For those who confessed feelings to straight friends--

[catee222]

I (sort of) did it! He and I went to a bar last night to meet up with some people. I was actually having some fun talking to this girl my age, and I probably should have gotten her number because we had lot in common (only problem is that she smokes cigarettes). On the way home (I was totally trashed), I just said to him there's something I have to tell him, but I'm kind of afraid of putting the friendship at risk. So he asked what it was and I told him "I think I might be bi," and he chuckled and said "I don't think you are, just because you haven't had much luck with women doesn't mean you're bi." So I told him I'm probably just confused right now and going through a phase. He said "don't worry, you're drunk; you say a lot of weird things when you're drunk." Then we talked briefly about how he thought I had fun talking to the girl and that hopefully she'll be there next time we're at the same bar and how I need more confidence when I talk to girls. The whole conversation about this lasted around 5 mins and it was a little awkward; but from there we just talked about random shit just like 2 good friends would. He promised not to say anything to anyone.

So, idk for sure if he believes I'm straight or bi. My goal was to hopefully have him tell me that he's bi or gay after I told him; but since he didn't, that means he's not interested in being anything beyond friends with me, so I can now move on and stop wondering "what could've been!" Plus, in the car I asked him what was going on with him and his girl, he said he still likes her, but is not sure what's going to happen between them since she has some "personal reasons" for why they can't date now. So I say "mission complete." Now the question is whether or not he took the time to wonder if I really am bi after he dropped me off, and how he'll act around me next time we see each other

 

[TriBi]

To me, it sounds as if your friend is likely straight - but not all that sexually (heterosxually) confident.

I can report a very similar situation to relaxin13 - & that with a friend who is totally straight but not in the least 'judgemental' of people who aren't. Nevertheless, our friendship has remained a little more distant than it used to be. Still fairly close - but not as much so.

 

[TaigaStar]

If you were drunk and said "i think I might be bi," he probably didn't think anything much past it. I told one friend (my other friend who knew made a joke, and this guy was like "huh?") and he was like, "ok." The only other thing he said was, "you're my friend, so it doesn't change anything." As far as the crush part... my friend is aware, I think, because I told him he was hot, but he's straight, I'm married, and it's kind of moot to tell someone you have a thing for them when they're not interested in your gender.

 

[spencer]

It seems like being bi wouldn't affect him much (judging by his original reaction)

But if you're going to come out to him, don't make excuses for why you would be bi by saying it could be a phase and don't agree with him by getting girls' phone numbers. That don't make sense to me to put effort into it and then thwart your own effort when you already got his reaction.

 

[Moss]

i dont understand why people here have the need to overcomplicate things.

if he is also gay then after you come out to him then a) he will come out to you when he feels comfortable and b) he will let you know if he has feelings for you at that time (imo)

by dumping everything on him at once i think it creates this overbearing weight on his shoulders kind of...why not keep things basic and one thing at a time? Is it really that hard for some people to keep their feelings in? I'm in the process of coming out myself, and there are two people that I think could also be gay (and I would love it if they were cause I do have crushes on them) but I think telling them 'im gay and i have a crush on you' would make things horrendiously difficult if they were not accepting and straight.

 

[TaigaStar]

I have a straight friend who lives with my wife and I (the one I mentioned above that I have the crush on). I asked him yesterday, "if someone outs themselves to you, and then tell you they have feelings for you, what is your reaction?" He said, "Thank you. I've had guys tell me they were gay and that they've wanted me. It's flattering, but it's not what I'm interested in." So really, to crush is fine, but any real friend (especially one who's straight) isn't going to be able to reciprocate anything beyond platonic love.

 

[catee222]

Last night we talked on the phone for about 15 minutes (also a couple of times online during the day) and we didn't mention anything about it nor did he act/sound any different than usual. So I still don't know what he thinks. If he thinks I'm bi, then it seems he's okay with it . Maybe he and I will discuss it the next time we're alone in person.

It sucks that I'm still not 100% over him, but to stay as friends I think will be for the better in the long run.

 

[Lube]

Last night we talked on the phone for about 15 minutes (also a couple of times online during the day) and we didn't mention anything about it nor did he act/sound any different than usual. So I still don't know what he thinks. If he thinks I'm bi, then it seems he's okay with it . Maybe he and I will discuss it the next time we're alone in person.

It sucks that I'm still not 100% over him, but to stay as friends I think will be for the better in the long run.

I think he thinks you were plastered and didn't mean to say it.

You probably need to bring it up again. When you're not drunk. But don't dwell on it. Just so he knows you're serious.

 

[catee222]

I just thought I'd give you guys an update--

-Neither of us have mentioned anything about what I told him in the car a few weeks ago. We're still talking on the phone and online regularly.

-He still likes her and they're still friends. He was upset because he doesn't think she'll ever date him; he told me one of the reasons was because she's afraid they won't be friends if they break up. Last week he told me he's been trying to come up with a list of things/reasons to convince her to give him a chance; but isn't too optimistic that it will work.

-He was at my house last Saturday until 3 in the morning (he was a bit drunk, waited to sober up so he could drive home--didn't want to stay over even after I offered, my parents were also home). We just played some video games--I flirted with him a bit both verbally and physically (tickling, massaging his shoulders) and he didn't have any problems with it; he joked around with me, but didn't get physical.

-I'm sure he suspects I like him, but because he's most likely straight, he can't return the feelings. I asked him online a couple of days ago to hang out, and he rejected me because he already had plans to hang out with the girl and a couple of her friends. I replied with an "oh" and he said "you have to be okay with me hanging out with her sometimes; girlfriend or not, she's one of my best friends." So I told him I was fine with it, but when he said that, it made me think he might know how I feel.

So, next time he and I are alone when we're both sober, I'm going to come out to him and we'll see what happens from there. I hope not to chicken out-- Wish me luck!

 

[Lube]

Good luck!

Any any guy who has a girl as a best friend--and hangs out with her and her friend--sounds suspiciously gay to me.

Unless they're all lesbians, LOL.

 

[spencer]

Anyone who says you have to be okay with him hanging out with his friends that are girls, knows exactly that you at least get jealous and probably knows you like him.

 

[FootballMuscle]

Honestly, I think you're probably handling this situation the best way possible.

Ease into to telling him about you. You tried, and he said you were just drunk, which implied he wasn't exactly ready to hear it.

As for confessing your crush, I wouldn't at all. If you come out to him (and eventually you will), he'll have the opportunity to come out to you. That's exactly how my bf and I started dating. We were best friends for years. He finally came out to me. What a coincidence, I liked him. A month later, I came told him about myself at a bar. He invited me over (except this time, we would be doing more than just playing xbox), and it worked out really, really well.

 

[catee222]

So if he does know I like him--

Do you think he might like me back, but is in denial and is too shy to do anything?

or

Do you think he's really straight but doesn't know how to approach me about it and is just waiting for me to get over him?

 

[spencer]

You'll never know, unless you tell him you're into dudes.

 

[catee222]

This is crazy, I know this post may sound ridiculous, but I need to vent--

I thought this weekend would have been the perfect opportunity to come out to him, but no. Last night I asked him to come over and watch a movie/tv/play games and he was too busy doing some online gaming shit for some league he's in (we were on the phone for about 45 mins talking about random stuff that happened to us this past week), he said he'd call back if he was coming, never did; and tonight he and I hung out with a bunch of mutual friends at someone's house. He carpooled with 3 other friends; I arrived at the house later by myself. We all left at the same time and I was hoping he'd come into my car so I could tell him there (his house is on the way to both my house and my friends house), but he didn't.

So yea, there you go. I'm wondering if this is fate telling me that it's best not to say anything to him at all (they say things do happen for a reason); or perhaps the right moment hasn't come yet and I need to be patient about it. One one hand, I want a friendship, yet on the other hand I want a little more than that. Thanks for listening.

 

[JustJuice]

It really, really looks like this guy is straight. After all, he was talking about dating a girl. Also, about 3 percent of older guys have never dated, so maybe he's one of them.

Of course the whole girl thing could be a way to hide the fact that he is attracted to men, but based on my own experiences (and so, biased), I can't see it.

'Older' straight guys who have never dated women can be confused about who would actually date them, because they have no previous experience and probably zero confidence. One way to see whether someone is gay/straight/bi is to see what sort of porn they have, although that might involved invading his privacy.

I am going to suggest something that you probably won't like, but I'll do so anyway. Find a woman for him to date. He's very shy as you say, and doesn't know how to 'pull' a woman. Zero experience probably. He also knows that a lot of women don't like dating men who have zero experience with dating, so it's a catch 22 situation. He'll be grateful for the rest of his life.

When he gets a girlfriend, then come out to him. If he is gay/bi, he may be interested. But if he isn't gay/bi, you've changed his life, and in a good way.

 

[catee222]

It really, really looks like this guy is straight. After all, he was talking about dating a girl. Also, about 3 percent of older guys have never dated, so maybe he's one of them.

Of course the whole girl thing could be a way to hide the fact that he is attracted to men, but based on my own experiences (and so, biased), I can't see it.

'Older' straight guys who have never dated women can be confused about who would actually date them, because they have no previous experience and probably zero confidence. One way to see whether someone is gay/straight/bi is to see what sort of porn they have, although that might involved invading his privacy.

I am going to suggest something that you probably won't like, but I'll do so anyway. Find a woman for him to date. He's very shy as you say, and doesn't know how to 'pull' a woman. Zero experience probably. He also knows that a lot of women don't like dating men who have zero experience with dating, so it's a catch 22 situation. He'll be grateful for the rest of his life.

When he gets a girlfriend, then come out to him. If he is gay/bi, he may be interested. But if he isn't gay/bi, you've changed his life, and in a good way.

You're right; I won't like it! But who would? lol. I have also talked to him about myself dating girls, and had actually gone on a couple of dates in the past that he knows about, yet I'm posting here . He said to me that personality is the first thing he looks for in a girl, and looks aren't that important to him as long as the girl isn't obese. He also said he needs to take the time to get to know the girl better first (hook-ups don't seem to be his cup of tea). He's known this girl for a couple of years-- they got closer this past Spring/Summer through talking constantly on AIM realizing they have a lot in common to some extent. Before her, I can't say he's ever interacted much with girls in general--never talked much during HS, and lived at home during college so he didn't get to (or bother to) meet new people. I suppose I can give your suggestion a try since I'm a bit more outgoing than him and can probably hook him up with someone. As much as I won't like it (until I find a new crush), it will be better for him because I want him to be happy.

 

[thegreenfury]

Howdy,

Nearly all of my friends are straight. This has been the case for me always, so, as you can probably imagine, I'm often confronted with this situation. I'm almost always honest, either directly or through some pretty innocent flirting. Most of the time they are flattered and not interested, rarely they are weirded out (though I've never lost a friend out-right over this sort of thing), and occasionally they sleep with me. In fact, I am currently in what I would consider the most "serious" relationship I've ever been in and its with a closeted friend. It never would have happened if I didnt pick up his subtle clues and confront him with my feelings. I'm not proposing that you get your hopes up, as I said this is a rare occurrence, but sometimes things have a way of working out in your favor if you choose honesty over deception. My BF is still in the closet, so obviously not every part of my life is honest, but if it were up to me we'd be public.

Good luck, my friend.

 

[trikky]

I,m not so sure he is straight. Although there are guys who are late starters and then fall into a trap of never having dated and not knowing what to do, all that crap about her having personal reasons not to date him, and the fact that he does not look at her when she is in a bikini sounds mighty suspicious to me. I know because that all sounds like me at that age. I was deeply closeted and I got plenty of interest from some extremely hot guys who I showed no interest in because I was scared of being outed by them. I think I never really believed at the time that they were interested in me but that somehow they were trying to entrap me into coming out because I had got so paranoid at the time about issue of sexuality. If your friend is deeply closeted which I think he is, even if you do come out to him he will not necessarily come out or react himself for the simple reason that he is still in denial and not ready.

 

[harryaoi]

Can you share your experiences? I'll give you a little info on my situation.

I am preparing to tell one of my closest friends (who I have been crushing on for the past couple of months- I have made a previous thread about this) that I am bi (I'd like to tell him this weekend). I want to find out what his reaction is first before I possibly reveal my feelings to him.

He's an awesome friend, but I can't stop thinking about him and I don't know if it's worth risking the friendship. He's very shy, currently likes this 26 year old girl (a friend of both of ours but I'm not as close with her as he is) but doesn't speak about it much, found out about 3 weeks ago that she likes him back, but neither of them so far are making an effort to start dating, they hung out alone once and I think they're both too afraid to initiate anything, but still talk like they're friends. He's 23, I've known him since high school and he's never hooked up with a girl, never had a girlfriend/been on dates, nor expressed interest in liking a girl before this one, and he never (maybe seldom at best) comments about hot girls around us. But he doesn't like to express feelings much in general. This summer, whenever me, him, and his crush were at the beach, I noticed he didn't stare at her much whenever she walked passed us wearing her bikini; just something I picked up, might not mean anything (perhaps he likes her more romantically than sexually). So I think he's either straight or bi. We talked about a gay co-worker of ours once and I brought up that there was nothing wrong with the guy being gay. He said he doesn't care who is gay as long as they don't make any moves on him. I told him the same thing and covered up.

I've been getting physical with him a lot lately giving subtle hints and it doesn't bother him (patting on the back, arms on shoulders, playful punches, pushes, leaned on his shoulder a few times while I was wasted). He's not a touchy-feely person in general so he doesn't reciprocate much. He knows that if he ever has a problem with anything I do, he can tell me, and he hasn't mentioned anything about the touching. We talk about nearly everything except personal sexual-related stuff like j/o, the type of porn we watch, etc because we're both shy about those things, we kind of flirt with each other a bit (I've been initiating it more though obviously- we make fun of each other, curse each other out sometimes, prank each other). So as you can see, I cherish the friendship and I think he does, too--so to tell him I have sexual/romantic feelings for him can be too risky.

But on the other hand, if I tell him how I feel, I think I will gain some sanity back because at least he'll know why I've been acting quite different around him lately and he'll know I'm being honest with him. If I confess my feelings to him, I can see one of three things happening--

1) Wishful thinking- He admits he's also bi and likes me back, we both go home happy

2) He tells me that he's not interested and likes the girl, but still wants to remain friends. I may need time away from him to accept that we can't be anything beyond friends, and I'd have to let him know this, he'd probably understand.

3) He gets freaked out, never wants to see me or speak to me again, or at least we won't be as close as we used to be.

I'm hoping #3 doesn't happen considering we have a lot of mutual friends. I just thought I'd let you guys know my situation. Thanks for reading

this is what happening to me last week.. i told my bestfriend about my sexual orientation, and maybe i like him, he said he's okay with it, but i know we're going nowhere, he likes our junior in university. so right now i'm trying to stop liking him.. but i wish u the best with ur man.