dpnice - Archived Blog Posts

[dpnice]

Silence reigns once more and solitude surrounds me with its welcoming caresses. Yes, I am on my own once again having delivered my guests to the airport and longingly waved them goodbye.

Old friends, old habits and all three of us extremely comfortable in each other’s company. Old jokes updated into new ones, stories told and events shared whilst this mundane old guy with little to say sits there memorized by the interests in their lives and wondering why my presence is so appreciated.

The weather was oh so perfect for a November in the South of France the sun inviting you to linger over morning coffee on a heat bathed terrace whilst snippets from the morning papers were shared and laughed over. Slow lunches in friendly restaurants and long dinners in renowned establishments crowned their stay but emptied my wallet. Still you never begrudge sharing your “ill gotten gains” with those you appreciate and who express all the warmth of real friendship which has lasted over too many years to remember.

So to those of you who know me as that lonely old hermit entrenched in his solitude living in the luxury of a French villa let it be known that some friends I hope to keep until the day I pass away. For them no sacrifice is too small, even that of bursting out of my empty life like a glided butterfly, short lived that is, to share all the pleasures of the Côte d’Azur with them.

 

[dpnice]

It sadden me slightly to read the comments that people made about their birthdays and the fact that people forgot them.

As a child birthdays were a time of wonder and joy so when did people loose that desire for a little magic in their lives?

Mine has always been a moment of pleasure, jealously guarded for myself to indulge my wishes and desires. No matter if it is shared or spent alone it should be a day where you give yourself over to the hedonistic joys of being alive.

It is not one year nearer the grave but rather a celebration of who you are, where you came from and what you have achieved. It can be a day of ritualised and highly organised events or just filled with the simple things in life that you enjoy.

Please don’t let it pass unoticed and forgotten, take the time to appreciate where you have got to in life, knowing that hopefully the future holds even more for you.

 

[dpnice]

Lord knows why I am posting a photograph of my aged features but I suppose one should make the effort to balance out the stunningly handsome members on this forum with a few of us "past the sell date" older members.

JUB Health Warning.

This person is 56yrs old and I could be older than your father so please refrain from derogatory comments, especially as I am feeling a little fragile over my age at present.

 

[dpnice]

For the brief instant of a solitary lunch I fell completely and utterly under the spell of one of the most beautiful men I have seen in a long time. Living where I do handsome men are found on every corner of the street and some of them even awaiting your pleasure. But this was exceptional, out of the ordinary breathtaking beauty.

Enthroned at my favourite table which gives me an uninterrupted view of the restaurant and outside I was able to adore from afar without fear neither of embarrassing him nor of making my interest evident.

He was youngish, short cropped scalp revealing a perfectly formed skull. His deep set eyes were sombre set below full eyebrows. His large mouth, à la Julia Roberts, was so sensual invoking desires that I won’t explore here. His arms, covered lightly in dark hairs were manly and his hands were large, those which finish in long fine fingers. Expressive hands which he used constantly to emphasise a statement.

But, surprisingly, it wasn’t his physical beauty which kept my adoring eyes glued to his face throughout my meal.

He was sitting with a girl, whose face I never even saw. I will never know their relationship; not once did their hands touch but their interest in each other’s words and conversation was palpable even across the distance that separated our two tables. And it was that aspect that captivated me; it really was an inner perfection shining out from his face.

Throughout the conversation he punctuated his words with a smile made in heaven and capable of brightening up the day of the most depressed person. There were obvious moments when he listened attentively to her participation, his eyes fixed on hers. Not once was there a moment of silence, it was a continual sharing of being together, a complete moment of pleasure in someone else’s company.

People watching has always been one of my favourite pastimes, a trait often found in those people who have accepted to live a solitary existence. I just wish that I could find the words to justify the magic of that moment. How seeing the happiness that others are experiencing can evoke in a stranger the desire to grant them eternal joy and well being.

 

[dpnice]

As Brad Pitt makes me weak at the knees I had to go and see the film.

I wouldn't bother if I was you. Even his slightly aging but still appealing face didn't save it from being a real disaster.

Talk about misuse of flashback and split timings; you can really overdo it sometimes and really loose your audience.

Pity because it was an interesting idea for a script.

 

[dpnice]

A month ago I turned the dial on my life to extremely slow and crawled quietly into my deep hole to live the life of a retarded vegetable.

The absence of any enthusiasm to live life left me feeling, not depressed, but no longer desiring to make the effort just for myself. One of the biggest dangers of living alone is to stop making the effort to do something with your life even down to the simple ordinary things of daily routine.

Suddenly doing all the practical things get prefaced by the question why. If you are only doing it for yourself why in fact bother when you can just slump in front of the television or slip quietly into bed and sleep life away.

Sleep, get up and go to work, return home and crawl once more into bed to sleep away the time until you can return to work and occupy yourself with something that is possibly worth doing. See it all becomes so simple; no decisions to make; no effort to make; no emotions nor unfulfilled desires to cope with.

Why is it that even whilst one is comfortably buried in the deepest hole one is capable to dig that a small voice keeps telling you to climb on out and do something with your life? I must be honest, it was comfortable and pleasant down there in the dark.

Finally a bout of suspected pneumonia, finally diagnosed as chronic bronchitis, actually yanked me out from the depths. Being ill whilst still feeling obliged to work isn’t compatible with malingering soullessly at the bottom of a pit.

So here I am again once more a member of the human race.

So a word of warning to all you lonely guys out there: enjoy your emotional drifts from the mountain tops down to the pits of hell but keep in the back of your mind that if it isn’t you who make the efforts in your life then no one else is there to do it for you. Depressing but true.

 

[dpnice]

Madame has just left to spend Christmas and the New Year in the Seychelles leaving me off work until the 6th January. Not as great as it sounds as I still have things to do involved with work but the freedom of not having to follow someone else’s wishes and desires is truly perfect.

I am free to awake in the mornings and crawl into bed at night when I want to.

Free to gaze out to sea doing nothing all day long if I so wish.

So what to do with all this unstructured free time?

Do I celebrate Christmas in my solitude?

Mind you I shall be occupied from the 26th December entertaining friends that I foolishly invited over to stay. So perhaps I will just vegetate until they arrive.

I must honestly say, as solitary as it is, I do really like my life.

 

[dpnice]

I believe that most of us, at this time of year, yearn to be surrounded by family or sharing our lives with a loved one. Unfortunately for many of us this is not possible and many of us will be spending the festive season alone. Christmas and the New Year always seem to invoke the sadness of solitude more than any other time of year.

This is the first year where I find it impossible to fill my spirit with the joy of Christmas. In the past it has always been a time when the lights, the crowds shopping and the general happiness found everywhere managed to penetrate my solitude and uplift my heart. I am cold not only physically but in my very soul. Perhaps it is age; the older I get the more I realise the reality of what the future holds for me.

Suddenly the effort seems too great. Suddenly it all seems so futile.

Even so I have been, rather mechanically, going through the motions in preparation for the fêtes. As usual I have spent two days cleaning the flat from top to bottom. I am not a maniac for housework but somehow when the place is impeccably clean I feel better. I shopped in preparation for the arrival of friends after Christmas.

Tonight I have planned the meals I will prepare whilst sipping my champagne, meals I will eat on a decorated table laid with my best china, crystal and silver ware. Yet I wonder if I will achieve the same enjoyment in all the preparation that I used to experience before.

I will dress up and take myself out during the day to have lunch and a stroll among the crowds; yet I know deep down I am considering that it would be easier to just spend the day curled up in bed.

Perhaps tomorrow the miracle of Christmas will work and once again I will find myself uplifted and ready to appreciate life knowing that in millions of households happiness reigns.

So to all those spending the holidays alone I wish you the strength to find the effort to pass a time filled, if not with happiness and joy, at least the comfort of knowing that you are content with life.

 

[dpnice]

Well it is Christmas Eve morning and I am taking a break from the kitchen.

I must admit that I am not filled with the joys of the festive season but at least I am active and organised. I am spending the morning cooking so at least I will eat well over the Christmas season. So life isn’t really too bad.

My chocolate Christmas pudding is made and in the fridge to set. The soup is made, too much in quantity for a single guy but then there is always the freezer and quick ready meals later on in the week. I have a ratatouille to make and the spiced sauce to go with the salmon tonight.

I only in fact have two days left on my own as friends arrive on the 26th.

Christmas Eve Evening​

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Cream of Basil and Mushroom Soup​

Wild Salmon in a spiced sauce​

Yoghurt Ice Cream in an almond tulip​

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Christmas Night​

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Foie Gras​

Filet of Beouf in a redcurrant sauce​

Chocolate Christmas Pudding​

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As I am on my own I probably will be slightly inebriated after washing it all down with champagne and some good wine.

 

[dpnice]

It still seems miraculous, even after so many years in the South of France, to spend Christmas Day accompanied by a clear blue sky with temperatures well above the normal.

For the first time in many months, though awake at my normal time of 6hr I managed to fall asleep again and laze in bed until late in the morning. Coffee on the terrace gazing over a sea so calm it gave the impression one could stride across it to reach Nice. The beauty of the view from my flat is hypnotic in that often I find myself sitting there musing on life for hours.

The dogs still had to be fed and walked even though I am meant to be on holiday and doing nothing. Their joy is to be allowed to run in the wild part of the property chasing each other down to the coastal footpath where they await the arrival of other dogs or walkers. The sea seems to fascinate them.

A light lunch and a glass of wine replaced my intended plans of going to a restaurant. Then off into Nice to stroll along the promenade and feel part of the human race for a couple of hours. It was teeming with families and Italians on holiday. Where had all the pretty boys gone? I found two young Arabs cruising along the quay but neither of them gave me that come hither glance leaving me decided to give up and return home.

A nap and the dogs to take care of once again and now I find myself in front of the computer before summoning the energy to start the evening meal. Perhaps opening the bottle of champagne will give me the impetus as if I don’t start cooking soon I am not going to be eating till really late.

So Christmas draws to a close. Only two days I know but even so one is left feeling separate from the rest of the world. Alone wishing that we weren’t, that some loved one was there to share what should be a time of magic and joy.

Still, though that special feeling was absent the moral has been good and finally perhaps my own company is to be preferred.

Just New Year’s Eve to get through alone and then we can start on 2007 and try to make this year more successful than the last.

 

[dpnice]

Still in the process of entertaining. Having friends staying is a real pleasure but I always have that hidden feeling that I would like to have a little time on my own. Thankfully I have perfect friends who, whilst they are on holiday here, sleep in until late in the morning. Thus by getting up at 6hr in the morning I get a few hours on my own. Unfortunately to glean more time in which to appreciate a little solitude I also stay up for hours when they have retired to their bedroom meaning that I am really having to survive on a minimum of sleep at the moment.

The weather, though extremely cold, is perfect with sunny skies so we have been going out for lunch each day and then collapsing in during the evenings. In fact meals seem to be the only time we communicate; what with the daily newspapers and books to read.

Having invited people in two different periods I only have an evening between the departure of one lot and the arrival of the others. Now this was extremely stupid of me as it is going to mean hard work rather than taking the time to relax and unwind.

Still I keep telling myself that is the joy of entertaining; getting everything perfect for them. At least I shall have two days to relax as I am taking them to a hotel for a birthday celebration so I shall not have to cope with breakfasts and an evening meal.

So if I am not around much lately those reading this now know the reason why.

 

[dpnice]

Well just to wish you all a very happy, successfull New Year.

I was going to post this in one of the threads but somehow it seems safer here. I doubt that it will scare all the children from here.

 

[dpnice]

Naturally having friends join me for the holidays was an enormous pleasure, plus the fact that it hauled me out of my deep pit of solitude. But now that they have returned to England I am thankful to be, once again, on my own.

They took me out to a new restaurant that has opened opposite my flat in Nice; if only it had been there when I was living in the place. The menu gave no choice in what you ate only the quantities, which basically depended on the size of your wallet and appetite. It was absolutely charming and the fact that the waiter had a perfect arse only added to the pleasure of the evening.

It was Sue’s 60th birthday so I had booked one night for us in a luxury hotel nearby in Eze, a small perched Provencal village. On seeing it was her birthday they upgraded Sue to a suite and put me in the better room that I had reserved for her. So we were extremely content, especially after the glass of champagne to welcome us.
I had planned to check-in, then tour the village returning to laze in and take advantage of our rooms till it was time to dine. I relaxed in a hot bath, lounged around reading and even had time for a quick nap.

The restaurant had panoramic views of the coastline and a wine list that reached the dizzy heights of over 2000 euros for a bottle of wine.

Still it was worth it. It was chic, refined, stylish and with impeccable service. Sue was dressed to the nines with her husband and me in suits and ties. (I had taken two days sorting through my wardrobe trying to decide what to wear – nothing like an old queen my friends would say.)

After breakfast our luggage was carried down the steep streets to our car and with a wallet considerably lighter I drove them back here.

If you would like to see the photographs then follow this link and click on Eze07

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dpnice1/sets/

 

[dpnice]

I suppose that if I was a young attractive Latin boy you would call me a “houseboy”. But as I am old and well educated and don’t sleep with my boss I get the grand title of “Maître d’hôtel”. Doesn’t change much though as I still do everything around the villa that you would expect your young servant to do.

After a long absence madame returns this evening and the weekend has been spent getting everything prepared for this undesired moment; I was really enjoying not working and sharing my holidays with friends.

My work is bizarre as I do everything that you all do for yourselves but I am doing it for someone else and then when I have some free time I start to do it all again but for myself this time. Sorry is that clear?

So in three days I have done everything outside and inside, I only do the reception rooms inside the villa. Mind you the chamber maid has had 4 weeks and all she has had to do is one bedroom, enormous I admit but even so.

So back to the routine of drudgery and absence of all personal life for another 4 weeks; that is when she goes away again and I should be off to St Petersburg if I can manage to organise the visa in time.

 

[dpnice]

Can one take a leave of absence from JUB and on returning expect to pick up from where you left off? I doubt it. After a rapid perusal of the blog updates and Hot Topics it is evident that the quantity of new members participating guarantees that the majority will have no idea who you are.

Mind you it was gratifying to see many of the core members still there and active; I am presuming that they will recognise me if or when I start joining in once again.

I suppose an update is in order but life didn’t change since the beginning of the year; still a solitary hermit whose life revolves around his terrace and his work.

The holidays in February didn’t go through as monsieur went into hospital and subsequently all ideas of holidays were cancelled. It is with relief that I hadn’t booked, and paid, for Saint Petersburg, that would have been annoying. So that is a destination still stored in the back cupboard of my dreams. I presume that The Hermitage will wait a little longer for my visit.

I really don’t understand why Russia insists on visas and such strict entry regulations. What on earth do they think I am going to do in their country; I am certainly not going to stay illegally, I mean who would exchange the South of France for the weather they have in Saint Petersburg.

 

[dpnice]

We received final confirmation of madame’s holiday dates yesterday evening; I don’t understand why she refuses to reveal her plans to us much earlier. She knew she was going on holiday as she had the entire organisation under way a long time ago and the flights, for the 4th March, all booked. So suddenly I am expected to organise my holidays at the drop of a hat.

Thanks to the magic of Internet I managed to plan and book everything whilst taking a break from work this morning. That is one of the pleasures/advantages of my work – if I feel put on or annoyed I just stop working and come downstairs and do my own thing. She doesn’t even miss me nor is she ever aware of my absence.

So I am putting a little culture into my life, four nights in London crammed with theatre visits including seeing ‘Harry Potter’ naked on stage. Then back to work for two weeks followed by five nights in Paris allowing me time for some in depth museum visits and good food in expensive restaurants each evening.

I must say my poor credit card was red hot by the time I finished and I am quite amazed that there is still some money left in my holiday accounts.

So one hectic week at work to get through and then the return to my ancient haunts in London. Hopefully the weather is going to be at least dry. Cold I can cope with, rain I detest. It is not at all pleasant strolling around the place accompanied by pissing rain.

 

[dpnice]

Obviously working for a family implies the sacrifice of certain liberties such as your personal time free from work. Having just worked 17 hours due to the fact that we had the whole family for lunch and dinner I am peeved at the least to loose out on my days off.

My plans for this afternoon went by the board as I had to go to Monaco to collect madame’s car from the garage. I now don’t really feel up to making the effort to shower and change and drive into town to see a film.

Tomorrow is completely cancelled as they have guests for lunch so my presence is required. I was going to organise my holidays and do a little shopping. I will have to persuade the cook to let me take Wednesday off and he can recuperate during the holidays.

Happily the advantages outweigh these annoying constraints so though it does occasionally put me in a bad mood snapping out of it and looking on the bright side is reasonably easy to do.

I must write about the family one of these days though I am afraid it will be a list of complaints about their behaviour and capabilities as parents. Mind you they are all really nice people who know how to treat others with respect and the evening meal is always amusing, even crude down to basic smut level. I do enjoy serving at table when they are here, somehow I feel as though it is the only time I actually do that which I am employed to do.

 

[dpnice]

I finally managed to motivate myself yesterday evening and took myself off to the cinema. I went to see the latest ‘Hannibal Lecter’ even though I had heard it was disappointing. Basically I thought it necessary to see it to finalise the series and know that I had seen all I needed to. Unfortunately it was more than disappointing, rather a run of the mill blood movie.

When I think of the other films I could have chosen to see. Chronique d’un scandale with Judy Dench (sorry don’t know the titles in English), the film for which Forest Whitaker won his oscar, Bugs (I quite like the sound of this one). Letters from Iwo Jima is showing in English.

Instead I had to choose the worst film of them all. The problem with only two evenings free a week it becomes impossible to see all the films that one thinks will be interesting or at least entertaining. I do like to spend at least one of them at home so that leaves little time in which to drive into town for the cinema.

Tomorrow is the day for new releases so I think I will have to see one film in the morning and another in the evening. I always find it strange going to see a film at 11hr doesn’t seem right some how.

It would have been great to have titled this entry ‘I have had Sex’ unfortunately as I can’t perhaps ‘I went to the cinema’ will do.

 

[dpnice]

It is extremely gratifying when the day goes exactly as one had planned it.

Needing a new suitcase with wheels, I have a lot of walking to do between the airport and the hotel, I drove into Nice to buy one. A quick stop at the coffee shop to buy the preferred brand for monsieur as we had run out and then a rapid return to the villa. A cup of coffee at home and then out again to collect the cheque for my wages, change some money into pounds for my holidays and grab something to eat.

Back into Nice to the cinema to see ‘Notes on a Scandal’ with Judy Dench. This was cinema at it’s most perfect, a quality of acting from the two female leads, a story both stimulating, credible and wonderfully written and finally a young bare-chested smiling lad just to add a little spice to a somewhat intense story line.

It is carnival in Nice so the town is to be avoided like the plaque if one is driving. On leaving the cinema I thought I would be trapped in traffic jams for hours trying to get to the other side of town. But being adventurous and attempting a route I have never tried before I was out on the other side of town before having the time to be annoyed and frustrated.

A nap, at my age they start to become essential, some sorting out to do and I have just the time to eat and go out to see the second film of today.
I worked out if I see two films today I can see another on Sunday and the last two, before the change of programme, next Monday.

Why do all the worthwhile films come out the same week?

Spaghetti bolognaise beckons me so I will finish here; there is also something that I want to watch on television but then that is what video recorders are for. Oh I am off to see the ‘Dreamgirls’, hope it is worth it.

 

[dpnice]

I am on my afternoon break and nipping back and forward to the computer to see if some friends, whom are thinking of joining me in Paris at the end of the month, have sent me an e-mail confirming their decision.

So as the weather is rather spectacular it stimulated me to just write a quick update to try and get this blog back on a daily routine after my absence.

A real gale has blown up, nothing as dangerous as a tornado and the wind speeds it has generated will not be strong enough to do any damage but it really is rather atmospheric.

It has whipped the sea up into millions of waves all topped with white foam and is lashing the rocks with crescendos of foaming sea water. Not quite exploding over the tops of the cliffs but nearly.

The Maritime Pines in front of my terrace are swaying not quite in stately dance but in nearly sedate circles; quite impressive to watch.

What started off as a gloomy day with leaden skies has turned into one that is crystal clear. Blue skies to the horizon and all cloud and distortion blown away from the mountains behind Nice leaving them so sharp to see you feel capable of reaching out and touching them.

Well I feel just like valle12tom with my weather report except I won’t be sitting down later to masturbate but rather climbing the stairs to serve dinner.