Found someone special

[Lucas07]

So i think i found someone special.

At first he was the one who did all the intiating etc. And i like him, i really do.
But recently i feel like he's been pulling back for some reason. It's been 2 months and it's been great!

An issue might be the age thing (8 years) and he might have had a bad relationship experience in the past. I dunno, it seems like he doesn't want to talk about it... yet.

My question is, can i do anything about this? or is the ball really in his court and has to sort himself out if we're going to take this any further?

Or maybe im just sugar coating it, shit i overthink things i need to stop, maybe he found out he's not just that into me? Anyway, i may have answered my own questions or whatever, but i really do want to hear your thoughts.

cheers

 

[Just_Believe18]

We need more information. How has he been pulling back?

 

[Lucas07]

At first he would be the one calling and texting me. would send me sweet nothings etc. wait for me to get home so we can chat.
when we go out he would give me a good night kiss. That sort of thing. Now, even if i try to initiate it kind of just goes nowhere. i dunno maybe im just doing it wrong. anyway.

he asked me in the beginning if i was single, have a boyfriend, which he said he was going to find for me. And i really got that impression that he was pursuing me at first, which admittedly i found hard to believe, but eventually, here i am, liking him back A LOT. I know it's too soon to have some sort of talk with him, so yeah thoughts are running in my mind as to why this air of apprehension suddenly appeared. I'm just at that point that i could take this serious but still have my guard up because i am unsure if he's also willing.

 

[Fucker29]

We need more information. How has he been pulling back?

I was just about to say this. We need more information if you want our take on the situation.

 

[altlover85]

I would talk to him if possible. You may as well see where things are going.

 

[KaraBulut]

I know it's too soon to have some sort of talk with him...

No it's not too soon.

It's been 2 months. If the relationship is beginning to cool and you're uncertain where you stand, that's exactly the time that you sit down and have a heart-to-heart where each of you talks about what you're looking for and whether you want to move forward with the relationship.

But this assumes that you're ready to let it go and move on if it's not working.... and that might be the issue here?

Or as famous Lex quotation goes:

Ask him.

Not us.

Him.

 

[Lucas07]

Well, I am ready to let it go and move on if he isn't 100% ready to put himself into it. I just wont do that.

I am so ready to put all of myself into a relationship and I wouldnt really settle for anything less than someone who would also give me the same.

I suppose i am also the same ground, because i am uncertain about how he is feeling now. He was the one who kisses me before etc etc. Maybe he is feeling the same way i am feeling. But i really don't know. In fact, just an hour ago i was curious (no intentions of looking at guys whatsoever) to go into my gaynetworking account after almost a week of not checking. And there he was online.

So I really don't know what to think. Something in me tells me that he does like me but is just apprehensive about taking things further. I might just be fooling myself. Or maybe he's already looking for something better and already has moved on. Just slowly fading away. I really dont know.

Yeah, maybe ill bring the talk up casually. But don't you that's some kind of a gamble? After that he might think that i might be going too serious already and just back off even more (which i dont want), or it might go great and we come to terms where our relationship is.

If that's going to happen, then i suppose (I'm thinking) i'd have to wait for him to ask me out again, or until i get myself to text him again. It's ridiculous because im just afraid of losing this guy. And im also scared that i am starting to fall for him, scared of the possibility of this feeling being one sided and all. but hey, c'est la vieeee

 

[Lube]

I think he's moved on.

 

[altlover85]

You may as well communicate with him. It's likely that if it doesn't work out a few months from now you won't even care.

 

[Lucas07]

i will. maybe ask him out tonight.

Like I try my best to hold back on sending him sweet nothings. I thought, okay, let him come to me. Yesterday I wasnt planning to make contact, just to see. then my phone started ringing. him!

He calls me to check up on me but most of the time i think he masks it behind some reason. Like, he doesn't want to be sweet but is sweet anyway. Yesterday he wanted to get introduced to my parents again. I told him, sure I'm going to introduce you as the guy I've been kissing

Maybe I'll use that as a springboard for the talk. Like "So... What should I introduce you to my parents as? would introducing you as the guy I like be okay?"

Anyway, I'm not out to my parents and he is out to his, so i dunno where he's going with this. He well knows that it's going to be awkward and difficult to be bringing home a guy and introducing him to the parents.

So yeah, I'm kind of confused. Because, if he's moved on already and not interested anymore why would he still be calling or texting me? Or making plans for the future? Or insisting that he come over my house so I can teach him about some stuff. I mean, a sensible adult wouldn't do that if he's over you! At least I wouldn't! I'd be up front. I don't think he's putting me on a leash or anything like that. Maybe we're scared? i dunno

 

[Lube]

Maybe he just wants a friend, but he's not into you sexually anymore.

 

[Lucas07]

Which is really weird to just switch off like that.
We had really good sexual chemistry I thought... And he was the one to initiate all of it before and it was great! So it's just strange to just shut off that, i dunno, i suppose i could call it 'attraction' just like that, unless there is an insecurity behind it. (e.g. the age thing) and at the moment just kind of makes him guilty

 

[Lube]

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317641

Sometimes guys just like sex a few times and they're over you.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I can relate Lucas. Similar to what you've said I met a guy and we started hanging out a lot and we talked at least a couple times everyday and made plans to spend the weekends together. And then almost like a switch was turned off he became cold and distant. He even suggested when we were out together that we were more like friends. So I was completely confused. But here was the strange part - when we stopped being romantic we also stopped being friends. C'est la vie.

It sounds like your man maybe wants to be friends and doesn't quite know how to say it so he is expressing it by being distant. I suggest you tell him its ok and you are willing to be friends.

 

[KaraBulut]

Because, if he's moved on already and not interested anymore why would he still be calling or texting me? Or making plans for the future? Or insisting that he come over my house so I can teach him about some stuff. I mean, a sensible adult wouldn't do that if he's over you! At least I wouldn't! I'd be up front. I don't think he's putting me on a leash or anything like that. Maybe we're scared? i dunno

Oh geez. Ask him, already.

 

[Lucas07]

Yup I think I will next time I see him.

Anyway, we haven't even had sex yet. We've been 'teasing' each other that's it.

Well, he's not really distant, i mean, we talk everyday almost on the phone. Just a quick chat, hellos and just checking up on yous.

But yeah i think my problem is, i'm expecting more from this. Like, im the kind of person who wants a kiss before i get off the car. So yeah it's me for the most part. thinking that we were progressing to that before, but he kind of didnt follow through.

Anyway, you guys are right, i need to air out how im feeling already I think I'm ready for the worst case scenario, which isn't so bad = us being just friends. but fuck, i hope not i really like himmm

 

[KaraBulut]

Anyway, we haven't even had sex yet. We've been 'teasing' each other that's it.

Define "sex".

Two months? Did you both plan and decide together to wait?

 

[Lucas07]

No penetration no getting completely naked. We have touched each other, sucked (no cumming) and have kissed each other but that's it. Really just teasing.

We have cammed and all that. But really, no sex sex. He told me that he wanted to take make me feel good and cum in the future...

Like I said, he has been the one to initiate all this. Not me. When he came over the 2nd time i saw him, he kissed me and i was asking if he wanted to go to my room. But that didn't happen and we ended up having a great dinner which is even better.

He always says that 'there's still tomorrow' or he's not going anywhere etc. I think he knows i am looking for a relationship and not really for fooling around as i've told him earlier. But I think i need to air it out again just so he has an idea that he can be leading me on. Maybe I've been really vague about my intentions so...

I must admit, being the younger one I am raunchy and would suggest to park somewhere to kiss or whatever and be adventurous. He is an aggressive guy, But he'll just smile at me and tells me that he'd drive me home already and i get a kiss.

So I dunno, in a way i think that was sweet. But adds to the confusion. Because i remember when we started talking he asked me if i was single and if i was looking for a bf.

At first i thought hey maybe he was infatuated, but then suddenly had some time to think about the age thing or whatever it is. One time i was suggestive on cam, and he just said he'd pass up on the golden opportunity and it makes him feel bad because im almost the same age as his nephew. But jeez

 

[Croynan]

maybe the age issue needs to be discussed a bit more.

eM.

 

[Lucas07]

Okay, so, things are going great!
Phone calls have been longer, and i think we're just beginning to really relax aronud each other.

So he's gonna go abroad for 2 weeks and he's leaving tomorrow. So he went like we should have dinner before i leave, of course i also wanted that. So we had dinner last night and it was great.

It's the first time we kind of started talking about our plans, and life in general. Experiences from the past stuff like that. We had to say our thoughts, and insight. it was all great. At the end of it all, i really felt like we were starting to open up. all good! He suggested I should get a phone on his network.. i suppose so we can speak more

Now, Mr.Overthinker me started thinking. When we first met, i told him that i had plans to study abroad. Now, after our talk, and generally, because of him, i come to realize that my intentions for wanting to go abroad was to 'get out of here' and find a hot european boyfriend. It wasn't really for the education, it was because i felt like i was going nowhere here. Like, my life was stagnant, full of paranoia, the fear of gayness. And the thought of being transplanted somehwere more liberal, where no one knew me would give me a clean slate. freedom. Now i feel like, hey, it's okay here. I can build a life here. Which before i can't even imagine. I've found courage to out myself to a lot of my friends since i met him and that has proven my fears to be non-existent.

I know, you may say, this guy (me) is fucking in love. But one thing about me is that i try to stay rational about things. I wouldn't give up opportunities for myself for something that i don't even know where it's going. It's just different now, like my list of 'wants' has been rewritten. But yeah, we talked about that, and he tells me that i should go apply. but told him that i still don't know if i still want to do that. I may have seemed like i really wanted to go soon, but i really don't. Well, Not in the near future anyway.

I really want a relationship with this guy, and i kind of feel like we're in one. its just that we're both still not fully submerged, still haven't taken that plunge.

They say time tests things, and absence makes the heart grow fonder and shit. 2 weeks seems like a long time, but we'll see where things go.

But now, I'm smiling so it's all good