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Crossing The Line With Your Best Friend

What should I do

  • Take the leap

    Votes: 36 66.7%

  • Back away

    Votes: 18 33.3%
  • Total voters
    54
  • Poll closed .
H

hyperion

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Joined
Jan 6, 2004
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Location
Quebec
You say you know him very well. You could try putting yourself in his shoes for a while and imagine how he sees this situation. This might help you get a different perspective on things.
He obviously has some issues to work out. It always seems that we have to hit bottom to see clearly. Maybe that is what he has just done. Maybe the third divorce will make him see things in a different light. I think the best thing to do is to let him come to you, let him work things out by himself. Let him know that you'll be there for him, if he ever needs anything. Just do what you've always done: be a friend.
 
paraman25 said:
thanks and that is true, the sex part of it has a place but not what is important to me. I don't want the sexual part of it to ruin my relationship with him....
Click to expand...

i'm glad to hear that.

don't get me wrong, sex has it's place for sure but something tells me that you and he are looking for something more than just a roll in the hay.

i'm with the others who call for letting him make that move. it sounds like he still has his own issues to deal with but at the same time it also sounds like he's realized what it is that he may be looking for himself.

best of luck.
 
Try counseling? solo or together? The professional can help mediate or facilitate communication between each other with pre-established rules for future interactions.
 
I'd say take the leap. I bet you anything, he finally realizes what who he is and what he wants. I would only caution, though, that there's no turning back if you go from friendship to romance. So, make sure it's what YOU want from him, before agreeing to whatever escalate of relationship he has in mind.

Good luck! Let us know what happens!
 
Been there , done that!

My best friend and I love eachother like brothers and have fooled around in the past. But he chose to get married and have kids instead.

BBM was a kick in the groin to me as well.

Come join the group at www.BetterMost.net to talk to others in the same boat.
 
Sounds like he has been in denial for a long time as you alluded to, hopefully it works out for you. Only time will tell...
 
Guys will be Guys! We are all "hardwired" to think in straight lines (front to back in our brains). We're unlike Females, who think "globally" (side to side). This means, as Guys, we can easily "Compartmentalize" what we Think, Feel, and Do! None of it, necessarily, has to have any relationship to the other. That is ... unless we want it to!

What that means ... we often share, completely, our hearts, souls, and earthly treasure, with our Best Friends, but, not necessarily, our bodies.

However, we can also share our bodies, without involving our emotions, with our Friends, or, even, perfect strangers, for that matter, without any undue "complications" afterwards. In fact, that seems to be the "preferred" method when we get to "play" with "Str8" Guys!

The entire "Gay" question arises when our emotions become part of our sexual "playing". It becomes considered "Crossing The Line" when what we are doing becomes something more than merely "Sport"!

Considering your buddy's reaction ... the whole marrying "thing", for Heavens sake!, could be considered a "kneejerk" Social Reaction to what he may have been feeling when he sensed You might have been getting "too close"! (Physically, that is!) His own concepts of "Gayness" vs. "Str8ness", in a Socially pressured environment, involving "Others'" Perceptions, which can be held SO important, beyond the actual relationship between the two of you, might have been "scaring" Him into a "violent", "contrary", reaction! (And, that has NOTHING to do with YOU!) It's His own problem of personal indentification vis-a-vis His perceptions of where he stands with the world around Him!

But, maybe, just maybe, He is finally realizing the futility of His trying to "Conform", versus what He truly Desires!

It sounds as though He may be quite "vulnerable" to any physical/emotional intentions You may have. But, is that a course you really want to pursue? Would it be a question of "taking advantage" of Him during a weak moment? Or ... would it be a question of helping Him realize the full potential of his "hidden side", and, possibly, allowing Him to discover the wonderous fullfillment of a TOTAL relationship with a Guy?

Who's interests do You truly have in mind? And ... are You reading the entire situation correctly?

Unfortunately, those are very difficult questions to answer! But, unless you allow ALL options, to be chosen by Him, You'll never really know for sure!

Be a Good Friend! Lend your ear, and Heart, (and body) unquestionably! But, also, let Him know, without doubts, that other "avenues" are available! "BE THERE" for Him, with clear indications that ANYTHING is possible! But, also, let the decisions be His to make!

And ... may He make the "Right" ones! :badgrin: ..| (group) :hurray: (!w!)

But ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
I think you're a good friend for not wanting to add to his burdens right now and make it more complicated. Now, with that said, I think you need to be more concerned with your own feelings. It's obvious that you love him, but are you perhaps in love with him and just not saying it? Do you want him for yourself--and not just as best friends with great benefits, but completely and totally for yourself?

It's easy to put the other person's feelings before yours and call it being a good friend if you're really pining for him and hoping one day he'll come around. It means you might be just sitting around on emotional hold status needing him to eventually want you the same way. Once the divorce is over and the dust is settled, I would wait to see if he shows signs of wanting to get involved physically again without first discussing where it might go. If so, you might address it then before you let that happen. While you may care about him, I would think the emotional yo-yo of him running away each time he gets scared will only end up damaging you beyond belief.

Remember that in the movie the characters fully embraced the physical "crossing the line"--it was the emotional line Ennis would not allow himself to cross completely, leaving Jack devastated. If you are actually in love with him, how long are you willing to wait without some kind of hope from him that he's ready?
 
If he still has issues, of course you want to continue being his friend, but you guys have known and loved each other for many years. Invite him into your life as and offer for him, not as a need for you. You take the chance that he might not be able to fully adjust to his gayness even after all he has gone through. But you will never really lose anything if he doesn't. Nothing will change the love you guys have shared with each other. If you can be as available to him as much as you possibly can, both spiritually and physically, with no demands, then you will always have his friendship as a worst case scenario, and at best, the lover you've been waiting for since you were a young boy. Best of luck. Peace. ..|
 
I think he needs to get out and date a few guys first. Until he becomes comfortable with being gay/bi, I don't think the chances of you have a long term relationship are good.
 
averageguy said:
I'd say take the leap. I bet you anything, he finally realizes what who he is and what he wants. I would only caution, though, that there's no turning back if you go from friendship to romance. So, make sure it's what YOU want from him, before agreeing to whatever escalate of relationship he has in mind.

Good luck! Let us know what happens!
Click to expand...

^ Good stuff. Take the leap.
 
So ... paraman25 ... just to clearify a bit ... is FRZBGLFR "The Guy" you've been talking about? You have gotten him to check out JUB? ..|

And ... FRZBGLFR ... Welcom Aboard (even if you aren't "the guy")! (group)
But, if you are "the guy", I'd be interested to get some feedback from you about this thread, thoughts about what has been being said "here".

In any case, I trust you'll Both find what it is you are each truly looking for. And, JUB is an excellent "place" to help in any way we can!! :hurray:

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
paraman25 and FRZBGLFR, I hope that you two are legit because this is such a great story.

paraman25 I hope that everything goes well. FRZBGLFR I read http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2800577#post2800577 that you have feelings for paraman. I hope that you two can work it out. And like what others said, stop marrying all those women. You are hurting them by doing that.

I hope that you can be sure one day of what you two really want (which I hope is each other).
 
Thanks for that link, Mabby! ..|

Now I think I have a better picture ... and replied to that thread, too. :cool:

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
averageguy said:
I'd say take the leap. I bet you anything, he finally realizes what who he is and what he wants. I would only caution, though, that there's no turning back if you go from friendship to romance. So, make sure it's what YOU want from him, before agreeing to whatever escalate of relationship he has in mind.

Good luck! Let us know what happens!
Click to expand...

I agree with this man. He's very wise.
 
I'm not sure which one of your threads I should be responding to, now. But, knowing that both of you are reading the "other's" thread, which I think is SO "Kewl"!, and haven't seen "here", on JUB, before, I'm sure that what I say "there", will also be read "here", and vis-a-versa. Does that make sense? (group)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
I don't know about You Two ... but My Heart is certainly Thumpin'! ... and I'm having a little trouble Breathing!! (group) :hurray: (!w!)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
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