Exposing MWM - How to Do it?

[Ephemeral]

Still, for the sake of my argument against Ephemeral's view, how do we know that the wife is not out fucking & sucking other men. . . or munching other women?

With our wild imaginations here, we could assume anything. Which is why it is best to let things play out on their own without interfering in someone else's family.

Yes, we could assume she's been with everyone at her job, twice. We could assume he's doing his mother-in-law's Great Dane while the maid fingers herself watching.

Even if she was cheating, she still deserves to know. Both parties would. Wouldn't you want to know if your boyfriend was cheating on you ASAP or when you catch him months, years later after you've invested so much into the relationship? Or when you contract a STD?

And for those who actually want to protect these closet cases or are proud of sleeping with married men, I've got one word for you: Karma.

 

[Willie Boy]

Yes, we could assume she's been with everyone at her job, twice. We could assume he's doing his mother-in-law's Great Dane while the maid fingers herself watching.

Even if she was cheating, she still deserves to know. Both parties would. Wouldn't you want to know if your boyfriend was cheating on you ASAP or when you catch him months, years later after you've invested so much into the relationship? Or when you contract a STD?

And for those who actually want to protect these closet cases or are proud of sleeping with married men, I've got one word for you: Karma.

I partially agree with you. No one should protect this cheater. BUT one should examine his motives in telling, is it done to protect the "presumed" innocent spouse, or is it done for revenge, a you screwed me now I'll screw you moment? If its done to get even, the karma headed the cheater's way will most likely double up and land on your own shoulders instead. Not to mention the wife may blame YOU for the end of her marriage.

 

[Ephemeral]

I partially agree with you. No one should protect this cheater. BUT one should examine his motives in telling, is it done to protect the "presumed" innocent spouse, or is it done for revenge, a you screwed me now I'll screw you moment? If its done to get even, the karma headed the cheater's way will most likely double up and land on your own shoulders instead. Not to mention the wife may blame YOU for the end of her marriage.

I always thought the karma was negated if the act was justified or well-deserved.

The wife would probably blame him for being the other man, but the OP said he didn't know he was married. It's her husband who's the real problem.

 

[TylerDurden222]

so because you were naive enough to fall for a married guy (didn't you wonder why you never visited his home?) it gives you the right to disrupt his family life? and his employment? sounds like you just need to accept you were there for that hole between your cheeks and nothing more. you got played, move on. probably wasn't the first time, and i'm sure it won't be the last time given your way of dealing with things.

as they say, "the best revenge is a life well lived." take the high road and move on.

 

[Willie Boy]

I always thought the karma was negated if the act was justified or well-deserved.

The wife would probably blame him for being the other man, but the OP said he didn't know he was married. It's her husband who's the real problem.

As I said, if he's doing it to protect the wife from potential future harm (STD contracted from her husbands extracurricular lovers) that's one thing. But if he's doing it just to hurt the husband who lied to him, there is NO justification for that, and the family of the asshole doesn't deserve to be treated that way.... by either of these men.

 

[bankside]

I'm in a committed relationship, and if someone came to me and could establish beyond a reasonable doubt that my guy had been having an affair based on lying to him or her, based on the false pretence of being single, my reaction would be:

"I'm devastated. I can't believe he did this to me. Or you! I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon throwing his possessions out onto the front lawn. If you're not busy, you're welcome to help."

I would not blame the person if they had every reasonable understanding that they were dating a single man.

 

[Willie Boy]

I'm in a committed relationship, and if someone came to me and could establish beyond a reasonable doubt that my guy had been having an affair based on lying to him or her, based on the false pretence of being single, my reaction would be:

"I'm devastated. I can't believe he did this to me. Or you! I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon throwing his possessions out onto the front lawn. If you're not busy, you're welcome to help."

I would not blame the person if they had every reasonable understanding that they were dating a single man.

But what if there only purpose in coming to you was to get revenge, and they really didn't care what harm came to you from it? Be honest, please.

 

[bankside]

But what if there only purpose in coming to you was to get revenge, and they really didn't care what harm came to you from it? Be honest, please.

That's the thing - no harm would come to me from it. Only freedom from a lying cheat, and a chance at saving myself from disease. Who knows how many other people he'd been pulling this with?

I'm not saying I'd be comfortable with this person around, and maybe I just wouldn't get along with them. But that is different from feeling they've done me wrong. I just couldn't blame them for being the unwitting half of an affair. If they knew about it and said "Oh just so you know I'm here to screw over your man, because he and I have been having an affair on your bed next to the picture of you on the nightstand watching us fuck, but now I'm done with him so his life should be miserable....oh, and I guess yours too. Sorry!!!!!" then that would be a little different. But my biggest reaction would be "at least I know."

 

[Ephemeral]

I think it's easy to say what we'd do because we're not in that position.

If it was to truely happen without any warning or suspiscion on your part, thinking rationally might not be the first choice.

 

[TylerDurden222]

look guys, here's the bottom line. a married man lying/cheating on his wife is not good. i agree. and this is coming from a married guy who while never having cheated on my wife, is starting to find an interest in this site, gay porn, meeting men, etc. maybe its just a web fantasy, maybe its real. none the less, i say this without bias.

now, its obvious the OP is one of the following two people:

a) an idiot - if this was a "serious" relationship, he should have noticed the guy he was "dating" never invited him to his home! if this is the case, all the rage he clearly feels should be directed at himself.

or

b) a psycho - an emotional train wreck dick whipped on a guy he doesn't know very well, and this relationship really isn't that "serious." if this is the case, he should simply move on. blowing a guy a few times does not give you the right to follow him home, spy on his family, enter and disrupt his workplace.

so which one is it OP? was it a serious relationship or did you just want it to be a serious relationship? it has to be A or B, pick one.

 

[Ephemeral]

Maybe the OP hadn't experienced a relationship in a while and was willing to go with the flow in order to continue it.

 

[TylerDurden222]

Maybe the OP hadn't experienced a relationship in a while and was willing to go with the flow in order to continue it.

maybe, and I guess its easy to see why his relationships would be few and far between. the man seems to be filled with rage, jealousy and every other detrimental emotion. therapy would help.

lets be real though, have you ever been in a relationship that was serious enough to be "hurt," but yet never have seen that person's home? I've dated alot of people, and I know for damn sure none of them were married, with kids, thats absurd! either you didn't know them well enough to care, or you knew them too well to not know who they really were.

unreal.

 

[Willie Boy]

look guys, here's the bottom line. a married man lying/cheating on his wife is not good. i agree. and this is coming from a married guy who while never having cheated on my wife, is starting to find an interest in this site, gay porn, meeting men, etc. maybe its just a web fantasy, maybe its real. none the less, i say this without bias.

now, its obvious the OP is one of the following two people:

a) an idiot - if this was a "serious" relationship, he should have noticed the guy he was "dating" never invited him to his home! if this is the case, all the rage he clearly feels should be directed at himself.

or

b) a psycho - an emotional train wreck dick whipped on a guy he doesn't know very well, and this relationship really isn't that "serious." if this is the case, he should simply move on. blowing a guy a few times does not give you the right to follow him home, spy on his family, enter and disrupt his workplace.

so which one is it OP? was it a serious relationship or did you just want it to be a serious relationship? it has to be A or B, pick one.

You forgot about the third possibility:

c) lied to - the OP had no reason to originally suspect the man of lying, but certain things started not making sense, so the OP questioned and got non-conclusive answers. He began questioning more and took the initiative to find the proper answers.

Now that he has the answers he is conflicted emotionally between getting revenge, being the tool of justice, or just letting it all go. Honestly the revenge and justice points in this triangle are nearly impossible for most people to differentiate and only the OP will truly understand which of those roads he might be on if he chooses to confront the wife. But sometimes a person can't just pretend nothing happened, it depends on one's own moral values.

 

[Ephemeral]

maybe, and I guess its easy to see why his relationships would be few and far between. the man seems to be filled with rage, jealousy and every other detrimental emotion. therapy would help.

lets be real though, have you ever been in a relationship that was serious enough to be "hurt," but yet never have seen that person's home? I've dated alot of people, and I know for damn sure none of them were married, with kids, thats absurd! either you didn't know them well enough to care, or you knew them too well to not know who they really were.

unreal.

He's been dating a guy, a guy who he thought was single, for a while and finds out he's married with kids. He probably feels an array of emotions right now. That's gonna be an emotional blow to anyone.

I would be asking about my boyfriend's home within the first week of the relationship. Hiding where you live should send off the alarms, but some people might be too desperate to see that.

 

[TylerDurden222]

You forgot about the third possibility:

c) lied to - the OP had no reason to originally suspect the man of lying, but certain things started not making sense, so the OP questioned and got non-conclusive answers. He began questioning more and took the initiative to find the proper answers.

Now that he has the answers he is conflicted emotionally between getting revenge, being the tool of justice, or just letting it all go. Honestly the revenge and justice points in this triangle are nearly impossible for most people to differentiate and only the OP will truly understand which of those roads he might be on if he chooses to confront the wife. But sometimes a person can't just pretend nothing happened, it depends on one's own moral values.

the fact he is considering going into the man's workplace to announce he is his boyfriend, negates your argument. if this was simply about "justice," ruining the man's name at work would have never crossed his mind, would it?

 

[TylerDurden222]

He's been dating a guy, a guy who he thought was single, for a while and finds out he's married with kids. He probably feels an array of emotions right now. That's gonna be an emotional blow to anyone.

I would be asking about my boyfriend's home within the first week of the relationship. Hiding where you live should send off the alarms, but some people might be too desperate to see that.

ruining the guys life isn't going to help with his own desperation. if anything, revenge will just expose how pathetic his own situation is.

 

[Willie Boy]

the fact he is considering going into the man's workplace to announce he is his boyfriend, negates your argument. if this was simply about "justice," ruining the man's name at work would have never crossed his mind.

As I said the two are in many cases hard for some people to distinguish. In fact many people equate revenge with justice. The argument is valid, the fact that he doesn't fully differentiate proves this. Hence my warnings to him to be clear on his reasons for seeking to contact the wife.

 

[Ephemeral]

the fact he is considering going into the man's workplace to announce he is his boyfriend, negates your argument. if this was simply about "justice," ruining the man's name at work would have never crossed his mind, would it?

He shot himself in the foot when decided to step out on his marriage and family to live a double life. He should be able to deal with whatever comes his way.

 

[Hot White Trash]

A woman married to a guy who goes on a gay forum and starts threads about bareback, fetish porn, prostitutes, orgies, anal toys and such has a piece of shit for a husband. Maybe he is just fantasizing because he is pathetic and lost, but a woman and her kids deserve better.

There is a turkish saying, "The liar's candle burns only until midnight." Beware in St Louis, night comes.

 

[Willie Boy]

A woman married to a guy who goes on a gay forum and starts threads about bareback, fetish porn, prostitutes, orgies, anal toys and such has a piece of shit for a husband. Maybe he earns good money in St Louis but a woman deserves respect.

This is true, but are you sure you want to inform her for her own good, or just to get him back for the way he treated you?