At first i believed i was the only one who felt this way. Literally EVERYTIME i think of him i get short of breath as if i was having another asthma attack. Falling in love with a straight guy is downright self-torture, but its something that inexplicably happens to me ALOT.
I tried the cut him off thing and, to be perfectly honest, after about 3 months, i felt i could live without him, without wanting him to feel for me what i felt for him, even though i seen him almost everyday(that was pretty hard) i avoided all other contact with him(speaking, sitting next to him, even looking at him for more than 3 sec.) and eventually when i thought of him i felt nothing.
But the way i came about this was totally wrong, i was a complete bitch to him. i told him i didnt want his friendship, and when he asked for an explanation i didnt have an answer at first, but soon i lied and told him that he was starting to annoy me. he continued to ask how, and telling me that hes sorry for whatever he does and that he wont do it again(OMFUCKINGgosh he is so sweet and cute) but i told him that we just couldnt be friends. So one day i just stopped talking to him, he would say hi, or attempt to have a conversation, and i would give him the dirtiest look and dismiss any talking. and then it got to the point where i guess he was tired of my shit and he stopped talking to me (but this was a good thing, or so i thought).
after a couple of months i began to feel bad that i ended it that way, so on some random day i said hello, and he just smiled sooo big and hard, and said "you spoke to me!" as if it was his birthday. and i fucking fell... so fucking hard.... again. even now, as im writing this, i cant breathe, and im crying.
i wish there was a way i could just forget i ever met him, but its soo damn hard to leave him alone, and now im at a lost to do, i feel like life would be meaningless if i dont end up with him. hes the only one that ive ever felt so strong for, and i know i have a long life ahead of me, but i feel like i will unfortunately be in love with him for the rest of it

so help us both out.