"Coming out" guide for gay conservatives?

[JayQueer]

Does anyone know if there are any books written about "coming out" for gay conservatives?

Gay conservatives are truly "the new gay" -- gay conservatives & gay Republicans often find themselves alienated, mocked, and isolated from the greater LGBT community at large, because the LGBT, is very Democratic and politically liberal. And yet, gay conservatives often can feel the pain and hurt when they hear the anti-gay sentiments and behavior of many straight conservatives.

It's a terrible quandary -- gay conservatives sometimes feel like they have to give up their political views, or suppress their identity, in order to be accepted. Which is wrong. Why can't gay people be comfortable with their sexual orientation, AND hold conservative views when it comes to relationships, the economy, military & national security, etc?

I have been trying to find a "coming out" book that is written for gay conservatives. Does anyone know of one?

Maybe someone could write one. Here are some topics that I've been thinking about --

1) The importance of visible gay conservatives in society

2) How to "come out" to conservative parents & family, who may be devoutly religious

3) How to explain that homosexuality is not a choice, to conservatives

4) Faith and Religion -- how to maintain one's belief in God and religion as a gay individual, or at the very least, respect other people who do believe in God

5) The importance of military service & patriotism for a gay conservative

6) How to make friends in the gay community, without compromising your politically conservative beliefs.

7) How to respond to liberals when they attack and smear gay conservatives

8) Life in the gayborhoods -- For those who choose to move to the city, how to live in a liberal "gayborhood" and still keep one's identity as a gay conservative

9) Dating -- how to date in the gay community. When should you tell your prospective boyfriend or partner that you are a gay conservative. How should you react if a potential boyfriend dumps or leaves you simply because you are a conservative or Republican?

10) The importance of monogamy in gay male relationships/ partnerships.

11) Being a conservative in the workplace -- If you work at a liberal workplace, should you let other people know that you are a conservative? If you work at a conservative workplace, should you let other people know that you are gay?

12) How to be "out" about being gay, without "shoving it down other people's throats"

13) How to make the case for same-sex marriage, and other LGBT rights issues, to a conservative and/or Republican audience.

14) Finding peace and satisfaction as a gay conservative.


What do you guys think?

 

[smoothmuscleguy]

I think you should write it. You obviously have given it a lot of thought and you already have the outline and the lived experience. However to me it is like being bipartisan, split between two parties. For the life of me I can't understand how one can be gay and a republican. Maybe you can explain it to me?

 

[JayQueer]

Here is a simple guide.

1) Don't come out.

2) Change your conservative viewpoints.

3) Now come out.

The LGBT community doesn't need "gay conservatives and republicans" who ally themselves with the enemy. Gay conservatives need to learn that they are trying to be part of a political side that has no respect and no sympathy for gay people.

So you want gay conservatives to give up their views and become liberals.

Not. gonna. happen.

I predicted a response similar to yours. See points #6, #7, and #8 above.

 

[chance1]

My take is your over-thinking this

A LOT



have some fun JQ

I think you're pre-supposing problems

Conservatives who hold pro gay rights positions are not the same as conservatives who support the platform which is anti-gay

reasonable people understand that being for conservative economic principles or security is ok - more than OK

JUB CE+P is NOT a microcasm of society

it's a teeny weeney BUBBLE of (will intentionally leave this blank) that don't reflect the real world

 

[hotatlboi]

So you want gay conservatives to give up their views and become liberals.

Not. gonna. happen.

I predicted a response similar to yours. See points #6, #7, and #8 above.

IMO, you have to at least be a social liberal (at least on gay rights). Opposition to gay people is one of the main planks in the social conservative platform.

If not, it means there is some kind of a self loathing complex at work imo.

 

[JayQueer]

IMO, you have to at least be a social liberal (at least on gay rights). Opposition to gay people is one of the main planks in the social conservative platform.

If not, it means there is some kind of a self loathing complex at work imo.

Well, to me, most of the issues considered "gay rights" -- are CONSERVATIVE issues.

1) Supporting same-sex marriage, and gay adoption, is a conservative value, not a liberal one. The concept of being in a monogamous, stable relationship and raising a family unit together is probably the most conservative, traditional value there is. It is a shame that many people that call themselves "conservative" don't support same-sex marriage (most likely because of their religious beliefs or their own prejudices) but same-sex marriage and gay adoption are not liberal values at their core.

2) "Repeal of Don't ask Don't tell" (allowing gays to serve openly in the military) is also a conservative value, not a liberal one. Conservatives are patriotic and support the military. Conservatives send their own sons to serve in the military; liberals most often do not -- liberals are more likely to protest the military, call them baby killers, etc (Code Pink & the liberal city of Berkeley, California, harassed, protested, and tried to force the US Marines to get rid of their recruitment center in Berkeley several years ago). The concept that gay men & women want the right to openly serve their country (& possibly die in its defense) is a testament to the perseverance of conservative values.

 

[sixthson]

When I took a stand against abortion, I was often told not to be a one issue voter. Couldn't the same go for those who vote strictly based on gay rights? In my opinion, both are human rights issues.

 

[CoolBlue71]

I'd like to know how well the Republican-voting gays are doing with their love life.

 

[White Eagle]

Does anyone know if there are any books written about "coming out" for gay conservatives?

9) Dating -- how to date in the gay community. When should you tell your prospective boyfriend or partner that you are a gay conservative. How should you react if a potential boyfriend dumps or leaves you simply because you are a conservative or Republican?
What do you guys think?

Tell your prospective boyfriend right away, don't hold something like that as a secret. It WILL be found out and you can just start saying goodbye.
If he dumps you? Again be prepared to start looking for another. Try to find a boyfriend that shares your views.

 

[bort138]

JQ I get the impression that you label things as strictly liberal or conservative and that if something is perceived as a liberal value it is inherently wrong. I don't think many people are tackling the issue of being gay and conservative because many people cannot see how being gay and conservative is compatible in any way.

The Republican Party has built a platform that is in direct opposition to gay rights yet you are opposed to liberal values even when they are in your own self interest. I think you need to step back from the labels and look at the issues that are important to you and where you stand on them. If you must put a label on yourself I think a the Libertarian Party ideology would be more compatible with being gay and conservative.

 

[Benvolio]

I think you should write it. You obviously have given it a lot of thought and you already have the outline and the lived experience. However to me it is like being bipartisan, split between two parties. For the life of me I can't understand how one can be gay and a republican. Maybe you can explain it to me?

Let mr explain. The gay agenda is of miniscule importance in the over all picture: the economy, poverty, immigration, unemployment, confiscation, crime, the ebnironment, energy etc. But the pathetic gays think Boo Hoo we are more important than anything else. Grow up. If you want to get married,go ahead. Get a church, tuxedos, a reception, a big cake, a honey moon and live happily ever after. Nobody is stopping you. But stop whining.

 

[hotatlboi]

Well, to me, most of the issues considered "gay rights" -- are CONSERVATIVE issues.

1) Supporting same-sex marriage, and gay adoption, is a conservative value, not a liberal one.

Conservative means you are resistant to change. Liberal means you are tolerant and open to change.

lib·er·al   [lib-er-uhl, lib-ruhl]
Liberal | Define Liberal at Dictionary.com
adjective
1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
2. ( often initial capital letter ) noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.
3. of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism.
4. favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, especially as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.
5. favoring or permitting freedom of action, especially with respect to matters of personal belief or expression: a liberal policy toward dissident artists and writers.

Given that gay marriage is almost universally illegal in the US, a conservative position is not one "favorable to progress or reform" of that issue.

 

[Stardreamer]

JQ I get the impression that you label things as strictly liberal or conservative and that if something is perceived as a liberal value it is inherently wrong. I don't think many people are tackling the issue of being gay and conservative because many people cannot see how being gay and conservative is compatible in any way.

The Republican Party has built a platform that is in direct opposition to gay rights yet you are opposed to liberal values even when they are in your own self interest. I think you need to step back from the labels and look at the issues that are important to you and where you stand on them. If you must put a label on yourself I think a the Libertarian Party ideology would be more compatible with being gay and conservative.

A lot of folks here can't seem to separate conservatives and Republicans, the party does not represent all conservatives just like the Democrats do not represent all liberals. There is nothing inherently in conservative beliefs that makes it incompatible with being gay or bisexual. That comes from the religious social wing of the right which in my viewpoint are not really conservatives but have come to dominate the party in the last couple of decades. Fortunately, they seem to losing power.

 

[bort138]

So who are all of these gay conservatives going to vote for in the fall?

 

[bort138]

Stardreamer- Do you understand what the word conservative means?

 

[opinterph]

Let mr explain. The gay agenda is of miniscule importance in the over all picture: the economy, poverty, immigration, unemployment, confiscation, crime, the ebnironment, energy etc. But the pathetic gays think Boo Hoo we are more important than anything else. Grow up. If you want to get married,go ahead. Get a church, tuxedos, a reception, a big cake, a honey moon and live happily ever after. Nobody is stopping you. But stop whining.

Be advised that derogatory references to the gay community are regarded as objectionable. Member posted content that includes such remarks constitutes a violation of the Terms of Service governing your participation on this site. If you dislike gay people you don’t belong here.

 

[Rolyo85]

JQ, gay conservatives aren't the "new gays", they're the oldest gays possible, in mentality if not in years. The ones most often clinging to self-hatred and shame, constantly explaining away "the gay", always disliking everything about "gay culture", "the gay community" and "stereotypical gays".

I have said this a thousand times - there's nothing wrong with being gay and conservative. But there's EVERYTHING wrong with being gay and Republican.

And anyone who thinks that "there are more important issues" than me having equal rights with heterosexual people, and gives me that excuse for voting for the people who through inaction AND direct intervention MURDER LGBT children, is voting directly against my life, my freedom and my happiness.

I tend to dislike such people.

Star - you know full well that in the context of this topic and JQ's mentality "conservative" is equal to "Republican". That's who both him and Benvolio will always vote for, and you're fully aware of it.

 

[palbert]

.... [portion deleted]...14) Finding peace and satisfaction as a gay conservative....What do you guys think?

Such a book would be welcome. It would help gay conservatives find peace and satisfaction. It would help all of us understand the psychology. Freud wrote The Interpretation of Dreams and your exposition could provide a similar breakthrough.

 

[Rolyo85]

I find it appalling that the term "gay conservatives" is being coined by the self hating gay republicans as synonymous with "misunderstood victims, shunned by their own".

Jeez, could there be some objective reason for that?

 

[LuvFindsAndyHardy]

When I took a stand against abortion, I was often told not to be a one issue voter. Couldn't the same go for those who vote strictly based on gay rights? In my opinion, both are human rights issues.

Well my response to that has always been that it's easy to be a single issue voter when that "single issue" happens to be your very existence.