HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!
I have kept you all waiting TOO FUCKING LONG and I sincerely apologize. Thank you ALL for your continued support, I'm soooo grateful for it. I'm really hoping that this will be the longest hiatus I have from the story but we'll see what happens what school starts back up in a couple of weeks. To refresh all of your memories as to where the story is picking up from, here are the last couple paragraphs of Chapter 8...
- - -
“No, I know you wouldn’t do that…umm…so, I, uhh, I haven’t really been completely honest with you, about last night. Umm…Christine didn’t really call last night…I haven’t talked to her since we broke up and I don’t want to talk to her anyway. I have to tell you this, I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t but I…I don’t exactly know how to say this and I think the only way to say it is to just say it but I don’t want to say it but I know I have to say it but I can’t and I don’t know what to do and I’m so confused and I don’t want to lose you but I’m scared I will and I can’t because you’re the only thing that makes sense but you made it not make sense in the first place and I don’t know what to do…I don’t know what to do anymore.” I had stopped walking but I had begun hyperventilating and frantically moved my hands in and out of my hair and across my face while my legs fidgeted. Then I felt Hunter’s hand on my shoulder.
I looked over at him and met his gaze but the rest of my body couldn’t control itself enough to stop. “Daniel, whatever it is you need to tell me, you can tell me. It doesn’t matter what it is, I’m not going to treat you any differently. I swear on my mother’s grave I won’t. Please, just tell me you’ll feel so much better and I don’t want to see you like this anymore because it isn’t good…” I couldn’t handle it anymore and I just collapsed into him and started to cry uncontrollably. I felt his arms enclose around me as mine wrapped tightly around his chest. I couldn’t turn back if I wanted to. “Please, Daniel, whatever it is you can tell me. It’s not worth all of this pain. I promise you can tell me, you can tell me anything in the world.”
“I had a sex dream about you.”
- - -
So that leads us up to Chapter 9. It is from Hunter's perspective and I had a lot of fun with the challenge of it all. As you'll see, this chapter is my attempt at making Hunter a 3 dimensional character rather than just Daniel's saving grace. I felt it was very important for me to do this because real people have flaws or very distinct reasons why they have little flaws. In my personal experience, the most beautiful men and women who aren't completely full of themselves have gone through A LOT in their past to balance out the narcissim that comes with beauty. All those romantic movies where these gorgeous people just completely change their entire life after meeting them are bullshit. I CALL SHENNANIGANS ON YOU MADE OF HONOR, THE WEDDING DATE AND FAILURE TO LAUNCH.
We're introduced to Hunter's past but some of the details will be coming in later chapters. You'll see that Hunter's problems go back much furthur than Daniel's whose issues only started a few years back and drastically peak in these past 2 days. I think the readers who have stuck around with me until this point will enjoy this chapter and it is either the longest chapter or a close second. I hope everyone enjoys it and again, sorry for the wait!!
*** *** *** ***
DEFINE LOVE - CHAPTER 9
“It’s ok…it’s ok…it’ll be ok…we’ll work though all of this…” All I could do was continue to hold Daniel and try to digest this information. My newest crush was weeping into my chest because something inside him wanted him to be with me. “
This isn’t about you, it’s about him. Stop being so selfish and just comfort your friend.” So we just stood there in the middle of the path holding each other. After a couple of minutes of holding each other and me rubbing his back, he tried to speak but all he could get out was “I’m” and he began to cry as hard as he started. He held on to me tighter and I did the same with my left arm and stroked the back of his head with my right. “It’s ok…I’m still here for you, Daniel…I’m still here and I’m not going anywhere.” It was all true, even if the most selfish parts of me didn’t want to believe it. “
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS. Just help him, then help yourself you selfish son of a bitch.” With this thought on repeat in my head, I continued to stroke his head, held him close and stared at the trees off the path in front of me.
We remained in that position for a while. A few people walked past, all of whom pretended not to notice the two men holding each other in the middle of their path and then quietly talked about after passing. His tears started to flow less and less and then I felt him trying to lift his head. This time he was able to do it and was even able to take a small step back from me. His face was red and swollen and wet from the tears but I saw more than that. Looking back at me I saw a young man at the absolute bottom, he’d hit a lonely branch protruding from the abyss he was falling through with only one guy holding an escape rope, me. “I’m sorry.” It was all he could do and he exhaustedly collapsed back into me and started to cry again but not with nearly the same intensity. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“No, no, stop , stop stop. It’s ok, It’s ok. Shhh, shhh, it’s ok, Daniel. It’s ok.” He had begun to calm down again. “Why don’t we go sit down, ok? I think it’ll be good for you.”
“Yeah…ok,” he said after a moment. This wasn’t exactly what I expected out of our conversation but it’s what I got and I had to be there for Daniel. “
There was no other choice. I can’t leave him because he’d probably kill himself if I did. I can’t tell him I wanted to be more than friends, he’d freak out worse than he is now and then probably kill himself.” The only thing to do was to grin and bear it, even though it would be probably be toughest thing I’ve chosen to go through. Losing my mother was far and away the hardest thing I’ve gone through and that will never change but I’ve never had to be a person’s only hope, not to mention I’ve got a crush on said person and he’s in shambles because he might like me.
We reached the nearest bench, neither of us speaking because we didn’t know what to say. When we sat down on the nearest bench, I still had no idea what to say but Daniel needed me so I dove in the only way I knew how. “Whenever you want to, you can tell me whatever you want to tell me. Nothing is off limits and I’m not going to treat you any differently regardless of what happened in this dream. I’m just glad you were able to tell me about this.”
I turned to face him and situated myself to be more comfortable while he just sat there silently, staring at the ground in front of him, head resting in his hands. He couldn’t bring himself to look at me and I didn’t blame him. It was hard enough for me to look at him, I could only imagine how he was feeling. “So…umm…I fell asleep kinda early watching TV. And then I had this dream where I was showering and I heard people…kissing and stuff. And then…I…ok, this is really awkward for me so I’m begging you not to make fun of me or anything. Maybe…maybe if I just told you all at once without thinking about it it’ll work better for me. I don’t know whether I can tell it piece by piece or not.”
“You do whatever you need to do. I would never make you feel more awkward and I certainly wouldn’t make fun of you.”
His eyes were closed and he was trying to muster the very last of his courage which was running on fumes already. I could see his chest oscillating out in a slow rhythmic fashion as Daniel desperately tried to calm himself down with the fresh air. At last he spoke again. “Ok, ok…I can do this…I can do this…” And with one final release he continued on. “So I was showering when I heard people kissing and making noises and some guy’s voice and, umm…it kinda turned me on. So, I…did what came natural and…ya know, jerked. And I kept going and I kept listening to the guy because…there was something in his voice and I knew he knew what he was doing. I could hear the girl he was with moan and she was enjoying it so much and it was all getting me really hot. Then I heard them come into where all the showers are and I got nervous because I could hear them just across from me but they kept going even though my shower was on full blast. I was getting really into it when I could hear them getting closer and the next thing I know they just walk into the shower I’m in…and, it’s you. And this random guy who was obviously drunk who was wrapped around you and you were both naked and I just stood there watching you two. And I couldn’t say anything because what the fuck am I supposed to say. And then you stopped and turned around and just, looked at me. We just stood there for, like, a minute just looking at each other and yet…we never said anything, we just looked at each other. And then you started moving towards me really slowly and I started to back up a little bit but you put you took my neck and it felt really good and then you kept moving towards me and then I could feel you rubbing against me and I was rubbing against you and we’re both just looking at each other under the shower and it felt so good. And the next thing I know, we’re kissing and I cum all over us and then I woke up…oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that.”
I couldn’t believe it either. His dream was incredibly intense and shocking and I completely understood why he felt the way he did. “
But what in God’s name am I supposed to say to that…”
“Thank you for telling me all of that. I know that must have been really, really hard for you to do but I really appreciate you doing it and thank you for telling me.” I knew he wanted me to say something more but for the life of me I didn’t know what it was. It was one of the few times I had ever been left speechless and for the first time that I could recall, speechless in trying to help someone through one of their problems. When I didn’t have my own words, I’d know what the other person wanted me to say and say that, which usually sounded a lot like what I would have said anyway. I had now gone through everything I wanted to say and I had no idea what Daniel wanted me to say, probably because he didn’t know it either. So we sat there for a while in silence until I just came out with the question burning in my head. “Daniel…is there anything you want me to say to you?”
He looked up at me quizzically and then turned away to think about it more before responding. “Well…you told me that you don’t like me and I needed to hear that because I have no idea what I’d do if you did…probably just go jump off a bridge because I’d have nothing left. And I told you every major thing there is in my life over the 2 days I’ve known you. If I’d believe that it would all turn out alright, I’d tell you to say that… So…here I am, sitting on a park bench with a red, tear-soaked face the most vulnerable I’ve been in my entire life. Let me be completely honest…I’ve got nothing left. No words, no actions and no identity or life. To answer your question, no.”
It was brutally honest and I was terrified I had done something wrong. “Please don’t be angry at me. I know you’re looking for answers and I’m trying and I’m not going to stop until you feel good about life again. I just…I don’t know what to do right now. I want to help you so much and you need to know that. I need you in my life just as much as you need me.”
I saw him crack a sarcastic smile across his still redden face. “That whole long speech wasn’t me getting upset with you, you do realize that, right? That was more of a…an inner monologue out loud I guess is the best way to put it… Yeah…I’ve made that leap of faith and I’m in the process of falling and now that I’ve gotten through the hardest part, I feel…pretty normal, actually. I mean, I don’t feel completely normal but…now that I’ve said it and freaked out, I’m just here. I’m just trying to process it all right now and I guess I just don’t care anymore. After you tell someone you had a sex dream about them, the whole awkward thing goes away. So I just answered your question with everything I thought of. All of that said, if there was something you should have said, you just did.”
There it was. The worst scenario I had pictured for Daniel was reality. He needed me desperately and the consequences of failure would be catastrophic at best. The thought of it was terrifying but having it actually happen was something entirely different. I was in this for the long haul and nothing could change it. I was too wrapped up in the situation to continue the conversation. Then the last statement in his response hit me. “What did I just say?”
“That you needed me just as much as I need you.”
A beat. “It’s true. There’s something about you that is incredibly special and you’re the first person besides Sarah to just see me for me. I’m not just a gay guy or a football player or a farmer or a son or a brother, you see me for Hunter and nothing else. And I’m going to be as honest as you are for a second, I think this is the beginning of something great and that all of this is just the tip of the iceberg.”
One of the distinct differences between me and Daniel was the amount of eye contact we would make. While I was looking at him, he was still looking at the ground. My Father would’ve hit me for doing something like that. He had instilled in me from a very young age that you always address a man with eye contact, it’s a show of respect. I learned throughout my schooling that not everyone was trained as I was, so I accepted but didn’t understand it. The only person who would always look at me was Sarah and I’ve long thought that was one of the underlying reasons we grew so close. Phil made eye contact and low and behold we became great friends. And yet here I was watching Daniel stare off at the ground and pond and completely understood why he was doing it. He had felt alone for his whole life and when you look a person in the eyes, you see the things that you love but you also see the things you hate. Simply put, you see emotions. Plus, he was now in the worst scenario of his life. But it wasn’t just this situation, he had been doing during casual conversation and as he was pretty quickly regaining his non-suicidal view on life and still couldn’t look at the man saving him. And yet, it all made sense. He had always wanted an emotional relationship with anyone and looking his “friends” in the eye was a painful reminder of that fact. Call it trivial but in the end, Daniel was the first person who broke the mold of what a good person and friend could be.
“Thanks.”
“I don’t know what exactly you’re thanking me for, but you’re welcome,” I said with a chuckle.
“You were as honest as I was for no reason. I don’t feel alone for the first time in a long time and it feels…really, really good.”
“You should never have to feel alone and I feel terrible that you’ve had to wait so long. No one should have to feel that way, especially someone as good as you.”
“Thanks,” he said still staring off at the ground.
“When was the last time you didn’t feel alone, if you don’t mind me asking?”
He turned around to face me with a grin and a laugh. “If you don’t mind me asking? Really? I just told you about a sex dream I had with you in it and you’re asking if it’s ok to ask a simple question?” he said as he continued to laugh. “I don’t think you fully appreciate the whole me being completely honest thing. I have nothing left to fear with you except complete failure but I’m just going to hope that doesn’t happen and keep living because I can’t do anything else. So don’t feel like you have to soften anything. Don’t feel like I’m going to shy away from anything. I mean, if we’re in front of people I’ll give you ambiguous answers but others I just don’t care anymore. And I’m going to just blurt out anything I deem PG enough. For instance, I think that you have one of the best bodies I’ve ever seen. No…the best. I just said I was going to be honest so I’m going to do it. It’s fucking amazing. You have to work out with me, I’d kill someone to look like you.”
“Thank you,” I said with a look in my eye that happened subconsciously. As a gay man, when the guy you like tells you he finds your body attractive, you think flirting and you consequently flirt back and a lot of that takes place with the eyes. Every guy except Daniel, of course. I diverted my gaze momentarily to erase the look and quickly turned back to respond. “You’re more than welcome to work out with me but I’ve got to tell you, I don’t really do much lifting. This was all built on my father’s farm and a little through football and now I just run and do sit ups and stuff. But about the whole honesty thing, I think I get what you’re saying and while it’ll take some getting used to, I think it’ll be good for the both of us, especially you. Sarah and I are very open with each other, you would really like her.”
“Yeah, I think I would. Would you want to try and all of us hang out tonight or something?”
“Yeah, that’d be great! I’m not sure what exactly we’re doing tonight but you are more than welcome to join. I’ll ask her now if she has plans or if she wants to do something in particular.” I quickly whipped out my phone and typed a message over to Sarah. “
Hey. So I’m with Daniel and he and I were wondering what to do tonight and I want you to meet him. Any ideas for what to do?”
“Alright cool. Do you two hang out a lot?”
“Oh yeah, definitely. We live in the same hall and have a lot of the same friends. The other friends I have aren’t really the hanging out types, more school related. International studies and Communications are a lot more of a time consuming majors than you probably think, International Studies more so. So whenever I’m not studying or writing research papers, I’m hanging out with Sarah. It’s certainly not as much as it used to be which really sucks and we can’t really study together much because she is pre-vet but it still works.”
Sarah had texted me back. “
OMG OMG YOU’RE WITH DANIEL!?!? See I told you texting him was a good idea!!!! Ahhhhh, I am so good at matchmaking. Ummmm, idk but I’ll totally make free time to meet him…unless you just wanted to hang out with him which is TOTALLY fine ”
“What did she say?”
“She said she’s available and up for whatever.” I utterly despised when Sarah did this to me, it wasn’t the first time. Blake was the first and it ruined a large part of my life. Daniel could’ve easily seen that as easily as my father had seen the one about Blake and it could’ve ended just as horrifically. I quickly and angrily texted her back. “
Yes, I’m with him but it’s not at all like that so could you please not text me stuff like that when you know he’s standing right here…he wants to meet you but if you are going to try and be a bitch like this then maybe we shouldn’t.”
I’ve never been able to subconsciously hide my emotions and Daniel picked up on it. “You alright? You looked frantic and then really pissed off. What else did she say?”
“
Think, think, think…” “She, uhhh…she asked me if you were cute and I found it rude.” “
Good Lord, you are terrible at lying, Hunter.”
“Oh…I wasn’t supposed to know that was I?”
“Not really,” I said with a nervous giggle. “
Is he really buying this? Maybe it’s just that he’s still in a daze from our talk.”
“Well I’ll keep it a secret then. I hope I can meet her expectations,” he joked. “What did you say back?”
“I told her she’ll find out when she meets you.”
“
Omg……I totally wasn’t thinking, you know I didn’t mean to do that. Please forgive me? I’ll owe you majorly…I love you.” I knew she meant what she said but it was unbelievably frustrating when a girl as smart and gifted as Sarah refused to change her ways without being told repeatedly. And then it’s still up in the air. I’ve always believed she could become president if she ever put even half of her potential towards it.
“
Yeah I know you didn’t but yet you still did it and now I’m lying about it and you know I can’t lie and it could ruin everything. Just figure something out.”
“What did she say?” Daniel questioned.
“She said she’ll try and be patient and find something for us to do.”
Sarah’s invested interest in a text conversation could almost always be determined by her response time and based on that rule, she had meant what she said. “
Of course…would you want me to try and get the whole gang together or just the three of us?”
“Hey, would you be up for meeting all of my friends or just me, you and Sarah?”
“Ummm, honestly I don’t really care. I kinda thought I’d be more freaked out and spent than I am right now so if you think I’d get along with all your friends then I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I need to meet new people anyway…fuckin’ Jake and Antonio,” he said.
“…and Petey,” I tried to finish his sentence.
“Oh yeah…and Petey. Can’t believe I forgot about him…actually, yeah I totally can believe I forgot him,” he laughed.
“
He says he’s up for anything tonight but something low key, it’s been a…draining day so far but he seems really good. Let’s try to keep it that way.” I debated momentarily before adding the last sentence to the text but Sarah had touched multiple nerves with her prior comments. She hit the nerve of my newfound deep friendship with Daniel, the primary cause of my lack of relationship with my father, and my contempt for people who refuse to put forth their best effort…all in one text message. Only Sarah could do it and only Sarah could fix it.
“So did you have anything in mind to do before then, it’s only 1:30.”
His question brought me back to Earth. “Nothing in particular…I really hate to say this but I do need to get some work done, especially if we are going to hang out later tonight. It should be illegal how many papers I have to write but the good side is that I don’t have many tests.”
“Business is the exact opposite, so many damn tests that I’m surprised my head hasn’t exploded from cramming. Would you rather take the tests?”
“Definitely not, but instead of studying really, really hard for a couple nights I have to work hard throughout the semester so it’s better but not by much.”
“Yeah, I got you. What dorm are you in, by the way?” Daniel asked.
“304 Hutchinson, what about you?”
“537 Randolph. The elevators suck so I usually end up walking all 5 flights which sucks hardcore.”
“Yeah, that does suck. Three flights isn’t bad. So you’re almost on the other side of campus, right? I still don’t know all the buildings, how sad is that?” I joked.
“Not that bad really. I have a general idea but that’s about it. So, I’m not trying to impose on you when I say this but I don’t think I’m ready to just stay in my room all day with Petey and whoever else might show up. Like, do you think I could just do work in your dorm somewhere? Not necessarily your room or anything but in a lounge or something?” he asked.
“Yeah, that’s totally fine! I use the lounge that’s basically right next to my room, it has a TV which can be kinda distracting but I can focus pretty well even with it on which I’m really proud of,” I responded.
“That is definitely something to be proud of, I get sidetracked so easily. So you’re sure that’s ok…no is a perfectly acceptable answer here. You have permission to be completely honest and the last thing I want to do is stop you from getting your work done.”
“No, seriously, it’s totally fine. I think Sarah just texted me,” I said as my phone vibrated in my pocket.
“
So everyone was in the lounge doing work for some project and they said that once they’re done they would be up for another game night. What do you think?”
“So Sarah talked with a bunch of my friends and they are working on a project in the lounge I usually work in. I think they’ll get kinda mad if you go in there and turn on the TV. I mean, you’re more than welcome to come and do work but I think that if you don’t have anything to do, you might want to find somewhere else to go.”
“Oh…ok,” he said in thought. Daniel was obviously going to use the time to catch up on some college basketball while I gathered more research on the economic pros and cons of military neutrality. “Be honest, do you think I should go? I wasn’t really going to do much work but I could review some stuff. What do you think, they’re your friends.”
“I mean, I want you to come and I want you to meet everyone but my friends are…colorful is a good word for them. They’re all very unique but they all work hard which is why I still hang out with Larissa when she goes on a feminist tirade or when Caroline asks WAY too personal questions or when Jack and Joanna get a little too handsy in the corner or when Phil does something that a normal person just wouldn’t do. I’m not sure many people would be able to handle that when they are all focused on work.”
“Yeah, I really don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with them.”
“I mean, I really want you to come just so don’t have to be anywhere near your ‘friends’,” I said with air-quotes, “but like you said, a good first impression is important.”
“You’re too nice, you know that? You’ve done so much already and I’m so grateful for all of it. Thank you…for everything. But I think it would be best for me to just relax for a little while and stuff. We could do dinner if you have time?”
“Yeah, dinner would be great. I’ll hopefully find all the sources I need for my neutrality paper.”
“What do you mean your neutrality paper? Is that what your paper is about, neutrality? I mean, no offense but isn’t it a pretty simple concept?”
“I should’ve been more specific. Yeah, you’re right but we’re looking at whether or not being neutral is good for the country financially. Wars form alliances and alliances form trade. Also, the World Wars really affected the overall economies of the countries involved.”
“Oh…that’s really interesting actually. It also sounds pretty time consuming. We should get going so you can start on that. When is it due?” he asked as we started to walk back towards the heart of campus.
“Two weeks. I need a good amount of time for research papers because it’s not the writing that is time consuming but the research itself. Reading through ten-ish sources per research paper and finding all the useful information takes a week at least. And then I usually end up going through at least 2 drafts of the paper itself. And then there is this paper that’s due in a month and a comm. test in a week and a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting. Speaking of things I’m forgetting, I have to text Sarah back.”
“
He said he’s cool with hanging out with everyone tonight. What time do you think everyone will be done?”
“Wow, that definitely is a lot more work than I have. I’m only doing one major but it seems like International Relations is more involved than Business. And then you’re doing the Communications stuff, that’s just really impressive.”
“Thanks. Communications isn’t too bad yet but it’s supposed to get a little worse but it’s more of a resume builder than anything else, International Relations is what I really want to do. I swear I’m not a Miss USA contest when I say this but I think that world peace is possible if we think for more than 10 seconds about things. ‘Hey, I know. Afghani and Pakastani terrorists attacked America, let’s go get a dictator out of different country instead. Let’s go send my brother to Iraq so we can find mythical nuclear weapons and set up a democracy in a nation comprised of 3 fundamentally different groups of people who aren’t going to get along because of their religion while the terrorists regroup and revamp by selling the people they attacked opium.’ How does shit like that actually happen?...sorry, I get really emotional when I talk about Middle Eastern relations and my brother.”
“No, that’s totally understandable. I’m not going to lie, I really don’t follow politics too much so I…”
I had to cut him off. “That’s the thing. This isn’t politics. I absolutely despise politics, the only thing that matters in politics is who you know and I hate that. What happened to people actually earning the presidency and not fall into it because your dad was president or because your husband was president? How is it even possible that only one president had a doctorate degree or that only one president served in all three branches of government? I don’t want to work for the president, I want to work for the United States of America and all of its citizens and that America doesn’t care about campaign commercials or Gallup polls. They care about results and what is being said about them and for them by the people they elected to speak for them. God…here I go again, I’m really sorry about all of this.”
“No, don’t be sorry, I need to be educated on stuff like this and I think that is what college is supposed to be about, finding out about life…or at least I hope it is because otherwise I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now,” he said with a hearty laugh. “More people should be as passionate as you are, some people might actually listen. But I was going to ask you about your brother. How is it having a brother actively serving in the military? Which branch is he in, by the way?”
“He’s an Air Force pilot; it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted to do. I’ve been really worried about him…especially after his accident. It didn’t even happen in the air, he was being transported when an I.E.D. blew up by his convoy and he got a couple pieces of shrapnel in him but he’s ok now. He actually got a purple heart for it all because he rescued four of the other guys with him and stopped their bleeding.”
“Oh my God…wow, that’s amazing. I debated about joining the Army but I couldn’t bring myself to actually enlist…I was too terrified. I have all the respect in the world for our troops, the things they do never cease to amaze me…the next time you see him, tell him I said thank you. It’s the least I can do.”
“I’ll definitely do that, he has leave this July so I’ll be sure to pass that on when I see him…if I see him.”
“Hunter, you’re going to see him.” We had finally come to one of my own soft spots – my family. I’d like to think that I have a good portion of life figured out and that I am doing a decent job of living but the one thing I have never figured out is my family. I loved my mother more than myself and I did everything to kill her except drive the car that hit her. I loved my brother more than myself and he leaves for the Air Force. I loved my father more than myself and he pretends not to know me.
I tried desperately to not break down; I closed my eyes, took deep breaths and turned away from Daniel. “Please don’t say that. Just…don’t. Please.”
I kept replaying the video of Chris’ accident sent to us from the Air Force, obtained through a raid of a building where the insurgents kept tapes of many bombings. Chris joking with his military buddies when an explosion rocks the hum-vee on right, flipping the car over; gunshots ring out as hysteria erupts in the deserts; as he tries to get out of his upturned vehicle, Chris realizes he has part of the vehicle in his calf, a piece of glass lodged in his helmet and something imbedded deep in his back and of course, the first thing he does is crawl out and drags his unconscious squadron member with him; once they’re at the side of the road, he quickly cuts of the circulation to the guy’s arm where his hand was only hanging on by sinew and skin and does CPR bringing him back into the world; he sees his leader writhing in pain sprawled out in the middle of road clutching at a large metal stake implanted below his collarbone and first officer not far from him grasping frantically at his ears; instinctively, he runs to them and picks up his squadron leader in his hands and throws the first officer over his back and runs back towards the side of the road where the last of the blood left in the man’s right arm dripped from severed wrist into a pool of blood below it as they continue to scream; about to treat their injuries, he hears a faint scream from the hum-vee , the driver’s leg is wedged in the carnage; he sprints back over to him and tries to wrestle him free to no avail; minutes of pulling go by with no results when Chris turns around to check on the others to see a doctor treating them; realizing he needs more man power, he leaves the safety of the bomb-made barricade hum-vee to get the attention of the doctor and anyone else when a shot rings out and Chris falls to the ground, a definite hit to the helmet which momentarily dazes him; after regaining his surroundings, he tries again to free the driver and finally does as the last of the shots of the confrontation are heard and Chris passes out, shrapnel still inside of him.
A touch from Daniel on my shoulder stopped the memory. I could feel my eyes getting heavier by the moment but I refused to cry in front of Daniel, I had to be his knight in shining armor. In order to be the man he wanted, no, needed me to be, I couldn’t tear up after vaguely bringing up my brother. I had to be his Superman. I brushed his hand off to stop the tears and was able to utter an “it’s ok, let’s just go” through my trembling jaw and constricted throat. My brother was always the apple of my Father’s eye but I was never too jealous because he always did something to prove why. He was valedictorian, I was fifth. He was in the top percentiles of fitness in the Air Force and earned a purple heart, I was recruited by a couple of low level Division 1 schools for football and opted not to go Brown to focus on my "pansy" (Father's word, not mine) majors. And he had always been my best friend growing up despite our 4 year age gap. He was everything I could aspire to and more…and he almost died.
We walked along in silence for a while as I tried to regain my composure. We entered back into the heart of campus and passed a couple of buildings before Daniel spoke. “So you were at the Wisconsin game last week, good game right?”
My instinctive reaction was one of shock but it quickly subsided. He was doing exactly what I had done to him when we had first met up. He needed to talk things through on his own accord so the only way I could help was by starting to talk; now, I needed to move forward from this topic and he provided that for me in a way that was almost an inside joke in that it was both humorous and meaningful. Without realizing it, my hand swung out and tried to grab Daniel’s but as soon as we touched I realized what was going on and played it off as if it were an accident. After a second to ensure he didn’t think anything of it, I turned my head from the ground towards him with lighter eyes, a wistful grin and a knowing look in my eye. “Yeah, it was a good game.”
To be continued…
