OK, I don't want this to come off as one of those "oh, I have a crush on my straight friend" threads - though it is extremely similar... with a few twists. I've been a member here on the forums for a while, but I rarely post (but read everybody else's threads to gain insight).
Here is the situation. I met my friend "Brad" this summer while living here on-campus in the dorms. Since we both work for Housing and Residence Life over the off-academic year, we got advantage of free housing. We're both in college, him being 22 and myself being 21. He knows I'm gay and that I really like him.
Over the summer, the rule of thumb is that since you live and work with the people you see on a daily basis, I became close with him friend-wise. We both worked the front-desk, which serves soda and stuff, which is open 24/7, 24hrs a day. As such, we'd both get stuck with shitty shifts (only one person works at a time), so we'd often just stay up and watch movies, to provide company since being up at 2AM at a desk with nobody around just is plain-ass boring.
So, since we got stuck with the shitty shifts, we'd end up watching movies and talk. Discuss, all those fun things. Getting to know each other. Considering I thought he was an asshole just months earlier, we became friends and would do things together such as movies. We did go to the movies together twice, and although we did pay separately it was just a fun night out. The movies were "The Omen" and "The Devil Wears Prada"... nobody else wanted to see that movie, so he asked me to go with him.
Now you're probably wondering, "What's the point of this thread? The dude is straight!" This is the fun part. He has a really high tolerance for alcohol, so we went out with friends in the beginning of August. We all got quite smashed; he was completely gone. We brought Brad up to his room, and he passed out on the floor. I stayed with him for the next 2.5-3 hours, making sure he didn't get sick. I left for bed to pass out then after that time.
Next day, we're talking and he finds out what I did. His first response - which I vaguely remember - had something about probably wanting to take advantage of him. Yeah, pissed me off slightly... but I told him I've had bad experiences with alcohol and that I didn't want anybody else to go through what I've done... and that it would be considered rape and violate our friendship and trust if I did do anything. He agreed.
About two weeks later, we end up going out again with different people. It is the five of us; Brad and his interest at the time (female) and some mutual friends. Long story short, we end up going back to the dorms and a bet somehow takes place. The two girls in the party will make out if Brad and I make out. It happens. The girls make out, and Brad and I make out... and I stop it because I was enjoying it too much. While walking back to the dorms, he tells a few people we know because "he figures it will get out anyway" (BTW, the entire staff of his dorm now knows me as the person that made out with him. He's an R.A.) Within various conversations between that point and now (about three months), it has been as "it was a bet, thats all".
So, where is this going to? In November, right after Thanksgiving, we ended up having a 1.5 hour discussion about our friendship with each other. In a nutshell, he said himself that we grew to the point to where "it's like we were boyfriends" and that "I need to stop caring about him so much" and that "we need to spend less time with each other" because he didn't want our relationship to become unhealthy on my part. That was a major hint right there to leave him alone. So, for the last three weeks I've only said "hi" to him, and the only times we spend with each other is with other people when we get together and have movie-nights.
This is where the story gets interesting. I should have made reference with the fact that he is a really flirty guy. He flirts with everyone. So, he flirts with every girl he sees. He also flirts with me (but I've never seen him flirt with another guy before, I could be mistaken). So, even after our Thanksgiving conversation, he flirts with me when we watch movies as a group. This last Monday, one of our mutual friends brings up how we made out with each other in August. I kept my mouth quiet, and Brad starts talking. He says, "It was mutual", then got really embarassed and put his hands to his face and said that he was going to shut up and not say anymore because he was embarassed.
How does "mutual" = "just for a bet"? I didn't say this earlier, but also immediately after it happened [us making out], Brad said that when we kissed that "it was bound it happen, it was just a matter of when". He also said that it would probably be a blowjob next.
In addition to that, there was a discussion about the movie we watched, "Chasing Amy". There were like 5 girls in the room, Brad and I. The girls were talking about gifts, and that gifts that take time and effort to create are better then store-bought gifts. I was zoning out, not really talking. I was looking around the room, and I caught Brad staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I made eye contact, and we just stared at each other until he started laughing and put his hands in his face again, and then I dove my head into a pillow and went "augh!" and started laughing.
Also, about a week after he said that we needed to stop spending so much time - and not to care about him - I got off from work at 2:30 AM. He was in the TV lounge, and a little bit before he asked when I was done and told me to come visit him in the study lounge. OK, haven't seen him for a while so I figured it was OK. about an 1.5 hours later, I'm getting tired. I frankly say, "I'm getting tired. I'm going to bed, and have a good night." He looks up at me and asks, "Can you please stay? If I don't have anybody here with me I'll fall asleep and not get to study."
..I thought he wanted me to not care about him so much... he just asked me to care about him and sacrifice some of my sleep and time for him...
Seriously, WTF. This is not normal behavior for your average guy! Considering he's flirted with me like this before since November, and other hints he just gives me... I don't know. I know NOT to read into it, but I cannot help it because it happens with frequency when I'm with him.
Now, I'm not going to say, "I don't know what to do!" because when finals end next week, I'm going to talk to him (bringing on a possibly emotional/harsh conversation about this would not be wise to do right before finals). I just want everyone's advice and thought. I personally think he's facinated yet scared of being with a guy, or that he's just being a wishywashy jackass whose toying with my emotions.
Here is the situation. I met my friend "Brad" this summer while living here on-campus in the dorms. Since we both work for Housing and Residence Life over the off-academic year, we got advantage of free housing. We're both in college, him being 22 and myself being 21. He knows I'm gay and that I really like him.
Over the summer, the rule of thumb is that since you live and work with the people you see on a daily basis, I became close with him friend-wise. We both worked the front-desk, which serves soda and stuff, which is open 24/7, 24hrs a day. As such, we'd both get stuck with shitty shifts (only one person works at a time), so we'd often just stay up and watch movies, to provide company since being up at 2AM at a desk with nobody around just is plain-ass boring.
So, since we got stuck with the shitty shifts, we'd end up watching movies and talk. Discuss, all those fun things. Getting to know each other. Considering I thought he was an asshole just months earlier, we became friends and would do things together such as movies. We did go to the movies together twice, and although we did pay separately it was just a fun night out. The movies were "The Omen" and "The Devil Wears Prada"... nobody else wanted to see that movie, so he asked me to go with him.
Now you're probably wondering, "What's the point of this thread? The dude is straight!" This is the fun part. He has a really high tolerance for alcohol, so we went out with friends in the beginning of August. We all got quite smashed; he was completely gone. We brought Brad up to his room, and he passed out on the floor. I stayed with him for the next 2.5-3 hours, making sure he didn't get sick. I left for bed to pass out then after that time.
Next day, we're talking and he finds out what I did. His first response - which I vaguely remember - had something about probably wanting to take advantage of him. Yeah, pissed me off slightly... but I told him I've had bad experiences with alcohol and that I didn't want anybody else to go through what I've done... and that it would be considered rape and violate our friendship and trust if I did do anything. He agreed.
About two weeks later, we end up going out again with different people. It is the five of us; Brad and his interest at the time (female) and some mutual friends. Long story short, we end up going back to the dorms and a bet somehow takes place. The two girls in the party will make out if Brad and I make out. It happens. The girls make out, and Brad and I make out... and I stop it because I was enjoying it too much. While walking back to the dorms, he tells a few people we know because "he figures it will get out anyway" (BTW, the entire staff of his dorm now knows me as the person that made out with him. He's an R.A.) Within various conversations between that point and now (about three months), it has been as "it was a bet, thats all".
So, where is this going to? In November, right after Thanksgiving, we ended up having a 1.5 hour discussion about our friendship with each other. In a nutshell, he said himself that we grew to the point to where "it's like we were boyfriends" and that "I need to stop caring about him so much" and that "we need to spend less time with each other" because he didn't want our relationship to become unhealthy on my part. That was a major hint right there to leave him alone. So, for the last three weeks I've only said "hi" to him, and the only times we spend with each other is with other people when we get together and have movie-nights.
This is where the story gets interesting. I should have made reference with the fact that he is a really flirty guy. He flirts with everyone. So, he flirts with every girl he sees. He also flirts with me (but I've never seen him flirt with another guy before, I could be mistaken). So, even after our Thanksgiving conversation, he flirts with me when we watch movies as a group. This last Monday, one of our mutual friends brings up how we made out with each other in August. I kept my mouth quiet, and Brad starts talking. He says, "It was mutual", then got really embarassed and put his hands to his face and said that he was going to shut up and not say anymore because he was embarassed.
How does "mutual" = "just for a bet"? I didn't say this earlier, but also immediately after it happened [us making out], Brad said that when we kissed that "it was bound it happen, it was just a matter of when". He also said that it would probably be a blowjob next.
In addition to that, there was a discussion about the movie we watched, "Chasing Amy". There were like 5 girls in the room, Brad and I. The girls were talking about gifts, and that gifts that take time and effort to create are better then store-bought gifts. I was zoning out, not really talking. I was looking around the room, and I caught Brad staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I made eye contact, and we just stared at each other until he started laughing and put his hands in his face again, and then I dove my head into a pillow and went "augh!" and started laughing.
Also, about a week after he said that we needed to stop spending so much time - and not to care about him - I got off from work at 2:30 AM. He was in the TV lounge, and a little bit before he asked when I was done and told me to come visit him in the study lounge. OK, haven't seen him for a while so I figured it was OK. about an 1.5 hours later, I'm getting tired. I frankly say, "I'm getting tired. I'm going to bed, and have a good night." He looks up at me and asks, "Can you please stay? If I don't have anybody here with me I'll fall asleep and not get to study."
..I thought he wanted me to not care about him so much... he just asked me to care about him and sacrifice some of my sleep and time for him...
Seriously, WTF. This is not normal behavior for your average guy! Considering he's flirted with me like this before since November, and other hints he just gives me... I don't know. I know NOT to read into it, but I cannot help it because it happens with frequency when I'm with him.
Now, I'm not going to say, "I don't know what to do!" because when finals end next week, I'm going to talk to him (bringing on a possibly emotional/harsh conversation about this would not be wise to do right before finals). I just want everyone's advice and thought. I personally think he's facinated yet scared of being with a guy, or that he's just being a wishywashy jackass whose toying with my emotions.
