One thing to notice about homophobia in America is that it's retreating. Random single people tend not to go around and try to bully people for being/looking gay. It's much more likely to happen in groups, and when "the gays" intrude on "their" space - going into a biker bar or something. I'm not saying the former NEVER happens, mind you, but it seems homophobia is less about "grabbing the baseball bats and heading out to where they hang out" and more about "grumbling quietly at the TV news about the good old days".
That said, I'll answer the questions.
>>>Let's say that you are walking somewhere by yourself, and some men yell out "f*cking f@ggot!" What should you do then? What should you do if some guys start beating you, yelling out, "Die f@ggot," or "Burn in hell, you f@g!" ?
In general, get to safety. This isn't a situation that calls for education. This is more bullying than anything else. If I felt I could bluff or fight my way out, and I was half-inclined to, I might call them on it. But if there was more than one of them, and they felt secure enough to let loose with "fightin' words", chances are my odds wouldn't be that good.
But that's really my point. I VERY rarely have gotten "faggot" or other "fightin' words" thrown my way. Not because I'm not gay, or even because I don't look gay.
But because I don't look easy to take in a fight. I'm over six feet tall, I'm rather stocky, and although I'm actually pretty weak, I doubt people would be able to pick up on that easily. And I don't think I'm much of a fighter, but I know a few simple techniques that would probably increase my chances. But the point is this - any would-be bullies don't bypass me because I'm "not that gay". They bypass me because I'm not an easy mark. And I think that's the key to dealing with this sort of people - don't be an easy mark. Be careful where you go. If you're small, travel in groups. Do your best to not appear to be an easy mark, and you're less likely to be one.
>>>How open are you about your sexual orientation at work? Regardless of whether you are 'out' or not at work, how do you respond if you overhear your colleagues making "gay jokes" about you?
I've always been out at work. Even when working at the auto parts warehouse. Most of the gay jokes I hear are friendly ones - fun jabs that co-workers take, the same way we joke about Roger's lousy handwriting and Richard's partying. If somebody tells a joke that seems to be more hurtful than playful, I usually do my best to recast the joke so it's more "fun".
Quick example. Back in the factory days, we had a client who wouldn't pay their bills on time. We sent our rep out (who was female, and rather attractive) to try to get things sorted out, but things didn't change. One co-worker said "We should send Lex out next time. He'd probably enjoy it." His comment sounded more snide than joke-y, so I decided to run with it a bit. I said, "Forget it. I'd want dinner first, and you know that cheapskate wouldn't pay for that." The uncomfortable laughter from the first "joke" got replaced by more friendly laughter, and even the guy who told it softened afterwards. I don't recall him making any more snide comments after that.
Could I have reported him? Yeah, I guess. But my goal wasn't to "get him in trouble" or punish him for saying what he did. To be brief, I wanted him "on my team". I wanted him to think I wasn't some weird freak, and to think I was an OK guy...and, by extension, maybe other gay guys were OK guys as well. And I think being friendly and joking around is actually a good way to accomplish that.
>>>How do you cope with more subtle forms of homophobia at the workplace or in the local community?
By being out. Seriously. I won't get into what I do for a living, but I have a public face. I'm somewhat known within the community. Perhaps the lowest level of "fame". Think of the guy doing the weather on your local TV station - about that level.
And I'm out. Have been almost from the get-go, over a decade back. To the best of my knowledge, I'm the first person in my area to do what I do and be out. (A couple others have followed.) And the response? Surprisingly minimal, and mainly positive. A few people have come up to me at public events and asked "Are you gay?", occasionally with a snide tone. To which I say "Yep." And they say "...oh."
Lex
