Excessive phyiscal contact from a staight guy?

[p700granat]

Hi everyone,
Is it normal for straight guys to poke/touch/hug/bite another guy very frequently?

So there is this guy who is the same major and live in same dorm as me. I first knew him last fall when he's still a Freshmen (I was a junior), and we have lots of common friends. For about a year nothing much happened, except occasionally having lunch/dinner together (usually with our friends) if we happen to see each other in the dinning hall. Neither of us has intentionally tried to hang out with the other, so we were not even close friends.

However last semester he moved to the same dorm (I live on the 3rd floor and live on the 2nd), and we can see each other almost everyday. And now whenever he gets close to me, he would make physical contact with me. It usually involves making faces, poking, grabbing and shaking my hands, grabbing my body (he's taller/stronger), kicking/playing with my foot under dinner table, leaning on me when standing close to each other, "massaging" my shoulders, etc. It's always in a playful manner, and he's more than comfortable doing it when we're among our friends. In the begginning I just tried to ignore it, as I thought he's just being touchy and playful which is consistent with his fun character. But as I never really objected his touching (I often back off or "try to" block him when he pokes me, but never said "don't do this again" or became angry), he now does it ALL THE TIME, and he's clearly having fun doing that.

There's once when we were watching someone playing video games: he's laying on the couch and I was sitting on the edge of it, some distance away from him. Then suddenly he dragged me to him so I fell on top of him, and he wrestled with me and got on top of me. For the next half an hour he basically rested on top of me, and when I asked him if he's actually comfortable (it's not a big couch) he said yes. Then he fell asleep on top of me for another hour. There're are a few other occasions when things like that happens. For example when I'm standing behind him we would often grab my arms and put them on his shoulders or around his chest. He even bit my arm (I have my jacket on, thus it never hurt at all) a few times.

Now some of you may say that he's gay/bi/interested in me, but there are a few complications that gave me doubts. First of all he does this touchy/pokey thing with our guys as well, but to a much lesser extend (pretty much limited to poking). Another important thing is he's openly a Furry (into furry fandom) and wears a fox tail on weekends, and from what I read physical contact without sexual intentions is very common for a Furry. He even has two stuffed animals that he occasionally cuddle with. He's very open about himself on pretty much everything and just doesn't seem to be hiding anything from anybody. He never said whether he's straight or not, but I assumed that he just assumed that everybody assumed he is (yes, that's a lots of assumptions) so he never needs to say.

So what do you guys think? He's pretty cute even though not the hottest guy. I feel like I'm taking advantage of him if he's straight. On the hand since it's my last semester in college, I don't want to look back later in life and feel sorry about what I missed. I'm really confused. Since I'm still deep in the closet it won't be easy for me to just go and ask him.

Thanks.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm inclined to think he's straight. I find it hard to believe anyone secure enough to openly declare his furrydom would then try to hide his homosexuality. But as he IS young, he may simply be confused or curious. So why not make yourself a promise? Next time you two are alone, and he starts getting a bit physical, return like for like. If he rubs your shoulder, rub his. If he wrestles you, wrestle back. Don't give any indication that you want it to stop, and see where you end up.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

What happens between two sober consenting adults is just fine.

Enjoy the furry affection.

 

[cynicus]

"For the next half an hour he basically rested on top of me, and when I asked him if he's actually comfortable (it's not a big couch) he said yes. Then he fell asleep on top of me for another hour."

Sounds like the old lady who told the gentleman next to her, "I will give you one-half an hour to take your hand off my knee."

 

[versatastic]

Just straight up kiss him on the lips the next time he pounces on you. I doubt he'll punch you for it if he turns out to be straight. If anything, you can remember the kiss you stole from your cute college buddy.

 

[p700granat]

I'm inclined to think he's straight. I find it hard to believe anyone secure enough to openly declare his furrydom would then try to hide his homosexuality. But as he IS young, he may simply be confused or curious. So why not make yourself a promise? Next time you two are alone, and he starts getting a bit physical, return like for like. If he rubs your shoulder, rub his. If he wrestles you, wrestle back. Don't give any indication that you want it to stop, and see where you end up.

sounds like he's giving you some special attention.

From what you said it seems as though he appears to be a pretty open/free spirit.

Next time you see him, return the 'favor' rub his shoulders and see what his reaction is like. If he purrs like a cat you may proceed (lol sorry I couldn't resist)

I agree with Lex and inclined to think he's straight who just likes touching. He simply seem too comfortable doing what he does to have anything to hide or fear. I just want to know if other people have experience with guys (especially Furries) who's like that.

We two are rarely together alone, and I don't think we have ever been alone behind closed doors. But when we are together with friends, I'm quite sure that any kind of non-sexual phyiscal contact could easily happen until I stop or we got tired. He never resisted, to put it lightly, when I am reciprocal. And nobody would be surprised because it happened so often (literally whenever I'm within an arms reach from him). Just a few days ago he and his roommate came by my room and he grabbed me from behind and made a comment about "butt-sex", which I didn't hear the whole sentence. He then said he can't help saying that and we all laughed it off. So I think using physical contact to figure him out is pretty much out of the question.

And he certainly does give me "special attention" in the sense that he touches me more than he does to all other of our friends combined. He even once said to me that "I am never all over XXX (another guy's name) like I am all over you", when I suggested someone else (who he also touches) should sit next to him during dinners so I could avoid being the "victim". But my gut feels he does that mainly because I don't resist much and sometimes even "return favor" when it looks like a okay thing to do. Besides the excessive touching, he doesn't seem to have anything special with me.

I am trying to think of a question for him, perhaps like "why do you touch me so often" or something that would hopefully remove my doubts.

 

[G-Lexington]

Asking "why" may imply you don't want him to do it anymore, and I'm guessing that's not the message you want to send. So perhaps another approach is in order. Obviously, it'd be easier if you were just out, but since you're not, you'll have to do a bit of fishing.

Again, next time the physicality starts, look for an opening. (No, not like that!) Look for a chance to give him an opportunity to take it further. If he grabs you from behind and says, "Surprise buttsex!" (I'm guessing that's what he said), just smile and say "I prefer my buttsex to not be such a surprise. It's more fun if I have a chance to prepare." If you're wrestling, or he's resting on you, as it comes to an end, ask (again, with a smile) "maybe we can continue this later?"

If he just laughs these comments off, don't pursue it. But if he asks "what did you have in mind", just shrug and say, "I dunno. Why don't you swing by my room tonight and we'll figure it out?"

Lex

 

[theblackajah]

Bite the back of his neck and mount him. Perhaps that'll work.

 

[p700granat]

If he grabs you from behind and says, "Surprise buttsex!" (I'm guessing that's what he said), just smile and say "I prefer my buttsex to not be such a surprise.

I just googled "surprise buttsex" and found a perfect picture to send him:

http://www.funlol.com/pictures/surprise-buttsex.html

Remember he's a fox for his furrydom?

 

[D8Na2R]

ok...I am assuming he doesn"t know you're gay...with that assumption..unless you have a poster of a nude man on your dorm wall...he assumes you're straight...he just sounds like a physically affectionate guy...I've known many...and yes they are VERY irritating at times

 

[Steely]

I think he's probably just straight too. My best friend at the time had a boyfriend who would do that with me a lot. Hah, one time we all went to the fair and he even sat with me instead of her and had his arm around me and everything throughout the ride. It was amazing. But back on topic, I'm sure your friend just has that same touchy feely personality trait. Like someone else pointed out, it'd be sort of odd that he'd admit to the "Furry" thing and not being gay if he was.

 

[saaga07]

I'm inclined to think he's straight. I find it hard to believe anyone secure enough to openly declare his furrydom would then try to hide his homosexuality.

Very good point!

I just googled "surprise buttsex" and found a perfect picture to send him:

http://www.funlol.com/pictures/surprise-buttsex.html

Very fitting picture!

 

[billybob109]

I say you both get very drunk and then you ask him straight up what his deal is.

 

[G-Lexington]

^ Oh, that's your answer for EVERYTHING.

Lex

 

[D8Na2R]

OK in addition to what I already said is this...when I was in college I misread someone's intentions...big mistake...even when we had our 20th reunion there were still very bad feelings. In retrospect it wasn't worth it and I was totally wrong to boot.

My advise is to listen to your gut. When I made my big error I was listening to another part of my body. I just wanted it to be the way I wanted it. My judgement was totally clouded. My best advise is to be very prudent in your decision.

 

[fiorio]

it's very normal in many other cultures.
i think not able to show affection to friends of same sex is pretty pathetic.

 

[p700granat]

I say you both get very drunk and then you ask him straight up what his deal is.

Sorry but that's not going happen as neither of us drink. Too bad

And thanks a lot for all the responses. It seems people overwhelmingly think he's straight, which I agree. And from what many people here said it seems very touch/feely, straight guys are fairly common. I guess I just have never seen one this extreme.

To honest, I definitely won't do anything out-of-line unless I hear a clear, unambiguous, "yes, I am gay/bi and I'm interested in you". At this point, it is very difficult for me to "try" him using phyiscal contact without crossing the line (e.g. steal a kiss), which is why I am trying to get an answer by verbal means. Whatever answer I get, it probably won't even change things very much. I mean even if I got a "yes" answer, it would probably just give the touchings a new layer of meanings that only two of us understand.

By the way, I emailed him the link (see earlier post) and wrote "This is for you ". I think it can be intepreted in at least two ways: this cute picture is designed just for you Mr. "Fox", or, this "private" message is only for you and hope you get what I mean. I'll see what he responds the next time we're together. My guess is he'll just again say something witty without any useful clue.

 

[Kyanimal]

The "bottom line" here (no pun intended! ) is to Enjoy His attention, and affection, without trying to read too much into it!

Is He Gay? Who cares? What does it matter?

The important part is that You are enjoying His physicallity!

Will it go "Further"? The only way You can answer that is to make Yourself as "Available" as possible, without being all THAT obvious! And, let Him take it from there!

Relax! Covet His physical attention! Return it "in kind", as much as possible! And "Revel" in the experience, with Him, without trying to imply any other "overtones"!

It's not that often that such circumstances make themselves available! Enjoy it while You can!!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Eternaldarkness]

lol, it does not seem like you're taking advantage of him at all. Man, from your info its almost like this person is head over heels for you, is trying to get closer to you by using the "playful" method that hopefully you can understand him. He's doing all these weird things to get your attention. On very rare occasion will a straight guy be comfortable hugging, touching, and laying on top of another straight guy to sleep. Playfully having physical contact with you infront of others is not a prove, but laying on top of you resting in a very comfortable way is enough proof. its wayyyyy too obvious.

Here's a theory. He knows you'll be leaving soon and he doesn't want to waste the opportunities and he's taking all the chances he can to tell you. Being an open character and funny and all doesn't mean they can be open about their sexuality.

You're too tensed and too serious! you need to loosen down. Take the chances and at the next opportunity that you guys are together in private.. or when he's resting on top of you... please give him a kiss!

You're like Mr. Serious here and maybe that is why he's afraid of you! You don't yell at him for being close contact, but you seem to be either completely oblivious or ignoring him. You're making the poor guy asking himself "is (you) interested in me or not, if he is then how come he's not doing anything."

There is only so much a guy can do to tell you he's f-ing crazy for you, you need to be the person to take a step further! good luck.

 

[p700granat]

Eternaldarkness, it's would be wonderful if what you guessed is the case, but I am pretty sure he's not "head over heels" for me. I had crushes on people before and I know how it's like, I mean the stares, the unease and everything. That's just not what he's like: he simply really enjoys being (very) physical with me but other than that I don't see him treating me as more than a normal friend. I sometimes steal a glance at him when we part and I don't remember seeing him looking at me - that's a strong enough proof that he's not "head over heels" for me.

Maybe I'm too serious with my postings but I'm not THAT serious when I'm with him and our friends. And he is definitely not afraid of me. In fact, I think he got used to being so physical with me exactly because he's not afraid of me, more so than with any of our friends. And don't call him "the poor guy": he's one happy person who makes everyone around him cheerful - another sign that he's probably not a closet gay.

And a kiss? Romantic it is, but it's going to ruin everything if he's not. You see, if we were with our friends and after some touching, messaging and wrestling he could, if he wish to, kiss me on my face and nobody will be surprised. But if I kiss him, everyone would look at me with shock and awe, because that's just so not me and I had no way to explain. Having a strained relationship with him and having him hate me for the rest of my time here because I've essentially taken advantage of him for so long is the last thing I want.

My gut feeling is he's most likely straight, but there's a chance that he's a little curious about my sexuality and maybe his own. For that I'm willing to send him more hints, but I don't feel it's worth taking a chance to do something explicit. I mean like Kyanimal said, it's already enjoyable enough to get the physical attention from this cute and cheerful guy every single day while in the same time being his friend. That's what I often think when he has my arms wrapped around his chest. It's just after I got back to my room, alone, when thoughts about him and all these mixed messages starts to f*** with my mind. And that's tortuous. And I thought a definite answer would help.

But thanks a lot for your posting, Eternaldarkness! Your words has the magical power to lift me above the reality and enjoy some wonderful, warm fuzzy feeling for sometime, and I'm sure I'll come back to re-read your post once in a while.