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Do Gay Long Term Relationships Exist?!!

chrisied

chrisied

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I am 21, i know i am young before people starting writing lol. But i really really really need to know if people my age are capable of long term relationships. I have tried to have relationships but 4 out of 5 guys have dumped me. All with the excuse that they are not ready for a long term relationship. Do any guys my age, want to have relationships? Coz at the moment i have completely given up hope for finding my soul mate and have started to believe that he doesnt exist. Please guys that are close to my age can u please help me, coz at the moment i think i am going to turn into a monk.
 
Yes, they do exist. I had the same experience you described Chrisied. Guys that felt they were too young to commit and decided that they had to sow their oats as it were. It was frustrating, but along came this guy with the same ideals as me and we've been together since.

Don't give up hope. There's is someone out there. You just have to find him.
 
Think of it this way.

Remember when you were 16 or so. Remember your friends getting jobs. Most probably went to work at fast food restaurants, or grocery stores, or what not. Did you think, "Why are they working there? There's no future there! You can't build a good career at a grocery store!" Probably not. You knew what they were doing - they were looking for work, expecting to get some money, and probably some experience for later. As they got older, more and more of them turned away from "jobs" and looked more towards "careers".

So it is with relationships. When you're young, people tend not to think "forever". They're thinking, "This guy is fun - I want to be with him." They're not so interested in being with these guys forever and ever - they just want to enjoy him now, maybe have some fun, perhaps get some "experience" for later on. As they grow up, they'll be more inclined to look for "LTRs" rather than "my boyfriend this week".

Currently, you're just ahead of the game. That's fine, other than it's gonna be tough to find other guys your age who feel the same way. But there's a dirty little secret that the gargoyle's gonna share with you.

Soulmates aren't found.
They're built.

In the movies, in books, people see each other from across a crowded room, the music swells, they fall into each other's arms, we're informed they live happily ever after, fade to black, nothing more to see here. But life isn't like that. That isn't to say you can't fall in love quickly - you can. Or that you can't have a wonderfully happy life - you can. But falling in love doesn't solve all your problems. It just replaces them with new ones.

Consider. The handsome prince finds his...guy, let's say. :) They dance, head up to the bedroom, all goofy smiles. Life is wonderful, right? Well, who's gonna be the top? Who gets to sleep by the window? What if prince likes sleeping with the window open, but other guy wants it shut? What if other guy snores? What if other guy gets up at dawn, but prince likes to sleep in?

...they never deal with this stuff in the storybooks. It's too unromantic. :) But it's stuff you deal with every day when you get into a relationship.

As I said, these things are built. You find a compatible guy. You fall for him, he falls for you. And you start building. You might scuffle a bit, argue a bit, compromise a lot. And bit by bit, you build up your relationship. It may not be as romantic as the music-swelling variety, but it's solid. And that's why people who are in LTRs are so damn proud of them. Because they've put in work and sweat and tons of time into making the relationship solid.

My point (finally) is this. Don't walk around with your arm around an invisible person, with a sign "Insert LTR here." That's not gonna happen. Keep talking to people. Get to know them, date them, have sex with them if you want. Eventually, you'll click with one. And he'll click with you. And then - and only then - you can start building. :)

Lex
 
Yes, they do exist, my partner and I got together when we were both 21 and are still together after 25 years. I believe that the secret is to stop looking for it so hard because when you only look for one thing, you never really see the whole world around you. You need to enjoy your life to the fullest and be happy with yourself, when you least expect it then "bang" your perfect match will find you.
 
I am not your age but thought I would share this..Yes they can and do exist long term..I have a good friend ..he is 30 his partner 32..been together since the younger was 19...total devotion to each other..where you see one you see the other and no...they are not distrusting of each other so please dont go there!
 
yes they do,

My b/f-lover-partner-honey have been together for 24years the last month.(!)

We could not be happier and cant be with out each other.(*8*)

It is alot of hard work and has ups and downs just like everyone else, but through love and trust and communicating it works out and we love each other very much...
 
yeah, i'd say they do if you find the right guy...when I was your age, I was in a relationship that lasted a total of 3 years. It may not have been the best time ever, but it was my longest, and probably my most meaningful/memorable one.
 
You're not alone in your thinking, I'm 22 and I'm already thinking LTR- and I've never dated anyone yet.

It seems that there are a few guys in there early twenties who think of relationships in terms of LTR, though there are probably a few of us in our twenties that think like that. (Or maybe not?)

Lex said it well. You want to be realistic and build a long term relationship with someone. Date people and get to know them and determine if these people would be good to have a LTR with, some guys just aren't LTR material. You don't want to jump the gun with them.

I wonder how long the average relationship lasts with people our age.
 
"My" Kev, and I, have been together for 26yr.! :eek:

When we first "got together" (:badgrin:), NEITHER of us were thinking "LTR"! It just "Happened"!! (!w!)

Preconceived Expectations can often get in the way of what You may be Hoping for! ](*,)

Relax! "Go with the Flow!" ENJOY Your Life as it unfolds for You! Over Steering can land you in the ditch! #-o

NOTHING is set in Stone! And each new day brings so many possibilities! Be Alert! Be Aware! But, don't try to "Shoe Horn" what may not truly be there, YET!

Cliches may be "trite", but they survive the Test of Time for a reason. Usually, they're true! ...

"Follow Your Heart!" "Be True to Yourself!" "Good Things come to Those who Wait!" "Never try to teach a Pig to sing. It wastes Your Time, and Annoys the Pig!" :slap:

And, of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;-)
 
the guys in a ltr dont go out on the singles scene so thats why you dont see them around you

I defo want the same and will find it
 
chrisied said:
I am 21, i know i am young before people starting writing lol. But i really really really need to know if people my age are capable of long term relationships. I have tried to have relationships but 4 out of 5 guys have dumped me. All with the excuse that they are not ready for a long term relationship. Do any guys my age, want to have relationships? Coz at the moment i have completely given up hope for finding my soul mate and have started to believe that he doesnt exist. Please guys that are close to my age can u please help me, coz at the moment i think i am going to turn into a monk.
Click to expand...

No. Men are virtually undatable until age 30. A very select few are datable before 30 but only a very, very slim minority. In fact some men are and will remain undatable their entire adult life. You are 21, there is no such thing as a "stable, long term, relationship" as a rule.

Most all boys/guys change so much from age 19 to 25 that it's astounding. Thinking you have found "the one" at 21..... ne'er impossible.
 
I'm in a long term relationship, we've been together a few years (met at boarding school) and now live together.
 
26 years and that was after a 5 year ltr.

Yes sweetie they exist.

And you never know when it is going to drop out of the sky until it has hit you.
 
i had ltr's with women in my twenties - it seemed easier - the structures in the straight world were there in a way that those in the queer world weren't.

but i've found myself most real in my relationships with men. so maybe you can use yr time now to learn from your experiences about the type of person yr interested in, but also the person you want to b ecome.

there's some good advice in the other posts too
 
G-Lexington said:
Think of it this way.

Remember when you were 16 or so. Remember your friends getting jobs. Most probably went to work at fast food restaurants, or grocery stores, or what not. Did you think, "Why are they working there? There's no future there! You can't build a good career at a grocery store!" Probably not. You knew what they were doing - they were looking for work, expecting to get some money, and probably some experience for later. As they got older, more and more of them turned away from "jobs" and looked more towards "careers".

So it is with relationships. When you're young, people tend not to think "forever". They're thinking, "This guy is fun - I want to be with him." They're not so interested in being with these guys forever and ever - they just want to enjoy him now, maybe have some fun, perhaps get some "experience" for later on. As they grow up, they'll be more inclined to look for "LTRs" rather than "my boyfriend this week".

Currently, you're just ahead of the game. That's fine, other than it's gonna be tough to find other guys your age who feel the same way. But there's a dirty little secret that the gargoyle's gonna share with you.

Soulmates aren't found.
They're built.

In the movies, in books, people see each other from across a crowded room, the music swells, they fall into each other's arms, we're informed they live happily ever after, fade to black, nothing more to see here. But life isn't like that. That isn't to say you can't fall in love quickly - you can. Or that you can't have a wonderfully happy life - you can. But falling in love doesn't solve all your problems. It just replaces them with new ones.

Consider. The handsome prince finds his...guy, let's say. :) They dance, head up to the bedroom, all goofy smiles. Life is wonderful, right? Well, who's gonna be the top? Who gets to sleep by the window? What if prince likes sleeping with the window open, but other guy wants it shut? What if other guy snores? What if other guy gets up at dawn, but prince likes to sleep in?

...they never deal with this stuff in the storybooks. It's too unromantic. :) But it's stuff you deal with every day when you get into a relationship.

As I said, these things are built. You find a compatible guy. You fall for him, he falls for you. And you start building. You might scuffle a bit, argue a bit, compromise a lot. And bit by bit, you build up your relationship. It may not be as romantic as the music-swelling variety, but it's solid. And that's why people who are in LTRs are so damn proud of them. Because they've put in work and sweat and tons of time into making the relationship solid.

My point (finally) is this. Don't walk around with your arm around an invisible person, with a sign "Insert LTR here." That's not gonna happen. Keep talking to people. Get to know them, date them, have sex with them if you want. Eventually, you'll click with one. And he'll click with you. And then - and only then - you can start building. :)

Lex
Click to expand...
That's the best description of an LTR (homo or hetero) I've ever read. This should almost be a sticky at the top of the forum, or added to a Best of JUB thread.
 
My longest relationship was 6 months. There is no such thing as a real long term gay relationship
 
chrisied said:
I am 21, i know i am young before people starting writing lol. But i really really really need to know if people my age are capable of long term relationships. I have tried to have relationships but 4 out of 5 guys have dumped me. All with the excuse that they are not ready for a long term relationship. Do any guys my age, want to have relationships? Coz at the moment i have completely given up hope for finding my soul mate and have started to believe that he doesnt exist. Please guys that are close to my age can u please help me, coz at the moment i think i am going to turn into a monk.
Click to expand...

I know where you are coming from. I have been in that boat too. It seems like no guy wants to be in a LTR, and they just want SEX. It's crazy, and sucks. I want a LTR rather than a One Night Stand. I hope soon I can find the right guy to have one with. :)
 
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