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Breaking up over getting in shape?

As long as the boyfriend is just taking his health seriously and not obsessing over it, then your friend is out to lunch. HAH. No pun intended.
 
Changing your body can be extremely powerful - many people get over-enthusiastic about their new passion once they lose weight, get in shape, add muscle, add tattoos and piercings, etc. The one-track mind thing may wear off after a bit.

Beyond that... welcome to relationships! You won't always have compatible goals, just work around it. And better have a guy trying to get into better shape than gaining 100 pounds.
 
I remember an old ex of mine didn't like my attempt to get a six pack. So when i started doing a few sit ups at his place, he stopped me.
Never understood why, perhaps its just insecurity.
 
If this is all that your friends have to fight about in their relationship, then they're in for a rough road ahead in their lives.
 
On one hand, I can understand the one guy having the attitude that that isn't the person he fell for and he likes him the way he was. But on the other hand, relationships are about changing and growing - together - and supporting each other and flowing with each other, not against. It kind of sounds like the guy isn't supporting x's new passion for his health, and may have some of his own insecurities about it since it's making him look bad in comparison.
 
For this guy to tell X to stop exercising because he doesn't like it is tantamount to him trying to change X to fit how he thinks he should be. I think he needs to be more supportive and i agree with those who say it's an insecurity issue. I personally commend X for that. No he doesn't need to be obnoxious about it if that's the case but there's nothing wrong with being excited about accomplishment.
 
your friend sound lazy, and scared that X is going to leave him if he get a better body . he 's just like a lot of JUB'ers who claim they dont like muscle when they are just lazy and insecure.
 
Charming, tingaling. :rolleyes:

I think there is probably insecurity on both ends of this relationship.
 
people WILL change .. mentally and physically.

is it really just the physical change? then i can't understand him. i could understand him if there is no other topic in their talks anymore, but you said otherwise they get along fine.
 
looks like im gonna go against the consensus here, but for what its worth...

i think your partners body is a big deal. your partners body is not the only, but a very important reason why we get together in the first place.

if i was attracted to muscles, then id be very bothered if my bodybuilder bf would suddenly become chubby after a couple of months. if i was attracted to bears, id be very irked if my bear bf would one day decide to shave from top to toe. and your friend seems to be attracted to "beanpoles" and turned off by muscles, so its a big deal for him if his bf decides to change his body like that.

i think your friend needs to sit X down and have a really serious talk. nothing vague like "i like you the way you are." he needs to be clear: "im turned off by muscles, and i really want you to stop bulking up like that. its unattractive to me. im serious." i think because most (?) gay men like muscles, its unfathomable for some that some might be turned off by muscles.

i hope they are able to work it out. but if X really wants to bulk up, because thats what hes really into, then they might not be meant for each-other.

as for all the talk about "relationships means change": of course you cant expect your bf to be the same smooth twink you met 20 years ago. but were not talking guys who are growing old together here, were talking about a mere 7 months, and were talking about willfully changing ones body. i think such changes should be discussed with ones partner, and if both parties want very different things, maybe its time to part.
 
tingaling said:
your friend sound lazy, and scared that X is going to leave him if he get a better body . he 's just like a lot of JUB'ers who claim they dont like muscle when they are just lazy and insecure.
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly. Maybe instead of complaining about his working out he should join in.
 
GENERALLY speaking, I am apt to say -

"X who wants to exercise and stay fit - wants to take care of himself. - kudos to him." and,

"Y, who doesn't want to see it happen is full of insecurity."


HOWEVER, we don't have enough info and the situation is taken out of context here:

Perhaps, X started his regiment without checking with Y to see if they wanted to do it together. Or maybe it's too much of an obsession for X and he is ignoring the rest of his life, including Y.

Whatever the case might be, I understand the concern, cuz it's a lifestyle change, and two people should be on the same page - even if it is one doing it, and the other is merely offering support.

...so they will continue going downhill. They should really see a counselor if they wnat to make this work.
 
As one gets older, exercise becomes increasingly important. Your friend should start exercising, not criticize his bf. We are an abysmally unhealthy country. One of the fattest in the world.

I started exercising in earnest, not particularly for appearance, but because the history of heart disease in my family is so extreme. My heart is now in great shape, my cholesterol and other blood numbers are excellent, my waist is 30" and I'm pretty buff. Most people think I am in my thirties, when in fact I am 50.

I agree that your friend is insecure and is afraid his newly buff bf will leave him.
 
>>>My friend did try talking to X about it, he told me that one night when he was visitng X that x said something to the effect of "You're gonna love it (his body) when I get all hard and get a six pack", and my friend said something like "I like the way you are, who wants to put their head on a rock (meaning his chest after he gets muscled)" and x just took it as a joke and laughed it off.

That's not "talking about it". That's "joking about it". Talking about it is sitting him down and saying "I can appreciate it you wanting to get into better shape, but honestly, the more you get into this, the less I'm finding myself attracted to you."

And should he break up over this? If the guy doesn't want to talk it over, definitely.

Lex
 
I like a guy who's a little bigger myself, but if my guy wanted to lose weight and get healthier, I wouldn't be against it. If he was being annoying about it, I'd probably tell him that I didn't want to keep talking about his working out. I don't think it would be something to break up over. People's body's change with time and if you're serious about a relationship you have to be at least a little flexible about that.
 
I think to break up because someone is doing something to better themselves is a sign of insecurity.

But to break up with someone because they can't stop talking about how great they're becoming is quite understandable.

I suppose if your friend is overweight, then anything that his bf is doing to improve his body, is a reminder that he isn't doing anything.

If you truly love someone, don't you want what is best for him?
 
"X" and your friend should go their separate ways since exercising is causing them so much grief. What will they do when something more serious was to happen? They would not survive! Better to separate now.
 
Seriously, based on the OPs last post, if this is really what is going to cause the breakup, then chances are there are many more underlying issues other than "X working out."

If i was with someone, I'd try my darnest to stay healthy and take care of myself, and want to look good for the one I love.

One last comment, I heard it be said that "if you can't love someone without stipulation, then it's not love at all."
 
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