Dealing with my boyfriend's suicide

[ladygrey]

Pm any of us, hun
I'm sure we would love to help
(it just may take us some time, lol)

 

[tommy296]

Yes, please feel free to PM as needed!

 

[amigo32]

I know it's hard...but it was three years ago.

It's sad, and confusing, and something you should never have to go through....but it happened.

I had a friend that commited suicide about 5 years ago...and while he wasn't as close to me as your situation, I know you must be going through a lot. Just be strong and keep moving foward.

You can't change the past, you can now either move on with your life or lament your loss, but either way there's no changing what happened.

Be resillient and "bounce back", don't let the past control the present, and find somone that makes you happy.

 

[CoolBlue71]

You're welcomed, Nathan615, to PM me if you'd like. I don't know how fast I'll respond, but JUB alerts me whenever I receive new messages. So go ahead!

 

[luminum]

My boyfriend killed himself 3 years ago when we were both 18. Not only was he the love of my life but he was my very best friend. I've been in therapy for a year trying to let go of all the anger I have towards him for doing this, and I'm finally coming to a place where I can accept what happened, although I know I'll never really totally "get over it." I've been depressed ever since it happened but I'm making a real effort to get on with my life and get over my depression (with therapy, etc. -- not drugs).

I recently met a guy who I really like a lot. He's very sweet, understanding, etc. Although I know in all rationality that I should move on, I can't help but feel I'm betraying the love of my life. I'm starting to get very close with this guy, and the guilt and sadness gets worse every day. I thought meeting a fantastic guy would help me move on, but it's only caused my depression to worsen. If anyone has any insight about dealing with anything like this I would really appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks
-Nathan

Hey. It's a touchy subject, but look at it like this. He took his life. If he loves you, he wants you to be happy. It would be unfair of him to hurt you when he committed usicide and expect you to be alone forever becaus eof him. How would that make him feel anyway?

It;s not wrong to love someone new. It doesn;t mean you forget about the other love syou've had. They aren't replacements. They're like different points of view, and experiencing a different aspect of love doesn't mean that the other is invalidated or forgotten.

Take a chance. If you believe your best friend and boyfriend loved you, then you must believe that he would have wanted you to be happy. If anything, the dilemma you face should show anyone how much you loved him, so why should anyone, him included, ever think that you don't.

 

[jijigren]

Honestly Nathan I also faced the same problem b4.... I felt guilty to love someone because of my ex (even he not commit suicide).

The first thing you should do is to take out all about him from your system...( your brain, heart ...) .

If you still keep all the things like gift that he gave you before, burn it or throw away into the cold lake. I did it before and it help me to "recover" faster.

Spend more time with your current bf or bestfriend... Share more with him... Do many thing with him... Give him chance to show to you how special he is to you.

 

[thomasblue]

N, four years ago my stpefather shot himself in the heart while he was on the phone with my mother venting about an argument we had just had. I never thought I would be ok, I tried therapy, talking to family and friends, journals I even tried hurting myself. But, after so long I realized that he saw it as a way out from his pain and that I could never let anyone I loved go through that again. Now, I am happy with my life and everyday I still talk to him and realize that it is ok to hurt and be angry but I also realized that there is a reason for everything and though sometimes the reason sucks and you don't understand it, someday you will look back at the happy and joyful times you had and understand that what you thought was the end was only the beginning to a new more meaningful life.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Nathan

Welcome to JUB mate. I'm sorry your first post was one that must have been so very hard to write but I hope the amazing responses have helped you realize that you're amongst peers and friends who so readily offer support without judgment. And that you might find some comfort in knowing that others have traveled the path that you are on now.

Opening your heart again doesn't open the wounds mate...its a reminder of how incredible you are. Your hurt and your pain comes from love. It comes from knowing that you gave your heart and your soul. It comes from having trusted and loved, from having cared and respected. The depth of your pain and loss can only be compared to the way you loved, for without one the other struggles to exist.

I don't know why your bf chose to do what he did... and it doesn't matter anymore because Nathan, this is now about you, your life, your future.

Be proud of the depth of your emotions. Be proud of the time its taken to heal. For those are simply the signs of your ability to give yourself wholly and completely to someone. They are the signs of a person who has the strength and courage to be vulnerable and completely open of themselves and their lives and who has the ability to share without fear. Those are things few can do so easily, those are things that cause most fear and doubt.

Its ok to feel hurt... but its also ok to remember the love, the happiness, the laughter. Its ok to remember the safety and joy that came from being with him.

And it more than ok to want that again. You deserve to feel those feelings again... you deserve to feel loved and happiness. Those are your wants, they are your needs and they are your rights. Its ok to move on.

You will never forget him. He will never be erased, he will never be gone. He will always have a place in your heart, he will have a place in your soul. He taught you things - both good and bad. He opened your eyes and showed you all the beauty and the darkness that life can bring. He bought you perspective and showed you how to value the things that mean the most to you.

Celebrate your past Nathan. Pick the eyes out of it. Take the good times, remember the lessons, cherish the memories - its ok to be selective - time teaches us that.

But your future is in your hands. Dont let hurt and fear control your life. Dont let pain be the currency you live your life by - you're better than that. Its time to let yourself heal... and feel. Its time to remember that love. That happiness. That joy. Its time to break the shackles that chain you to suffering... its time to break the cycle.

Your life is richer for your past. You are a better person now than before because you can see so easliy how others take things for granted. Dont waste this chance Nathan. Dont stop living because its easier - live because you know that it can be hard.

Live because you know each day is a gift.

Live because you know the value of life.

Live because you know the value of love.

Its what you deserve to do... you deserve to live again.

 

[rareboy]

Wow.......hopefully between July 2006 and May 2007, things have improved for the original poster. Since I don't see any evidence of Nathan around these days, I guess we'll just assume he found the peace and happiness he was looking for.

 

[tallguy297]

I never was too good with dates... that'll learn me not to pay attention...

 

[Riverrick]

I never was too good with dates... that'll learn me not to pay attention...

Ah, but what a magnificent post we all get to read because of it!

Honestly Tallguy, I don't know how you do it. You're a jewel.