Do I tell him that I cheated?

[bayareayoungin]

So I met this guy about a month ago and like him a lot. He's 5 years older than me but we have a lot in common. We mess around (kissing, bj's) but no sex. I'm in no rush for that. We spend about everyday together and act as a couple but haven't made it official or anything.

Last week I was on a sex site and decided to meet up with this guy. We jerked each other off in my car. I swore to myself it wouldn't happen again. But.....I hooked up with yet another guy after that.

I don't know if I tell the person I'm dating, we spend alot of time together and I like him but I feel like I'm sabotaging it. Do I tell him?

 

[FPNY]

if youre not officially steady to one another you didnt cheat. if u want to be with number 1 exclusively make it official and then stay off those hook up sites. i would keep my yap shut about jackin with other guys for now tho.

i bet that this is a common prob in sfca. i've been there many times, the boys are handsome and the opportunities abound.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

tell him and see how he reacts

 

[Lukeee]

If you feel guilty then you should tell him.
If you don't then keep it to yourself.

 

[bayareayoungin]

if youre not officially steady to one another you didnt cheat. if u want to be with number 1 exclusively make it official and then stay off those hook up sites. i would keep my yap shut about jackin with other guys for now tho.

i bet that this is a common prob in sfca. i've been there many times, the boys are handsome and the opportunities abound.

Honestly it just depends on how you get down. SF has alot of hot guys but I try to be careful because alot of people have fucked each other already.

 

[bayareayoungin]

You ARE sabotaging it, cuz you're on a sex site hooking up with randoms while dating a guy you "like". Apparently, not enough to cheat, but as was said, if you two aren't committed or official, you're really not cheating.

It just might mean you're not ready for anything serious yet - your actions speak louder than your words.

I know and the worst part is that he called right after I hooked up with the random guy, and I know he heard the guys voice, so he might know something's up.
iveI've

 

[bayareayoungin]

And what's wierd is that I rarely even hook up but why do I all of a sudden have the urge when I'm kinds dating someone?

 

[Seasoned]

A couple of points here: if you traded bjs you've had sex; if you're together all the time there could be an expectation of faithfulness; and, if you mostly hook up only while dating, I'd say you have a fear of intimacy.

If this is going to be a pattern you ought to tell him.

 

[hermanding]

do you guys have a fidelity agreement?
ding

 

[racer2438]

It is and it's not.

you are not a couple yet and not committed, it's still to soon maybe to be.

but the other side is if you dont start with Honesty from the start it can lead to cheating some times if one has wondering eye's.

And since you did it 2x's in short period, you may be doing it as a thrill to see whats it's like.

so you need to search your self and see if this is what you want to do. you should talk it out and see if he is wanting a relationship or a friends with benifits.

I would not say anything yet about what happened but I would think you want to know one way or other and see if you guys are going to be a item or not.

so either way remember to play safe....

 

[shyboysf]

Do not tell him. If you are really interested in being a monogamous couple with your sorta-boyfriend, then have that discussion with him now. Whatever happened before the discussion is in the past. You are assuming he's being faithful with you, too, but this might not even be the case. The two of you should talk, and let bygones be bygones.

 

[hotatlboi]

And what's wierd is that I rarely even hook up but why do I all of a sudden have the urge when I'm kinds dating someone?

It's because you fear losing your freedom I would guess. That would be the most common interpretation. When you are single, you are available. You might not hook up a lot, but you could if you wanted to. If you see a hot guy, you can pursue him. When you are in a committed relationship, that goes away, and perhaps you feel slightly trapped by that.

As to whether you should tell him, since you aren't officially a couple yet I would say no. If you are into him enough to be a couple then you should focus on taking that step, but I have to wonder if you are if you are feeling trapped and have a need to see other guys.

 

[figjam]

So I met this guy about a month ago and like him a lot. He's 5 years older than me but we have a lot in common. We mess around (kissing, bj's) but no sex. I'm in no rush for that. We spend about everyday together and act as a couple but haven't made it official or anything.

Last week I was on a sex site and decided to meet up with this guy. We jerked each other off in my car. I swore to myself it wouldn't happen again. But.....I hooked up with yet another guy after that.

I don't know if I tell the person I'm dating, we spend alot of time together and I like him but I feel like I'm sabotaging it. Do I tell him?

--------------------------------------------
Dear bayareayoungin,

Your letter seemed very familiar to me.

Before I give my answer I want to ask if you this very personal question: Did you swallow any bodily fluids while giving bj's to this rentboy, or did you stay wholesome and spare yourself for mariage?

Regards,
Agony Aunty.

 

[Richardodessa]

My opinion is that you don't tell this guy about your hook ups, it's really none of his business. You aren't committed to each other you say, so why do you think you should be acting like you are committed.
If you want to be in a committed monogamous relationship then that is something you both need to negotiate and set the standards on but whatever happened before the committment is no ones business but your own.

 

[bayareayoungin]

When we first met I told him not to play me, that was about the only fidelity discussion we've had. I know he isn't seeing other people because all he does is work and go home (he's lowkey which I like).

So I decided just to talk to him about what he wants from this friendship, and just not mention the hookups. He's so sensitive and I know he'll be pretty hurt so I'll keep it to myself. Thanx for your guys' opinion

 

[FPNY]

/\/\/\/\ good plan.

 

[bayareayoungin]

--------------------------------------------
Dear bayareayoungin,

Your letter seemed very familiar to me.

Before I give my answer I want to ask if you this very personal question: Did you swallow any bodily fluids while giving bj's to this rentboy, or did you stay wholesome and spare yourself for mariage?

Regards,
Agony Aunty.

Actually no, I didn't swallow bodily fluids, as I wasn't the one giving oral pleasure. I've never swallowed.

 

[RationalLunacy]

If you had to ask, you feel guilty. End of subject.

 

[bayareayoungin]

It's because you fear losing your freedom I would guess. That would be the most common interpretation. When you are single, you are available. You might not hook up a lot, but you could if you wanted to. If you see a hot guy, you can pursue him. When you are in a committed relationship, that goes away, and perhaps you feel slightly trapped by that.

As to whether you should tell him, since you aren't officially a couple yet I would say no. If you are into him enough to be a couple then you should focus on taking that step, but I have to wonder if you are if you are feeling trapped and have a need t

You're definitely right about feeling a little trapped, but that just sounds like the wrong word lol. I'm pretty new to the game, i've never had a serious boyfriend so it's hard to grasp the concept of not being "allowed" to touch or look at whoever I want. But on the flip side I'd rather be with one person who I care about than a bunch of random guys that don't mean anything to me

 

[bayareayoungin]

And what's that supposed to mean, Bear Daddy? Haha