For those who confessed feelings to straight friends--

[JustJuice]

As much as I won't like it (until I find a new crush), it will be better for him because I want him to be happy.

Spoken like a true friend...

 

[StlKj]

I doubt my words will mean anything at all, but here it goes. Leave it alone. Find someone you know will return your feelings. This fantasy you've spun about your friend is just that--a fantasy. IF he is bi or confused, he's not ready to say anything about it. You invest the most into this relationship by calling him, flirting with him, etc. You're starting to sound like an animal prepared to pounce, and my guess is that you're leaking your intentions and your feelings already, as it sounds like he has an inkling. He's not taking the bait, so why must you force the issue? This is a shy guy who is awkward expressing his feelings; do you really want to take the risk of alienating your friend in order to get something he currently doesn't seem capable of or interested in giving you?

Why not put more energy into finding a guy who definitely is interested in you, and then start dating him? You've already come out to your friend--stop thinking about how to do it next, and just start living like you already have.

 

[catee222]

I doubt my words will mean anything at all, but here it goes. Leave it alone. Find someone you know will return your feelings. This fantasy you've spun about your friend is just that--a fantasy. IF he is bi or confused, he's not ready to say anything about it. You invest the most into this relationship by calling him, flirting with him, etc. You're starting to sound like an animal prepared to pounce, and my guess is that you're leaking your intentions and your feelings already, as it sounds like he has an inkling. He's not taking the bait, so why must you force the issue? This is a shy guy who is awkward expressing his feelings; do you really want to take the risk of alienating your friend in order to get something he currently doesn't seem capable of or interested in giving you?

Why not put more energy into finding a guy who definitely is interested in you, and then start dating him? You've already come out to your friend--stop thinking about how to do it next, and just start living like you already have.

Well at the time I didn't know if he believed it or not because of how I said it. I think he finally figured it out after I dropped hints left and right and also based on how he reacted to something I did last night. It's really hard to know what the guy is usually thinking and he likes to mess with people's minds (that's just the kind of person he is).

So we went to a couple of bars in the city last night to meet up with some people; I was planning to drive him home so I didn't drink that much, but he drank quite a bit. We joked around with each other as usual and at one point, the song "Light My Fire" by the "Doors" was playing in one of the bars. While I was tipsy, I was singing the song (but no one else around us but him heard it because of the noise), so I jokingly sang "Come on (friend's name), light my fire!" He then said something to the extent of "No way, that's not happening!" So I pretended to have a puzzled look on my face like "What are you talking about?" and he said "you know what I'm talking about, it's not going to happen." So then he changed the subject and we didn't discuss anything about it for the rest of the night. There you have it, I got closure--nothing but a lost cause.

I guess to some extent it was a "fun" ride while it lasted, but if he's never going to initiate anything, then why should I bother continuing to? Even as a friend, he doesn't seem to care as much about other people as I do; he's just very apathetic about a lot of things. I'll always wish him luck and ask him about how things went/are going for him, but he hardly does the same for me. He's got a lot of his own issues (and I have mine, too) that I think he should work out. One time we were at a friend's house for a party and he got fucked up and puked a lot, I wouldn't leave his side until he felt better and he thanked me for being there for him. A couple of months later, we went to a party and I was the one who got fucked up and he knew about it; my other close friends came to my aid while he was outside of the house (I'd also like to mention so was his crush). All he did was ask if I was okay after I went back outside.

To be honest, I don't know if our friendship is going to last much longer. I kind of fucked things up as you can see and I don't think it will affect him at all if we ended our friendship . I gotta admit though, if he does believe that I'm bi, it's nice to know that he's keeping it to himself.

I would like to thank you all for your contributions to this topic.

 

[spencer]

You'd be surprised how guys don't really show how much they care. Just continue to initiate hanging out and have a good time with him. He already goes out with you, he doesn't have to ask about your day to show you that he cares for you. If he didnt', he'd be hanging out with someone else right? He probably needs time to digest your bisexuality as well.

 

[catee222]

You'd be surprised how guys don't really show how much they care. Just continue to initiate hanging out and have a good time with him. He already goes out with you, he doesn't have to ask about your day to show you that he cares for you. If he didnt', he'd be hanging out with someone else right? He probably needs time to digest your bisexuality as well.

I suppose you're right. I know I shouldn't be questioning the friendship-- I was pissed when I knew we weren't going to be anything beyond friends so I needed to vent a bit. It really sucks that I developed a crush on him .

I'm trying my best not to initiate IM's/Calls (to say hi, talk about random shit) so much anymore. Since we went out on Saturday, we didn't talk to each other at all until work today. He actually came up to me to say hi while I was talking to another co-worker and sat with us for a few mins until we started working. I guess actions do speak louder than words

 

[Spensed]

You'd be surprised how guys don't really show how much they care. Just continue to initiate hanging out and have a good time with him. He already goes out with you, he doesn't have to ask about your day to show you that he cares for you. If he didnt', he'd be hanging out with someone else right? He probably needs time to digest your bisexuality as well.

I just don't think it works that way.

Sure the guy with the crush can spend a lot of time and energy hanging out with the other guy, but it's settling for half-a-loaf, if that. The other guy may, or may not, care. But it's a low wattage caring at best, like the pretty girl in the office who is flattered by some guy's attention, even though she finds him sexually unattractive. For the guy with the crush, it's a complete dead end, that requires a lot of romanticism and energy just to keep the plates spinning.

Not a criticsim, sometimes it's the best people can do. But it really isn't about the other guy at all.

 

[catee222]

Good News and Bad News-


Good News- I finally came out to him (in person, in a car) and he took it well; he said he wouldn't tell anyone and didn't even remember the last time I mentioned it to him. Although I'm sure it had to have been a bit awkward for him to discuss something like this because of his personality. He said he would've felt more comfortable talking about this online, but I didn't want to.


Bad News- hearing the words "as long as you know I'm straight"


So now I have official closure from his mouth and I can move on. I think telling him I have a crush on him would've fucked up the friendship. So we talked online for a bit about other stuff when we got to our houses and so far everything seems to be the same as far as our friendship goes. I am a little concerned the friendship might become a bit awkward as time passes, but we will see.

Thanks for your support!

 

[spencer]

It's good to get it out in the open after all that struggling. Good job, I know it must have been difficult for you to utter a few easier said than done words.

 

[billybob109]

If im reading this correctly you did not really tell him anything, you rambled when you were drunk and now he is not thinking twice about it. Im glad you finally told him but what i think you might need to realize is that you are telling him you are "bi" maybe becuase you cant accept the fact that you are gay?

I (sort of) did it! He and I went to a bar last night to meet up with some people. I was actually having some fun talking to this girl my age, and I probably should have gotten her number because we had lot in common (only problem is that she smokes cigarettes). On the way home (I was totally trashed), I just said to him there's something I have to tell him, but I'm kind of afraid of putting the friendship at risk. So he asked what it was and I told him "I think I might be bi," and he chuckled and said "I don't think you are, just because you haven't had much luck with women doesn't mean you're bi." So I told him I'm probably just confused right now and going through a phase. He said "don't worry, you're drunk; you say a lot of weird things when you're drunk." Then we talked briefly about how he thought I had fun talking to the girl and that hopefully she'll be there next time we're at the same bar and how I need more confidence when I talk to girls. The whole conversation about this lasted around 5 mins and it was a little awkward; but from there we just talked about random shit just like 2 good friends would. He promised not to say anything to anyone.

So, idk for sure if he believes I'm straight or bi. My goal was to hopefully have him tell me that he's bi or gay after I told him; but since he didn't, that means he's not interested in being anything beyond friends with me, so I can now move on and stop wondering "what could've been!" Plus, in the car I asked him what was going on with him and his girl, he said he still likes her, but is not sure what's going to happen between them since she has some "personal reasons" for why they can't date now. So I say "mission complete." Now the question is whether or not he took the time to wonder if I really am bi after he dropped me off, and how he'll act around me next time we see each other

 

[McPhersonsEye]

What I wouldn't do is come out in conversation and then say, "Oh, but the way, I'm also really attracted to you."

I tried that and my straight friend let me touch his hard on, he even asked me to come over to his place.

 

[catee222]

I just thought I'd give you guys an update. It's been over a week since I came out to him and so far nothing has changed in our friendship. We're still talking to each other like we usually do and we barely mentioned anything about my bisexuality. I let him know that we could talk about it whenever he wants and he said he's not exactly sure what to say because it's "such an 'odd' subject for him to talk about."

I still have some feelings for him, can't help it, but I'm trying to say to myself that nothing's going to happen (he's still been joking around with me and always uses smileys when we talk online- what can I say? it's cute )