Coming out to another gay person?

[Jay.Jay]

A few thoughts...

(1) There isn't much point in comparing experiences of coming out in terms of who had the easiest / hardest time - everyone has challenges, and the important thing is to deal with the challenges you face, not to decide whether your life would be easier if your challenges were different.

(2) your introversion, shyness, etc., may be part of the reason that she is coming on to you so strongly - "did you even got what I meant?", etc. She may think that she needs to make the moves because you can't even though you want to (if that makes sense). You need to make it clear to her that you do understand what she means, or she may just think that you need a clearer signal. You don't have to come out to make it clear - the advice from Kyanimal is one approach that you can take - but you do need to do something.

(3) it's up to you who you come out to, and you don't have to tell your family first. You also don't have to tell them when (if) you come out to them that you told everyone else first.

(4) if your Dad is, as you put it, a stubborn homophobic hardass, do you have any other work options which you might want to explore? It would help with building a social life and who needs to be around someone they know is homophobic most of the time. I'm assuming that your Dad keeps his comments for home - could you call him on some of them?

(5) mpdan is right that Dad being the business owner is a complication because he needs to know about problems - which means you need to be careful, and moving forward may force your hand (either into coming out or moving jobs). However, I am not so sure that talking to the brother isn't a good idea - he may be willing to point out to his sister that you bat for the other team, and so she might want to redirect her attention to greener pastures. You need to decide based on your knowledge of him whether he'd be supportive and helpful, or spiteful - but you need to decide fast, because he is going to be a lot less supportive if his sister starts complaining to him that you're an arrogant bastard who ignored her and wouldn't consider going out. (Of course, he may also look at her and ask her whether she is clueless, and it's obvious to him that you're gay!)

 

[spreadeagle]

The primary issue here is your shyness and introversion. Regardless of your sexual orientation this would be an impediment to forming relationships.

The secondary issue is your relationship with your father.

Coming out will not make either of these issues magically ok. I imagine that untill you finish school you're going to feel obligated to your Dad.

I think your focus should be on finishing school well, gaining a measure of financial independence and on improving your social skills by mixing with groups of people who have similar interests where there is not a sexual component. You might find it useful to make an appointment with a counsellor at your school. This would be confidential and the counsellor could help you work oput a plan to address the issues that are troubling you.

 

[Tyler121515]

The primary issue here is your shyness and introversion. Regardless of your sexual orientation this would be an impediment to forming relationships.

The secondary issue is your relationship with your father.

Coming out will not make either of these issues magically ok. I imagine that untill you finish school you're going to feel obligated to your Dad.

I think your focus should be on finishing school well, gaining a measure of financial independence and on improving your social skills by mixing with groups of people who have similar interests where there is not a sexual component. You might find it useful to make an appointment with a counsellor at your school. This would be confidential and the counsellor could help you work oput a plan to address the issues that are troubling you.

Well sorry to revive this old thread, but I'd thought I'd chime back in on my issues. The gay co-workers younger sister finally just said "So I might as well just ask you now. Do you like "like" me or not?" I then went on about how my dad has a policy about relationships within work settings, which of course is total BS I made up. So now that I've got that out of the way, I don't know what to do at this point. Who should I come out to? It's quite obvious I'm gay. I overheard the gay guy I work with whisper to another co-worker "So has Tyler ever had a girlfriend?". In other words, he's been trying to figure me out. Not because he's interested in me (he has a BF), but because I give off such a gay vibe. However, like I said in my original post, he's the only person I can think of at this point to come out to because I can't think of anyone else. Yet lately lately he's been acting a little bit more coldly towards me than before. He used to try to flirt with me and joke around with me all the time, but I'd never flirt back because I am so damn insure, so now that's all come to an end. But coming out to him even in the most casual way bears some serious risks: he (and his BF) know some people that know some people that are friends with my dad. But I really want to be who I am really am and stop living a LIE!!!!

 

[backpacker]

Stop living the LIE, it tearing you up. I say talk to your gay co-worker. Ask him if you can meet him outside of work to talk and ask him to keep it confidential as you don't want your dad to know. I think he probably already knows and will be supportive. I'm sure he can suggest some groups for you to join or maybe introduce you to some friends. Your obviously don't plan to remain in the closet forever, so why not get started on coming out? Good luck!