Confused

[axeman_jordan]

Hey guys, So i went to my first counseling session with my girlfriend this afternoon. And i gotta tell ya maybe i just expected too much out of it but to me I felt like it was a total waste of time. The guy just kept asking me stupid questions about my childhood and stupid stuff. I kept telling him i had a good childhood and nothing outta the ordinary happened. I mean i thought we were going to discuss the situation I am in ya know. Not what i used to play with and wether i played sports and stuff. Who knows maybe he was just trying to get my background but it seemed totally pointless. I hope it gets better. He hardly even talked to my girlfriend. Maybe i am just having a bad day...... Her wonderful parents called my parents and told them what a bad son they have and how i broke up their happy home. Told them that i was keeping their daughter away from them and not letting them have any contact with them. So my parents paid me a visit on my lunch hour that i was enjoying sitting in my car by myself and listening to the radio to ask me what was going on. I just told them me and my girlfriend needed space to sort some things out. Of course for my mom that wasnt good enough so she kept nagging but i didnt cave in. I just said mom its between me and my girlfriend and we are working it out. Before long if people dont leave me alone i think my hair is going to turn gray and just fall out. And that would be bad at my age..LOL... sorry i have to try to make myself laugh otherwise i am going to cry, and i hate to admitt it but when i start crying i find it hard to stop. On the good side of my hair falling out i wouldnt have to continuously bitch about the fact that i hate it because i have really curly hair. ok back to the subject. So anyway my whole lunch hour consisted of me telling my parents not to worry that it wasnt anything major and that they could chill out and go back and plan their vacation. i really didnt feel like eating anyway. I came home and my girlfriend was in tears because her parents kept calling and leaving messages. so i called and had my number changed. I know sounds mean but i could have called and reported them for harrassment instead so i figure i took the lessor of the two evils. i got her calmed down and then noticed it was time to goto the wonderful counseling session which i spent 2 hours setting and talking to a total stranger about what i thought was useless information. then came home ordered out a sausage and apple pizza ate and have just been chilling out. My girlfriend is sleeping on the couch because all the stress is wiping her out. I just keep telling her just 3 more months and we are parents. Well thats the update for today. Once again thanks for listening to my soap opera. Jordan

 

[Roland00]

Go ahead and cry, and sorry about your girlfriends parents.

If you don't like your therapist switch, I know easier said than done, especially since your life is at the crossroads of alot of other peoples lives.

And keep us updated

 

[Kulindahr]

Is your counselor a psychiatrist, or what?

I ask because I've found that psychiatrists are frequently set int their ways as far as how they do things, while psychologists are a lot more willing to go with how you want to approach matters. But either way, if you don't like the pattern, ask! It's your money that's paying the doc, so you have every right to ask why he's (or she's) doing things whatever way, and to say, "I'd like to talk about...." instead.


I just re-read your post and have a suspicion -- this doc may be fishing for "why" you have the attractions you do! In your position, I'd ask flat-out if that's the deal -- and if it is, tell him you just want to handle what's happening, and forget any cute theories of "how I got this way"... and if he won't, then you do two things: first, find someone else; second, report him!

 

[slobone]

From what you've said this may not be the right therapist for you. Is he/she a specialist in family or marriage counselling? Cause that's what you need right now. Your childhood traumas can wait. See if your county has a mental health association, call them, and explain what you're looking for -- that you're in a crisis situation and need some help NOW! That ought to get their attention.

As for the two sets of parents -- it sounds like you all push each other's buttons, you all get angry, and nothing helpful is said.

So I have a suggestion. Wait till a time when you're feeling pretty calm, and write your parents a letter. Try not to be angry or confrontational in it. Just lay out for them very simply where you're at right now, what you want from them, and what your plans with your girlfriend are. I would suggest you leave out anything about bisexuality for the time being.

Suggest to your girlfriend that she do the same for her parents.

I have the feeling that neither of you ever gets the opportunity to make your case the way you would like to without being interrupted. A letter would give you that opportunity.

Or send them an email if they're online. But check it over before you hit the Send key to make sure you've said what you really want to.

We already know you're good at expressing yourself in writing -- that's what you do here! So try it with your folks.

Just some thoughts.

 

[axeman_jordan]

So i went to another counseling session the other day and this time i went by myself because my girlfriend was sick. And all the session did was get me totally confused again. So i am NOT going back to the quack again. Just when i think i am getting my head cleared and straightened out things happen and i goto the counseling and instead of listening to me i feel like i am the one doing all the listening while someone tells me how to live my life without even taking the time to find out what is wrong. Sorry guys but my life the last couple days has totally sucked at work, home and everywhere else i go. There is so much going on in my life and i dont know how to handle things. And it seems like everytime i try i just end up making things worse. Jordan

 

[Riverrick]

Jordan, I'm really sorry that you didn't get a therapist who put you first, your needs, your feelings, etc. Some of them can be very robotic and seem to only want to follow a set formula. For someone like you (and me) this is a disaster.

When I talk to someone, I need to feel like they heard what I was saying, like I got everything off of my chest that I came in there to say. The advice I get is only secondary to that because a lot of times I can come up with the same answers on my own.

I'm really disappointed that he didn't help you to feel less confused because you seem like you're at such a crisis point right now. The pressure must really be enormous for you given your situation. Is there no one in your life you could trust with the problems you are having? It sounds like you need some help right now, Jordan.

I'm glad you're posting here also. It is worth something.

 

[jockboy01]

Hmmm, yeah, sounds like the counselor may not be the right one for you. Like everything in life, there are good ones and bad ones and it just depends on what you need. If you have a friend that you know is good and you can trust, that might help. The whole certification to be a counselor thing never made a lot of sense to me. I think some people understand humans more innately than others and no class is going to be able to teach that.

On the other note of things seeming to come into place and then falling out... I totally relate. Every time it seems like things are coming together, they fall apart. I think eventually it will all calm down but it takes time.

 

[axeman_jordan]

Hey guys, I think my life is just a big mess that is never going to get better. Saturday night me and my girlfriend decided to go out and get our minds off the stuff that has been happening. So we go to a local restuarant/ pub to get something to eat and just hang out with some of our friends. Things were going pretty well, till i looked over and walking in was a guy from work ( a guy who is openly bi, and also the guy that has been in my dreams). I am bout ready to freak and praying he doesnt see me, because he has been really flirtatous at work and i have been avoiding him. So i start praying he doesnt see me and come over and then one of my big mouth friends who also knows the guy says hi to him and he walked over. Ok the guy is not only bi but good looking and i think he can sense that i am questioning my sexuality. I know sounds stupid but just the way he acts and things he says at work makes me feel this way. I tried to be cordial and act like things werent getting to me , but honestly the only thing going thru my mind at the time was get me the heck outta here, I mean my girlfriend was setting right next to me and heres the guy thats been in my dreams standing talking to us at the table. Do you know how uncomfortable i felt. Then he looks at my girlfriend and says your lucky to have this guy, if you ever decide you dont want him send i know someone who will take him. I freaked looked at my girlfriend and said ok lets get out of here. Paid my bill and we left. We get in the car and my girlfriend starts asking questions about why we are leaving so early. I didnt know what to say, so i just told her my stomach was upset and i needed to go home and lay down. I am just so freaking confused, and tomorrow i have to go back to work and work next to this guy.

 

[eftergivende]

How do you know this guy is bi?

 

[Riverrick]

I think he's a jerk because he knows what he is doing. He knows you have a gf and he not only flirts with you at work but in a bar right in front of her. Other than a toss in the hay, he has nothing to offer you. Not even a decent friendship.

You're trying hard to do the right thing here and you get credit for that Jordan. Just take it day by day.

(For you)

 

[jockboy01]

Well, that kind of sucks. But I would have advised you to just play it cool. The key in all situations like that is to realize that nobody can read your mind (thank goodness). So by leaving only, you only tipped to your hand to both your gf and the guy that it was getting to you.

I'm not sure the guy is that ill-intentioned. By this conversation, he's just being flirty and friendly. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not like he openly outed him. And maybe if this guy is cool and a decent person, he might be able to help you with the dilemna. But only you can judge that.

 

[Kulindahr]

My two cents worth: you're over-reacting.

He was friendly, and paid you a compliment while acknowledging your gf and her good catch (you). I don't see anything disrespectful or such, at all.

Take it easy -- I know, with the loser of a counselor you got, kinda tough right now.
Just what sort of "counselor" was he, anyway?

 

[axeman_jordan]

Ok so i made a major mistake and butt outta myself today after work. The guy at work that has been flirting with me was laying it on thick today and i have had a really bad couple days. Yesterday night my gf's dad came over and started being a jerk again and causing a big scene and i finally get rid of him and its 11 at night and i have to be at work early this morning like at 4 in the morning. I went to bed all upset and couldnt sleep. So i went to work and the guy at work starts flirting with me and saying things, and I guess i just thought what the heck. So i told him to meet me after work. I get there and go in and he comes over and is being really nice and everything is going ok till he starts to unzip my pants and it was like i totally freaked!!!! I grabbed my shirt and without saying a word grabbed my keys and ran out got in the car and just drove around town for like 2 hours. Finally i decided just to go home. Got home and there is a note on the table "Dont forget to pick me up at my Doc appointment" from my girlfriend with a time on it to pick her up. I look at the clock and i am like 30 minutes late picking her up. So i called my gf's cell and she is totally mad at me because i am late and wants to know where i am. I told her that i had a meeting after work i didnt know about. Now i am feeling totally guilty for lying to her, and totally worried what i should do at work tomorrow. See told ya guys my life is a soap opera and everything i do just makes it worse. Jordan

 

[Roland00]

Good luck axeman, karma will eventually catch up with you.

 

[Riverrick]

Give him a break, Roland.

This is a place to be supportive and Jordan's very confused and in a lot of distress.

 

[Kulindahr]

Damned hormones, anyway....

Or maybe not. I don't know what possessed you to meet the guy after work, though I can think of a number of possibilities. But you're probably right; you made a spectacle of yourself -- and now you've got a dual problem.

First, the guy at work: I'd grab him tomorrow and tell him, Dude, I'm sorry I freaked, but look -- I'm still figuring things out about myself, and I'm not into just unzipping pants and going for it! That was just too much, so I ran!
That's not unreasonable, A_J -- where hormones are involved, physically running is a fair option! It isn't easy to think straight and speak assertively when you're in a space that freaks you and your dick is wanting some action (if you try to tell me it didn't, well... yeah, right). So you run, think clearly later, and go back to the guy and set things straight.

As for your gal... admit you lied to her about where you were! Maybe you're not ready to just plain say you met this dude after work; in that case, tell her things at work on top of dealing with her dad got you so stressed you just went for a drive and lost track of time. Personally, I think you ought to tell her you met with the guy and when he made a move you split! and were freaked by him treating you like a piece of meat, and confused by your own feelings, and, well, what I just said above.
If she's as good a gal as it sounds like so far, I think she'll be there for you. She'll understand the battle you're fighting, and want to help. Hopefully she'll be able to grasp that guys' urges are incredibly intense -- it's wired into us genetically, to keep the race going... so what if some of us have "misdirected" orientation? The urges are just as strong! And when a guy is stressed, fighting that is harder still, especially since one thing a healthy male does to relieve stress is, yes, sex.

Keep us posted, stud!

 

[Roland00]

Give him a break, Roland.

This is a place to be supportive and Jordan's very confused and in a lot of distress.

The was at his current situation and how everything just seems to be going bad towards him.

The karma comment was because, even though everything seems to be going bad, eventually it won't especially since axeman is such a great guy.

What were you thinking I was saying?

 

[Kulindahr]

The was at his current situation and how everything just seems to be going bad towards him.

The karma comment was because, even though everything seems to be going bad, eventually it won't especially since axeman is such a great guy.

What were you thinking I was saying?

Just my observation... but it wasn't clear. That's not good, when a guy is stressed, mixed up, and feeling guilty, because in such a space EVERYTHING can seem negative.

I know from past and present experience; my life is tumbled and torn right now, and it's hard for me to see anything positive in anything anyone tells me unless it's made really plain.

 

[Riverrick]

Sorry Roland! How could I have thought that of you?

A thousand penances!

 

[Roland00]

No my appologies, I wasn't clear, sorry axeman for if you by chance mistake what I wrote.

I wish I can give any advice to you, but any wisdom that I possess escapes me. I am listening though, and while I haven't experienced what you have, from my experience eventually things turn around. Especially for a great guy like you, who doesn't run from his responsibility, and instead is there as a beacon of support, and who will stand up for love ones and won't allow others to abuse them, thats what a man is. And it is the men who always finish well, for guys and girls when they find men, they keep them