The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    To register, turn off your VPN; you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Fooled around with my "straight" friend

i have a "friend" that pursues me relentlessly and openly but he is not open about his sexuality, which is pretty obvious anyway, and becuase of it i have never let him do anything with me becuase of that reason, though i think i would date him if he came out...:)
 
Frankly, I think the whole thing sounds twisted.

I actually would run as far away from 'straight guy' as I could. He's only going to keep fucking with your head and make you feel more and more worthless every time he turns into a three beer queer and lets you blow him.

No matter how hard he begs next time, if I were you I'd just say that because he's so weird about it after, you just can't invest the emotional energy.
 
I agree, next time, and I think there will be a next time, he gets drunk and wants me I'm not giving in. I wouldn't have given in this time if I had known he was going to act like this. It would be different if I were going "okay when's our date, and we should do this on our anniversary" etc. but I'm not, I'm trying to talk to him about normal everyday what we would be discussing stuff. Every freaking answer is "yes" "no" "maybe".

What I'm going to do is take a class or two and get out and clear my head. Focus on some hobbies of mine (like photography) and just be out and in the world. I cried myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness and confusion last night and that is NOT happening again. I am much better than that. I pick up and dust myself off when I get knocked down, not sit in the dirt and CRY. I'm pissed and pretty damn determined when I'm pissed. What's annoying is I'm pissed and sad and depressed and don't care all at the same time! It's crazy!

Thanks for all your help and advice and kind words guys!
 
So in a twisted turn of events, a female friend of ours that my "straight" friend always accused me of flirting with wanted to clear any air and tension between us (her and I). She told me about how my friend had been stepping up the pursuit of her the past 3 weeks or so (he has always made it sound like she is chasing him) and she told me how uncomfortable she was with it. In fact he called her up Saturday (the day after we slept together) wanting to "hang out." and then told her "You know you like me. What's the hold up?"

This pissed me off because he gave me a lot of crap about flirting with her and I sacrificed a possible good friend for him. Then he uses me for his "man whore" fun and turns around and tries to get her the next night. He couldn't wait at least two days to try to prove his straightness to himself??? Or with porn??

This wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't been the first guy I was with...ever. Sexually anyway. I never saw this streak in him before really. People playing, manipulating. I don't feel like he cares about me at all like he has said. It feels like one series of stupid mind games after another. And I don't have my best friend to talk to about it :cry:

It wasn't worth it guys...........
 
thephoenix said:
He couldn't wait at least two days to try to prove his straightness to himself??? Or with porn??
Click to expand...
I think that's what was going on. He was probably freaked out the next day by what he did with you and needed to re-establish his heterosexuality.

This wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't been the first guy I was with...ever. Sexually anyway. I never saw this streak in him before really. People playing, manipulating. I don't feel like he cares about me at all like he has said. It feels like one series of stupid mind games after another. And I don't have my best friend to talk to about it :cry:
Click to expand...
That's the worst part, that you don't have your best friend to talk to any more.
 
Everything for the two of you right now is fresh and raw.....wrapped up in emotion, confusion and paranoia. Very few people practice good judgement in times like that. I don't know either of you, but it would appear that your friend is trying to prove his "straightness" to both himself and you, just as you said. Focus on what you know is true....he was your best friend before any of this happened. It's likely he still wants to be, and he needs you to encourage the friendship and nothing more. Obviously you have emotional needs in all of this, too, but I have consistently found with my best friends -- especially guys -- that putting their needs above my own in times of crisis preserves the friendship and my own perspective.
Good luck.
 
wow, I'm sorry about that. he is immature that's for sure. not a very nice guy and he is using people, he will be using your friend next...:(
 
This is the exact same situation as I went through recently, except that I just patiently waited him out. Because he was my best friend, I was willing to give him a little time. Eventually he apologized for taking so long to get back with me and everything was fine between us. We ended up doing it again but it wasn't weird because we'd been through it all before and he knew that I wouldn't wierd out on him. I never felt like he was using me, he was horny and so was I, the end.

Why are you weird that he's chasing after girls now? You're just friends, he can sleep with whoever he wants! And he's straight, so that means girls. And a first gay experience usually sends guys running to girls to prove they're straight...once they get some, they'll come back. The trick to sleeping wityh str8 guys is to recognize that they're straight and like girls (duh), if you buck up their ego and don't question their orientation, they'll come back.

Your problem Pheonix is that youu're lying--to yourself. If you're broken up about him seeing girls or not wanting to do anything with you again, you want more from him than he's willing to give and he's absoluely doing the right thing by putting some distance in. Being envious or jealous of someone only drives them away, and having a heart to heart will only hurt your friendship worse. He needs time, and so do you by the sound of things. It doesn't sound to me like he was using you...it sounds to me like he was horny and wanted to try it with a guy. You should be honored it was you, that's totally hot! Just appreciate what happened for what it was.
 
CGHJ, I think you need to cut the kid some slack. I agree with much of your assessment but I think you missed the part about this being his FIRST encounter. That obviously changes things and your message, while mainly true, is geared toward somebody who's been around the block at least once before.

thephoenix, sorry things are really sucking for you right now. It will get better even if it doesn't seem that way right now. Time has a way of making everything better. I guess based on your most recent posts, I might tend to agree that distance is more appropriate than a heart to heart. You both have a lot of issues that you need to work through right now alone and I am not sure that talking about it is going to make it any better.

As to this guy being str8... nobody can make that judgement at this time. There are a lot of gay guys who don't want to admit to being gay and so would act the same way this guy did. And honestly, I don't believe that any 100% str8 guy would get with another guy when there were options. I mean, I've had opportunities with females, and it just isn't there. There's no reason to believe that a str8 guy is any different. There is at least some bi in your friend... how much, only he knows.
 
CGHJ, I can see your point, but I agree with jockboy01, it would be different if it hadn't been my first time. Sure, I can agree it was a hot encounter, but in hindsight I'd much rather have my best friend than a sometime hook up that may or may not send him running and questioning himself. I've mostly left him alone for this week. He was the one to bring it up and shut it down for discussion all in one breath. My friend, I'm not so sure he'll apologize, the closest I got to that was him telling me it wasn't my fault.

In all honesty, I don't understand the "bed hopping." I do feel flattered that he was with me, but his trying to get into someone else's pants not 24 hours after mine just negates that in my opinion because apparently you just gotta be breathing to get with him. Where's the honor when anyone can get it??? It does make me feel used.

He can do what he wants because you're right CGHJ, we're just friends. I'm not jealous of the females and haven't said a word to him about what I found out. But he's not gonna be doing what he wants with me again. Maybe a second time wouldn't be weird since we've been through it, but it's not the risk I want to take. In the end, it's not that big of an accomplishment to me to be with a "straight guy" because in all honesty as long as they're with you they aren't so straight. Like I said before, I value much more my close friendship over a sexual relationship.

If he doesn't want to do it again, fine cause I don't. My point is I want to get back to normal with him. I don't want the discomfort or weirdness. His divorce has changed him so much. My friend before he was married would never have put our friendship in jeopardy and I shouldn't have either. To me it's not an excuse, but alcohol plays hell with your mind. I feel guilty for my part in it. It was fun at the time, but not now.

jockboy01, I'm fairly certain he's at the very least bi. I've walked in on him and gay porn and he's told me before he likes all kinds of sex because he's a "man whore". However, he "chooses" not to live "that life." He believes being gay is a choice and that he's proof of it because he chooses not to have sex with men even though he wants to. (the last part isn't his exact words, but the point I gleaned from what he was saying). It's just a bigger mess than it should be......
 
I agree with jockboy's last post.

I also don't blame you for being (a little) bummed that he went for that girl the very next day. Maybe in theory that 'shouldn't matter' to you, but you're human....

Anyway, it seems to me that you're most bummed about losing a good friend. But if he's really a good guy he will come around eventually. The whole weirdness thing is in his mind.

As for going there again if he ever asked - I think I'd stay away from that. Too much drama for one night of fooling around.

As for if he's gay or bi - well, he's obviously at least a bit bi (or curious) since he fooled around with you. He could be gay, but who cares, anyway. As far as his sexual status I think the only relevant label is 'trouble'.

In a previous post you talked about taking a class & hobbies. That's a good idea. Who knows, you could meet some new friends....

Hang in there, dude!
 
I like your plan thephoenix. It seems you have your head screwed on str8... er, gay haha.

He believes being gay is a choice and that he's proof of it because he chooses not to have sex with men
Click to expand...

I don't need to tell you this, but what a bunch of hogwash!! I hate the self hating gays... they give the rest of us a bad reputation... like we could choose to sleep with women. Well, fuck, that's true. But I could choose to be a self righteous ass... but that's not who I am and I don't act. People aren't gay or str8 because of who they sleep with for fuck sake. There are lots of gay guys who think the way your friend does, many of them married. But you know what, you only get one shot at this life (in my belief system anyway) so I figure why spend that shot living a lie to yourself... what a waste.

I'd say steer clear of this guy. But since you want him as a friend, keep it that way. Don't go for this train wreck again b/c it's only going to end up hurting you (and maybe him, but he's making his own mess so I don't feel as bad for him). Okay, sorry for the rant... hang in there. It'll get better for you.
 
Oh boy Phoenix...

I think all of us have been in this capacity in one way or the other, and I know how troubling this can be.

Truth is your friend is probably very confused at the moment, independently of where he's sitting on the sexual spectrum. I hate to say it but you cannot tell where he stands at this moment, it's gonna take time for him to clear his mind.

I'd give him his space right now - however it's tricky because he's your best friend. Eventually I think things will go back to the way they were, and I agree, having a friend is much better than a lover.

When he'll be ready I think he'll come to you and you'll have to respect his decision. But in the meantime I suggest you train yourself to let go of your feelings for him, no matter how deep they are. Let go of your anger or remorse. What has happened has happened and it's up to him to decide where he stands. He owes you a response, that much is certain.

There's also the option of sending him an e-mail, and let him respond to it. The best way to go on about this is logic and reason. It makes you occupy the superior ground. Tell him how this affected you. Tell him what about his behavior is making things unfair and that you'd want his friendship back more than anything, and that you'll accept wherever he stands as long as he respects you and accepts that what has happened has happened. There's no denying it. However it doesn't make him bi or gay instantly, and that you're willing to accept that.

Be prepared for the worse too.

Like I said, I think someone who's willing to experiment like your friend must be able to face the consequences of their actions and not run from them. I can tell you if he turns on you then you'll know he's always been a cowardly person to begin with.

My friend and I did some stuff together a while back, and he got freaked out. My situation is basically the same as yours. We progressively started hanging out again over a few months, and when I felt the time was right I brought the topic up. He seemed more willing and open this time and he told me he didn't know how it ended up happening, but it just did. He had time to reflect on it and said he was pretty sure he was straight, but he apologized for what he had done to me, saying there were no words that could express how sorry he was for putting me through hell. He said for what it's worth, he considered me one of his best friends and he'd do anything for me, and that I've at least made him a more open-minded person and he'd always be there for me from now on.

So you'll see I have a feeling things will end up okay once the dust is settled down. Good luck dude :)
 
Thanks for your kind words and stories guys. It has been helpful. There has still been no word from my friend, however he did find time to party a little with my brother Friday night. That kind of irked me and I think its because he won't even talk to me beyond a grunt or "yeah." But he can party like an 18 year old. With an 18 year old who looks remarkably like me.

I'm so mad at him right now. I've been way too good of a friend to him to get this kind of treatment! I expected more from him I guess. We've always been able to tell each other what was really on our minds and I figured he'd do just that. The silence and lack of any kind of communication is killing me. I don't know where I stand. You know, if I'm standing in quicksand or walking through brush covering the quicksand, or if I've fallen into a pit of vipers. Honestly, I think I'd take the vipers over this. The reception at the bottom would be warmer!

I'm a person who values not being too needy and it bothers me that I've been so distraught I guess for a week. It's not so easy picking up and moving on from this. Not when I find myself so isolated and alone.
 
Oh for heaven's sakes, just move on.

He sounds like a fucked up headcase and you surely have better things and people to do.
 
Okay rareboy, you got it! All done! It's amazing how easy that was. But after you illuminated the way with your compassion I don't see how I could have missed such an obvious answer.

Look, I know I've probably been harping on it for longer than what I should. I don't have an answer or an excuse. Because in the end it's all excuses isn't it?

I don't make friends that easily (must be my cuddly personality) and the circle of friends I do have is small to nearly nonexistent. All the more reason for me not to sleep with them I guess.

So rareboy, consider there to be a big honking check in the moving on box for Phoenix. Afterall, it is soooo easy. No wait, that's the saying it part that's easy. Actually moving on......well buddy, that's a whole other ball game.
 
Its a hot story indeed. I got hard reading it.

Just blame it on the beer or whatever he made you drink next time he refer to that again. Otherwise, act like nothing has happened.
If he tries to ignore or go away from you then let him have his own space for a while. He is probably curious but at the same time feeling regret and confused to why it felt so good but felt so wrong.
 
Sorry, all I see is bad judgement and a three beer queer using you.

You can waste your time chasing this guy for an entirely unhealthy and unproductive 'relationship', or you can take a good look in the mirror, realize that this way lies madness and get out there and invest in meeting people who aren't into head games while they're between wives.
 
why would you still want to be friends with someone who's treating you like shit, just curious? he doesn't seem very nice.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top