Paul fucked him on the floor, in front of 517 and when he came he had to stop himself from shouting. It was the most alive he’d felt in a long time. He had never tried heroin, but he’d heard about the rush and the come down, and by the time he had come home he felt twice as bad as he had. He was a complete failure and on top of everything, an out of control cheat who had fucked, without protection, a random man on the floor of a semi vacant apartment building. He was a loose cog. He couldn’t go on like this. The next day he told Kirk.
“Let’s get married. For real. And let’s make kids.”
Over vacation they drove to Iowa, the nearest state where gay marriage was legal at the time. They had already found a nice college student who wanted to join Peace Corp, Nicole, and a year later she gave birth to Bennett and Elias and then went on about her business. The night they were born, Paul held the dark haired Elias in his arms while Kirk held the freckled and red headed Bennett. Claire and the other Andersons were present, but looking at the dark haired baby they had already named Elias, Paul said, “Why do I feel like this one is more mine than the other?” He bounced Elias up and down and the dark haired baby looked at him seriously.
“Why do I feel so protective of you?”
“Because he looks like me,” Kirk said.
And that was right, because Paul loved Kirk with all his heart, and he loved his boys and his family, the family he’d never dreamed possible. But all the love in the world didn’t stop the depression when it came like a storm, and it didn’t stopped the spurts of secret sex in the dark. Sometimes, sitting across from Kirk, he thought he could tell him the truth, but he didn’t dare. Once, when Fenn was watching the kids and asked Paul if he was alright, he thought of telling his best friend.
“You know,” Fenn said, in the present, “you can tell me anything.”
“I know!” Paul forced a chuckle and a smile.
"But part of me must not have known… Because I didn’t."


TOMORROW NIGHT THE BOOK OF THE BATTLES

 

[CharmedFan28]

That was a nice portion and a good ending to Paul’s past. I am glad he found happiness in the end after what he went through. Great writing and I look forward to more of The Book Of The Battles tomorrow!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Yes, I was reading and I'm not sure if he did find happiness in the end, but that did seem like the place to stop his tale. And yes, Book of the Battles is coming tomorrow.

 

[ChrisGibson]

AS WE ENTER INTO THE LIFE OF NOAH, MORE RIDING ON MORE GREYHOUNDS

T E N











“I’m more changed than you know.”
-James Lewis


“I hate this place.”
Dazed, Noah said, “I hate it too. My name’s Noah.”
“Well, I’m James Lewis. Can you show me what’s worth seeing in this place?”
“There is nothing worth seeing in Rummelsville,” Noah told him.
“You’re in my geometry class,” James said. “We’ll hang out. You can be my friend.”
“Just like that?” Noah said, trying to jest.
“Just like that,” said James. “There is no one else I’ve seen here I’d want to talk to. Or who would talk to me if we’re going to be real.”
They headed down the hall. “You seem like you’re not like everyone else.”
“I’m not like anyone else,” Noah said. And then he said, “And I’m not bragging when I say that. It’s just… I don’t really fit in here.”
“My father got a job at the university outside of Carmel, and now we’re here and… Is it just me or are we the only Black people in this town?”
Noah grinned and said, at last, “It’s not just you, James.
“I’ve never met a Black person,” he admitted as they headed toward the classroom they were both late in reaching.
“I never met someone who’d admit that. Hey,” James grabbed Noah by the shoulder. “I don’t want to go to geometry.”
“You wanna cut class?”
“I definitely want to cut class,” James said, a light in his eye.
It was then that Noah thought James was the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen, and so he said, “Alright.”
He slung his bag high over his shoulder.
“Let’s go!”

“BITCH, YOU’LL DO WHAT I tell you!”
He moved toward her with the baseball bat. Noah jumped in front of her, but Butch knocked him to the ground. Noah scrambled up, but the bat came in his direction and Noah dodged it, lifting his hand, the top of the bat slamming his fingertips.
“Get off her!”
And Naomi screamed out his name: “Noah!”
From the corner of his eye, as Noah rose up, he saw the door open. But he turned around heading for Butch again, and then Butch came at him, and Noah hoped he could catch the bat and not be hit in the groin, but just then Butch went down.
Noah turned around.
In his jeans and tee shirt James stood there gripping the crowbar, a crazy grin on his face.
“You miss me?”
“James, shut up,” Noah said, standing up to hug him.
Naomi was crying on the floor and James said, “Mrs. Riley, you have to stop that. Noah, help me get Butch the fuck out of here.”

“I gotta get the hell out of here,” Noah said. “I mean as soon as I turn eighteen. I don’t want to get killed.”
“No one’s gonna get killed. What are you talking about?”
“It happens. In a place like this. A few years ago there was this guy—track star—Kyle Norman. His mom ran off. His stepdad ended up raping him, killing him, chopping his head off.”
“Fucking hillbillies,” James swore.
“You think we’re all hillbillies, don’t you?”
“Pretty much,” James said. Then he said, “You can go to school with me.”
Noah shook his head.
“That’s not for me. I… I’m just going to go to California.”
“That is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard.”
“James!”
“Well,” James shrugged. “Do whatever, Noah. But just get the hell out of Rummelsville.”
They sat quiet like that for a while. James’ hand was casually placed on Noah’s thigh and just then Noah gave into his wonder. He placed James’ hand between his legs.
“I’m sorry,” he said as his hand rested lightly on James’ after his friend started in surprise.
“It’s just… my whole life people have been touching me there when I didn’t want to be touched. And I just wanted to know how it would feel to be touched in a good way. When I wanted it. It feels good, James. Please don’t stop. I’m not ready for you to.
“You don’t… have to do anything. You don’t have to make me come or anything like that. Just… I just need to feel you touching me right there. Alright?”
James placed his head on Noah’s shoulder and nodded, and under the moon, Noah opened his legs and let down his pants and closed his eyes, feeling for the first time loved by another man.

Ron stuck his head in the door and said, “It’s that white dude you like to hang out with so much.”
James was working at his desk and looked up at his brother.
“Must you?”
Ron just said, “He’s in the living room.”
“You could have at least…” James stood up and left his room shoving Ron into the wall and then heading down the stairs.
“Noah. I thought you’d be gone.”
“No,” Noah shook his head. “Not till tomorrow. I wanted to see you. I didn’t know if you wanted to see me, but.”
“Did you drive?”
“Yeah,” Noah said.
“Let’s go… Somewhere.”
“Not the mall,” Noah said.
“No,” James agreed.
They drove through town and then through the country and stopped and had milkshakes at a little diner and then James said, “I don’t really care where we go, I just want to be with you.”
Noah stopped and looked at him, and James said, “What? What did I say?”
Noah, his face half hidden under his baseball cap, said, “No one’s really ever said that to me.”
He sounded very sad when he spoke.
“I wish I’d met you before. I wish… you’re going to college. Your family’s leaving. It all… it doesn’t matter. I wish for so much,” Noah said.
“You could go to college.”
“I don’t want to do that.”
“You want to go to California. I think that’s really stupid.”
“Thanks!”
“That’s the plan for the Joads in The Grapes of Wrath.”
“We’re not all smart like you, James. And perfect,” Noah turned to him.
“You’re plenty smart,’ James reprimanded. He turned away from Noah.
“I think you’re perfect.”
“What?”
“I can hardly stop looking at you,” James said, not looking at him. “You’re so perfect to me. You’re so perfect. Why don’t you understand that?”
Noah didn’t say anything right away. He said, “I think you’re perfect too.”
“I know you do,” James said. “I can’t really understand that.”
“Can we go home?” Noah said, touching Jame’s hand. “Can we go to my house. No one’s there. Butch is definitely gone. Can we go?”
James looked at him. Slowly, he pushed Noah’s ballcap from his head and placed his hand in his soft, springy curls.
“So many bad things happened in that house,’ Noah said. “One good thing.”
“Let’s go,” James said.
They didn’t talk while they drove, and then quietly walked up the lane to the door. Noah opened the door and when they closed it behind them, Noah looked around to make sure the room was empty before he reached up and kissed James.
“Never been with a guy like this before,” Noah murmured. “I never thought I’d be able. I…” he kissed James again. James pushed him a little against the door and they kissed like that before James led Noah to his bedroom and, even before they’d closed the door or lowered the blinds, they were naked, clinging and kissing they came to the bed. James’s face was in Noah’s hair, his lips, kissing his throat. His eyes closed like he was praying, then opened quickly. The love lasted all the afternoon and when they were done, they lay together, naked, Noah’s face pressed to Jame’s chest.
“Stay with me tonight?”
“Yes,” James said.

They made love twice that night, and showered together. Naomi had showed up late and gone directly to bed drunk, and James drove Noah to the bus station.
“You’re right to leave,” he told Noah. “There’s nothing for you here.”
“Do you think you can find me again one day?” Noah said.
“Maybe we can find each other.”
Noah nodded, not looking at him.
When the Greyhound pulled away, Noah waved at him bravely, but it was when the bus arrived in Rossford an hour later that the memory of last night ached through him, of undressing James, of wrapping his limbs with James and kissing him deeply, of being entered and finally, of James having him enter him, and suddenly the city before him blurred and he pushed his face into his hands grateful that the woman sleeping next to him couldn’t see him cry.

 

[CharmedFan28]

Great to get so much Noah and James! I am glad they have each other’s back and then some. I look forward to more of this and that was wonderful writing as always!

 

[ChrisGibson]

Thank you, and it was fun to get James and Noah. In a way we know so little about them.

 

[ChrisGibson]

He never liked to think about those first days in California. He never liked to think about how soon he’d ended up in bathroom stalls with lips and hands on his body. When he’d made love to James and the two of them had been together, he felt loved. He felt special. Now he couldn’t believe he’d ever felt like that. He pushed those men out of his mind. It was coming to Guy and leaving that world behind that changed him. At Eagle Studios, the men who touched him treated him like a young god, and when he was with Johnny, fucking, snorting cocaine, drinking, or simply eating pizza, he felt like an Olympian in the company of Zeus.
“And the best part,” Guy proclaimed, as they were all watching the newly dubbed Casey move about the stage, “is that he’s got work already. Little work, but soon, with the Internet, folks with little work’ll be posting it up, and then everyone’s gonna be a star.”
“That really gonna happen?” Noah said.
“Don’t worry, kid,” Guy said. “It’s not gonna happen today. But yeah, Casey’s old boyfriend taped him in some stuff. In fact,” he said, while the blond young man was smiling nervously and laughing at someone one of the other model’s said, “I remember that the guy he was with wanted to make a lot of money off of him, not for me, but for Back Door.”
“How do they know who’s gonna be a star?” Noah said. “I mean, we’re all just getting fucked. And no one here is really a star. I mean, no one is taking home a Golden Globe or anything.”
“None of us is a star,” Paul said. “But all of us can be porn stars.”
“But how do you know?” Noah said. “Who’s a porn star and who’s just… doing porn?”
“Well, Meryl Streep is a star. Laurence Olivier was a star. We’re in porn, Noah. We’re all just doing it.”

Later that day Paul and Noah shot a movie. Noah always felt loved by Paul and wondered if he wasn’t even a little in love.
“If we could only shoot with each other,” he once said, “or if you could only love everyone you shot with.”
For Noah there was a difference between love and desire, but when he was with someone he was into, the difference didn’t matter. He could go so far as to say there was no difference, not when he wasn’t holding anything back.
He parked in front of the old beige stucco apartment and went around the back to walk up the iron steps, but midway up, the hairs on the back of Noah’s neck rose. Someone was here. Someone was definitely here, and when he got to the top his heart went into his throat and his skin went clammy.
“Oh, my God!” he half whispered. “James!”

“You look like you’re not happy to see me.”
“I’m surprised to see you,” Noah said. “I’m… I thought I’d never see you again.”
James cocked his head.
“Thought. Or hoped?”
“No!” Noah looked surprised. “How could you say that? How could you think it.”
“You just look… Completely fucked up,” James said. “I imagined you looking happier.”
“No,” Noah shook his head. Then he said, “Would you like something to drink?”
James shook his head.
“It’s just… It’s like seeing a ghost. Only I’m the ghost.”
“You don’t look like a ghost. You actually look fantastic. You’ve been lifting weights and all. You look like yourself,” James told him, “only shinier.”
“I feel like a ghost,” Noah said. “I sort of killed my old life. I’ve done a lot to distance myself from East Carmel. I honestly think you wouldn’t know me.”
“How couldn’t I know you?” James said. “Of course I’d know you. You aren’t that changed.”
“I’m more changed than you know,” Noah said. Then he said, “The truth is I don’t know what to do with you. Or what you’d do with me. If you knew about me.”
“I found you,’ James said. “I found you and where you are. How wouldn’t I know about you? I think I know what you’re talking about. I know. Okay.”
Noah felt distinctly uncomfortable, and James said, “Maybe I will take that drink.”
Noah cleared his throat.
“Great,” he said, shoving his ball cap down tighter. “Come with me and see my kitchen.”

They sat on the beach eating tacos, and Noah said, “How did you find me? Not through… seeing me? You know?”
“No,” James shook his head. “Not like that. I asked your mom if she had heard from you, and she said a couple of times.”
“I don’t write a lot.”
“And then after a while she told me about what you were doing.”
“Porn?”
“Yes,” James said.
“We might as well just say it,” Noah said.
James shrugged.
“So I looked for Eagle Studios. And I found you. I took the semester off college.”
“That’s right,” Noah said. “You’re in school.”
“I’m going back.”
Noah folded up the taco wrapper and said, “But why did you take a semester off?”
“I just told you,” James said. “To find you.”
Noah looked at him mystified.
“Was I wrong to do it?” James asked him.
“You were… who would do that? No one’s done that. Not for me.”
They didn’t speak for a while and Noah watched the tangerine colored waves rolling very slowly onto the sand while the evening sun looked on them,
“And now that you’ve found me,” Noah said, “how do you feel about what you found?”
“You’re my Noah,” James said.
“I am really, really changed.”
“I know really changed people,” James said with certainty. “You don’t seem that changed.”
“The last time I was with you we spent the night together,” Noah said. “And now I’ve spent the night with so many people.”
“You have.”
“Metaphorically. James, I’ve… I have sex for money. I do it on camera.”
“I am well aware of that.”
“Then I guess I don’t know what you want from me?” Noah said. “I mean, I don’t know what I can be to you.”
Then Noah said, “That’s not what I mean. I’m saying it badly.”
“Okay,” James nodded. “Then take some time and find a way to say it to me the right way. But I think you don’t get me at all. I’m your friend. No matter what. I was your best friend. And you were mine. And I came to find my friend. Do you understand now?”
But Noah did not answer right away. Finally he said:
“I’ve been a bad friend.”
“You haven’t been anything. I’m sure you’ve been through a lot.”
“A lot that I don’t want to talk about.”
“I understand.”
“You always understand,” Noah said. “But I put you out of my mind. If I had thought about you it would have been impossible to do anything I’ve done in the last two years. That’s why I was so surprised when I saw you.”
“Do you want me to go away, then?”
“Absolutely not,” Noah said. “I just… You think I’m not happy to see you. I act like you’re a ghost. I must… I must be so disappointing to you.”
“No,” James said, placid as ever. “No. I didn’t know what to expect. I was afraid, honestly. But I had to find you. That’s all.”
“Do you mind if we stay here and just be quiet?” Noah asked him. “Can we just sit and watch the sunset? I feel like I haven’t done that in a really long time.”
“You never watch the sunset over the ocean? And you’ve been in California for two years?”
“The sunset wasn’t why I came,” Noah said.



James told him about college, and how he’d ended up leaving East Carmel only to end up in Renssalaer at a college where there were even fewer Black people. When Noah asked him if he minded, he said he didn’t, that it would just be setting himself up for a world that wasn’t real if he surrounded himself with people who looked just like him.
“It’s good to know what really is out there,” James said, “so that when an election year comes you’re not surprised.”
He said there was so little to do in Rensselaer that the biggest news was one Wal Mart and an ice cream place on the river. He and the two friends he had eventually made generally made their Saturday night excitement by going to the Dollar Tree and then Dollar General.
“There’s a lot to do on the campus, though,” James said. “there has to be. It’s a dry campus so they got around that by putting a bar underground.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. And they mix drugs above ground. Every weekend half the campus is high.”
“What about you?” Noah looked at him, fascinated.
“I tried LSD,” James said. “Once. One and done. It’s not over when you want it to be over.”
Noah thought about his drug trips. When he talked about all the people he’d met, he left out the sex, and he wondered if James did too. He wasn’t jealous, but he was curious.
“What else happens?” Noah asked him.
“Lots of nudity. Lots of couches being set on fire.
“They have a cruise lap,” James said, “and it’s a little more elaborate than the one in Rummelsville.”
“You sound like you miss Rummelsville,” Noah grinned at him.
“A little bit. More than I thought I would.”
“The more I’m away. The less I miss it. I miss you, though,” Noah told him. “Maybe if I’d known you’d only go to Renssalaer, I wouldn’t have left.”
But then he said, “I needed to leave. I don’t expect you to understand it, James. I know everyone is going to think I’ve turned into something awful. And there were things I didn’t want to do. But… I don’t know how to explain it… I feel stronger than I ever felt before. I feel strong being who I am now.”
“And that’s why you were afraid when you saw me,” James said.
“Huh?” Noah looked surprised.
“You were different with me. You loved me—”
“Loved you and love you, goddamnit,” Noah told him.
“But you weren’t strong yet. Not when we were together. At least you didn’t think you were.”
“There is this… metal,” Noah said, “That living this life has given me. I know I can do anything. Because I have done anything. And I can’t give it up yet. I know it sounds silly, but I’m not ready to stop being this person yet.”
“I get it,” James said.
“James, sometimes I feel so sexy and so beautiful and so powerful.”
“Do you feel that way now? With me?”
“I feel loved,” Noah said. “But fragile. All the old doubts. All the old me comes out.”
“One day you’re going to have to deal with that.”
“I know,” Noah said, “and it’s not like I don’t deal with it now, but… There is part of me that wishes I’d stayed home, or thinks about going with you. Cause I miss you. But the other part doesn’t know what I would do if I went back.”
“I do get it,” James said. “If nobody else gets it, I get it. And I miss you. I wish you’d come back too, but it would be like bringing back some kind of wild animal.”
“I’m a wild animal?”
“You always were. You thought you were some sparrow, or something weak and fragile. You never knew how strong you were. And now, with all you’re doing, all the hate you get for it, all the misunderstanding, you are so strong. You’re like a hummingbird, not a sparrow, and I don’t think hummingbirds belong in Indiana.”
James kissed Noah’s cheek, and when he responded, then he kissed his throat.
“James…” Noah murmured.
As they stood on the street, James’ hand went to his thigh and Noah murmured, “We shouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“James,” Noah pled as James’ hands went about his waist and he felt himself getting hard, the rest of his body melting, “you know what I do. You know…”
James kissed his throat.
“I can’t imagine us not sleeping together,” he told Noah.
Noah’s hands went around him
“Neither can I,” Noah told him.
“I won’t take anything from you,” James told him, “but I can’t go back home knowing we didn’t have this while I was here.”
Noah placed his cheek on James’ shoulder and felt James’ hand around him.
“God you’re made out of muscle,” James murmured, holding him.
“You can put your metal on tomorrow, okay,” James said. “Tonight just be with me.”

ON SUNDAY: THE BOOK OF THE BATTLES

 

[CharmedFan28]

I am glad James found Noah. That was a nice portion. Great writing and I look forward to The Book Of The Battles on Sunday. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!