Boyfriend cheating on me

[StlKj]

I am not making excuses for shit. If you were standing next to me right now I'd kick you in the balls. Hard.

Nick, you were perhaps just venting in this post, but the man you were trying to get away from, the one who beat you, is also speaking through you.

The best way to stand on your own as a man is to leave behind those parts of him which you hated the most. If you become him, then what's the point of getting away from him in the first place?

 

[irydion]

Sad to his your story. You definitely should end this relationship, I don't think he will change or anything. Well, try to move out, but make your time, do not leave in haste. Find yourself a part-time job first and rent something...
if You only can.
I hope You will make it.
I'm sure You'll find better boyfriend.

P.S.

yeah, get tested as well.

 

[LuvBoys]

I honestly feel really hard for you right now! I have felt fewer feelings in my life worse than finding out you are getting cheated on. It fills you with so much rage and hurt and sickness and pain and misery you don't even know what to do or think or say. It's so hard to see things your spouse is saying to others when they should be things said to you.

There really isn't any advice I could give on getting over those feelings. Just try to keep a calm head and don't do anything you might regret. The feelings will pass eventually, but by god is it hard to deal with. Just know that lots of people go through cheating so you are not alone. It's cliche, but it's about the only thing that helped me feel even remotely better.

I know the best thing for you to do is get your stuff together and leave. You shouldn't put up with it, and if he does it once, there's a much higher chance he will do it again. Don't let me him get the satisfaction of screwing you over twice. Write down your angry thoughts and find ways of venting that don't involve hurting anyone, including yourself. All you can do is get out of the situation and learn from the experience! Life brings really hard lessons sometimes, but you can and will make it through stronger and wiser than you were before! Hang in there!

 

[mike121811]

I am going to email all of the logs I saved (several pages) to all of his friends. After that, I'm going to tell him that I plan on getting revenge in the future - whether it be tomorrow, next month, or sometime this year - and he better keep the lights on at night. This way he will always be thinking about it, slowly torturing him waiting for the moment as each day passes.

I may have an apartment located and should be moving out ASAP

 

[mike121811]

That wouldn't be mature, wise or potentially safe. Do not let his pettiness cause you to become petty.

Get out of there and get on with your life.

Oh, this is going easy on him.

 

[StlKj]

I am going to email all of the logs I saved (several pages) to all of his friends. After that, I'm going to tell him that I plan on getting revenge in the future - whether it be tomorrow, next month, or sometime this year - and he better keep the lights on at night. This way he will always be thinking about it, slowly torturing him waiting for the moment as each day passes.

I may have an apartment located and should be moving out ASAP

Good luck with that. The best revenge is ALWAYS becoming like the person you seek it upon.

 

[racer2438]

Sorry it happened but thats just life experiance that sometimes never end.

But just because one asshole does this not all will do it. You need to take some time and heal and get your self back together again. Just take care of your self first and get situated, in school,home,job. Get back on track. Dont let this low life ever in your life again. You may want to go get tested also just to be safe as you never know.

Take it easy for a while and find someone better when you are ready.

 

[mike121811]

Good luck with that. The best revenge is ALWAYS becoming like the person you seek it upon.

I could just as easily take the air out of his tires, paint messages on his car windows, put laxative in his food, cause physical harm to him, break things, etc. But I'm not. I am simply letting his/my friends know WHY I am leaving and allow them to see the TRUTH supporting why I am leaving before he makes up his own lies and says I left him because I was in love with someone else or something to that extent.

After all the weekend nights he has left me here alone, not answering my calls. After all the times he has had other men over while I was in class.
After all of the pain he has caused me.
After all of the times I was turned down for asking to make love (because he was already worn out from the guys before that day).
After knowing I had been kissing him all this time not knowing what has been in his mouth earlier that day.

I think I have the right to let everyone know.

 

[metta]

I am going to email all of the logs I saved (several pages) to all of his friends. After that, I'm going to tell him that I plan on getting revenge in the future - whether it be tomorrow, next month, or sometime this year - and he better keep the lights on at night. This way he will always be thinking about it, slowly torturing him waiting for the moment as each day passes.

I may have an apartment located and should be moving out ASAP

DO NOT DO THAT!!!!!


You are going to get yourself into legal trouble which I'm sure you don't need right now. I don't know you realize how expensive it is to hire an attorney and how fast legal bills can run up. Seriously, do not do that. Focus on what you are going to do to get out of that mess. Learn from the experience and move on. Don't let it eat you up inside. Do not seek revenge.

 

[mike121811]

DO NOT DO THAT!!!!!


You are going to get yourself into legal trouble which I'm sure you don't need right now. I don't know you realize how expensive it is to hire an attorney and how fast legal bills can run up. Seriously, do not do that. Focus on what you are going to do to get out of that mess. Learn from the experience and move on. Don't let it eat you up inside. Do not seek revenge.

Posting chat logs will not get me into legal trouble, unless he wants everyone to find out he is gay. He is closeted to his family and work still. Threatening him may, but I doubt it. It's amazing in this world you can cheat on someone without punishment. It should be a crime.

 

[screwnutty]

Nick! The best way you can hurt him is to walk out and end his control over you. Anything else is asking for trouble.

You need time to clear your head and to let the hurt and anger that you feel pass.

 

[screwnutty]

It's amazing in this world you can cheat on someone without punishment. It should be a crime.

It should be a crime but it isn't. This happens to a lot of people. Hell, fox networks has a reality show called cheaters. Right now this seems like the worse thing in the world. But it's not. If you take this experience and use its lessons in the future properly, you wont make the same mistake again in life. Good luck

 

[mike121811]

Mike I'm not happy to say this but I pretty much predicted this course of actions. From post one you've shown nothing but immaturity and now you're sinking even lower with this fire in your eyes, these plans for revenge.

I would've liked to see you take the high road but if you haven't after all this time, I guess I can't expect you to now. Good luck with your situation.

Once again, have you gotten tested for any STD's? If he was sleeping around the way you say he was, as much as you say he was, it's very possible that you could've contracted something. Are you concerned at all about your health or just slashing his tires?

You're the one to talk. You post offensive signatures and smoke pot. I'm sitting here telling you my story and I'm immature? Either:

A. You have no soul.
B. You are a cheater yourself.

Did I say I was going to slash his tires? Did you even read anything I wrote? You don't think I'm concerned about my health when I literally just wrote that I was?

Did you even read that I potentially found an apartment and was moving out ASAP? I just made this post less than 24 hours ago. Instead you say "I would've liked to see you take the high road but if you haven't after all this time, I guess I can't expect you to now."


Thank you to everyone else who gave me advice and showed the least bit of support.

 

[simple-kinda-guy3040]

Nick - I have read the thread and all I can say is that I know exactly how you are feeling. I know the pain, rage, sadness, and deep hurt you are experiencing.

I found out someone I loved with everything I had in me was cheating last year. So I know what you are going through.

That was a very painful and stressful time in my life so I know where you are now.

I know you want to get revenge but your mind is not at peace right now and I would not recommend doing anything in your current state of mind in an attempt to exact revenge.

I would strongly recommend just getting out of that toxic environment and trying to locate another place to stay ASAP.

Once you have moved, just spend the time focusing on you and focusing on trying to heal yourself.

You are a valuable person and it is now time to spend some time on you. I know what I am suggesting is tough but at least give it a try....

 

[mike121811]

No one held a gun to your head and put you in this situation, you're here because of your own course of actions. Good luck.

Try dodging fists from your dad, and tell me you wouldn't leave to try and start a new life.

I'm done posting. goodbye

 

[StlKj]

Nick, getting mad at us is not going to help you. You've been offered a lot of good advice, and even a fair amount of support. Perhaps you weren't seeking that--maybe you just wanted to vent, or maybe you just wanted someone to tell you your actions are justified.

Are they justified? Sure they are. He's a prick who used you. Of course, he could have just fucked you and put you out on the street. He did convince you to get out of a bad situation. He did give you a place to live. He did bring you into his life.

Did you not use him just a little? An escape away from the life you hated? Sure, you loved him, or at least you believed you did. You're hurt, and you're angry. So be angry. Threatening him that you will get him some day? That just makes you sound slightly psycho, and your responses to people on here who are trying to help you doesn't make you sound any less so.

Get out of there, learn from your experience, and be a better man. Again, you're headed down a road that's going to make you just as bad, or worse, than the men you've been getting away from.

 

[mike121811]

This thread has gone to:

"You put yourself into this situation" -> "Your actions caused this to happen" -> "You are the one using him."

 

[StlKj]

This thread has gone to:

"You put yourself into this situation" -> "Your actions caused this to happen" -> "You are the one using him."

That's not what I said, but if that's all you're taking from this thread, then you're not paying attention.

I'll leave you alone now. Good luck.

 

[mike121811]

If you didn't, who did?



No, his actions caused this. You can't control that, but you can control how you handle the situation. It seems that you are taking steps to get out of his house, that's good.



Believe it or not, you were. You were both using each other, he used you for your youth, you used him as an escape. You probably did love him, but it's almost clear that you had a co-dependent relationship.

You may not want to hear these things, but it's a necessary part of growing up. The last thing you'd want to do is fall into a pattern of blaming other people for your problems. Trust me, I used to do it all the time. Look at your situation, ask how you got there, and figure out how to not let it happen again. That's called growth.

Bonus points if you can forgive him. Forgiveness is another one of those tough lessons, until you forgive him he's going to have complete power over your emotions. Before you were literally his slave, now you're emotionally his slave. He's not going to break the chains, we can't (though we would if we could), you're the only one who can turn off this attachment that you have to him.

I promise you that if you don't forgive him and let it go it's going to eat you alive and ruin you.

Ok, so basically - This asshole cheats on me with I don't even know how many people - including my roomate friend and who knows who else - and you're telling me that I used him and I need to forgive him to make everything better.

"Oh hi Jim, I found out you are giving blowjobs to my friend and have been fucking around on me with several different boys while I've been working my ass off full time in college. Even though you told me you've been tested and we didn't need a condom, you lied and potentially have given me a life threatening disease. But it's ok. I forgive you."

Unless he and I specifically agreed it was an open relationship, I have NOTHING to forgive him for.

Now, you sit there and judge me like my relationship with him wasn't real and I used him as an escape. God forbid I be attracted to and fall in love with an older man, what is the world coming to? I had visited him several times before moving in and had known him for over a year. You try to lecture me on how to grow up? And yes, I AM blaming him for treating me like this and breaking my heart.

If I don't forgive him it's going to eat me alive? What is wrong with you?

Your ethical standpoints just blow my mind.

I really have nothing else to say further other than that I AM moving on with my life ASAP and these kinds of comments are seriously uncalled for. I'm moving on Goodbye JUB

 

[Blacksheep]

Message everyone. Chances are some of them are in a similar position to you. I've just gone through something similar except the guy was 'straight' so he was cheating on me with four women (he came onto me, asked me to move in). Somehow he managed to talk me into not telling any of the women about myself or each other. I really regret not doing it. Not so much because I want revenge but because I know that at least one of these girls thinks they are in a similar position to the one I thought we were in. I don't know if it's fair to allow it to happen to other people (then again I know it is happening to others, whereas you don't). I'm not saying it's on the same level but to me it's similar to saying don't report someone for committing a crime, just move on.

Get out of there. It's toxic. He won't change no matter how much he promises he will or how much you love him. You aren't in the right head space to re-evaluate your relationship with him whilst living there. Trust me anywhere is better than being there and you won't start feeling better until you are away (I moved in there to get away from my homophobic dad, I now much prefer it back here with him). Just never ever go back once you are gone (in all honesty I'm still stuck hoping that this guy calls me again because I still 'love' him, but it is getting easier).