Ever found someone you knew on a gay hookup site?

[Rex]

Hey fact of the matter is the guy in my story is very obviously gay, but he's still in the closet and it just happens that his behavior has seperated him from lots of people. I come from a very religious and homophobic family.

If you don't like my choice of words thats your problem. Like I said, I can't control how you percieve what my threads are. If you think they're all a way to prove how manly and non gay I am then I guess that's your opinion.

You use deragatory words pretty often to so get over yourself buddy.

 

[alley]

Yep--I joined Manhunt and immediately saw a guy I had worked with a few months before---He had left for a another job by this time. He's a very good looking French guy...very fit and the accent is hot. I said hello--how are you doing, but he never responded---and he looks at my profile every now and again. I did not know he was gay when we worked together.

 

[fetaby]

Ok, this is kind of embarrassing.

I put up an ad on craigslist and got a reply from someone with an obviously fake name. He asked to trade face pics and I said OK but he'd have to send his first.



He sent it and it turned up being someone I knew and someone I had suspected of being gay ever since I was a kid. My cousin!


I didn't reply back but this was just really shocking, even though I and everyone who's ever met him had suspicions. He and I have always been cool with each other as friends even though he is a total queen. Well that's wonderfull news! In my family,Carrie Prejean anybody. anything feminine is looked down upon if you're a guy and many of our male family members disassociate themselves from him or made fun of him as a kid. I and some others though are still friends with him and even though we probably all suspect he's gay, we've never asked him or put him on the spot.

He is not out at all as far as I know. The kicker is he's described himself as straight acting in his email, but his behavior is extremely effeminate. His voice, taste in music, walk, sense of humor, style of clothing etc. I honestly don't think he's aware of this at all though.


This really creeped me out for another reason, and that's that I could have been sending my pic out to people in the past who might have very well knew me. In fact I once traded pics with a closeted guy and ended up seeing him at my church. He was one of the priests assistants during mass and he saw me and I think realized who I was. Talk about being creeped out.



Anyway, back to my cousin. I just do not know what to make of this. In person he has made many comments defaming gays. He's said many times about how he doesn't believe in gay marriage and things of that nature, so I don't know if he's trying to make some cover for himself or is just in some kind of deep denial. And if I was part of your family, this would be considered a survival trait. Denial, no. Survival, yes.


Part of me wants to talk to himWhen you gonna stop letting the little head rule your life? but that would mean I would be coming out to him myself and I don't have the nerve to do that. Especially since I think he's had some kind of weird crush on me ever since we were kids but also because I don't think I'd have the guts. Or move to the south, we don't have so many hangups about getting nasty with a hot piece of ass.



Anyway, has anyone ever been in a situation like this before or anything similar?

Discuss.

I've got to keep telling myself, "God said don't judge, God said don't judge!"
But honestly Sultan, do you read what you write?

On topic, I've never had a family member out themselves to me. But my sister told me our cousin taught her everything she ever wanted to know about masturbation, they are now both happily married to men. I believe one of my late uncles was gay. He had only one relationship with a woman and when it ended he spent the rest of his life in solitude. When my family would visit him, he always seemed so sad. I'm kinda glad that no one in my family has outed themselves to me. Not because I fear the outing of myself to the rest of my family, but that would be another person I felt I had the duty to mentor. Ugh, I'm ready to be selfish.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Like I said, I can't control how you percieve what my threads are.

And you can't control how we all react to our perceptions, can you?

If you think they're all a way to prove how manly and non gay I am then I guess that's your opinion.

Well... and it's not just mine...

 

[Rex]

And if I was part of your family, this would be considered a survival trait. Denial, no. Survival, yes.

I actually don't think that's a "survival trait" at all. I think it's just more reason to suspect someone.

 

[Yves]

He and I have always been cool with each other as friends even though he is a total queen.

"Total queens" have balls. A few "total queens" paved the way for some of the freedoms we have now. Internalized homophobia within the gay community doesn't help.

In person he has made many comments defaming gays. He's said many times about how he doesn't believe in gay marriage and things of that nature, so I don't know if he's trying to make some cover for himself or is just in some kind of deep denial.

Denial and homophobic comments/actions are not uncommon. Edgar J. Hoover and a few Senators are a good example.

Being part of an homophobic family and no support system doesn't help.

Part of me wants to talk to him but that would mean I would be coming out to him myself and I don't have the nerve to do that. Especially since I think he's had some kind of weird crush on me ever since we were kids but also because I don't think I'd have the guts.

An alternative is to work on your own issues first and then talk to your cousin. Some of your fears are understandable but you seem more worried about the consequences of outing yourself than advancing on your own coming out process.

 

[Rex]

And you can't control how we all react to our perceptions, can you?



Well... and it's not just mine...

I don't think of myself as this uber manly man, butch lumberjack type so not sure why some of you think this is just a reason for me to prove something to any of you.

"Total queens" have balls. A few "total queens" paved the way for some of the freedoms we have now. Internalized homophobia within the gay community doesn't help.

I have nothing against queens. I repeat. I have nothing against queens.

An alternative is to work on your own issues first and then talk to your cousin. Some of your fears are understandable but you seem more worried about the consequences of outing yourself than advancing on your own coming out process

To tell you the truth yup I would be more worried about myself and I am trying to work on my issues so maybe it's best that I don't try to talk to him about this. It isn't really my problem but I still have a feeling of a small feeling of guilt and am creeped out at the same time.

 

[fetaby]

I actually don't think that's a "survival trait" at all. I think it's just more reason to suspect someone.

So says you, who has his dick sucked by a random? To live in a hostile environment such as the one described by you about your cousin, one would need the skin of a rhino, and the mouth of a parrot. Can you imagine the anguish your cousin must feel? He likes the dick, but his family might disown him. It's fear, man! Of course everyone suspects, and you of all people should be able to apply a lil more insight into his situation, if you are truly his friend and not just his friendly cousin. Speak to him, damn your selfish ways and step outside of your own world for a change. If he's roaming around looking for random hookups, he could also be putting himself at risk for being attacked, (craigslist killer anyone?) You owe it to him to at least talk about internet safety, and yes you would out yourself. Do you fear him outing you because you know just how shitty your whole family has treated him for his entire life? Do you think he would be vindictive enough to strike a getting even pose? Or do you think he could be ostricized enough to want some company and damn the repurcussions? Have you participated in the teasing of him and that is why you fear? Too many questions for you to think about here, try living it out there. Then come and talk.
Have a good day, sir.

 

[Rex]

So says you, who has his dick sucked by a random? To live in a hostile environment such as the one described by you about your cousin, one would need the skin of a rhino, and the mouth of a parrot. Can you imagine the anguish your cousin must feel? He likes the dick, but his family might disown him. It's fear, man! Of course everyone suspects, and you of all people should be able to apply a lil more insight into his situation, if you are truly his friend and not just his friendly cousin. Speak to him, damn your selfish ways and step outside of your own world for a change. If he's roaming around looking for random hookups, he could also be putting himself at risk for being attacked, (craigslist killer anyone?) You owe it to him to at least talk about internet safety, and yes you would out yourself. Do you fear him outing you because you know just how shitty your whole family has treated him for his entire life? Do you think he would be vindictive enough to strike a getting even pose? Or do you think he could be ostricized enough to want some company and damn the repurcussions? Have you participated in the teasing of him and that is why you fear? Too many questions for you to think about here, try living it out there. Then come and talk.
Have a good day, sir.

Actually his immediate family treat him very well, but some of our peers just disassociate themselves from him because of his behavior.

I'm basically in the same situation as him in some aspects and I never had to deal with killers and all this other stuff you're babbling about. He's not stupid.

Talking with him would be the best thing but I don't think it's my responsibility. Truth be told I probably wouldn't be the best person for him to talk about these things with anyway.

 

[boiseboy]

Nothing personal to the OP but I agree with Jasun, what is it with degrading effeminate guys?

Probably because its an obnoxious act. Fake people are annoying no matter what sexuality they are.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Being effeminate isn't necessarily "fake."

To Sultan, it seems, any guy who's even vaguely gay-acting is a "total queen."

 

[boiseboy]

Oh, and my cousin has a manhunt profile. I dont have my face displayed so I wanted to shock him by showing up at his front door in means to hook up but then I thought it would be too mean.

 

[boiseboy]

Being effeminate isn't necessarily "fake."

To Sultan, it seems, any guy who's even vaguely gay-acting is a "total queen."

Being effeminate isn't, but being a flaming queen is mask for a lack of self confidence and insecurity in being gay.


But so is being over masculine acting either. No one is born overly masculine or flaming effeminate.

 

[Lube]

Talking with him would be the best thing but I don't think it's my responsibility.

Have you seen The Soloist? I suggest you do.

A man would swallow his pride and send a picture back to his cousin and be open about it.

A fag would run and hide from responsibility.








(I hope everyone here understands I'm using "fag" in an intentionally stereotypically derogatory way, and not a realistic description of a gay man. Just trying to make a point)

 

[Red Storm]

Not a site but a gay bar. Back where I went to college, my very last night before leaving for good, went clubbing with a few friends and ran into my Marketing prof. oh baby what a surprise. He said he had no idea, and asked me if i was " curious" . I said " no, I am gay". we are now good friends, keep in touch regularly etc.

Glad I ran into him there.

 

[Telstra]

Have you seen The Soloist? I suggest you do.

A man would swallow his pride and send a picture back to his cousin and be open about it.

A fag would run and hide from responsibility.








(I hope everyone here understands I'm using "fag" in an intentionally stereotypically derogatory way, and not a realistic description of a gay man. Just trying to make a point)

Unless Sultan want to be his friend or want to chat with him about how is life, i don't see the purpose of sending back pic.

 

[swerve]

This whole thread just shows how COMPLICATED life is when you're in the closet...

Its MUCH easier to just be HONEST with YOURSELF and OTHERS...

Trust me...

 

[Tadaa]

Only sleep with him once. More than that would be wrong.

 

[MJEH89]

This whole thread just shows how COMPLICATED life is when you're in the closet...
Its MUCH easier to just be HONEST with YOURSELF and OTHERS...

Awesome comment.

Only sleep with him once. More than that would be wrong.

LOL!!

When I saw this thread, I immediately thought of my own experience with this situation. Then I read the OP's story and laughed out loud!!

It was my cousin that I saw on Gay.com. He had a profile with pics of his "weiner" and butt!! Egads!! I never wanted to have sex with him, even though he's cute, but it was soooo freakin' weird seeing my cousin's dong, sack, and butt!!!

 

[willsboy84]

i live in a VERY small town so, yes it's happened more than a couple times. sometimes it worked out quite nicely...others--not so much.

once i ended up hooking up with a dude i'd lusted after since grade school, who i'd have NEVER thought would get down with another guy. still trips me out what a freak he turned out to be

i met a guy i'd known for awhile through my sister, who i THINK he might have tried to hookup with when he was still playing str8. that wasn't TOO big of a surprise...dunno how anyone could've NOT known that he liked dick.

the worst BY FAR? well apparently my dad got around more than i do back in the day. him being a breeder, i've got siblings littered up and down the east coast. i'm not sure, but i think i might have came THISCLOSE to hooking up with one of them.
it was so fucking weird.
i meet up with the guy and we get to talking. there wasn't much of a physical resemblance, but i just had such a feeling of familiarity. we had a lot of the same manneurisms, and our personalities were like mirror images. we ended up just smokin' up and shooting the shit for awhile before parting company, and it wasn't until a little later that it occured to me that i may have very well have tried to hook up with my brother.

on the other hand, i DO smoke entirely too much weed, so sometimes i wonder if i was just trippin'

almost forgot about hooking up with a sexy dilf who turned out to be the father of a chick who tried to get with me before i started coming out to people.

GOD...i've gotta get the fuck outta western new york.