Confused

[Yoda71]

I agree with Riverrick. You are under a lot of pressure and the way her parents have been acting towards you isn't going to make things any better. This might be a stupid question, but have you told them that they are making things far more complicated, which is not in the interest of their daughter? If you did, I would alreday have told them they are selfish and not acting riight toward their daughter? She is suffering too, I guess.

I know how it feels not being able to talk about whats in your heart, but plese do keep on using this forum to keep up with yourself and organize your feelings and thoughts by making them (sorry for the stupid word, English isn't my first language) 'touchable', 'material' or ''visual'. With that I mean: by writing you get a bit of a grip on your feelings and maybe you get some rest of it too.

Anyway, good luck. You're strong

 

[Kulindahr]

Dude, they don't get the basic principle of civilization:

YOU OWN YOURSELF.​

That applies to each person -- okay?


Print this out, and next time they come bothering you, just give it to them to read:


Dear parental types:

Every person is an individual. Being an individual means being able to say, "I own myself." This applies to every human being able to think for himself or herself.

Your daughter is a person. That means she owns herself. That means YOU don't own her, and I don't own her. You can't make her do anything she doesn't choose to, and I won't make her do anything she doesn't choose to, because we don't own her -- she owns herself.

She is living where she wants to, because she owns herself. She is doing what she wants to, because she owns herself. It's that simple. If she doesn't want to see you, it's because she decided to. Since you don't own her, that's not your decision. I don't own her, so it's not my decision.

If you blame me for something she does, you're saying I own her. I don't -- she owns herself. If you want her to do things because "she's our daughter", it sounds like you think you own her -- but you don't; she owns herself.

And I own myself, too. This is my home, and I made it hers. It isn't anyone else's, because no one else owns us -- we own ourselves. I don't own her, and she doesn't own me, but we have chosen to be together; and no one else has any say in that, because no one else wons me, and no one else owns her -- she owns herself, and I own myself.

If you want to talk, and can remember all that, great. Just don't act like you own her, or me, because you don't: we own ourselves.

Come back when you've thought about this.

Thanks,
Jordan.

 

[provenlogic]

I was trying to avoid getting a restraining order because that would just add fuel to the fire. I dont want my gf to lose her family no matter if they are nuts or not. Family is Family. I just want them to leave us alone or stop being such pains.

well... hmmm... i don't know in all reality, if they will ever leave you alone as long as their daughter is staying with you.

Aside from that, personally, i'd encourage you to seek out some male companionship in the form of someone you feel comfortable experimenting with and see how things go.

 

[jockboy01]

Actually, I don't think experimenting is going to help anything right now. I won't go into my theories on experimenting being not only worthless but even counter-productive in helping in this regard. He's got enough to deal with right now... work through these issues for now. You already have enough on your plate. I don't think you need to add any more.

 

[slobone]

And remember what we've said before -- everything will change once the baby arrives. Your girlfriend's mood will change (maybe not for the better at first), your responsibilities will change, your life will change, and above all her parents will change. You'll be way too busy to get caught up in all these dramas.

You can get through this dude. You're not the first young guy to find himself a father before he expected to be, and you're not the first gay or bisexual guy to be in that position either. Just hang in there, do the right thing, and you won't be sorry, trust me.

 

[axeman_jordan]

Hi guys sorry its been so long since i have posted, but i have been dealing with some health issues and hopefully the doc will release me at the end of the week to go back to work. Anyway the only real thing that has changed since the last post is that i totally lost my cool with my girlfriends parents the day after my last post and havent heard from them since. They havent called or stopped past so i guess they got the message. Other than that and not being able to goto work everything is the same. My girlfriend still looks like she has a basketball under her shirt , that everytime i lay my head on her stomach kicks , LOL. And i am still having my dreams/ fantasies of wanting to experiment with guys. Still havent acted on them, just getting kinda frustrating that they wont stop. But i guess its just part of my wonderful life. Just wanted to update everyone since you guys have been there for me with advice. Thanks again. Your friend Jordan

 

[Roland00]

How are you sick that you need the doctor to relase you so you can get back to work ?

And what did you say to her parents to make them go away? I am kinda shocked that you are capapble of that

So would you say this week or last week was more stressful?

 

[antdak]

Thanks for the update Jordan. When is the baby due? I might have missed that in ealier posts. Sorry to hear you have been sick, hope all is better.

 

[axeman_jordan]

Ok for the first question i wont bore you with all my health issues , its not life threatening or anything just something that i have had to deal with since i was a teenager and stress just makes it worse. And as everyone as noticed lately i have been under a tad bit of stress. and now for the 2nd question LOL i knew someone would want the details of what her parents did to put me over the edge that day, and it all started when her parents called 4 times that afternoon. And i answered the phone all 4 times and the last time i said ok this is ridiculus am i going to have to call my lawyer. They said for what? I said i am also going to be calling the phone company and having them start counting the number of times your number calls here. Its called harrassment! I told them that they were the ones pushing her away NOT ME, THEY KICKED HER OUT , WE WERENT LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE THEN! Then I said so if you want her back then just leave us the F*** ALONE till we call YOU. They told me i was disrespecting them. I said dont even talk to me about disrespect said if you want respect from me you better f****** start earning it! I was so mad my face was beet red! They asked if he could come over and talk things out, I said here is the talking out you come over you take a ride in a black and white police car When i want you over here i will call and say come over. He said thats not fair I said i stopped playing fair when you guys did so how does it feel , now leave me and her alone show me you want our respect and you will get some from us he hung up and hasnt called back! and now for the last question my girlfriend has a lil over 2 months to go. LOL i think that answers everyones questions , and thanks again guys for your support

 

[Roland00]

But we want to be bored by your health issues You aren't getting out of the frying pan that easy mister axeman jordan

Thanks for explaining what happened with your parents.

One more question when the baby kicks, do you instantly get a smile on your face

 

[Riverrick]

Jordan, that's really a great story. You took care of yourself and your gf sooo well. I guess you just reached the breaking point, huh? Its just ridiculous how they expected to be able to treat you like shit but for you to be nice to them. I believe that their silence means they got the message.

I hope your health issues are resolving. You've had so much on your plate recently.

Keep us updated, ok? Good luck!

 

[Kulindahr]

Maybe a little strong there, but then they just weren't getting it, were they? I think you made your case for owning yourself pretty well!

YAY for Jordan!

 

[Alberto_15]

wow, I didn't think this level of drama happened in real life. =p

Seriously now, I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself but even more importantly, for standing up for your girlfriend who is bearing your child right now. This situation is so hard for both of you.

I would suggest to hold off on exploring your desires in the immediate future. Unless your girlfriend, due to some miracle rarely seen, was ok with you exploring your homosexual trends then you should wait at least until she has the baby. If you go and sleep with a dude you will be cheating on her... I know this is obvious (duh) but what I'm saying is you don't need to add anymore emotions and confusion to your life right now. When you finally have sex with a guy (and yes, you will like it, I've never known of anyone who had curiosity and did not like it, sorry ) you will still have doubts but then you are also going be dealing with guilt for having cheated on your girlfriend.

If in the last couple of days you were weak and cheated on your girlfriend (or strong went for it if you see it in that light) please don't tell your girlfriend you cheated! I applaud you for proving a place for her and your baby, you ARE a real MAN but right now, in my humble opinion, the priority should be on her having the most peaceful pregnancy possible and this scenario would obviously not contribute to this goal.

Hang in there buddy, it will get better! You are going to get through this!

BTW!!!!! I'm not sure if anyone has metioned this but, all drama aside, how exciting that you are going to be a dad!!!

 

[axeman_jordan]

Yeah it might have been a lil strong but i was totally pissed and just have had enough of her parents so i blew my top and lost my temper big time. But on the good side they still havent contacted us since. I saw them in the store the other day and they just walked the other way. And to be honest right now i am glad they arent trying anymore to talk to us. We can focus on my girlfriend and my baby to be. Later Jordan

 

[Riverrick]

You probably didn't realize you had that much power, huh? I think that's what anger is for, to protect us. And when used honestly, its a great deterrent.

I can feel my anger building up in various situations but I only let it loose if I think I've run out of other options. Then it really feels good to open that door and let it out.

Hope you're feeling better!

 

[axeman_jordan]

Hi guys just another stupid update on my wonderful life that i am sure everyone is tired of reading. Nothing much as changed her parents still arent talking to us (which is a good thing). We saw them again at the store and they didnt even acknowledge us. I went back to work this week and have been catching hell from my boss all week. So what little ass i had left is now probabley just gone. I am still having the dreams and urges to experiment with a guy, and it seems the last week they have gotten worse than before. But i am holding them back and sticking with my girlfriend. I do love her with all my heart, I just dont understand the other urges i am having. Well enough of my boring ranting. I will post later if you guys want me to, otherwise just tell me to shut up. Later, Jordan

 

[Riverrick]

Good to hear from you Jordan! I've been wondering how you have been feeling, how things are going. Sorry to hear that you boss is riding you.

I really must admit that I have no answer for your urges to be with guys. I grew up desiring guys since puberty. It didn't just hit me suddenly after enjoying girls for many years, like it seems to have you. Perhaps some of the guys that have had this occur can guide you better.

In the meantime, you seem to love your gf very genuinely and you have plenty on your plate. Less added drama to your life seems to be the best course.

Thanks for the update!

 

[slobone]

Hi Jordan, yes by all means keep posting here as there are a lot of us who care about you and want to know you're doing OK.

Good news about the gf's parents. It may not be working out the way they planned but it's very helpful for you. I wouldn't assume they're out of the picture yet, though -- I'm sure they'll come back to drive you crazy again after a while.

As for your own situation with gay feelings, etc. I think you're doing the right thing by setting them aside for now. Your gf needs your solid support and there shouldn't be anything distracting you. It's tough, I know, but if you can hang in there, I guarantee you won't be sorry.

Stay strong and keep your priorities straight. You're in a difficult situation and it's not over yet by any means. But do keep us posted, definitely.

 

[Kulindahr]

Keep posting!
If nothing else, dude, writing it down for people who understand is good for you. Writing gets it out where you're not stifling it completely (a bad thing), and knowing we're reading and on your side gives you psychological support.


BTW, if that's you in your avatar -- if you decide you want to experiment, holler! I'm a pushover for someone with that kind of build.

 

[Roland00]

Keep us updated axeman

And please tell me that isnt' you in your avatar, if so....well you would be in my thoughts more often