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Do You Ever Feel Ugly?

Don't we all feel ugly in some way or another? Something we want to change? I have had ups and down in self perception. Is that not natural?
 
CTorontoC said:
Everyone rates other people, anyone who says otherwise is lying.



It isn't.
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LMAO...OK...whatever you say.

I worked behind the bar at a gay bar for 20 years and I met and worked with plenty of people like you. Ironically...they thought "everyone" did what they did too....

....the lie is yours....can you not see that the problem you have is self inflicted?
 
So you're telling me that when you see someone you form no opinion of them whatsoever ? Your mind is absolutely blank? You don't think he's hot, he's not, he's well dressed, he's tall? I find that VERY hard to believe.

I also think the mistake you are making is thinking I have a problem. I don't spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over my looks or worrying if I'm ugly or not. I was just answering the initial question, do you EVER feel ugly. My answer was yes, sometimes. The fact that I feel that way sometimes however, does not have much if any impact on my life except that I go to the gym regularly to stay fit.

Anyways, it's probably my fault for the misunderstanding. Like I said before, I felt like I was rambling and I don't think I got my point across nearly clear enough. I sometimes feel ugly, sometimes feel hot and am always ok with that. I know it's phrenic but as it doesn't interfere much with my life I don't spend much time trying to correct that feeling.
eastofeden said:
LMAO...OK...whatever you say.

I worked behind the bar at a gay bar for 20 years and I met and worked with plenty of people like you. Ironically...they thought "everyone" did what they did too....

....the lie is yours....can you not see that the problem you have is self inflicted?
Click to expand...
 
CTorontoC said:
So you're telling me that when you see someone you form no opinion of them whatsoever ? Your mind is absolutely blank? You don't think he's hot, he's not, he's well dressed, he's tall? I find that VERY hard to believe.

I also think the mistake you are making is thinking I have a problem. I don't spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over my looks or worrying if I'm ugly or not. I was just answering the initial question, do you EVER feel ugly. My answer was yes, sometimes. The fact that I feel that way sometimes however, does not have much if any impact on my life except that I go to the gym regularly to stay fit.

Anyways, it's probably my fault for the misunderstanding. Like I said before, I felt like I was rambling and I don't think I got my point across nearly clear enough. I sometimes feel ugly, sometimes feel hot and am always ok with that. I know it's phrenic but as it doesn't interfere much with my life I don't spend much time trying to correct that feeling.
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You're making life sound like a "Hot or Not?" game. I think most people feel attracted to others they find attractive...but I don't know about "rating" them in terms of how they dress or how tall they are. Just because you do it (sometimes), doesn't mean every single other person does it. If I find someone hot, sure he/she will catch my eye...but if I don't find them attractive, then it's just that...I go about my business without rating their height or dress sense. My mind IS blank if someone isn't attractive to me...I don't think "wow he's ugly" or "damn she is so short."
 
CTorontoC said:
Everyone rates other people, anyone who says otherwise is lying.
Click to expand...

I don't.

99.9% of the people I meet make little impression on me in a physical way. If they're model-type gorgeous, or somewhat-shockingly unattractive (as in, they have black eyes or something), yeah, I'll make note of it. Everybody else - nope. If I'm interacting with someone, I might look closer to try to remember them if I feel it's important to do so. And if things get flirty, then and only then will I look at them in a sexual manner, and decide "do I want to pursue this?"

But "rating" people? No.

Lex
 
Again, I really don't think I'm conveying my point clearly. It seems like people think I have some sort of system by which I numerate all people I come across... I'm talking about doing the exact same things you describe... Using the word rate might be a problem. I don't judge the essence of a person on it or pay attention to and "rate" every person I see. You meet someone, you notice things.... do they have glasses, are they smiling, how tall they are etc. All that being said though, I feel like Im defending myself for some reason and I don't have any reason to need to defend what I do. Live your lives as you will. I could probably dig up tons of studies about how humans assess other humans based on this or that and how normal that all is but why bother? I can't seem to express what I'm actually thinking or doing in a way that is cogent to the readers of the forum so I'll stop trying. Back to the original topic.
 
In my world, everything is measured; appearance is included.
At some point of my life I decided that I dont want to hear people opinion on how do I look because that's the most subjective judgement (the "flaki-est") there is no ultimate judgement for right or wrong in that matter.

Some guys born in 'high-high' or 'low-low' category and their impression are undeniably beautiful/pleasant or just plain fugly but for those born in middle- it's the most difficult to find conclusion.
I have my own measurement and if I sat in a bunch of guys- I know (consciously or not) that guy A is more good looking than me and B is lower, I trust my instinct and if a guy C said that Im more good looking than A- I would totally deny it and if B- got more compliment than I am, I dont care either because Im glad I dont have B-face.
If guy C said Im more good looking than A because I strike his sexy string- well, his judgement got distracted by his hornyness. Horny and beautiful is not synonymous in my book- people who judge beauty by hotness are not professional, period.
And if B told me that Im ugly because he doesn't like my character- I said B is a stupid cunt because he mixed people's inner character with outer appearance which I think totally unrelated too.

Like at this point, I have fixed way of how I perceive myself because I cant rely on people- we never know what their true intention? You cant say Im fat when Im not and nothing can change my mind.

But I still like to post my real pics here..now and then because I value realism and true expression- not compliments. I used to post my pics and never look back, so whoever commented- "thank you!"^^ If I didn't get you. But for some know the drill- thank you for not putting comment because I personally dont expect any of that (good/bad), keep it to yourself if you like.
And it's important too to put my real pic here because at this point people still dont know what I look - they think this pretty avatar is me.#-o
avatar441759_11.gif

thank you ^^ he's NOT. Im not that pretty and Im not gonna lie that he's me..\:/
 
I don't think I'm attractive. I don't have a perfect smile or a perfect body and my hair seems to be thinning at the ripe old age of 35, but I like to think I have a heart of gold. It's what is on the inside that counts in my book. Looks do play a part but they are not the ONLY thing. Just my 2 cents...
 
I'm working on accepting myself but it's not going so well. I had a very very brief moment where I looked in the mirror and I thought I looked decent but it didn't last long. Baby steps though right?
 
CTorontoC said:
I've often felt ugly throughout the course of my life. I think low self-esteem and insecurity is extremely common for gay men. I live in a gay village and work at a gay bar and it's all around me... Beautiful, beautiful people are also all around me, all the time. There are tons of guys with perfect hair, skin, teeth and bodies with a gorgeous face. It's hard not to feel like I don't stack up. That my 5 year relationship ended with my ex telling me he was no longer physically attracted to me hasn't helped me these last few months either.

I also work in the serving industry like TSL and I do understand what he is saying about beautiful people. It's part and parcel with the industry and while it really has no effect on quality of service, bars still tend to hire big breasted bitches and less often muscle bound jocks to work in their stores. It is also true you get better tips depending on your looks. While with my ex I was about 30 lb heavier than I am now and at the gay bar I work at I got pretty decent tips. After we broke up, I shed most of my extra weight and 3 months after we split my tips were 15 - 20% higher on average.

I still feel like I look awful in every picture I'm in and I still feel very overweight even when my friends are telling me I need to stop losing... When guys with hot bodies message me on Grindr I assume they're having eyesight problems and ignore them... but I've used that as inspiration to go to the gym, eat healthy and hopefully get myself the pecs and abs I've been wanting for Christmas... I try to tell myself I'm never going to be the prettiest, but I'll also never be the ugliest. It's a constant struggle and it's one that I think many many gays endure.. after all the other crap we have to endure growing up.. The fact that gay men can be some of the harshest, most judgmental critics of each other doesn't help.

Just telling someone to be happy with themselves is easy, actually doing it can be a real challenge. I recognize that I have image and other problems though and I try to work through them by keeping a rational perspective on things.. ie. my looks will only affect my success in one area of life and I've got so much else to focus on that is just as important. I can't always frame my life this way, but it helps when I can.
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No. I am fucking sexy and hung like the proverbial horse. I do not engage ugly people... it is too complicated.
 
Sure, sometimes, and I don't like to be in pictures and most of my friends know, so I will be the group picture taker.

and if it's at a gathering where someone does take my pic, I put my grumpy face on or lower my head. I wonder if people think I"m on the lam. :p
 
m1thousand said:
I want that to happen
;-)
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I was being pretty PC about it but I don't know how you can feel ugly with a 100 guys contacting you from plenty of fish.com. I haven't had 100 express an interest in me - which is what they are doing when they contact you - in my dating life, much less during the duration of being on a social app.
I've had about 8 guys say I'm cute and as I said, my reply rate is about 5 % while I reply to everyone who contacts me I just think it is the right thing to do. I contacted my ex and he deleted himself from Grindr and Mister. That made me feel good (not)
I felt like crap after reading post 213 and here I was thinking I was helping CTorontoC out when it sounds more like he could be encouraging me. I took my photo down from my profile.
I really only have my profile on social apps so I can look at other photos of guys and maybe, just maybe, someone will express an interest in me, I did meet one guy but we were both without cars, he was too far away, and I don't travel because of anxiety.
Social apps have really done a number on my self esteem. Seeing all these guys with nice gym bodies and while I could have worked out myself, I was too depressed to feel it was worth the effort. I know they all worked for their bodies and that's what I try to tell myself but at 49, it seems like I'm way behind in an effort to get a nice gym body.
And then, this is my BDD talking, I was horrified to see when I was shaved for my gall bladder surgery that there were about 15 moles I my stomach. I don't see any fit guys with 15 moles on their stomach.
Now I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I know this is very very shallow talk because there are people who can't walk, people who have burns, and here I am talking about moles on my stomach.
I've just started watching Katie (Tuesday) which is about male body image.
I believe there are people here who like to present themselves as having great lives but I believe in being honest. I'm not buying what they are selling. "I don't had anyone in my life that I don't want to see at Christmas"
I'm glad that others are willing to talk about their insecurities. Sometimes it just feels like myself, Birddog, and a few others.
So thanks for speaking up
 
Today I watched the Voice and surprised that Adam Levine is people's sexiest man alive- edition :eek:
but he just took the compliment humble and rightly - What happen to Justina Timberlake? Isn't he supposed to be no.1 the sexiest man edition. Does his bad behavior tainted his title/what? I haven't following that news though-I thought Justina supposed to be no 1? Hmm :?
 
CTorontoC said:
Again, I really don't think I'm conveying my point clearly. It seems like people think I have some sort of system by which I numerate all people I come across... I'm talking about doing the exact same things you describe... Using the word rate might be a problem. I don't judge the essence of a person on it or pay attention to and "rate" every person I see. You meet someone, you notice things.... do they have glasses, are they smiling, how tall they are etc. All that being said though, I feel like Im defending myself for some reason and I don't have any reason to need to defend what I do. Live your lives as you will. I could probably dig up tons of studies about how humans assess other humans based on this or that and how normal that all is but why bother? I can't seem to express what I'm actually thinking or doing in a way that is cogent to the readers of the forum so I'll stop trying. Back to the original topic.
Click to expand...

Your consciousness clashes with our collective consciousness- and you might need to use the right 'measurement' to defend yourselves. WHat is the right measurement? Idk- a thing you self learning, definitely not atm. ^^
 
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