Checking Out and Approaching Guys in Public?

[erobert]

I'm wondering about something that I know other guys do often- checking out cute guys in public. But has anyone ever approached another guy after getting positive signals. Not in a gay bar setting either.

Whenever I see an attractive guy when out and about I'll give him one or two passing glances and be done with it. Maybe he'll be looking at me (because I'm looking at him?) It's easiest when walking down the street and you're approaching each other but living in a city public transit can be difficult but I notice it sometimes. In a few cases I've even seen guys flirt up someone after a round of them checking out each other so it does happen but it seems very rare. And it takes a great deal of courage too I'm sure.

Almost happened to me this weekend. I get on the subway (or as it's called here the "L") I noticed an attractive guy out of the corner of my eye and gave him a few quick glances.... and then a few more. Naturally he noticed this after a while and started glancing back most likely to see who's looking his way.

He was going to a Halloween party dressed as Mickey Mouse with 2 girls (they're also in costume)- and he looked absolutely adorable. I'm starting to blush worrying he thinks I'm being creepy or something. I give a darting glance and look away quickly out of shyness. Then he gives a smile... "What does that mean?" Is that a positive response to me or is he smiling at something his friends said....? Best to just look down at your phone since you may be creeping him out." (Unwanted eye contact on public transit is the worst)

"Maybe he's bi...." In wonder. Another glance up at him. "Stop it! Control yourself man!" I think admonishing myself. Instead I look at him in the reflection of the window and he seems to be looking my way a few times.... or at least I think he was. I don't want to look at him since I'm uncertain of how to gauge the situation now and separate it from possible false hopes that he's checking me out as well.

My stop comes and just before I get off I glance back quickly at him. He's engaged in conversation with his friends and doesn't notice. But walking down the street I think "Well, maybe he was checking you out and you should have thought quickly on your feet and... pretended to ask him for directions or something. But what if he wasn't checking you out?... that would have been very embarrassing misreading the situation."

What I wonder is have any gaybros ever engaged someone after a round of back and fourth glances like this? How'd it go for you?

 

[ElmosToe]

He was probably asking the girls if they wanted to have an orgy with you.
(kidding) I would have said something mouse or disney related.


I can be rather bold at times.

One night, I was at a fairly nice sit-down restaurant with friends. When taking our orders, the hot, redheaded waiter was standing right next to where I was seated, his enormous, bulging crotch was not more than 2 inches from my face at eye level. He was just wearing a pair of black dress slacks, but he had a seriously massive bulge that was impossible not to notice. I couldn't help but stare at the thing as it was close enough to poke me in the eye.

Couple of my friends are noticing his bulge as well and noticing me staring while trying not to, catching glimpses, I finally decide to turn my head and just gaze at the thing. I look up at him and say, "damn dude, you're fuckin' huge." Everyone at the table bursts out laughing, he's bright red and smiling with a twinkle in his eye while giving me 'the look'.

He gave me a free dessert and when the bill came, he wrote his name and number on a napkin and slipped it to me. We became buddies, he would frequently hang nude with me at my house and join in on many jo sessions. Very tasty cum.

 

[SaskGuy]

oh god, that would get your face kicked in! Unless it's at some kind of gay gathering or something... in which case, if you do happen to hit on a straight guy, they wouldn't be likely to beat you up.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

If you have to ask about it... stick to the gay bars.

 

[erobert]

He was probably asking the girls if they wanted to have an orgy with you.
(kidding) I would have said something mouse or disney related.


I can be rather bold at times.

One night, I was at a fairly nice sit-down restaurant with friends. When taking our orders, the hot, redheaded waiter was standing right next to where I was seated, his enormous, bulging crotch was not more than 2 inches from my face at eye level. He was just wearing a pair of black dress slacks, but he had a seriously massive bulge that was impossible not to notice. I couldn't help but stare at the thing as it was close enough to poke me in the eye.

Couple of my friends are noticing his bulge as well and noticing me staring while trying not to, catching glimpses, I finally decide to turn my head and just gaze at the thing. I look up at him and say, "damn dude, you're fuckin' huge." Everyone at the table bursts out laughing, he's bright red and smiling with a twinkle in his eye while giving me 'the look'.

He gave me a free dessert and when the bill came, he wrote his name and number on a napkin and slipped it to me. We became buddies, he would frequently hang nude with me at my house and join in on many jo sessions. Very tasty cum.

If that really happened that's very bold of you but paid off in your favor. Other times it can blow up in your face.... not like that' in the not as much fun way like getting called out or getting a black eye.

Harke, true but that's a bit limiting. Need to work on fine tuning my gaydar/ bidar. Seems to be out of whack lately...

 

[eastofeden]

I did it alot when I was single....

I think the key is listening to your gut....eye contact..body language...putting yourself out there. Alot of times...I would just strike up a conversation when I felt the vibe and not even mention sex....ask them if they are up to anything later. Their body language and eyes pretty much gave me an answer...and it was usually yes but NO was also a possibility..and i think you have to make it OK whatever the answer is and react the same...no attitude...no harm/no foul....

If it is hard for you to read people or be OK with whatever outcome...probably not a good idea. You never want to appear desperate or over eager..it scares people. The other thing...I would base it on chemistry which may include the hottest guy in the room..or the least hottest...made no difference to me. I wanted good sex...and I know how to get it.

If it is love you want....maybe you should ignore my advice. I think the way to find love is to never look for it and love yourself instead...it may find you whether you want it or not if you can do that. The only thing that would be the same is to pay attention to chemistry and not what they look like. Looks fade....accidents happen....life will kick you ass ....so chemistry is the most important part of the equation IMO.

Funny now..I am on the other side of it...though not as frequently. I am the guy that talks to people I don't know really easily and naturally....and so I am pretty open and I do have guys STILL..at my age..come on to me in public...and I make sure I am nice to them but they understand it isn't gonna happen and I try to be as subtle as possible.

 

[Kahaih]

. . . .

Almost happened to me this weekend. I get on the subway (or as it's called here the "L") I noticed an attractive guy out of the corner of my eye and gave him a few quick glances.... and then a few more. Naturally he noticed this after a while and started glancing back most likely to see who's looking his way.

He was going to a Halloween party dressed as Mickey Mouse . . . .


. . . . . after a round of back and fourth glances like this? . . .

Popular seasonal festivities? In a costume on the subway?

He'd expect people to be looking at him.

Maybe he thought you liked his costume, or maybe he wondered if his ears were crooked.

You may even have made him overly self-conscious/uncomfortable.

It was not an everyday occurrence/encounter. Read nothing into it.

 

[seioussuction69]

It all depends on the level of comfort in whatever situation I find myself in. The eye contact is always a dead giveaway. If we seem to be playing a game of returning glances, I'll approach him in a friendly (NOT aggressive or lewd) way and hope for the best. What really drives me crazy (in a good way) is when I notice a guy looking at me, and when I look at him, he looks away like he's guilty of something. If they blush, my dick jumps. Give me a hot bashful guy over a hot arrogant guy anyday! I'm not the type to "hook up", I have to get to know a guy before we decide to pound a mattress. If I suspect a guy is straight, I won't even bother approaching him. The way "Elmos Toe" made a joke about the size of the waiters package, that was brilliant! I've never said anything THAT bold to a stranger, but I always use humor since it is a great ice breaker. Also, the guy was a waiter, and since I was a waiter during college, I can attest to the fact that tons of waiters are gay. Besides, any straight guy wouldn't stand with his crotch so close to another guys face unless he was clueless about personal space. The waiters would often show each other the phone numbers they were given, male & female. Where you live is also important, a small town (especially a conservative, religious one!) is going to be more closeted than a city. I grew up in Connecticut which is hardcore unfriendly, but I've lived in Santa Barbara, California since college and it's the polar opposite of Connecticut. When guys I didn't know approached me, or were being flirtatious, I was taken aback.
THE best encounter I ever had happened after I had been in California from a few months. I had stopped at a red light with nobody infront of me. A fucking stunning blonde guy (it was hard to tell if he was in high school or college) was crossing infront of my car on a 10 speed bike, wearing only Levi's cutoff's & flip flops. He was tanned and looked like a surfer, I couldn't help but stare. He was pedaling slow, and he looked right at me then smiled & winked. He looked back at me a few times as he rode off, and even though I went in his direction when the light changed, he was gone. I was really bummed out, but he gave me jerk off fantasies for life!

 

[IceColdLover]

Ha, guys seem to vanish into thin air once I finally get the courage to approach them. I don't really seek it out anymore.

 

[Kulindahr]

I did it alot when I was single....

I think the key is listening to your gut....eye contact..body language...putting yourself out there. Alot of times...I would just strike up a conversation when I felt the vibe and not even mention sex....ask them if they are up to anything later. Their body language and eyes pretty much gave me an answer...and it was usually yes but NO was also a possibility..and i think you have to make it OK whatever the answer is and react the same...no attitude...no harm/no foul....

If it is hard for you to read people or be OK with whatever outcome...probably not a good idea. You never want to appear desperate or over eager..it scares people. The other thing...I would base it on chemistry which may include the hottest guy in the room..or the least hottest...made no difference to me. I wanted good sex...and I know how to get it.

If it is love you want....maybe you should ignore my advice. I think the way to find love is to never look for it and love yourself instead...it may find you whether you want it or not if you can do that. The only thing that would be the same is to pay attention to chemistry and not what they look like. Looks fade....accidents happen....life will kick you ass ....so chemistry is the most important part of the equation IMO.

Funny now..I am on the other side of it...though not as frequently. I am the guy that talks to people I don't know really easily and naturally....and so I am pretty open and I do have guys STILL..at my age..come on to me in public...and I make sure I am nice to them but they understand it isn't gonna happen and I try to be as subtle as possible.

I've always thought the "Don't look for it" advice was just lame -- in my experience, if you're not looking you don't even end up with friends.

 

[eastofeden]

I've always thought the "Don't look for it" advice was just lame -- in my experience, if you're not looking you don't even end up with friends.

It might be lame...but it is true..and the good news is..lame or not..you are free to take or ignore the advice...doesn't matter to me one way or the other. In my experience of watching gay men "look for love" five nights a week for 20 years....I noticed a definite pattern with guys that are looking for "love" ...and they usually end up picking everyone apart and it consumes them and makes them very unattractive and kinda scary....no one and nothing is ever good enough for them....and they end up being the guy who is not good enough for themself (pssst...there is a secret there)

Also..you can be open to it without looking for it...

If you spend the same amount of time learning to love yourself...you can easily attract a guy if that is what you want. I saw confident self assured people attract men constantly.....and there is a reason why...

As for friends...I know that part is different for everyone so I would have no advice on that....

 

[Zeno Lorea]

My gaydar is lousy. I have no idea who is or isn't queer, unless they're as camp as a row of tents. But I do check out bulges, bubble butts and hot faces. I do approach hot men. And when I start interacting one-on-one it quickly becomes clear whether they like me or not, whether they are gay, straight, or gay for pay. I find hot guys all over Morocco all the time.

 

[ElmosToe]

If that really happened that's very bold of you but paid off in your favor. Other times it can blow up in your face.... not like that' in the not as much fun way like getting called out or getting a black eye.

While being the condensed version of events, it happened, how I met the guy who became a very good fwb, one of my regular donors.

I was picking up 'vibes' from him that clued me in that it was probably ok to make such a joking comment without fear of waking in a hospital. Plus, I'm rarely concerned with people attempting to kick my ass, I'm more concerned with me not seriously injuring others.

It did make a slightly awkward situation into light-hearted humor, eased some tension a bit and broke the ice.

As East pointed out, it's about reading people. When my brain does work, at times, I tend to have a good read on others.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I think "Not looking for it" is good advice, I wasn't looking to be in a relationship at the time, but here I am 11 years later.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

1 way wook it
_tink ya ofs front line army_
fodda wiles folkeess far far far away figa wot doins etc so on
!ans gurd luck!

or

"if ya happy ya owns feet wot ay woorry aboots"

or

trains isn 6 top marshals arts

"or"

gets gots certificut frms universe srhink ons huamn apees teys nots loons ans a sorteurds eons teys wooks

or

!sing song or or or!

handy worlds map wots plot wands barkins mad ins a prettay color chart ins a handbook free world ova
_ha_

ya dust nose female ans male hapes stiss no figa wot up or down

aans so on

tinku

_gotta wuv intenret 2 a wonda a Q -
wook a big ball ins sky
_ooooooooooooh_

 

[rareboy]

When I was young and single, I did it all the time.

And unless I knew that I absolutely would have no time to follow up, I would often make some kind of contact...sometimes to wish them a good day, or if I thought that they looked a bit more receptive, to tell them that I liked their jacket or glasses and in a few cases to come right out and tell them that their smile or laugh had made my day. Once there was some conversation...one thing would lead to another.

 

[erobert]

I did it alot when I was single....

I think the key is listening to your gut....eye contact..body language...putting yourself out there. Alot of times...I would just strike up a conversation when I felt the vibe and not even mention sex....ask them if they are up to anything later. Their body language and eyes pretty much gave me an answer...and it was usually yes but NO was also a possibility..and i think you have to make it OK whatever the answer is and react the same...no attitude...no harm/no foul....

If it is hard for you to read people or be OK with whatever outcome...probably not a good idea. You never want to appear desperate or over eager..it scares people. The other thing...I would base it on chemistry which may include the hottest guy in the room..or the least hottest...made no difference to me. I wanted good sex...and I know how to get it.

If it is love you want....maybe you should ignore my advice. I think the way to find love is to never look for it and love yourself instead...it may find you whether you want it or not if you can do that. The only thing that would be the same is to pay attention to chemistry and not what they look like. Looks fade....accidents happen....life will kick you ass ....so chemistry is the most important part of the equation IMO.

Funny now..I am on the other side of it...though not as frequently. I am the guy that talks to people I don't know really easily and naturally....and so I am pretty open and I do have guys STILL..at my age..come on to me in public...and I make sure I am nice to them but they understand it isn't gonna happen and I try to be as subtle as possible.

Agree about not looking for it. Things have a way of happening when you least expect it and loving and being comfortable with yourself- which is an attractive trait. Every single dating and love coach I follow has said this and it's true. Also, on the subject of looking for a guy and dating- don't look for "him"; look for his friends. Worked for me with my last relationship.

I think another big part of being able to approach guys is being able to read people and their body language well as well as being sociable since there's a lot of shy guys out there. Those are good skills to have nonetheless anyway IMO.

 

[Kahaih]

I've always thought the "Don't look for it" advice was just lame -- in my experience, if you're not looking you don't even end up with friends.

Can you imagine an employment agency dishing out that kind of advice?

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

I was often approached on the street by guys in San Francisco in the 70s. They were very straightforward in asking, ''Do you want a blowjob?''

 

[MorrisseyX]

I think people need to use common sense only do this in a gay bar or a gay space. If you approach men in a mainstream public space you are just inviting yourself to potential violence.