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Confused

Keep in mind that pregnant women get very emotional and have a lot of mood swings. It's the hormones.

So if she says something like, "I never want to see you again," you don't have to assume that she's going to continue to feel that way. Give her a day to cool off and then talk to her again.
 
I am fine just extremely exhausted, I went over to her house and her parents were total jerks and were being really pissy with me and wouldnt tell me where she was, so finally i said look she is pregnant with MY CHILD and i want to know where the hell she is so i can work things out with her and i am not leaving till i talk to her. She must have heard me yelling because she came downstairs. I said we need to talk. We got in the car and drove to the park and sat and talked for hours , the most we had ever talked!!! I told her everything about how i was feeling and what was going on, and how i was feeling so guilty about the feelings i was having. She cried at first and shoot me but i cried alot too but then we just calmly talked it out. I told her that i hadnt acted on any feelings yet and to be honest i dont know if i will, I just know that right now my head is going ways that i dont understand or know how to deal with. So we agreed that we will for right now be together just not sexually till i work out my thoughts in my head and mostly just be there for each other till the pregnancy is over and I work out what i want. She is confused on how i can feel what i do , but she didnt jump up and call me a queer or anything. I told her to join the crowd with the confusion. She also knows a counselor in a town about 40 miles away that she is going to call and we are going to go see hopefully. Maybe they can help. I just know that my feelings arent going away even tho i love her with all my heart i still find my eyes wondering to men. I dont know if that makes me gay, bi , or what but its really getting to me. Anyway i just got home because we talked all night and just held each other. I dropped her off and of course her parents came out to chew my ass, but she told them to leave me alone it wasnt there issue it was ours, She promised she wouldnt tell anyone what was up so hopefully she keeps that promise, meanwhile i am going to bed. Thanks for all the concern and help guys I truely met some new friends on here!!!! Jordan
 
Wow -- I think you've made a big step forward. And it sounds like she handled it pretty well, considering what a tense situation it must be for her.

I think the counselling is a great idea. If the counsellor is a good one, what he/she should do mostly is just structure a way for you and your gf to talk to each other. To really open up, share how you feel, make plans for the future, figure out how you're going to handle different situations that may come up.

And frankly, I think you should hold off on acting on your gay desires until at least after the kid is born. You've done without it this long, another few months won't kill you. Give her all the emotional support she needs, and don't complicate things by bringing other people into the situation.

She's got a lot on her plate right now, and it sounds like her parents are no help. For the time being it's all about her and the baby. Later on will come your chance to figure out what you want.
 
Jordan! I've been worried about you!

Wow, its all out now, huh? She really did well with it so far. Very level headed, good plan.

So are you breathing a little easier now? I hope you can get some sleep. You must be exhausted.

You're probably the first guy who came out before he knew if he was gay. :) I know, what choice did you have? Its a really unusual situation and you did really well.

Get some rest!
 
MANY thanks for the update -- I just felt my stress level drop even seeing the post... and then I read it!

She's a gem for taking it so well, dude, a real gem. I'm proud of you for opening up like that and happy it went so well. I LOVE it that you were so assertive with her parents and that she told them to butt out, too -- real backbone, you two!

If it was me in your situation, I'd wish for things to go like this: marry her, and have more kids, while she's good with some experimenting on the side, and maybe a bf, too, later on, one she approves of... AND that she would like 3-ways with you and the bf.
Okay, it's a wild fantasy, but I get that way (hell, I believe world peace is possible, some days). Best wishes, though, however it goes!
 
Jordan, I think you did the right thing, Congratulations!! First of all you should know you are not the only guy in your situation. I was married for 12 years and have two kids, I came out at 38. I am no longer married and I am living a gay life now, I still have my kids and I am better friends with my ex now then when we were married.

I am just wondering if you had these gay tendancy's before your girlfriend got pregnant? I think therapy would be great thing to do, thats what helped me come to terms with my true feelings. If you want to go to couple therapy that is great, but I would recommend that you go on your own, that way you will feel free to say what ever you want. I realize you are in a sticky situation with a pregnant girlfriend however right now it has to be about you (the therapy), and you have some things to come to terms with.

You seem like a smart young guy, and you actually have the situation under control now, keep up the good work!! Beware of her parents they don't seem to nice!!
 
Having had some experience and training in the field, I'm going to sort of lightly disagree with Elwood about the counseling.

I like the idea of you two going together, because there's a lot you need to get out between you and work through with a facilitator/referee/etc. -- that's where I disagree; counseling together with be very valuable. If you're fortunate, there may be a well-trained pastor or priest in the area who would see you for free, for that part.
But going alone, for yourself, would also be valuable -- in fact, both solo and joint counseling will be more effective in the situation if you do both, because they build on each other. For that reason, it would be valuable for her to see someone separately, too. Ideally, you'd see the same person for both solo sessions and the joint ones.
That starts getting expensive, of course, unless you're fortunate enough to have a priest or someone who can help.

Keep us up-to-date!
 
The reason I say he should go by himself is because I feel he has to come to terms with his true self. Figure out wether he is gay or not, and want he wants to do. I definatly do not recommend that you go to a priest for that part LOL. I know I made the mistake of not accepting who I really was, and tried to live a different life and became a truly miserable person. I would hate this to happen to anyone else.

I feel he has to work on himself and discover what he really wants before they work on the couple. Do not get me wrong I am not saying completely forget about the pregnant girlfriend. He sounds like a stand up kind of guy and I am sure he will do the right thing were she is concerned.
 
My understanding about couples, or marriage, counseling, is that the therapist will often start by seeing the couple together, then see each one separately, then see them together again. I don't know where I got that idea, since I've never been, but anyway....
 
Well guys i just laid down to sleep and about an hour past and there was a knock on the door. It was my Girlfriend, she said she wasnt comfortable at home and that her parents were bugging her asking her what was wrong and bad mouthing me, so she left and came over to my place. I invited her in and told her i was really tired and going to goto sleep, she was tired too so we just went in and laid down on the bed and went to sleep, about 2 hours later there was a knock on the door and i got up and answered it ( in my boxers, since i was half asleep) and it was her dad who started to chew my ass and tell me i was a no body and his daughter deserved better and he wanted her to go home with him right now. My girlfriend came to the door and said no she was staying and just wanted left behind, he went to grab her arm and make her come with him and i stepped between them and told him to leave or i would call the cops. Its my house and he is on my terms now. He dared me to call the cops ( wrong thing to do) so i closed the door on him and picked up the phone, he just stood on the porch and kept ringing my door bell, so i called the cops. Who came in bout ten minutes knocked on my door and saw that we were both consenting adults ( even tho nothing but sleeping was happening) and told her dad to leave and not return to my house. Her dad never has liked me in the whole time i have known him, he thinks i am a spoiled ass kid who gets what ever i want. He has no clue as to what is going on and why. So when the dad went away we just slept all day. woke up bout an hour ago and got something to eat and thought i would check the boards and my messages, so thats where i am right now. thanks for being there guys.
 
wow, a lot happened while I was at work... okay and sleeping. Sounds like things are working out ok. Obviously the parents are upset. I don't know how old you are, but I would imagine not very. So they're mad about the whole situation with their daughter pregnant. I understand that. But they don't know everything about you (nor should they at this point imo). You're handling it well.

As to counseling. First off, the priest issue. I'd say that's fine depending on the priest. I know that they get a bad rap here for being anti gay, but that's not completely true. I have one friend who is a priest and totally was helpful for me in terms of coming to terms with it.

Second, as to whether it is solo or couples. I would say it depends on the goal of the counseling. If you want to work things out about how you feel and all (which I think is the case), then I would say go alone. It actually doesn't seem like you and her are really having any issues right now. But if you want to work on your relationship, then couples is good. But I would vote for solo as it seems like the two of you are close and doing fine. Just make sure she knows that regardless of what happens when you figure out who you are, that you love her and want to be in her life and the life of her son. She seems reasonable and would understand that and appreciate it.

I think you've done great at handling a very difficult situation. And in the long run, it may work out great. Hell, if you're gay, you have a kid already (something many of us want but weren't careless enough when we were younger to obtain :) ) And if you and the girl are close afterward, I could see this almost being a fairytale of sorts for all involved. What a great way to turn a disastrous situation into a great one.
 
Jordan, you ROCK!

If you ever want a boyfriend instead, call me -- anyone who stands up to the babe's dad like that is my kind of man! WAY TO GO!

I want to learn if he still calls a man who stands up to him, protecting his daughter's wishes, and follows through on what he says, a "nobody".





the jerk....
 
Kulindahr said:
Jordan, you ROCK!

If you ever want a boyfriend instead, call me -- anyone who stands up to the babe's dad like that is my kind of man! WAY TO GO!

I want to learn if he still calls a man who stands up to him, protecting his daughter's wishes, and follows through on what he says, a "nobody".
Click to expand...
I couldn't have said it better myself. You definitely are a force to be reckoned with.

I hope each day things get a little clearer in your head pal. :)
 
Hey guys and so the soap opera continues..LOL... I did get some sleep and so did my girlfriend. However today i went to work and on my way i dropped my girlfriend back off at her parents house ( i took her an hour early knowing that her parents where going to cause a scene) and sure enough they didnt let me down. They told her that she either had to choose me or them but as long as she was with me she couldnt come to their house. They had all her clothes in suitcases and her personal belongings in a couple boxes. I couldnt believe that they took it this far!!! I know they hate me but this is their own daughter. She looked at me and i said you always have a place to stay with me if you want. I didnt know what else to do. Her dad looked at me and said " See you ruined our family". I said no i didnt " You ruined your family" , and your ruining your chances of ever seeing your daughter or grandchild if you do this" He told me i was on his turf and it was his rules. So i looked at my girlfriend and said if you want i will put your stuff in my car and take you "home" . So she got in the car and i loaded her stuff. I called into work and unpacked her things for her today. Fortunately my place is 2 bedroom. So i went and bought new bed clothes for the bed and stuff and got her room situated. I told her with everything going on i thought we should still have our own space (bedrooms). Her parents have tried calling here several times today ( thank god for caller id) and left a couple messages saying they wanted her to come home and they would forgive her. I called them and said forgive her???? she should be the one doing the forgiving you idiots. Told them i had never seen parents treat their own like they did. and to stop calling or i would have the number changed to an unlisted. Sorry guys but they are just going totally overboard with this. I mean they have no idea what is going on. And my girlfriend doesnt need anymore stress than i have already put on her. ( and i feel totally guilty enough) . We have an appointment for counseling tomorrow afternoon after i get off work. So hopefully soon something will start to get better. I hate living a life like this. As for my mind clearing up , it is the same, The thoughts are still there and so are the dreams at night, but i just look at my girlfriends stomach and thats what keeps me grounded at the moment. so i will ask again anyone wanna trade lives with me??? LOL I never liked the soap operas on tv and i dont like living one either. Jordan
 
My God :rolleyes:

Well I just read your thread for the first time, and it appears you no longer need this for you found some counseling nearby, but if anybody else needs it. Free Phone Counseling

http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

Good Luck Jordan, her parents are really messed up.
 
Way to go!

... again!

It seems you have one thing straight in your mind that most Americans these days don't get: you own yourself, and that applies to everyone. Her parents tried to own their daughter, twice now, and YOU stood up to them! They tried to put it all on you, but you threw it back and in essence told them, "You own yourselves; I won't take blame for your crap."

Her dad and what you two said reminds me of my older brother last Christmas, my first Christmas out. As he led the procession of everyone walking out of my parents' house, he told mom, "He's destroying the family!" -- and she said, "You're the one leaving!" It's so easy to try to blame others for what you've done yourself, or to let them blame you for something you've done -- but you cut right through it and insist that each person is his or her own owner and has to be responsible for his or her own actions.

People who do it like her parents are being manipulative, in a way that frequently arises from insecurity. They're afraid (insecure) that their daughter won't be cared for if she marries a "nobody", then they're afraid (insecure) she'll leave them... so they play games intstead of being honest, and communicating.

Deep down, the solution to your situation, the thing you need from counseling, is the same principle -- you own yourself. It's just a matter of figuring out who you are, then applying the principle.
I think you're off to a good start already!
 
Jordan, you're really something! :) Your girlfriend is lucky to have you by her side.

I know you feel guilty but you've faced your responsibilities with such honesty that I truly don't know what is left undone, or what else you could do. Try to remember that you were set up for this in the first place by a society that wanted to deny that your homosexuality existed. This soap opera actually started when you hit puberty and you learned the only option you had was to be straight.

The way I see it you've done your best with what you were given. And now you're doing superhuman stuff with the outcome.

Thanks for keeping us updated. I feel like we should be asking you for advice from now on. ;)
 
I agree... you're on the right track all of that way. There's really no advice now... just encouragement. I'm sure right now it seems overwhelming but if you keep handling things like this so well, it will all be swept up in no time. Good for you :)
 
Hey i was just getting ready for bed and thought i would come on and just say thanks to all the guys that posted and have been helping me on here thru my rough situation. This evening was actually really quiet, no phone calls, and noone knocking at the door, So gave us time just to chill and watch tv. I know sounds boring but after the way things have been going its nice just to do nothing, and i have to goto work tomorrow :eek: and then to counseling. So wish me luck. and once again a BIG THANK YOU. Jordan
 
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