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Friends without cars bumming rides

wundersteve

wundersteve

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Argh. I have friends without vehicles who are getting on my nerves with their requests for rides. I didn't mind doing it temporarily to help out but there is too much of a pattern developing. They are financially capable of purchasing vehicles but are resistant to doing so.

How do you get out of friends' impositions while maintaining diplomacy? I've often found this type of thing difficult. Whereas my partner is very blunt and has no qualms about being so.

I have tried subtle suggestions, such as, "have you thought about getting a car?", to no avail.
 
Use your partner's method and be blunt. Also only help out when it is convenient for you and not at any other time. Start charging your friends for gas money and a little extra for the maintenance of your vehichle plus insurance and registration. There is no reason why you should have all the expenses.

A little help is nice to give to friends, but there is a point beyond which it is more than help and becomes an imposition on you.
 
Or, if your relationsh is an open one with your partner, why not offer services at your convenience for favors given, such as a blow job, or whatever it is you would like. If it were a taxi they would pay for the service, and that is not like paying for a car. My guess is they will all want to give you blow jobs, or maybe they would even offer money for the ride. Of quit asking.

Shep+](*,):wave:
 
What do they say when you suggest buying a car? If they can afford to buy one, there is no better time than now. Prices will only go up from here.
 
I don't get much of an answer about buying vehicles, other than "yeah" or something else that is never followed up on with any action.

My relationship is exclusive so sexual favours are out, plus one of them is straight anyway.

I could ask for gas money, but that distances aren't really that great....it bothers me more than I am spending time at stores so others can do their shopping - it is the time involved that bothers me the most, and I don't mind offering temporary assistance but I want an end date. I don't like for people to be so lacking in independence indefinitely.
 
Oh hail no. You have to wait around while they're in a store shopping? :nono:

I would be direct, but not rude, and say that you like to be able to help but you can't give them rides all the time. Suggest the bus or a bike.
 
I guess I'm old enough that all my friends have cars now. The few that don't are smart enough to ask sparingly for "gimme a ride" favors. If they ever ask for one I don't want to grant, I just say so. "It doesn't look like I'll be able to take you. Sorry."

The reason they keep asking you? YOU KEEP SAYING YES.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
I guess I'm old enough that all my friends have cars now. The few that don't are smart enough to ask sparingly for "gimme a ride" favors. If they ever ask for one I don't want to grant, I just say so. "It doesn't look like I'll be able to take you. Sorry."

The reason they keep asking you? YOU KEEP SAYING YES.

Lex
Click to expand...

ding ding ding. this is the correct answer.
 
wundersteve said:
I don't get much of an answer about buying vehicles, other than "yeah" or something else that is never followed up on with any action.

My relationship is exclusive so sexual favours are out, plus one of them is straight anyway.

I could ask for gas money, but that distances aren't really that great....it bothers me more than I am spending time at stores so others can do their shopping - it is the time involved that bothers me the most, and I don't mind offering temporary assistance but I want an end date. I don't like for people to be so lacking in independence indefinitely.
Click to expand...


Regardless of the distances involved, you are entitled to gas money. For your inconvenience if nothing else.
 
G-Lexington said:
I guess I'm old enough that all my friends have cars now. The few that don't are smart enough to ask sparingly for "gimme a ride" favors. If they ever ask for one I don't want to grant, I just say so. "It doesn't look like I'll be able to take you. Sorry."

The reason they keep asking you? YOU KEEP SAYING YES.

Lex
Click to expand...


This is the best answer yet.......
 
wizardo said:
Regardless of the distances involved, you are entitled to gas money. For your inconvenience if nothing else.
Click to expand...

i don't think i've ever seen anyone have this sort of arrangement after high school.
 
I don't mind carpooling to save gas if we have mutual destinations to the same place or close vicinity, but I wouldn't just give out rides like I'm driving a taxi. Most of my friends have cars so we alternate.

Sometimes new foreigners in the lab don't have a car and I'll show them around and help them get furniture with my pickup, but for most things they will take the bus.
 
boxerdudeuk said:
i don't think i've ever seen anyone have this sort of arrangement after high school.
Click to expand...

I know a few misers who ask for gas money if we use his car when we go out. One guy is kinda weird, like if you offer him something he'll want to pay you for it. Another guy is an ass. Never buys/contributes drinks but then wants gas money and someone else to pay for parking if he drives on a very rare occasion.
 
What did Nancy Reagan teach us:

JUST SAY NO!!!!

Stop accommodating them and eventually they will get the hint. Unless you have your hack license and a meter on your dashboard - stop giving rides. And as someone posted above - I have not heard of someone having this argument since high school or perhaps college, so I am having a hard time understanding that people with jobs and can afford a car are still bumming rides.
Next time you need gas - make sure one of those freeloaders is in the car to see how much a tank of gas costs and see if these cheapskates offers to chip in. But your best bet is to stop accommodating them - let them call a taxi or take a bus. Or perhaps, here is a novel idea - get their own friggin car and drive themselves.
 
G-Lexington said:
I guess I'm old enough that all my friends have cars now. The few that don't are smart enough to ask sparingly for "gimme a ride" favors. If they ever ask for one I don't want to grant, I just say so. "It doesn't look like I'll be able to take you. Sorry."

The reason they keep asking you? YOU KEEP SAYING YES.

Lex
Click to expand...

True enough. It's easier to say "no" from the start. The difficulty is that requests may be reasonable enough to start with but then when it escalates in frequency, it's hard to, for me personally, to take a stand. I admire people who can do it firmly yet graciously.

Unfortunately though, rudeness is becoming endemic in society - I don't want to turn into one of those people.
 
Start now. Immediately. Next time you get a call for a ride, decline. "Looks like I can't get take you. Sorry." If they ask why not, or demand an explanation, just say "Sorry - I'm busy. Can't do it." If they push harder, go back one step and say "Sorry - I'm busy. Can't do it."

Lex
 
I have the same problem, and they know I have this affective mood disorder. There have been times when we agree on a ride, I do not show up. Later they ask what happened, I'd say I did not feel great at the time, and it would be best if they make their own arrangements for transportation in the future. With the inconvenience of my no show, they eventually learned not to count on me for transportation.
 
G-Lexington said:
Start now. Immediately. Next time you get a call for a ride, decline. "Looks like I can't get take you. Sorry." If they ask why not, or demand an explanation, just say "Sorry - I'm busy. Can't do it." If they push harder, go back one step and say "Sorry - I'm busy. Can't do it."

Lex
Click to expand...


And/or we can always say, " No means No."
 
Horschallen said:
I have the same problem, and they know I have this affective mood disorder. There have been times when we agree on a ride, I do not show up. Later they ask what happened, I'd say I did not feel great at the time, and it would be best if they make their own arrangements for transportation in the future. With the inconvenience of my no show, they eventually learned not to count on me for transportation.
Click to expand...

by the sounds of it, you're just kind of a dick to agree to it, and then not show up.

it's better to say "no" than say "yes" and just slough it off.
 
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