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Facebook FAG?

yehme2

yehme2

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hey guys, im in a bit of a dilemma, my friend who i have known since school (im in college now) suddenly sent me this message on facebook:

found proof that you are gay. it's an old song that you gave me.
.....it's by mandy moore, fag. :P

I became enraged even though he kinda sounded like he was joking, but still, its not something you would send over facebook just like that.

So i sent him this:

"Next time u think of something stupid to say, i want you to write down on a piece of paper, fold it and stick it up your tiny american-wannabe asian ass! lol See how it feels??? I hope u get the message. Plus if music alone made you a fag, you would be the gayest one in the village. not cool bro, not impressed."

Do you think it is appropriate for what he said, i dont want to sound to harsh, but he really upset me by his random stupid message, this is also the second time he used FAG on me. Especially cause i have struggled with my sexuality for a long time and i dont need someone like this to fuck up what took a year to become comfortable in my own skin.

Was this an appropriate reply?
All comments and help is welcome! :)
 
Antares81 said:
Maybe he was just kidding and you just outed yourself?
Click to expand...

I didnt just out myself, i just made sure he dosent come up with stupid shit like this again.. gay or not, it was a stupid comment to make and i cant pretend like its ok when it isnt...
 
a420zboy69 said:
the proper word to have used is OUT...i didnt just out myself....

well...yea you kinda did!
Click to expand...


hahahah, okay, thanks for correcting my grammer.... if u dont have helpful advice then WTF are u doing here, this is not a "correct my grammer" just so you looking intelligent forum. ;)
 
Was it an appropriate reply? It was an angry reply and you lashed out at something your friend said. Does your reply make you feel good about yourself?

Oh, the drama!
 
Sometimes it's best if you write what you did and then not look at it again for 24 hours. That way you are able to address your immediate anger and let time cool you down a bit. "Not cool bro, not impressed," might have been enough of an answer. I like finding ways to use humor to deflect comments like this guy made.

For some of us coming out is a struggle. I wish you well on your journey.
 
sixthson said:
Was it an appropriate reply? It was an angry reply and you lashed out at something your friend said. Does your reply make you feel good about yourself?

Oh, the drama!
Click to expand...

Yes, it does make me feel good about myself, because it shows that i will not tollerate homophobia regardless if im out or not, unlike some of the closet cases in here who would have said nothing. Even if it is a close friend that i have known, some people commit suicide from hearing words like "fag" and "gay", even it is said in a friendly manner... Anyway, its not like me and this friend are fighting, we are speaking again, he just needs to know what i will and not tollerate. ..|
 
soreknees said:
Sometimes it's best if you write what you did and then not look at it again for 24 hours. That way you are able to address your immediate anger and let time cool you down a bit. "Not cool bro, not impressed," might have been enough of an answer. I like finding ways to use humor to deflect comments like this guy made.

For some of us coming out is a struggle. I wish you well on your journey.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice :) He wrote the comment last night and i woke up still affected by it, and there is something in me that simply dosent like bullshit in all its forms. It is sometimes better not not say anything, but for me if i dont say anything it is a sign that im weak and cant stand up to myself.
 
um i think you overreacted and you might be a little too sensitive. It didnt sound like he was trying to be rude to you and if he hadnt thrown fag onto the end of it I wouldn't have taken offense to it at all.... What you replied was 100 times worse than what he said to you.. I hope you didnt lose a friend
 
BlondeCanadian said:
um i think you overreacted and you might be a little too sensitive. It didnt sound like he was trying to be rude to you and if he hadnt thrown fag onto the end of it I wouldn't have taken offense to it at all.... What you replied was 100 times worse than what he said to you.. I hope you didnt lose a friend
Click to expand...

He is not an immediate friend, he now lives in another country and i havent lost him cause he replayed back "haha you know i love you..." and more but i wont include here.

What i replyed was worse and you are kinda right, i am kinda sensetive sometimes, i have my days, u know were ur extra sensitive to criticism. *sigh* I hate this part of my life atm, i feel so trapped for some reason and i dont know what to do. It feels like everyone is against me, and im fighting a loosing battle. :cry:](*,)
 
it seems like he is a good person.. i know my friends sometimes tease me slightly by things like that. It isnt personal, it is just a joke. i dont like the word fag, but i know your gay because you downloaded mandy moore is something i could totally see one of my friends saying to me.. I think you just need to relax...Its all right everything is fine! you know who you are, you shouldnt let people bother you
 
I think bringing his race into it was worse. It is clear that he didnt know you are gay and didnt intend to offend that part of you. But you do know he is Asian and did intend to offend his race.

You can let someone know you are not cool with the f word w/o saying something racial.
 
You need to just get over it and not let little things like that bother you so much.
 
yehme2 said:
"Next time u think of something stupid to say, i want you to write down on a piece of paper, fold it and stick it up your tiny american-wannabe asian ass! lol See how it feels??? I hope u get the message. Plus if music alone made you a fag, you would be the gayest one in the village. not cool bro, not impressed."

Do you think it is appropriate for what he said, i dont want to sound to harsh, but he really upset me by his random stupid message, this is also the second time he used FAG on me. Especially cause i have struggled with my sexuality for a long time and i dont need someone like this to fuck up what took a year to become comfortable in my own skin.

Was this an appropriate reply?
All comments and help is welcome! :)
Click to expand...

Not only wasn't appropriate, it would be now appropriate to send along an apology note. Stay classy!

(Also, maybe he's gay too and is just testing waters?)
 
Sounded like a bit of an overreaction to me. He sounded like he was kidding around in my opinion, and when you react that aggressively in a "defensive" manner over "fag" it does kind of "out" yourself a little bit.

It's a shame "fag" is thrown around so loosely these days (or even at all in a derogatory manner), but being so defensive about it when someone throws that word to you in a jokingly way surely doesn't help your position if you want your sexuality to remain private.
 
What's worse than being called a fag is someone in the closet getting so upset at being called a fag, as if it is truly so horrible to be suggested as gay. True, it's derogatory, but I think you're more offended by the idea that people are on to your dirty little secret, which is why you brought up your bisexuality and relationship with a woman, as if it somehow excuses you, as if you're afraid to be gay.

Your reply was ridiculous and pretty racist.
 
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