Does race/ethnicity matter....

[Xpione]

To me, not really, as long you're cute, color doesn't matter

 

[BabiGayPimp]

It's pretty sad when certain individuals think less of you as person due to your race. When I lived in Uptown Dallas [before my infamous demise], racism and pretentiousness reeked in abundance. It was horrendous! If you went around asking random people who their best 10 friends were, all of them would be 'white'. Not to mention that gay people [the 'white' males] pretty much befriended and only dated within their own race.

Oh well.

Zildjian I really have to thank you for this honest admission. These days, I am most rankled at the actions (or inaction) of well-meaning (mostly white) liberals who have chosen to deal with rasicm by denying that it exists. The happy, Mister Rogers pronouncements of "let's all get along together" come from a good place, but sunlight heals through EXPOSURE, not warmth.

 

[Fat Tom]

I'm only really attracted to white dudes. You want to call me racist because of that, fine. I could give a fuck less what you think about me.

 

[tallguy297]

The thing that surprises most about this discussion is that we continue to engage in self examination and self blame as a group without taking a look at the bigger picture.

Society as a general rule still suffers from cultural/race/ethinic intollerance and ignorrance. Is it racism... I don't know. Is it personal preference... I dont know. Is it ignorance... most likely.

But the reality is people are drawn to those they feel safe with, understood by and loved by. Nothing in the way of creed colour or background will overcome those things.

We really need to stop saying this is a problem that bigger or smaller in the gay community than any other. Every problem the gay community suffers is simply a reflection of society to a more or less degree... its just that our melting pot is smaller and our tendency to be exposed to more of these experiences is greater.

As a minority group ourselves you can see the huge range of difference in opinion just from this thread... and it would be an easy thing to say from the number of posts that race makes no difference. Again... its the smaller melting pot at work.

We all have tastes and likes. But as guys who fall in love with guys I'm pretty sure our ability to be racist is no better or worse than anyone elses.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Society as a general rule still suffers from cultural/race/ethinic intollerance and ignorrance. Every problem the gay community suffers is simply a reflection of society to a more or less degree... its just that our melting pot is smaller and our tendency to be exposed to more of these experiences is greater.

But as guys who fall in love with guys I'm pretty sure our ability to be racist is no better or worse than anyone elses.

tallguy297 you've hit upon a significant point. Many of us expect to find, perhaps unrealistically, a gay community that is more enlightened than the larger society. Particularly regading matters of race, ethnicity, social class, etc.

But what we find is a reflection of the larger world made more concentrated by the smaller sampling we represent.

You're right, the gay world is not more racist than straight society, it just feels that way because, as gay men, we're up in each other's faces (and butts) constantly.

But still, it doesn't make it OK to continue treating each other the way that we do, based on race.

If anything, we have a greater responsiblity to be progressive. We're packed in real tight here. And that, for me, is what fuels the frustration.

If I were straight, I might not feel as viscerally "touched" by this issue. The straight world is 100 times larger and you can drift quite placidly in it.

Our gay community is tiny, by comparison, and the racial tensions, slights, baiting and provocation burn like acid.

In Washington DC, there were two gay clubs side by side. One all white, the other all black, owned by the same folks. One night to ease overcrowding during a weekend festival, the owners opened the interior dividers allowing free passage back and forth between the clubs.

What resulted was an unbelieveably ugly spectacle. Scores of gay white clubgoers jumped and ran "squealing" at the site of large numbers of African Americans coming their way. Onlookers ( I was one) could only shake their heads in disbelief

 

[Vardon78]

In Washington DC, there were two gay clubs side by side. One all white, the other all black, owned by the same folks. One night to ease overcrowding during a weekend festival, the owners opened the interior dividers allowing free passage back and forth between the clubs.

What resulted was an unbelieveably ugly spectacle. Scores of gay white clubgoers jumped and ran "squealing" at the site of large numbers of African Americans coming their way. Onlookers ( I was one) could only shake their heads in disbelief

Really? That's just ugly and wrong on so many levels. In my case, I like men of all colors but it wasn't always that way. I grew up in the Chicago suburbs and when I came of age and stepped into the gay community, I thought I would be accepted with open arms. So not the case. While I had experienced racism to a certain degree living in a predominately white neighborhood, I've experienced more racism within the gay community. From the early days of online chatrooms when I'd identify myself as black and get a response of "thanks, bye" or being put on their ignore list when you'd attempt to respond again, to watching my white (and lighter skinned latino) friends pull guys with ease when we were out while I was faced with "sorry, I'm not into black guys". Sure, I got attention from white guys from time to time but many of them were usually over 50. I was already insecure about my looks and that just made it 200 times worse.
After feeling sad, I became angry and bitter. I would go out to the bars with my arms crossed and not showcase my beautiful smile and when I bitched about it to my white friend, I remember him telling me "you can't help who you're attracted to". That sentence struck a nerve in me and made finally stop and think. All this time I had been going out of my mind trying get the cute white guys of my age to like me, while I was brushing off very attractive black guys (and guys of other races) that were in to me. How could I be pissed off when I was rejecting guys for the exact same reasons? From that moment on, I decided to make a change and it was a change for the better. I stopped looking at color and gave guys of all racial backgrounds an equal chance and boy did it pay off
I eventually left Chicago for NYC and found that I had an easier time getting laid in the process. I found NYC's gay scene to be a bit more progressive than Chicago's. Racism was still there, but because NYC is so diverse it didn't bother me nearly as much as it did back in Chicago. I now live in London and as for the gay scene here, I find that they seem to have more of a problem with those who are South Asian/Asian. European men (especially from Germany) seem to adore me for some reason. Same goes for Australian men. So to my black brothers back in the US, run to Europe (especially Germany) as fast you can! Just kidding. Just know that if I can change my opinion on what's considered attractive when it comes to race, others can too.

 

[HawaiiBum]

... tried my first black meat last week... this guy was super dark, had large features, etc.

So, what you are telling everybody is that you don't want to be with a black man who does not have light skin and European features or a black man who is dark with "Africanized" features. I guess you fit the stereotypical gay male (I don't believe in stereotypes) - always chasing after white men.

So, your thinking is that an average white guy is automatically more desirable by you than a hot dark chocolate brother. Because you can't stand dark skin tones and "large features." I guess to you an average white guy is better than one of my hot African brothers. Why would someone want to be friends with someone who thinks like that?

I know..... I know... you got plenty of friends, because you are hot. Don't need to go there, girl. I ain't say you are a bad person.

One last little thing, black men are not pieces of meat.


p.s. I would post a caricature of what you're talking about, but I will get banned. You know – a dark skinned, thick lipped, wide eyed, big nosed, junk in the trunk, nappy head thug. hehehe Just joking.

 

[Comrad]

Scores of gay white clubgoers jumped and ran "squealing" at the site of large numbers of African Americans coming their way.

Say what you want, but this last line was funny as shit! LOL

 

[Zildjian]

I like Hill Harper myself.

There's some European and Indian DNA in my family [thusly why I am rather lighter skinned, moderately hairy, and have an accent].

I guess the 'genes' from those backgrounds sets my attraction primarily to whites?

 

[Invidious]

Be attracted to who you want...but don't expect to be commended for it when you cut off entire segments of humanity..we ARE supposed to be evolving people...

 

[HawaiiBum]

It's always hard to have these discussions without offending people... I just don't need people coming on here telling me who I should be attracted to.

You are quite correct. I do not know you from Tom, Dick or Larry. Man, you've got to understand that I am not here to bust your chops. Preferences are preferences. In the gay community preferences run to a European standard of beauty, or if you like “desirability.” You had a discussion with a white friend about "Which is more desired in the gay community? I got into an argument with someone I once considered a friend, who is himself an average white guy. He alleged that because he's white, he's automatically more desired and seen as more attractive than non-whites - even when they are way better looking than he." (Highly attractive minorities vs average whites) Maybe you want to reconsider.

When your white friend asserted that the gay community has a preference for white males over minorities, perhaps he was correct. Maybe he was only stating his life experiences and even your own preferences.

Perhaps you were too harsh in ending a friendship simply because your friend stated the obvious truth. Maybe reconciliation or amends would be appropriate at this time.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Guess I'm a thread-killer. lol

This thread will never die. Never, ever. It's like the Phoenix.

 

[Invidious]

as someone who REALLY doesn't care about race when it comes to dating...guys that are like..I only want/prefer (fill in race blank here) it does make me think less of a guy when I hear that...even IF I happen to be that guy's "preference"

 

[Invidious]

^I'm actually there with you..I haven't really been slapped in the face with racism...but as I stated before..it is there..every time I see someone saying "I'm only really into white or hispanic guys" it kinda stings...especially if the speaker is a black male himself..all I can think is how hard it must be to look at yourself then...you find black men unattractive..yet that is EXACTLY what you are...

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I have seen several posts here from black men who prefer whites and want understanding. Including, but not limited to "I Just Blew My Load..."

That prompts me to share.

Between the ages of, perhaps, 19 to 25 I idolized the white Abercrombie and Fitch types (first) because they were the ideal propagated in the media and elsewhere. The Latinos were second, then the racially mixed blacks (caramel kids), the Asians and last AND least, run of the mill negros like myself. I evaluated and graded potential friends and lovers based on race without consciously realizing what I was doing, and WHO I WAS HURTING.

Thank goodness I SNAPPED OUT OF THAT MESS! Today I love men of all races for what they are. The man and his individual attributes come first and race is no longer an issue for me.

So when you speak from where I've been and what I've come out of, I understand, that you have a lot of growing up to do.

 

[youngnihilist]

man, society has brainwashed everybody, especially black men. it's not your fault.

but it's getting better, minorities are being portrayed more positively and even in the gay world it's getting less exclusive.

 

[strataboy19]

I agree with some earlier posts. This issue is bigger than just the gay community. Even interracial straight couples are still rare. And because white people have been historically considered the superior race (with black people as the inferior race), we have more minorities attracted to white people than the reverse.

This may sound a little glum and negative but I realized a while ago that most gay white men simply aren't attracted to black men. And that's ok with me. I'm not hurt. I wouldn't want to date someone with those kinds of values anyway. So I don't even look in the direction of white guys anymore...just a waste of time (no offense to you white men). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't object to dating a white guy but I'm not going to go out of my way to find one.

But to get back to point. It's bigger than the gay community. And it's bigger than just sexual attraction. I've been watched by security staff in malls. I notice when the white girl walks a little faster quickly locks doors behind her when I'm going into my apartment building. I notice when sometimes I'm the last person white (or asian for that matter) people will sit next to on the bus.

But I'm beyond being mad, bitter, sad or confused. I'm going to accept it for what it is and move on. Besides, these people who avoid me are the ones missing out on getting to know a great person, not me.

 

[strataboy19]

why does physical attraction say something about a person's "values?"

Because race is not limited to just a physical attribute. And people do not simply see it as such. Race carries social (among others) implications...more so than having blue eyes or being tall. A person's race can imply health, financial well-being, intelligence, among other things. I am more attracted to men with certain physical attributes but they are things that I can find in multiple races.

I am almost certain if blacks were the historically superior race, other races would be more attracted to them too.

 

[strataboy19]

...but then again physical attraction doesn't rank as high on my list as it does on most others' lists. I want a man who can stimulate my mind.

 

[strataboy19]

Like I said, I think our ideas of what is/is not attractive are formed in a largely racist/race conscious society. I still am not convinced that we can learn much about a person's "values" by looking at who they are attracted to. I think this perhaps teaches us about societies and cultures, but says very little about individuals.

Fair enough. To each his own. Sorry but I find people who limit themselves racially quite unattractive. And yes, I do believe that if a person refuses to even consider getting to know someone (romantically or otherwise) solely because of the color of their skin, then it speaks volumes to what kind of value system lies inside that person. Just my personal feeling on the issue.

But again, I place much higher importance on things other than the physical. I just think physical attraction isn't all that it's cracked up to be and we make too big of a deal out of it. There are some great minds out there that we might enjoy spending time with if we can get past our checklists of beauty requirements.