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Can someone tell me how gay people supposed to act?

A

aijalon18

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A friend of a friend who is gay and feminine told me I am "straight-acting" b/c i don't talk like him, I'm not into women's fashion, don't have female friends, and don't listen to "gay" music. Basically I put on an act to pretend to be straight.

I told him I was just being myself and didnt wake up each day practicing how to talk, dress, and "act" straight. Most people think I'm straight but some people think I'm gay and I really dont care. I feel like I'm being my natural self.

But this kid and his 2 friends who joined in said that naturally gay men are supposed to feminine, and guys that are not are just acting.

They also said I'm self loathing b/c I dont like drag queens. I dont hate them or say theyre disgusting. But I have no interest in going to drag shows or watching Rupaul's Drag Race.

I know there's not a handbook on how gays should act but I think this is bullshit. And personally I think some gay guys act feminine b/c they think that's what being gay is. i think being gay is whatever you want. But so many older gay people tell me otherwise. Sorry if this sounds so confusing. I'm confused myself. I'd love any sor
 
It's good that your friends are such experts on what gay men should be like.

In the 1950s.

The whole point of the gay liberation movement is to enable gay people to be whatever and whoever they damn well please... without judgment... without shame... without fear of harm.

Your friends should join those of us in the 21st century.
 
You said it yourself....I'm basically the same way. Your gay friend is stupid and is only perpetuating a stereotype.If he's feminine then let him be but don't let him tell you how you're suppose to act.
 
Resorting to name calling is non-productive. There has always been a spectrum of gay people just as there has been of straight people. That's why some metrosexuals are labeled gay. I wonder how old these guys are. They don't seem to have a lot of experience.

The key to your post, for me, was your acceptance of feminine guys and drag queens without having to join in. I used to get the question, "do you know what kind of bar this is,?" when walking into a gay bar.

Humans are pack animals and many of us need others to be or think just like us in order to feel validated and safe. I keep reminding myself and others to be grateful we are all different. Otherwise there would be just one couple paired off, and just one of everything else because we'd all like the same thing.

As for gay liberation, as mentioned above, I beg to differ. Gay liberation was and is about freedom from heterosexual harrassment, incarceration and worse. The twist to include acceptance from our own community only makes sense. Whatever became of live and let live?
 
I lived in one part of the country and most of the gay people were what people would consider "straight acting". Then I moved to another part of the country and most of the gay people are effeminate. The culture changes quite a bit depending on where you are. I think it is important to live life however you want to live it.
 
Yeah, I can't stand the "self-loathing" fallacy some gay people use if you don't behave the same way they do, or if you aren't accepting of it.

That's all it is: a fallacy. Be yourself; be who you are. The gay community is made up of millions of individuals. We aren't e Hive Mind.
 
I am myself.

I don't give a shit if people think I'm either too masculine or too feminine.
 
You should say to them: go suck on your fake Louis Vuiton wallet, bitches.
 
I agree with rareboy. I also act like me (myself).

I also have almost no feminine traits. I dont talk funny, i dont walk funny, and i defo dont dress funny. I dont do this on purpose, its just how i am.

So my advice is just act normal or be true to yourself and your personality however that turns out to be for you.

Yeah be your own man, and be proud of who you are!!
 
Thanks for the responses. I was on another thread here on JUB in Entertainment a little while back and a poster said the same thing. That gay men are supposed to be feminine and everyone else in the thread was agreed with him. They totally shot me down and said I was wrong. I thought there was maybe some rule I didnt know about.

And I actually started to question maybe I am self-loathing. The biggest thing people say is how most my friends are straight guys and I have no girl friends. I have gay guy friends too, but there are way more straight guys in the world so it's natural to interact more. I have never liked hanging out with girls. I just dont enjoy it too much. Yea we both like guys but I dont feel like i deal with guys the same way girls do.
 
You sound like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders. Keep listening to it instead of the people around you.

(Yes, I realise this is somewhat hypocritical as I'm telling you to listen to me instead of listening to your friend who disagrees with you.)
 
Stereotype: a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing; An idea brought about by fixed prejudices, beliefs and opinions.



The only fixed characteristic or behavioural practice that should be ascribed to Homosexual males, is the desire to have, or the practice thereof same sex emotional/sexual relationships. Simple as that. Anything else after that is down to the individual person.
 
aijalon18 said:
A friend of a friend who is gay and feminine told me I am "straight-acting" b/c i don't talk like him, I'm not into women's fashion, don't have female friends, and don't listen to "gay" music. Basically I put on an act to pretend to be straight.

I told him I was just being myself and didnt wake up each day practicing how to talk, dress, and "act" straight. Most people think I'm straight but some people think I'm gay and I really dont care. I feel like I'm being my natural self.
Click to expand...

If you look at the portions of your own post you will see what you need to answer your question. Just be yourself. Whatever you feel inside is exactly how you should act. It doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, bi, whatever. Just be YOU.
 
I have no idea where this stereotype comes from.

I'm straight acting, I guess. Except I'm not ACTING. I don't like Lady Gaga, can't decorate to save my life, have ZERO fashion sense and to top it off, I like nascar. I am just who I am. I just happen to like guys when it comes to sex.

As a matter of fact, I have a straight friend (so he swears up and down and he keeps trying to convert me) that is so stereotypical gay acting that "I" am uncomfortable going to a club with him. Now THAT'S a twist...

Though it IS possible (IMO) that some very effeminate gays have a more female wired brain. I guess. To each their own.

Point is, I couldn't ACT gay if I wanted to. I'm just who I AM.

So what? Who cares!
 
DafyddGeraint said:
The only fixed characteristic or behavioural practice that should be ascribed to Homosexual males, is the desire to have, or the practice thereof same sex emotional/sexual relationships. Simple as that. Anything else after that is down to the individual person.
Click to expand...

This is true but I wish other people would respect this.
 
Just be you.

I've been told, that I sounded gay and that sometimes, I act gay.... and I've also been told that I am "straight" acting, and they would've have known that I am gay, if I didn't tell them.

I just reply.... I am just being me.

My sexuality is just a small portion of who I am.
 
I think my sexuality is a big part of me. It totally shaped my life. I know if I was straight would have been massively slutty in high school like my friends and prolly ended up getting someone pregnant.

Instead of being a super whore, since there's so little options when you like guys, I concentrated much more on school work and going to college.SO I'm 100% happy to be gay. I just hate being told what that should be.
 
Corny nailed it. You're not supposed to act. Be yourself. Ignore what your friends say, they have no concept of behavioral reality.
 
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