Exposing MWM - How to Do it?

[Nomenclature]

I couldn't agree more. I played with a few married guys (who else would you play with as all guys are married anyway?), but I never will whatever say anyone I have been with them. NEVER.

LMFAO




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This is true, but are you sure you want to inform her for her own good, or just to get him back for the way he treated you?

It's obviously the second one.





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I used to know a man who was in his 40s, and married with children. He had a boyfriend on the side for a few years who was HIV+ and died of AIDS. Since it was an open secret, a lot of people who knew him were itching to tell his wife to go and get tested, but everyone was too afraid to get involved.

 

[CowboyBob]

The OP is an admittedly a stalker and wants revenge. He is hurt by this affair and in order to get this revenge he's going to damage this man and everyone else involved by informing his wife.

He's watching the house.
He's mad because they never went to "regular" places.
He focuses on the lies.

I don't know how he thinks blabbing will help the situation. You're judging. This is nothing more than bitter grapes on the OP's part. You're the Other Woman.

When you found out he's married did you continue with him or did you break it off right away? The mature thing to do it next time you talk to him tell him you're breaking it off because of him being married and let him decide what he wants to do.

Let it go. Break it off and go on with life. You don't sound like much of a catch.

 

[miaedu]

I'm tending to agree with TylerDurden222 on this issue.

I think the OP has failed to give details which would help one give better advice.

The OP claims to be 20 y.o. in his profile.

How old is the "married' man?

How did you two meet?

How long have you been "dating"?

How did you find out he was not being truthful about "age", "work", "residence" etc.

 

[TylerDurden222]

The OP is an admittedly a stalker and wants revenge. He is hurt by this affair and in order to get this revenge he's going to damage this man and everyone else involved by informing his wife.

He's watching the house.
He's mad because they never went to "regular" places.
He focuses on the lies.

I don't know how he thinks blabbing will help the situation. You're judging. This is nothing more than bitter grapes on the OP's part. You're the Other Woman.

When you found out he's married did you continue with him or did you break it off right away? The mature thing to do it next time you talk to him tell him you're breaking it off because of him being married and let him decide what he wants to do.

Let it go. Break it off and go on with life. You don't sound like much of a catch.

Amen

the irony in all this is the OP criticized the "cheating married guys" for their selfish behavior, yet is willing to selfishly disrupt the lives of many people (co workers, family, friends, etc) that really need not be involved in this. talk about a hypocrite

 

[doctorsun]

She needs to know. Her husband is cheating on her. That is NEVER acceptable. It's one of the worst things a person can do, in my opinion. I don't give a fuck if he's insecure about his sexuality. Cheating is ALWAYS inexcusable and he needs to be exposed. Since there are children involved, it's trickier, but it still needs to be done. Take pictures of the two of you in bed (or some other irrefutable evidence) and send them to the wife along with a letter explaining the situation. Explain that you never would have gotten involved with him if you had known that he was married. Explain that you would never want to hurt her or their children, but you simply can't sit back and allow him to get away with lying.

 

[Alan]

a woman and her kids deserve better.

They certainly deserve better than the husband and the father they have.

But, are you going to make things any better by revealing all at the mans church or workplace? And are you really going to feel better after you have done so?

I doubt it.

This is a really shitty situation. If I were you I'd just walk away. Forget about him.

Maybe the wife has her suspicions already. Maybe he's done the same thing before. She might be happier in denial. None of us know.

I had a father that was a serial cheater (with women - don't suppose it's any different). My mom stayed with him for twenty years. She knew all about it for 14 of those years but chose to live with it.

If you're going to do it, do it as gently as possible. Think of the kids first and foremost, and how it will affect them when you drop your bombshell. You'll get over it a lot quicker than they will.

Alan

 

[bulge]

I'm in a committed relationship, and if someone came to me and could establish beyond a reasonable doubt that my guy had been having an affair based on lying to him or her, based on the false pretence of being single, my reaction would be:

"I'm devastated. I can't believe he did this to me. Or you! I'm going to spend the rest of the afternoon throwing his possessions out onto the front lawn. If you're not busy, you're welcome to help."

I would not blame the person if they had every reasonable understanding that they were dating a single man.

Too much brain-watched by romantic stuff? There must be a pill against it.

 

[CowboyBob]

the irony in all this is the OP criticized the "cheating married guys" for their selfish behavior, yet is willing to selfishly disrupt the lives of many people (co workers, family, friends, etc) that really need not be involved in this. talk about a hypocrite

Yes Tyler, that's how I see it. He's a pissy little selfish thing that wants to create a mess for the man and everyone else because he's angry. To anyone else who finds them self in a similar situation (and if you're young you WILL), just let it go.

If you stir up trouble Karma will come back and get you. You'll be branded as a troublemaker & stalker. It's none of your business!

 

[bloblo]

My advice is get over it, and move on with your life. It's the easiest thing to do. Getting revenge will do nothing but hurt people not even involved in the drama such as the kids and the wife. If he goes on, he'll eventually caught. Just break it off, don't be a psycho. You're already partly there by stalking him, storming into a church and outing him in front of everyone does nothing but makes you look like a fool.

Move on with your life, and let it go.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Another possibility is the wife already knows about her husband's outside activities and they have worked out an understanding to preserve their family structure. That's another reason to butt out and find satisfaction elsewhere.

 

[Yngbldhwk]

HWT: Who approached/contacted whom first? If he approached you, then I think he bears more responsibility than you do in the situation, since, but for his actions, you would not have dated him, as you said yourself.

Most people I know would want to know if their spouse or partner was cheating on them, painful though it might be. Not knowing, for her part, essentially means she's living in somewhat of a fantasy world. I personally don't think ignorance is bliss and I also think lying should be punished. That includes keeping silent when you know the truth. Truth, in my mind, can't be ill, although the outcomes associated with it can be.

Having said all that, there's a difference between telling the truth and wanting revenge. There's a difference between sending his wife an anonymous letter and showing up at his job or his house, especially if his children are young. They're innocents in this situation.

If you do send that letter, then make a clean a break, write the situation off and, as others have said, never see this man again.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I love how all the closet cases are scared and throwing dirt. Its amazing how liars are also cowards.

I have come up with a decent plan. It was nonsense to talk about going to his job or church. That was emotion. My plan keeps me out of it and gives him the choice.

 

[MisterMajestic]

...LOL...This thread is a hoot...You can tell his wife FACE to FACE that her husband is cheating with another Man...You can also show her a video tape of the 2 of you Fucking...There's lots of things you can do...

Bottom line is this...The average woman does NOT walk out on her cheating man. Most women stick with their cheating Bi-hubby's because he's not Fucking another woman...

That's how it works folks..The Wifey ain't leaving her Bi-hubby regardless of how she finds out....

 

[miaedu]

I love how all the closet cases are scared and throwing dirt. Its amazing how liars are also cowards.

I have come up with a decent plan. It was nonsense to talk about going to his job or church. That was emotion. My plan keeps me out of it and gives him the choice.

Someone who claims "Are you out?: Only my friends know." on their profile sounds like a closet case to me.

Your story still has lots of holes without you providing more info.

I call BS on this thread.

 

[Under-taken]

Fighting fire with fire means you both can get burnt.

Hope it doesn't backfire to you, guilt can be a heavy thing to carry.

 

[Willie Boy]

I think this threads usefulness has played out.

 

[bankside]

I don't think anyone on here is worried about the guy getting hurt bankside. The most common themes in this thread are:

1: Outting him is going to hurt his children - and no matter what their father is doing they will be the innocent ones in this equation
2: Outting him is going to hurt his wife
3: The OP has already said he is worried the guy will turn violent, so outting him and helping him destroy his life - no matter the justification in the OPs head - could well put the OP in a position where he's at risk.

This is an extremely touchy subject with me. I watched a then-friends marriage implode from this exact same situation. The fall out was absolutely horrendous on the her and the children.

No one knows what goes on behind the doors of anothers home. And no one knows how the fallout will land.

To the OP, if you choose to out the guy to his wife, at least be 100% honest with yourself - at least - as to the real reason you're doing it. There's more to this than you've posted. If you destroy the web of lies he's built around himself and his life, he's not going to run from the implosion into your arms. And I get the distinct impression that is exactly what you're hoping for.

The trouble here is I don't think the wife knows what's going on beyond the doors of her own home. She's absolutely entitled to. I think that is reason enough, and I don't think the OP is hoping for some kind of magical "Oh thank you for releasing me from my web of deception. Life is better since the divorce. Now let's have more sex." No, this is just about being wronged by a liar, and trying to do the right thing for other people who are victims of the same lie.

Also, I don't think the guy is going to out the dad to his kids. And outing him is going to hurt the wife far less than a lying husband, and could save her the real grief of a lost lifetime of fake marriage, disease, always kind of wondering if something is missing. I can imagine some person would rather not know, and continue to live in a fake bubble. Fingers in ears shouting "LALALLALALALA." I also have a very difficult time finding any compassion for that mindset. Contempt is the first reaction that comes to mind.

Violence is certainly a factor. I think that is the only factor that should be a consideration here - safety of the OP, and the wife & kids. But that might be handled one way or another. If it can be then of course the truth should come out.

Too much brain-watched by romantic stuff? There must be a pill against it.

Huh?

Another possibility is the wife already knows about her husband's outside activities and they have worked out an understanding to preserve their family structure. That's another reason to butt out and find satisfaction elsewhere.

I actually think this possibility is rarer than the wife knowing and cheering him on, and maybe watching or joining in sometime. I know a couple like that, and they are happy. But I think this situation is farthest from. A 1 in 1000 chance is not a reason to butt out. And if that 1 in 1000 turns out to be the case, she would say "Thanks for bringing it to my attention, but we've sorted things out so not to worry."

And even more to the point, if that 1 in 1000 were the case, he would have said "YES, I'm married. She's good with it. I have the coolest wife on the planet. Now let's fuck."

I just don't buy it.

 

[Willie Boy]

I guess I was wrong. This bloody goo that is all that's left of the carcass of the dead horse ain't done being smacked with a pogo stick.

 

[Hot White Trash]

So last night we got together. He wanted to hang out (fuck) but I wanted to see the fight so we walked over to Hooters. Got trashed. Fights were garbage. Anyway, his car was broken into and keyed. He's pissed, kinda freaks out. Won't call the cops.

Its like 3 and I gotta go to pass out. He wants to claim his car was stolen. Because I won't lie he says I set him up. For a radio? Clown. He starts crying, saying he just wants his stuff back. I get pissed. Tell him only a fool drives a fuckin c-class to the heights. So now I'm trash (I laugh. "I know motherfucker.") He's going to call the police, tell em I sell weed, robbed him. Come on. Witnesses seen us together. He's crying, offering me money. (He threatened me too).

I tell him I gotta go to bed. I crash. Get up to piss (and its humid as fuck). His car is gone. Obviously its over.

 

[miaedu]

So last night we got together. He wanted to hang out (fuck) but I wanted to see the fight so we walked over to Hooters. Got trashed. Fights were garbage. Anyway, his car was broken into and keyed. He's pissed, kinda freaks out. Won't call the cops.

Its like 3 and I gotta go to pass out. He wants to claim his car was stolen. Because I won't lie he says I set him up. For a radio? Clown. He starts crying, saying he just wants his stuff back. I get pissed. Tell him only a fool drives a fuckin c-class to the heights. So now I'm trash (I laugh. "I know motherfucker.") He's going to call the police, tell em I sell weed, robbed him. Come on. Witnesses seen us together. He's crying, offering me money. (He threatened me too).

I tell him I gotta go to bed. I crash. Get up to piss (and its humid as fuck). His car is gone. Obviously its over.

Isn't the legal drinking age in Mass 21?

A "fuckin c-class" is not that big of a deal for a car is the heights a ghetto where ANY car would be broken into?