Dad found history on my laptop :|

[SouthwestNewb]

Sounds like your dad had an awkward day too. I think we're forgetting the fact that finding dirty websites adds the discomfort of your parent's knowing your particular sexual draws. That's like two conversations at once. No wonder it was so weird.

 

[jbfan123]

Sounds like your dad had an awkward day too. I think we're forgetting the fact that finding dirty websites adds the discomfort of your parent's knowing your particular sexual draws. That's like two conversations at once. No wonder it was so weird.

yeah haha i came in from the gym and he explained how he found them and at first i was like 'my laptop? i don't think so, theres nothing like that on there' and he just said 'dont lie, you were looking at it for over an hour last night' as it has the time you visited each site on it, and the titles of the clips on the site were rather..... very discomforting to know my dad saw the titles and what not haha :/ but like you all say, it's out of the way for life!

 

[chillyboi]

My Dad(God rest his soul) died way before having a computer was mandatory, if he'd seen my history(he never touched a computer) he'd been shocked!

 

[bankside]

Put it this way: this is far better than finding your mom & dad's browsing history on the computer. That will melt your brain permanently.

 

[luminum]

God forbid you should ever have children. The man is 21. The father's right to snoop and invade his personal space ended when he turned 18.

Um, by the same token--he's a 21 year old man. Why is he still living at home? You sacrifice some level of privacy living under someone else's roof and if that person is no one less than your father or your mother than give it up. His dad doesn't sound controlling, just that it was something he was curious about or may have stumbled on and searched further on. If you want real privacy, get your own place.

This isn't a jab at the OP, though. It's just my general feeling about these rebukes based on age when age is the very thing that should be securing that this doesn't happen on one's own terms.

For the OP, I would take this as a good sign that your dad is willing to accept you and talk to you about this, which is more than many of us can lay claim to as sons. Embrace that.

 

[JB3]

Um, by the same token--he's a 21 year old man. Why is he still living at home? You sacrifice some level of privacy living under someone else's roof and if that person is no one less than your father or your mother than give it up. His dad doesn't sound controlling, just that it was something he was curious about or may have stumbled on and searched further on. If you want real privacy, get your own place.

This isn't a jab at the OP, though. It's just my general feeling about these rebukes based on age when age is the very thing that should be securing that this doesn't happen on one's own terms.

For the OP, I would take this as a good sign that your dad is willing to accept you and talk to you about this, which is more than many of us can lay claim to as sons. Embrace that.

I'm 23. I live at home because I'm a graduate student and am currently ~$95k in debt. I can't AFFORD to live anywhere else.

I'm not saying that this is the case here, but that doesn't excuse his dad's actions. Even if he wasn't snooping and did it accidentally, its still an invasion of privacy.

 

[Reprobate]

Look at it like this, you've gotten it out of the way and you can move on.

There are gay men in their 40s who still haven't come out to their parents.

I'm 41, I am out to my mom but not to my dad. No reason to put either of us through that.

This whole "OUT" thing baffles me, unless you wear it on a Tshirt or ball cap most people will assume you are straight unless you are camp.

 

[ibill1]

well he was asking me about it and i was just sort of admitting to it, i think he got the point and also asked if i wanted anyone knowing apart from my mum and i said no so surely he'd be meaning 'knowing that i'm gay'

but yeah, it was uncomfortable, he was cool about it and changed the subject straight away to football so i had something to talk about haha

It seems your father wants to talk to you about this and is trying to get you to be honest with him. In other posts you say he isn't acting any different and it's strange.

Maybe you're looking for disapproval that isn't there. I think you should spend some time with your dad and share your feelings with him and that you care what he thinks. This might be all he wants, to be a part of your life. Give him a chance to do that.

 

[LatinCoffee]

i was just like 'errrr, yeah' didn't really know what else to say! he kept asking me if i had anything to talk about and i didn't really, i mean what else is there to say? lol

Sorry to hear. I have a feeling your father will ask more questions...
do you plan on telling him that you're gay and get it over with?

 

[jbfan123]

Sorry to hear. I have a feeling your father will ask more questions...
do you plan on telling him that you're gay and get it over with?

well i guess he just kinda figured, after asking me about it and whether i wanted anyone to know.

my mum's being weird now! he obviously told her and she kind of keeps lingering around me asking if i'm alright and coming in my room and sitting with me for a few minutes then leaving, as if she's got something to say but then doesn't haha. she's never usually like that.

 

[ibill1]

well i guess he just kinda figured, after asking me about it and whether i wanted anyone to know.

my mum's being weird now! he obviously told her and she kind of keeps lingering around me asking if i'm alright and coming in my room and sitting with me for a few minutes then leaving, as if she's got something to say but then doesn't haha. she's never usually like that.

OK, your dad is asking questions, your mom comes in your room like she has something to say but doesn't. Do you need someone to hit you over the head? If all of this is true you need to sit down and talk them, either together or seperately. It appears they are giving you every opportunity to open up to them and you keep responding with haha! You are very fortunate to have what appears to be understanding parents. It also seems they already know, just talk to them already!

 

[spikebaltar]

He still lives under his dad. Now if ashyclub was in his thirties, it's not ok for his dad to look. But the person who pays the rent rules the house to a certain extent.

That's bullshit.
People need their privacy in these matters once they are in their late teens. Having looked at some porn on a laptop is not the same as having magazines and videos laying around. Does he also go rifling through his son's nightstand, under his bed, in those boxes on the floor of his closet?

Once he accidentally saw a site in the awesome bar, that should have been the end of it. But no, he takes the time to investigate how long his 21 year old son was on certain sites; that's insane.
On the other hand, to the OP, leaving your laptop on (?!) when there are private things on there; not having cleared history; multiple things here suggest you weren't really taking any steps to keep your matters private either.

 

[jbfan123]

That's bullshit.
People need their privacy in these matters once they are in their late teens. Having looked at some porn on a laptop is not the same as having magazines and videos laying around. Does he also go rifling through his son's nightstand, under his bed, in those boxes on the floor of his closet?

Once he accidentally saw a site in the awesome bar, that should have been the end of it. But no, he takes the time to investigate how long his 21 year old son was on certain sites; that's insane.
On the other hand, to the OP, leaving your laptop on (?!) when there are private things on there; not having cleared history; multiple things here suggest you weren't really taking any steps to keep your matters private either.

yeah, i always leave it on 24/7 so it was bound to happen eventually i reckon.

 

[jbfan123]

OK, your dad is asking questions, your mom comes in your room like she has something to say but doesn't. Do you need someone to hit you over the head? If all of this is true you need to sit down and talk them, either together or seperately. It appears they are giving you every opportunity to open up to them and you keep responding with haha! You are very fortunate to have what appears to be understanding parents. It also seems they already know, just talk to them already!

my dad only asked questions the once, and then i figure he came to the conclusion and asked me if i wanted anyone to know and if i had anything to talk about, but i didn't, and my mum knows what my dad knows, so they know. it's just an uncomfortable subject to be honest, like, i haven't come to terms with it myself and this happens :|

 

[CtBoyWonder]

my dad only asked questions the once, and then i figure he came to the conclusion and asked me if i wanted anyone to know and if i had anything to talk about, but i didn't, and my mum knows what my dad knows, so they know. it's just an uncomfortable subject to be honest, like, i haven't come to terms with it myself and this happens :|

I bet there is a part of you thinking WOW! my parents know I'm gay.
It's actually a good feeling that parents know.

 

[spencer]

I agree, with this many years of school under your belt, it's time to act more adult like and own up to what your dad and mom now know. Have a mature discussion with them and ask them if they have any questions. They will follow your lead and how you address the situation. Right now you're still hiding and evading and they'll continue to treat you like a kid rather than the adult that you are.

 

[jbfan123]

I agree, with this many years of school under your belt, it's time to act more adult like and own up to what your dad and mom now know. Have a mature discussion with them and ask them if they have any questions. They will follow your lead and how you address the situation. Right now you're still hiding and evading and they'll continue to treat you like a kid rather than the adult that you are.

you make it sound like i've commited a crime lol they're not treating me like a kid fortunately.

 

[saymyname]

God forbid you should ever have children. The man is 21. The father's right to snoop and invade his personal space ended when he turned 18.

Agreed. But on the other hand, living with your parents and being in the closet is something you do when you're 15, not 21...

 

[spikebaltar]

Agreed. But on the other hand, living with your parents and being in the closet is something you do when you're 15, not 21...

There are lots of circumstances that may necessitate him living with his parents, especially in this economy.

 

[spencer]

you make it sound like i've commited a crime lol they're not treating me like a kid fortunately.

No you certainly didn't commit any crimes. But you're definately not getting what I'm saying to you despite how clearly I said it. You are absolutely correct, you parents aren't treating you like a chile. You are treating yourself like a chile. Read your posts and how you talk about how your dad confronts you and how your mom tries to get you to talk. You evade them and just act weird rather than talking to them about it straight up. They sound like they have questions and want to know about this part of your life they have discovered.

Even look at your writing, no offense, it sounds like the descriptive account of someone much younger. Your parents are totally awesome in that they didn't flip out and they treated you maturely by coming to you. Meanwhile you respond to them by closing up. It's time to respond to them maturely and sit them both down and say something like this.

Mom and Dad, I know you found things on my comoputer that has raised questions about me. It's time you realize and accept that I'm gay. I thank you for accepting me and not getting upset. You raised me well and it's no fault of your own and if you have any questions feel free to ask me at any time.

Don't just post after post of mom's acting weird and dad does this. and lol and haha and I feel weird and I wonder what they think about me. like I said reread your posts they're not crimes but it's time to turn a new leaf and be straight with your parents as they have been trying to with you.

but yeah, no one's said anything since, they're exactly the same, which is strange. they haven't said or hinted a thing! good i guess, i feel weird though.

yeah haha i came in from the gym and he explained how he found them and at first i was like 'my laptop? i don't think so, theres nothing like that on there' and he just said 'dont lie, you were looking at it for over an hour last night' as it has the time you visited each site on it, and the titles of the clips on the site were rather..... very discomforting to know my dad saw the titles and what not haha :/ but like you all say, it's out of the way for life!

well i guess he just kinda figured, after asking me about it and whether i wanted anyone to know.

my mum's being weird now! he obviously told her and she kind of keeps lingering around me asking if i'm alright and coming in my room and sitting with me for a few minutes then leaving, as if she's got something to say but then doesn't haha. she's never usually like that.

my dad only asked questions the once, and then i figure he came to the conclusion and asked me if i wanted anyone to know and if i had anything to talk about, but i didn't, and my mum knows what my dad knows, so they know. it's just an uncomfortable subject to be honest, like, i haven't come to terms with it myself and this happens :|