EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Fifty-Two - Mac
“Did you see Jiminy Crickets pat Richard's ass?”
“Like he owned it.” Mac told Euie. “I think Richard's in love. Or maybe I just wish it was me.”
“You know,” Euie's glance lingered on the couple walking away, “Andrew's ass is a more substantial thing than it used to be.”
“Many all that work with the trees is doing everybody some good.” Mac paused. “Euie, you know I'm not … But have you ever ...”
“Probably. Just say it.” One old friend looked to another with understanding.
“Have you ever hooked up with somebody totally … um, unsuited to … Like not even close to … ”
“Pure sex. No brain. Is that what you're trying to say? Jeez, yes. The wrestler. The rabbit. Did you forget about them?”
“No. I mean more socially in a way different world.”
“The rabbit and the bunnies all belonged in a circus. How did I ever get into that mess?” Euie laughed at the memory, but Mac was serious, “You talking about up or down scale?”
“It's complicated, you know me being ...”
“Black? That's never bothered you before.”
“See, I met this total redneck. He's friendly and stuff, but I get the idea he looks on me as an alien lifeform. Maybe not alien, exactly; maybe exotic. Like having an octopus for a pet. Interesting, but essentially unrelateable on any personal level.”
“He treats you like a pet?”
“I'm good at picking crabs and I always heard octopuses are, too. Anyway, he was sitting outside his apartment in my building with a bushel of cooked crabs and a beer making a mess and I said, 'Here, let me show you.' And I cleaned a couple. And he got me a beer and offered dinner. He'd cook and I'd pick the crabs. So I had nothing else to do and said. 'Sure.' I picked and drank more beer and he added the rest of the stuff for cakes and drank more beer and dinner was really great.”
“Yeah, what's the problem?”
“We talked mostly about straight-guy stuff, football, girls, and then out of nowhere he says, 'You got big dick? I always heard black guys have big ones.' Wham. Outta nowhere.”
“You do have a big dick.” Euie said non-judgmentally. “Bigger than me, for sure. So you said …?”
“In a locker room, I measure up ok. That's what I told him. And he stared at my crotch and said, 'Looks big to me.' “
“What??? Did you whip it out????”
“No. I was fully clothed. I said something like 'Yeah, maybe.' And we went back to talking about how the NFC East sucks. So the next weekend the two of us and another dude in the building repeated the crab dinner.”
“So – if you're having a good time - what's the problem?
“While we were doing the dishes, he stopped and held my hand, looking hard at it. He said, 'It's so cool the way your inner hand is white.' I said, 'My feet, too.' And then he stared at me, my face, I mean … and it got to be embarrassing. Suddenly he looked away and said, 'Sorry. I've never been around black guys much.' Then he looked back and said, 'Nothing bad about it. I just never have. I hope I'm not being weird or anything.' Well, he WAS; but I said no, no … But it was weird, Euie, really weird.”
“Yeah, so …?”
“So I want him to hold my hand again. I can still feel his touch.”
“What's his name?”
“Lamarr, with two Rs, P, which I think is for Patrick, Branley ... Lamarr P. Branley. That's what the card on his apartment door says.”
“Where did he go to school?”
“High school? Centerville Regional.”
“No I mean college.”
“He didn't go past high school. He works in a packing house. And smells a little bit of ham. In a good way. Fresh, I mean. Like ham cologne, kind of? Don't look at me that way. He smells good. Really. He does.”
“Are you getting hard talking about him?”
Mac hesitated. “A little. Maybe.”
“Would you …?”
No hesitation this time. “Oh, yes. Yes, I would. Anything he wanted.”
“Is it going to happen.”
Hesitation this time. “I don't know. I don't think so. Nothing he did, even when he held my hand, was sexual. No sex vibe from him at all. Well, except he is sexy, you know … ripe, gives off heat, looks at me like I'm the only person there.”
“Wait. You WERE the only person there!!!”
“After the other guy left, I was. But that's not what I mean. I mean he talks directly to you, like there's no one else in the world. Like he cares what you think, what you say.”
“Even though you're an exotic life form?”
“I'm not explaining this right at all, huh?”
“I think my old buddy Mac is a little smitten by a hot hillbilly.”
“He's not hillbilly. He's way more Tidewater.”
“Centerville is nowhere near Tidewater Virginia.”
“It's just something I feel. He's not like dudes around here or at James Madison.”
“There were dudes from Tidewater at JMU; there were dudes from Philadelphia, even New-fucking-York at JMU.”
“I can't explain it.”
Euie took Mac's hand and looked at it. “It is cool the way it's two-colored; no wonder he liked at it. Good luck old friend. Don't get your heart broken by a friendly straight guy.”
“I know better than to let that happen, Euie.”
“That's probably what Richard would say, too.”
Mac laughed. “Richard is ruled by his dick. Which is bigger than mine. I'll have to tell Lamarr that.”
“It's not MUCH bigger.”
The two old friends laughed again and briefly hugged outside the bar before parting.
“Did you see Jiminy Crickets pat Richard's ass?”
“Like he owned it.” Mac told Euie. “I think Richard's in love. Or maybe I just wish it was me.”
“You know,” Euie's glance lingered on the couple walking away, “Andrew's ass is a more substantial thing than it used to be.”
“Many all that work with the trees is doing everybody some good.” Mac paused. “Euie, you know I'm not … But have you ever ...”
“Probably. Just say it.” One old friend looked to another with understanding.
“Have you ever hooked up with somebody totally … um, unsuited to … Like not even close to … ”
“Pure sex. No brain. Is that what you're trying to say? Jeez, yes. The wrestler. The rabbit. Did you forget about them?”
“No. I mean more socially in a way different world.”
“The rabbit and the bunnies all belonged in a circus. How did I ever get into that mess?” Euie laughed at the memory, but Mac was serious, “You talking about up or down scale?”
“It's complicated, you know me being ...”
“Black? That's never bothered you before.”
“See, I met this total redneck. He's friendly and stuff, but I get the idea he looks on me as an alien lifeform. Maybe not alien, exactly; maybe exotic. Like having an octopus for a pet. Interesting, but essentially unrelateable on any personal level.”
“He treats you like a pet?”
“I'm good at picking crabs and I always heard octopuses are, too. Anyway, he was sitting outside his apartment in my building with a bushel of cooked crabs and a beer making a mess and I said, 'Here, let me show you.' And I cleaned a couple. And he got me a beer and offered dinner. He'd cook and I'd pick the crabs. So I had nothing else to do and said. 'Sure.' I picked and drank more beer and he added the rest of the stuff for cakes and drank more beer and dinner was really great.”
“Yeah, what's the problem?”
“We talked mostly about straight-guy stuff, football, girls, and then out of nowhere he says, 'You got big dick? I always heard black guys have big ones.' Wham. Outta nowhere.”
“You do have a big dick.” Euie said non-judgmentally. “Bigger than me, for sure. So you said …?”
“In a locker room, I measure up ok. That's what I told him. And he stared at my crotch and said, 'Looks big to me.' “
“What??? Did you whip it out????”
“No. I was fully clothed. I said something like 'Yeah, maybe.' And we went back to talking about how the NFC East sucks. So the next weekend the two of us and another dude in the building repeated the crab dinner.”
“So – if you're having a good time - what's the problem?
“While we were doing the dishes, he stopped and held my hand, looking hard at it. He said, 'It's so cool the way your inner hand is white.' I said, 'My feet, too.' And then he stared at me, my face, I mean … and it got to be embarrassing. Suddenly he looked away and said, 'Sorry. I've never been around black guys much.' Then he looked back and said, 'Nothing bad about it. I just never have. I hope I'm not being weird or anything.' Well, he WAS; but I said no, no … But it was weird, Euie, really weird.”
“Yeah, so …?”
“So I want him to hold my hand again. I can still feel his touch.”
“What's his name?”
“Lamarr, with two Rs, P, which I think is for Patrick, Branley ... Lamarr P. Branley. That's what the card on his apartment door says.”
“Where did he go to school?”
“High school? Centerville Regional.”
“No I mean college.”
“He didn't go past high school. He works in a packing house. And smells a little bit of ham. In a good way. Fresh, I mean. Like ham cologne, kind of? Don't look at me that way. He smells good. Really. He does.”
“Are you getting hard talking about him?”
Mac hesitated. “A little. Maybe.”
“Would you …?”
No hesitation this time. “Oh, yes. Yes, I would. Anything he wanted.”
“Is it going to happen.”
Hesitation this time. “I don't know. I don't think so. Nothing he did, even when he held my hand, was sexual. No sex vibe from him at all. Well, except he is sexy, you know … ripe, gives off heat, looks at me like I'm the only person there.”
“Wait. You WERE the only person there!!!”
“After the other guy left, I was. But that's not what I mean. I mean he talks directly to you, like there's no one else in the world. Like he cares what you think, what you say.”
“Even though you're an exotic life form?”
“I'm not explaining this right at all, huh?”
“I think my old buddy Mac is a little smitten by a hot hillbilly.”
“He's not hillbilly. He's way more Tidewater.”
“Centerville is nowhere near Tidewater Virginia.”
“It's just something I feel. He's not like dudes around here or at James Madison.”
“There were dudes from Tidewater at JMU; there were dudes from Philadelphia, even New-fucking-York at JMU.”
“I can't explain it.”
Euie took Mac's hand and looked at it. “It is cool the way it's two-colored; no wonder he liked at it. Good luck old friend. Don't get your heart broken by a friendly straight guy.”
“I know better than to let that happen, Euie.”
“That's probably what Richard would say, too.”
Mac laughed. “Richard is ruled by his dick. Which is bigger than mine. I'll have to tell Lamarr that.”
“It's not MUCH bigger.”
The two old friends laughed again and briefly hugged outside the bar before parting.
