There's something that's been bothering me for a while now...it started about a month ago.
I was talking to two female coworkers when they started commenting about how "cute" this one male coworker looked that day. (They always talk about him as if he was their adorable little brother...I have no idea why because he looks and is around their age. They're seniors in high school, around a year younger than me or maybe less since I was always one of the younger people in my class. I graduated last summer.) Then Girl A suddenly looked at me with a mischievous smirk and said, "You want him, don't you?" (By the way, at that point at work I hadn't told anyone or even hinted that I was gay, and according to 95% of people I've told I'm gay, I'm very straight-acting.) I happened to like this guy, but I wasn't about to give that away, so I said "Umm, no." Then out of nowhere they mentioned to each other how he's bi and laughed girlishly. I never suspected that because he always seemed like an ordinary straight guy to me. I said, "He's really bi? I didn't know that." Girl B answered, "Yea! You couldn't tell? I thought guys had gaydar." "Well, he doesn't seem bi to me. How do you know he is?" "Oh, I've known him long enough to be able to tell!" Then he walked by and Girl A asked him, "Hey [name], what kind of guys do you like?" "...Hot ones," he said with a smile before he walked away. "You see?!" said Girl A to both Girl B and me. More girlish giggles. Then they persistently asked me, even though I had given no indication that I liked him or was even gay, "You want me to tell him something? Do you?" I kept saying no, and then Girl A suddenly ran off to talk to him like she always seems to do when she sees him. I asked Girl B "why do you guys keep asking me that? Does he like me or something?" She glanced sideways and quietly said, "That's what Girl A tells me." I think I blushed, then she repeated, "You want me to tell him something?!" I told her "not yet" because all this new information was a little overwhelming at the time, and I'd also never suspected that he liked me because I never caught him staring at me or anything like that. I now wish I'd said "yes"...I'll get to that later. Then I told her that I think I might be bi (even though I'm pretty sure I'm gay). I asked her not to tell anyone and she promised she wouldn't. Girl A pranced back and I guess she sensed something because she said, "What?" I looked at Girl B and said she could tell her. "Are you sure?" she said. Then I decided to tell her myself. Telling her was mistake #2, as I would soon find out. Although I only told her I was probably bi, that was probably an obvious clue that I like him considering the situation. Nothing else significant happened that day, but I was pretty happy.
The next day he was not working but Girl A was, so I asked her, rather awkwardly, "So...what's this I hear about [name] liking me?" I expected her to get all giggly again, but instead...she became solemn and kind of avoided the question. "Umm...well...." She walked away a little, started putting stuff in order. "Umm...he doesn't date people from work...oh and he's talking to this one girl at school...." Later that day she said, "What were we talking about earlier?" I told her, and she said, "Oh yeah...about that....." Then people walked by and started talking to her. The rest of the night, right when she was about to tell me whatever was on her mind, someone walked up and she had to stop. It was extremely frustrating, and by the time I had to go home, she still hadn't been able to tell me. So I went home, very confused and disappointed. I texted her asking "About yesterday, was that all a joke?" She responded saying that it was all a joke and that he wasn't bi.
So after that I was secretly really mad at her. I know she didn't know I liked him, but her "joke" was still pretty careless. And it also caused me to expose myself. It felt like one of those sarcastic jokes people play on people that they think are so unattractive that it's funny if they pretend to like them. I don't think I'm that unattractive and some people even think I'm really good-looking, but sometimes I have a really low self-esteem and think that I'm ugly though I'm probably delusional during those times (sometimes my face will literally seem to change from day to day when I look in the mirror...but that's another story LOL). So anyway this really hurt me and pissed me off. I wanted to beat her up but of course I can't hit girls. Then I started to think he and Girl B might be in on it, and I started to get pissed at them too. If he was in on it, I definitely wanted to beat him up. But this was all speculation.
I was dreading the next day because he worked that day and I had a gut feeling that she told him something. So I was at work, and he walks past me and says hi...and I could've sworn he blushed, and I've never seen him blush before. It was also a little odd that he said hi first because I usually say hi first, if we say hi at all. We don't know each other that well and our longest conversation has probably been 8 sentences or something. I remember seeing him in high school but I never talked to him. Anyway, I said hi back and he went on to his duties. Things felt awkward between us (even though we didn't talk) for the rest of that day.
Now I was even more confused, so I decided to call Girl B. Now I don't know her or Girl A that well and I don't talk to them outside of work, but I had to find out what was going on. I felt extremely awkward bringing up the subject. I told her what Girl A told me and asked her if she knew what was going on. She seemed surprised and said she was just as clueless as me. I asked if Girl A seemed to be joking when she told her that [name] liked me. "She could've been...I'm not sure." She said she found out that he was bi from one of his friends. Later someone told me that they used to date. (PS: she seems trustworthy, unlike Girl A)
So I asked her to ask Girl A about it but later told her not to because I was tired of all this middleman bullshit and figured I wasn't going to get anymore information out of Girl A anyway. I decided if I was going to find anything out for sure, I had to start talking to him. But things were very awkward between us, and soon we didn't even say hi to each other. Each time I wanted to talk to him, I just couldn't. I'm a generally shy person, and this awkwardness only made things worse. A few days ago, somehow, I said started a conversation while he was doing his duties near me. "So [name], are you going to go to college?" "Yea." "Which one?" "[name of college]. It should be alright..." Then he walked away. You'd think that if he really liked me, he would've taken that opportunity to talk more...but he just walked away.
So I'm still as clueless as ever and I don't know how I'll ever find anything out. I'm still mad at Girl A for not being straight with me. I can only think of a few possibilities:
1) He really does like me but he doesn't think it's a good idea to get involved with someone at work (even though we'll both be gone by this fall). Girl A wasn't supposed to tell anyone but she has a big mouth and it got around to me anyway. He got mad at her and she felt bad so she lied and said it was all a joke to try to fix things.
2) He's bi but he doesn't like me and Girl A really was joking. When she found out I liked him back, she felt bad and figured I would be better off thinking he wasn't even bi in the first place.
3) He really isn't bi and when he said he likes "hot ones" he was being sarcastic like a lot of straight guys are.
I've thought about this a lot and I'm convinced there's nothing else I can do to find out the truth...but I have to somehow because it's bothering me so much and I think about it every single day!!! I posted this in case someone has some special insight. Please help!
I was talking to two female coworkers when they started commenting about how "cute" this one male coworker looked that day. (They always talk about him as if he was their adorable little brother...I have no idea why because he looks and is around their age. They're seniors in high school, around a year younger than me or maybe less since I was always one of the younger people in my class. I graduated last summer.) Then Girl A suddenly looked at me with a mischievous smirk and said, "You want him, don't you?" (By the way, at that point at work I hadn't told anyone or even hinted that I was gay, and according to 95% of people I've told I'm gay, I'm very straight-acting.) I happened to like this guy, but I wasn't about to give that away, so I said "Umm, no." Then out of nowhere they mentioned to each other how he's bi and laughed girlishly. I never suspected that because he always seemed like an ordinary straight guy to me. I said, "He's really bi? I didn't know that." Girl B answered, "Yea! You couldn't tell? I thought guys had gaydar." "Well, he doesn't seem bi to me. How do you know he is?" "Oh, I've known him long enough to be able to tell!" Then he walked by and Girl A asked him, "Hey [name], what kind of guys do you like?" "...Hot ones," he said with a smile before he walked away. "You see?!" said Girl A to both Girl B and me. More girlish giggles. Then they persistently asked me, even though I had given no indication that I liked him or was even gay, "You want me to tell him something? Do you?" I kept saying no, and then Girl A suddenly ran off to talk to him like she always seems to do when she sees him. I asked Girl B "why do you guys keep asking me that? Does he like me or something?" She glanced sideways and quietly said, "That's what Girl A tells me." I think I blushed, then she repeated, "You want me to tell him something?!" I told her "not yet" because all this new information was a little overwhelming at the time, and I'd also never suspected that he liked me because I never caught him staring at me or anything like that. I now wish I'd said "yes"...I'll get to that later. Then I told her that I think I might be bi (even though I'm pretty sure I'm gay). I asked her not to tell anyone and she promised she wouldn't. Girl A pranced back and I guess she sensed something because she said, "What?" I looked at Girl B and said she could tell her. "Are you sure?" she said. Then I decided to tell her myself. Telling her was mistake #2, as I would soon find out. Although I only told her I was probably bi, that was probably an obvious clue that I like him considering the situation. Nothing else significant happened that day, but I was pretty happy.
The next day he was not working but Girl A was, so I asked her, rather awkwardly, "So...what's this I hear about [name] liking me?" I expected her to get all giggly again, but instead...she became solemn and kind of avoided the question. "Umm...well...." She walked away a little, started putting stuff in order. "Umm...he doesn't date people from work...oh and he's talking to this one girl at school...." Later that day she said, "What were we talking about earlier?" I told her, and she said, "Oh yeah...about that....." Then people walked by and started talking to her. The rest of the night, right when she was about to tell me whatever was on her mind, someone walked up and she had to stop. It was extremely frustrating, and by the time I had to go home, she still hadn't been able to tell me. So I went home, very confused and disappointed. I texted her asking "About yesterday, was that all a joke?" She responded saying that it was all a joke and that he wasn't bi.
So after that I was secretly really mad at her. I know she didn't know I liked him, but her "joke" was still pretty careless. And it also caused me to expose myself. It felt like one of those sarcastic jokes people play on people that they think are so unattractive that it's funny if they pretend to like them. I don't think I'm that unattractive and some people even think I'm really good-looking, but sometimes I have a really low self-esteem and think that I'm ugly though I'm probably delusional during those times (sometimes my face will literally seem to change from day to day when I look in the mirror...but that's another story LOL). So anyway this really hurt me and pissed me off. I wanted to beat her up but of course I can't hit girls. Then I started to think he and Girl B might be in on it, and I started to get pissed at them too. If he was in on it, I definitely wanted to beat him up. But this was all speculation.
I was dreading the next day because he worked that day and I had a gut feeling that she told him something. So I was at work, and he walks past me and says hi...and I could've sworn he blushed, and I've never seen him blush before. It was also a little odd that he said hi first because I usually say hi first, if we say hi at all. We don't know each other that well and our longest conversation has probably been 8 sentences or something. I remember seeing him in high school but I never talked to him. Anyway, I said hi back and he went on to his duties. Things felt awkward between us (even though we didn't talk) for the rest of that day.
Now I was even more confused, so I decided to call Girl B. Now I don't know her or Girl A that well and I don't talk to them outside of work, but I had to find out what was going on. I felt extremely awkward bringing up the subject. I told her what Girl A told me and asked her if she knew what was going on. She seemed surprised and said she was just as clueless as me. I asked if Girl A seemed to be joking when she told her that [name] liked me. "She could've been...I'm not sure." She said she found out that he was bi from one of his friends. Later someone told me that they used to date. (PS: she seems trustworthy, unlike Girl A)
So I asked her to ask Girl A about it but later told her not to because I was tired of all this middleman bullshit and figured I wasn't going to get anymore information out of Girl A anyway. I decided if I was going to find anything out for sure, I had to start talking to him. But things were very awkward between us, and soon we didn't even say hi to each other. Each time I wanted to talk to him, I just couldn't. I'm a generally shy person, and this awkwardness only made things worse. A few days ago, somehow, I said started a conversation while he was doing his duties near me. "So [name], are you going to go to college?" "Yea." "Which one?" "[name of college]. It should be alright..." Then he walked away. You'd think that if he really liked me, he would've taken that opportunity to talk more...but he just walked away.
So I'm still as clueless as ever and I don't know how I'll ever find anything out. I'm still mad at Girl A for not being straight with me. I can only think of a few possibilities:
1) He really does like me but he doesn't think it's a good idea to get involved with someone at work (even though we'll both be gone by this fall). Girl A wasn't supposed to tell anyone but she has a big mouth and it got around to me anyway. He got mad at her and she felt bad so she lied and said it was all a joke to try to fix things.
2) He's bi but he doesn't like me and Girl A really was joking. When she found out I liked him back, she felt bad and figured I would be better off thinking he wasn't even bi in the first place.
3) He really isn't bi and when he said he likes "hot ones" he was being sarcastic like a lot of straight guys are.
I've thought about this a lot and I'm convinced there's nothing else I can do to find out the truth...but I have to somehow because it's bothering me so much and I think about it every single day!!! I posted this in case someone has some special insight. Please help!
