Can People Tell You're Gay From How You Act ?

[alphaxxx]

No one has ever asked me if I'm gay or straight but I'm sure some people must have a feeling. Probably my closest friends cos I never talk about girls and sex with them so maybe they kind of know.

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't recall who it was, but there was a gay guy who was still technically closeted at age 35 or so. I told him "You realize that while you've been staring in fear at that closet door, your flames burned down the closet walls years ago?"

Lex

 

[Scealle]

Most people are shocked when I told them I am gay. They usually expect something different as I am not flamboyant nor very masculine. But I though the fact that I really like figure skating and had been single for 21 years is a dead-give away. But oh well. Strangely enough most of my friends haven't really met any gays prior to me.

 

[ibill1]

Since I was out at 17 in the 70's, I really don't know, to be honest. After I met Steve, we were always together and I guess it never had to be asked. A few times at work when the conversation was about family life I just talked about Steve alot, so it was obvious. Only once some girl said she was disappointed because she was going to ask me out, so, I guess to her, no. I think in my situation, how I act, no, but who I would always talk about, yes.

 

[sixthson]

I was not surprised to hear that Huntneo and Lucky7 were gay. NaughtyArousal on the other hand would have been shocking if not for the parasol he always has with him.

 

[The Fly]

People are generaly surprised when I tell them but I wouldn't go so far as to say "shocked". I think the shock aspect was as much in response to people admitting/owning thier sexuality as much/if not more than the sexual orientation itself. The exposure/acceptance of gays in the last two decades has greatly erroded the mystery of the differences between orientations.
I've been refered to as "staight acting" or "masculine" by gays, straights, and even a tranny I know, and it's never offended me in the least. I believe when someone says "straight acting" it's simply to equate a set of mannerisms/interests/activities to this individual that is associated (sp) with straight guys. I will never understand why some folks get all upset over this term.

 

[ibill1]

This question bothers me in a way. When all of these people respond with shock because you don't act gay, is this suppose to be a compliment? I mean, do these people think you will feel better about yourself if you don't act gay? It appears to me that some say this for exactly that reason. Like there is something wrong with acting gay. I only bring this up because if you read this thread the amount of posters that said people responded with shock just seems exceptionally high. I'm not doubting any of the posters experiences, I'm doubting the sencerity of the responders.

 

[quasar]

I came out back in '83 so I don't really need to keep coming out to people anymore as I just assume that newcomers to my social circle already know or will be told by others. There have been some that have made a point of coming up to me when they've found out and said, "Blah blah just told me you're gay, is that true?" "Yes, I thought you already knew." "Well...no, I hadn't really thought about it, I've always just thought of you as 'David'."

WTF is that supposed to mean!

 

[blackbeltninja]

And half of them are deluding themselves.
So many "masculine" "laid-back" or "everyone was shocked" gays you can tell at first sight with any gaydar at all.

Hmmm. Not sure how fair this is, if I'm honest.

I mean, if OTHER PEOPLE are surprised when I tell them, how am I deluding myself that I'm not obvious? Unless you're saying that EVERYONE I know is lying...

-d-

 

[pat grimshaw]

^ Different people perceive different things so that's why I didn't respond to Bender's original question in the OP. I can't answer a question on behalf of other people and their (often unspoken) perceptions.

 

[timboy]

I only discuss it with people i really care about some say REALLY some say YEP KNEW IT others assume and i dont give a fuck

 

[Rolyo85]

Also--it's so cute how some of the 'no one would ever know' people wear it as if it's some badge of honor.

I know, right? Personally, I love it when people think I'm gay. Means I've purged most of the straight-acting out of my system and am just being me. I'm gay, why should people think otherwise?

 

[Rolyo85]

I’m learning to not be flattered when someone tells me I could pass for straight, and that's the most confusing thing of all b/c for as many people who say they think I could, there are plenty of others who think that I'm flaming. Tbch, I don't even know what I am like, but I know making sure all of my sentences don't rise as they end is a full-time job - and it is fucking exhausting.

As a gay male, you understand that while you'll always find peers who allow you to be exactly as queeny as you are, there is still a social hierarchy that puts a premium on masculinity. Tops are valued. "Straight-acting" is a badge of honor, despite the term's corrosiveness. I'm not immune to this – my eye wanders toward men who appear to be more on the masculine side, and I don't know why that is. Shavings of internalized homophobia that litter my brain is most likely the culprit. :|

The crucial truth is that because gay men are still expected by society to be more feminine, we can either surprise people and get that aforementioned superficial, kind of unsavory thrill or we can just do what the fuck ever. We've all got masculine and feminine aspects to our personalities (even straight people!) and to express those things in their entirety can be great fun and liberating.

That's fairly thoughtful actually. I guess it's easy for me to be all ideological about it, because I grew up in denial in Eastern Europe, so neither my visuals, nor my mannerisms are overtly flaming. But that said, I've made it a point to "gay myself up" a bit, or at least to not care about who thinks what, and even going a bit out of my way to let them know I'm into dick. But people still aren't sure about me on first glance, and most are confused by the "gay or European?" conundrum anyway haha.

 

[Stoowii]

Some can, some can't. I'd say about 50/50.

 

[Wvnudist]

No one is aware I'm gay they think I still like pussy which thankfully I don't I can't come out cause I live in small town I'd have to move if I did get foundout unfortunately

 

[backagain]

I would say yes but some people don't want to see.

It happened to me years ago.
It was a co-worker that I told that I was gay.
The response was "I thought you were a confirmed bachelor"

I said they don't exist.
They are gay.

 

[Alistair]

Mostly no, but some people can. Before I came out to him, my boyfriend first told me he thought I was gay because I liked to bake

 

[xbuzzerx]

Can people tell you're gay from how you act ?

Or are they shocked when you tell them ?

No and yes.

I always assume there may be a degree of people being polite (most people say "wow you don't act gay at all!" like it's a huge compliment) but I have always consistently been told I don't "act gay" at all and most people are surprised when I tell them.

 

[xbuzzerx]

And half of them are deluding themselves.
So many "masculine" "laid-back" or "everyone was shocked" gays you can tell at first sight with any gaydar at all.

There's a flipside to that. People love to feel smart by going "oh yeah, I guess I could see it" AFTER you tell them. But I have never had anyone ask or imply it to me.

 

[gayguy21]

I've gotten mixed answers.

There are a lot of people that are shocked when I tell them that I'm gay and some just plain don't believe me.

Then I have others that will tell me they knew I was because they would see me checking out guys that walked by me, guess I'm not too discreet with the looking lol.